It’s been said that the definition of a meeting is where minutes are taken and hours are wasted. For the most part, I would have to agree. So, being just as tired of my time being wasted as the next gal, I thought I’d have a little fun this past week.

I decided to do a little experiment, and infuse some of my favorite quotes from music into my meetings. I’d hoped that by doing this, I could cut the meetings short. But if not, at least I’d be entertaining myself.

First, there was the meeting in which complex project management processes were being explained to us under the umbrella of “how to be innovative.” Just fill out this form! Of course – why didn’t I think of that? Then, the form gets approved by 50 people and bam! Now, you can start innovating!

I was exhausted. First, you shouldn’t have to fill out a form to be innovative. Second, if you do have to fill out a form, it shouldn’t take 20 minutes to explain. Visions of Gary Coleman kept coming to mind, and I couldn’t seem to get the phrase “What’choo talkin’ ‘bout, Willis?” out of my head.

Instead, I thought about framing my question appropriately, using the proper words so as not to offend the management types. Then, I remembered my experiment.

Jay Z was perfect. So, I stood up, placed a thoughtful hand under my chin and belted out, “Can I get a WHAT WHAT?” just like in the song.

Apparently, not many 50-something white men listen to Jay Z. The result was 20 more minutes about filling out the form. But remember, my second goal was to entertain myself. I accomplished that, felt smug and grinned and bore the rest of the meeting.

My next meeting was more a more intimate setting – just me and one other. Kind of like two people on a warm summer’s eve, on a train bound for nowhere. Except it wasn’t warm. Or an evening. But we were definitely bound for nowhere, so I figured a little Kenny Rogers would fit the bill.

This person kept droning on and on about a program that wasn’t working. Of course, the obvious answer of “stop doing it” wasn’t acceptable. Because then he’d have to admit it wasn’t working.

Whatever. He really wanted me to help him save this dying dog, but sometimes, it is simply better to put things to sleep. It was getting to be 5:00, and I was tired, so I looked at him and said, “For a taste of some whiskey, I’ll give you my advice”… pause. Apparently, that line from “The Gambler” didn’t work. This guy doesn’t keep whiskey in his bottom file drawer. Not that I do, of course.

So I ended up with “You’ve got to know when to walk away, and know when to run.”

At least this guy had heard the song. And while he may not have appreciated my presentation of the facts, they were indeed the facts. Meeting adjourned. Both of my goals – shorter meeting and self-entertainment – were accomplished!

My music taste is quite eclectic, and I even own more CDs than the amount of meetings I have to attend in a month. (That’s a lot!) My third try at using music quotes to end a bad meeting came from my good friends Fountains of Wayne.

It’s a quote I’ve used often, whether it comes to eating better, exercising more or, in fact, framing my questions at work more appropriately, so as not to offend the management types. As a matter of fact, in this particular meeting, I was asked to do just that. My reply was simple, and just like the song says.

“I tried to change, but I changed my mind.”

Believe it or not, my boss seemed OK with that. And if he’s OK, I’m OK. After all, he may not be too different from me. I imagine that for both of us, trying to survive meetings is just like Jimmy Buffett said, “If I couldn’t laugh, I just would go insane!”

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