When I
think of a trip to the mall, needless to say, I think about
a future for America in which our crippling dependence on
fossil fuels is broken – and we all share in embracing
principles to promote a more sustainable lifestyle.
Or I think
of sticky buns. I’m not sure which.
An outfit
based in Syracuse is making its case for the former, sparing
no fanfare in preparing for the construction of Destiny USA
(that’s the company’s name as well) – a big, shiny, George
Jetson-looking sort of place that will be built in Syracuse
and appears less like a mall than a big glass palace.
Why would
I want to go there? Because I will be “engaged in the green
vision before, during and after” my visit. Destiny USA will
use no fossil fuels, and will offer visitors “incentives” to
make their way there without using fossil fuels. (I wonder
if these are the kinds of incentives my Great Uncle Uball
would have been wise not to refuse before they found him in
the trunk of his Catalina.)
They also
vow to reuse everything possible (water, wood, leftovers
from the sushi buffet) and use 50 percent less energy total
than the, er, non-green-embracing malls.
Oh, the
wood will have to be certified as “sustainably harvested”
and food in Destiny USA’s restaurants will be organic. And
if you want to work there, the qualifications will be a
little different than you need for most normal mall jobs. To
wit:
Normal
mall job
Interviewer: “What is your greatest quality?”
Applicant:
“Um, like, I don’t, like, I don’t know!”
Interviewer: “You’ll fit in perfectly!”
Destiny
USA job
The
Destiny USA web site explains: “All Destiny USA team members
are knowledgeable green ambassadors, building awareness and
inspiring customers, suppliers and partners to build a
healthier, more secure world.”
Take that,
Town Center on the River Walk by the Square! We’re building
a healthier world and you’re just leasing to The Gap. We’re
better.
So how
will Destiny USA power this entire enterprise without fossil
fuels, assuming they can’t get Lance Armstrong to
pedal-power the generator like he does on the ESPN
SportsCenter commercials?
One of the
company’s initiatives involves large-scale wind farms, which
might help, although most wind farms sell their power to the
same power grids that buy from fossil fuel sources. That’s
not to say they can’t provide power directly to an
enterprise, but it’s complicated, especially when the wind
presents the small problem of not blowing.
There is
no doubt they will think of something, because Founder and
Chairman Robert J. Congel leaves no room for doubt that he
plans to operate “fossil fuel-free” and promote
“sustainability.” He also vows to help in “re-establishing
global leadership and restoring America’s international
image.”
Wow. All
that with a mall? Won’t you feel like an idiot if you just
go in there and buy leather pants?
Let me see
if I have this straight. We have to stop using fossil fuels
because we need to use fuels that are “sustainable,” and
that means stuff we’re not going to run out of. And fossil
fuels, which come from the decomposing bodies of dead
things, are going to run out because things have stopped
dying?
No wonder
all the malls are so crowded.
Destiny
USA would not be complete without vowing to offer a “new
paradigm in shopping,” so with no cliché spared, the only
question is whether people will really go out of their way
to share in embracing principles to promote a more
sustainable lifestyle.
Organic
food? Recycled water? Wind powering the frozen slushie
machine? If that isn’t too much for the average American
mall rat to resist, I may lose my faith in the green vision.
