Cindy

Droog

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December 24, 2007

Don’t Make Me Bobby Hurley! It’s the New Mom Work Dictionary

You know those Word of the Day calendars? Before I go back to work from my maternity leave, I’m going to have to buy one of them. Because the vocabulary words that my husband and I have been using since our newborn came along won’t mean anything to my coworkers. In fact, it might make them consider checking me in to the funny farm.

A burrito is no longer something that I’d ask a coworker to pick up for me while she’s down in the employee cafeteria at noon on a day full of meetings. Not even close. Instead, burrito is now a verb that means, “wrap the baby as tightly as possible in his blanket, so he can sleep better tonight.”

Just like in an elementary school spelling bee, you are probably asking how I might use this word in a sentence. That’s easy.

“Honey, can you burrito the baby while I make his bottle?”

In the office, a package is something that the mailroom delivers. When I get one, it’s usually from a vendor with whom I’ve worked, trying to woo more of my business with a basket of cheese, or a notepad cube and matching pencil.

Trust me. I enjoy those packages a lot more than the “package” of my new vocabulary where the translation is dirty diaper. Again, here is how my husband and I would currently use this in a sentence:

“I took care of the last package – can you get this one while I run downstairs and get the laundry out of the dryer?” Or, we might be overheard in a restaurant, after a return from the restroom changing table saying, “That was the grossest package we’ve had in a week!”

I suppose if I referred to a package I received at work as gross, I’d have a line of people outside of my cubicle who’d still be happy to take the gift off my hands. It’s always amazed me, especially around Christmastime, how even smelly cheese can exponentially increase one’s number of cubicle visitors. Not so with my current interpretation of the word package. When it comes to that, it’s just me or my husband. And that’s on the weekends. During the week, taking care of packages is a solo mission.

And finally, when I’m at work, I might refer to Bobby Hurley during a casual conversation about former NCAA basketball stars. I love college sports, and my coworkers all know this. I also met Hurley, a Duke superstar during my own university years, once in a bar in New Jersey.

Bobby probably won’t like this, but around our house, our toddler son has pulled a “Bobby Hurley” when he’s thrown up. It’s winter, he has a little stomach bug, and there’s been a few more Bobby Hurleys around our house the past few weeks than usual.

I’m sorry, Bobby. I’ve always been a big admirer of yours, but I just don’t like the words “throw up,” “vomit,” or – the most detestable – “puke.”  So, Bobby Hurley it is. Besides it’s quite fun when used in a sentence when I’m on the phone with my father-in-law. “Dad, I have to get off the phone now. Anthony just Bobby Hurleyed all over the Christmas tree skirt.”

I keep reminding myself that I have just seven short weeks before I return to work. Then, I’ll have to go back to the language native to my fellow corporate executives.

But I can’t help but wonder if my new words could mean something in the workplace. I don’t know about you, but I’ve had days where I’d like nothing better than to burrito myself into my cubicle, when I could refer to someone’s Power Point presentation as equally enticing as one of my newborn’s packages, and when I’ve considered faking a Bobby Hurley to get out of a painful meeting.   

Fortunately, those days are few and far between. And I should be able to keep my New Mom Dictionary where it belongs – at home.

© 2007 North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.

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