Candace

Talmadge

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January 21, 2008

Hillary Clinton as Alfalfa? Take Your Vitamins Before You Vote

Amazing. A marketing consultant firm based in Connecticut claims that it’s possible to predict political party affiliation by whether or not a person uses vitamin or mineral supplements.

In an early January national poll sponsored by TABS Group, 50 percent of registered Republicans claimed to purchase at least three types of supplements compared with only 43 percent of registered Democrats. The survey of 1,000 nationally representative households and 690 likely voters found that GOP members are twice as prone to be heavy supplement users (8 percent for Republicans vs. 4 percent of Democrats).

Among likely Republican primary voters, non-users of supplements tended to favor more socially conservative candidates like Mike Huckabee (22 percent) and Fred Thompson (15 percent). Among regular vitamin users, however, support for these two presidential wannabes was lower – 16 percent for Huckabee and 10 percent for Thompson.

Among likely Democratic primary voters, regular supplement users preferred Hillary Clinton to non-users by 44 percent to 40 percent. Barack Obama and John Edwards, however, showed a slight edge among non-users, 25 percent vs. 23 percent for the former and 14 percent vs. 10 percent for the latter.

“The stereotype of the typical user being a hippie, earthy type just does not hold, as heavy category users skewed significantly more Republican than Democrat,” said Kurt Jetta, TABS Group president.

The preceding inspired me – a lifelong Democrat and extensive vitamin and supplement user – to search my shelves for nutritional substances that might share certain qualities with this year’s presidential hopefuls.

Hillary Clinton is the huge alfalfa tablet. She’s simply one tough pill to swallow.

John Edwards, a former personal injury trial attorney, can only be Niacin (Vitamin B-3), great for flushing out those corporate arteries clogged with cash.

Rudy Giuliani equates to Vitamin C in the form of ascorbic acid. An overdose often leads to a bad case of the runs.

Would-be theocrat Mike Huckabee is most definitely an olive leaf, boosting immunity to reasoned thought in all who swallow wholesale his extreme religious positions.

Hapless Dennis Kucinich suffers the fate of Vitamin A. This vitamin is actually most responsible for healthy skin and other connective tissues, but a different vitamin (E) usually gets the credit.

Iraq war apologist John McCain and iron pair nicely – essential for strength yet too much of either produces that mired-down, stuck sensation.

Barack Obama and panax ginseng have a lot in common. Both are good for energizing and revitalizing – the former the electorate and the latter the body, but neither is for the faint-hearted.

Ron Paul has to be a calcium supplement – nothing but bare bones government for this Libertarian in Republican drag.

Mitt Romney is similar to beta carotene, which is one substance outside the body, but flip-flops to another once ingested.

And for running a snooze of a campaign now trailing off into an endless goodnight, Fred Thompson has to be melatonin, the sleep supplement.

As with all vitamins and other nutritional supplements, ignore the hype and use caution and moderation when evaluating the actual effectiveness of any presidential candidate.

© 2008 North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.

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