North Star Writers Group

1. What is your acceptable timeframe for dirty dishes to remain in a sink? Mine is 24 hours. If you cook an elaborate meal and want to relax the rest of the evening, OK by me! My husband’s ex-roommate had another idea in mind. His timeline was seven days. Seem generous? Maybe so, but when your time was up, he would throw your dishes in the trash. Pots and pans? Yep, those too! The only five forks you own? Gone! It’s a good thing I owned a complete set of kitchenware when we bought our house. My husband came into the relationship – thanks to his old roommate – with a spatula.

2. What kind of emotion does the phrase “your turn to take out the garbage” elicit? I once had a roommate who refused to take out the garbage. This, in and of itself, was not so bad. Garbage is a chore I’ve been doing since the third grade. What I didn’t know was that she’d take to walking around the apartment, holding her nose, yelling, “the garbage stinks!” when she wanted me to do it. Not touching garbage? Somewhat acceptable. Complaining about it, but not being willing to do anything? Simply annoying.

3. When, exactly, do you consider it a must to watch television? I once lived with someone who felt that Sunday nights were off limits for socializing. Apparently, that was her time to self-reflect. I, on the other hand, was an “X-Files” junkie along with some friends. We were nerds. We thought we were funny. We shared some wine. Self-reflection time was interrupted, and to this day, I bet she can’t look at David Duchovny without scowling.

4. If I go away for a weekend, what would you do under the following circumstances?

a) My cat, who you’ve agreed to watch, throws up. The answer you’re looking for is not, “I roll up the rug, throw it in your bedroom, and wait for you to clean it.” Yet, that is exactly what a girlfriend of mine had happen to her. Her room was a stinky mess, and for a short time, so was their friendship.

b) My grandmother calls. Again, what you don’t want to happen is for your roommate to say, “She went out of town with that boy, Chad.” The fact that you and Chad flew to South Padre on a whim and are partially clothed, sipping piña coladas right now, is irrelevant. All roommates should live by this rule: Give callers as little information as humanly possible. It’s your job to take a message, not send one.

5. Speaking of your roommate’s relationships, you absolutely must know how often they expect their significant – or not so significant, if that’s how they roll – others to be at your place. A few nights a week? Acceptable. He lives out of town and comes to visit for a week? All right. But when he uses the shower more than I do, we have a problem. Not one that couldn’t be solved by some sort of payment, say, 1/3 of the rent? But a problem nevertheless.

I speak from experience. I once created disdain toward myself by cooking chicken in my vegetarian roommate’s pan. I never forgave one of my old roommates for letting her hairy guy friend sleep – and shed – on my sheets when I was out of town. And don’t get me started on the roomie who didn’t speak to me for three weeks because I forgot to tell her the final episode of Cheers was on.

The point is that roommates, who once may have been the best of friends, can grate slowly on each other’s nerves. Throughout the term of a lease, that slow grate turns into nails on a chalkboard. The next thing you know, you run into each other years later and a snub is more satisfying than a hug.

It’s all quite preventable, but you need to cover more at the outset than the usual smoker/nonsmoker material. Dig deep. Or you may never be able to dig out.

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This is Column # CD26. Request permission to publish here.