North Star Writers Group

The first time I went to an IMAX Theatre, I was at Cedar Point Amusement Park, and the movie depicted what it was like to ride a roller coaster in the front car. Since then, I’ve been addicted to riding in the front car, and am one of those freaks who will wait in a line hours longer just to do it. (Lucky for me, my husband is my “freakquivalent” when it comes to roller coasters. We consider the wait quality time together.)

Some of the people watching the very same movie had to leave. They got dizzy. A few made it out of the theater just in time for that day’s lunch to ruin some poor sweeperette’s day. (Sweeperettes surely have a much more politically correct title nowadays - perhaps park cleanliness engineers?)

The people we work and live with are a lot like the people in that theatre, and at the amusement park in general. I know. I decided to work there for a summer and observe them.

First, there are the front car enthusiasts – the FCE’s. You need a few FCEs in your life, because they’re willing to wait quietly for what they want. Most men wish their girlfriends would be this way about marriage. But I digress.

FCEs are also risk takers. We don’t really care what’s happening behind us because we’d rather stare danger in the face. A few of us get fired from our jobs because we don’t follow protocol, but we bounce back. I got fired from a restaurant for letting an abandoned, freezing litter of puppies inside for the night. It wasn’t protocol, but I’m the better person.

Besides, at least I’m not a FCAW – Front Car Arm Waver.

FCAWs are crazy. They disobey the rules. They try to touch the track, turn around at the top of the hill to take pictures, wear hats that’ll fly off and hit someone in the face, and all the other things Cedar Point forbids. They probably even line-jumped – cause for removal from the park, you know! They are reckless. The FCAWs that lurk in your life are probably bashing you under a pseudonym on Myspace.com.

We also have IDCs – the “’I don’t care’ which car, just put me in the shortest line” riders. They come to meetings with their laptops and check email while you’re talking. They get a lot done on a daily basis. Just beware – they have trouble living in the moment. They’re probably sending resumes out to your competitors right now, because the track is always smoother on another roller coaster.

Let’s not forget those who bring up the rear – last car riders. LCR’s get a great perspective, having watched everybody else go before them. Maybe you were an LCR in speech class – not volunteering because you had to mentally improve your speech during everyone else’s. Just remember – the last car of a roller coaster is the most likely to detach from the rest of the train and end up sliding backwards, surely resulting in death. No LCR has ever starred in an IMAX movie – or any movie for that matter.

And there are those who would rather watch the ride. For them, it’s good enough to know what it’s “almost” like to go through with it. Lucky for you, they never apply to your company because they don’t have the guts. They don’t ask you out, but they’ll admire you from afar.

Finally, there are those that leave the IMAX theatre puking. The pukers. I am a puker when it comes to politics. I try to watch it on TV. I try to be an outstanding citizen. But rhetoric, the likes of the Ann Coulters and the Michael Moores – they make me puke, and I leave the theater.

So, there you have it. Next time you meet someone during an interview, first date, at a party, or a business conference, ask about their roller coaster preferences. Together, we’ll put all the people who make personality tests out of business. The FCE in me thinks that will be fun!

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