Cindy

Droog

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March 3, 2008

Arm-Wrestling: The Future of Corporate Decision Making

When my brother and I were kids, many arguments were settled in the simplest of ways. During the early years, a game of “eenie meenie miney moe” would do. As the oldest, of course, I knew how to manipulate that game and therefore, nearly always got to lick the cookie-dough-filled mixer while he got stuck with the splintery wooden spoon.

Later, my mom taught us to play Rock/Scissors/Paper. And since you can’t really cheat at that game, I’d say it was a pretty fair, 50-50 chance of who’d get to ride in the front seat to Grandma’s house.

Finally, just before I left for college, we’d started to arm-wrestle to decide who had to walk the dog in the middle of a freezing February, or who had to go to the recycling center with Dad and lift hundreds of pounds of newspapers wrapped in twine.

These games led to myriad disappointments, and in the case of those newspapers, a lot of sore muscles. But also an equal number of victories – like the time I got to paint my chosen name on the front door of our backyard tree house. My parents don’t live there anymore, but I’ve often wondered if “Secret Squirrel Society” is still graffitied in hot pink on that door.

Now that I’m an adult, I long for the time when decisions could be made in the manner of a few minutes.

Instead, we’re looking at about 10 weeks. In my years spent in corporate America, I figure that is the average of how long it typically takes a few minor changes in the organizational chart – such as a new vice president – to actually boil down to a few real decisions.

One of them is usually, “Who is responsible for Project X?” Project X involves a lot of people. A lot of money. If done properly, a lot of positive exposure. If done poorly, a lot of money thrown in a toilet and flushed down, spiraling toward Ratville.

Of course, the sales department should be in charge of Project X. They know our customers best because they talk to them face-to-face, or at minimum, phone-to-phone. But what about marketing? Project X was their idea, and they’ve been running it. We’re not sure what the results have been, but believe you me, the success stories are in the works.

Still, you’ve forgotten about IT and communications. Project X involves a lot of writing, web community building and purchase of precious advertising space.

So, instead of a good old-fashioned, best-two-out-of-three wins contest, marketing does a slide show on Project X. Communications writes a 10-page report on the failure of marketing to execute the projects that preceded Project X. Sales gathers up some research to remind us that the customers will only buy into Project X if Sales is handling it, and IT makes a giant spreadsheet explaining why Project X can’t be given any of its resources unless it’s the IT department’s top priority. Which it will only be if they are in charge of it.

Ten weeks, thousands of hours, a few dead trees and lots of bored Power Point watchers later, the decision still isn’t made.

Now that my brother and I are adults, our decision-making methods are not as juvenile, but are almost as speedy. Who’s going to host Mom and Dad’s anniversary party? Let’s do this five-minute phone call to figure it out. Who should help clean their basement? Oooh. That’s a tough one. Let’s decide over a glass of wine. Twenty minutes later, I’m reminded it’s my turn, because last month he helped fix their car.

Obviously, companies should invest in some decision-making materials. Perhaps a nice, long piece of rope for a game of tug of war? Or maybe, some shiny new quarters so somebody can just call “heads.”

And of course, there’s always the good old arm-wrestling match. Just be sure to schedule the big conference room. Everybody’s going to want to watch this one!

© 2008 North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.

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