North Star Writers Group

“What’s your story?” We used to ask this question when I was growing up in Wisconsin. We didn’t know what the question really meant; it was more of an expression. We just wanted to know why someone was acting the way they were.

Freshman year in college, I was asked to play a simple game in my Introduction to Psychology class. Professor Judith Rodin, future president of the University of Pennsylvania, asked us to be an “eyewitness” to a staged event, and then describe what we saw afterwards. You could guess the results. Our descriptions of the same event were different student to student, sometimes dramatically. The “facts” were not as obvious as we thought they would be.

Our life is not a series of facts only. It is mostly a set of interpretations we have made about events in our life. These interpretations add up to a theme. This theme is expanded into a story, a story of who we think we are, what we have experienced and what we’re likely to choose in the future.

On the first day of my graduate education in Applied Positive Psychology, guest lecturer and former CEO of the American Psychological Association, Ray Fowler, asked us to share with him our “life theme.” Fowler explained that our life theme is played out in almost everything we do. When you understand your theme, you better understand the successes and challenges of your life.

Fowler’s “life theme” idea is a powerful place to start when designing your life. Your historical path is a good predictor of your future trajectory.

Years ago, I was sitting in a conference room with one of my employees. He had once again offended a customer and half my department. I was trying to help him realize that his brash approach to communication was not helping our business, and it wasn’t helping him. And then in a moment of frustration he yelled out proudly, “My way has gotten me this far!” I paused. I looked at him. I felt sad. He was right. He wanted to be a director, yet he was a second level customer service representative. His story was not working.

Dan McAdams, professor of Psychology at Northwestern University, refers to our stories as our personal myths. McAdams said in his book The Stories We Live By, “If you feel that your myth is stagnant, if you sense that you are not moving forward in life with purpose, if you believe that you are falling behind in some sense with respect to the growth of your personal identity, then what you are looking for is developmental change in personal myth.”

Last month, I went with my mom to an art history class at Florida Atlantic University. The room was packed to hear Professor David Courtney. His message that day was captured in his question to the class, “Are you taking an adventure every day of your life?” He wanted us to immerse ourselves in something we love, something that challenges us every day.

Each day is an opportunity to build our positive life story. Our story guides our actions; it is the link to realizing our best possible life.

I recently called Ray Fowler; I was considering a significant opportunity in my life and I wanted his advice. Fowler told me, “For 40 years my philosophy has been, if you’re presented with an ‘outrageous’ opportunity, take it. I have never regretted doing something. I have only regretted not doing something.”

Consider Fowler’s advice. Consider Courtney’s advice. Make your life story about adventure, meaning and growth.

So, what’s your story?

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