North Star Writers Group

Every summer for the past 10 years, my wife Sally and I have received a letter from a family we’ve never heard of. In each letter, they have indicated they would soon visit us, but so far, thank goodness, they haven’t showed up on our doorstep.

This year’s letter arrived last week. As usual, it was signed “Cecil, Annie, Billy, Tommy, Sandy and Ruff.” I read it aloud.

“Hi, folks,” It began. “Hope this finds you all happy and healthy.”

“Read on,” Sally said. So I did.

“Things are swell here in Bad Axe. We’ve had a lot of rain this summer, but the kids love it. Tommy is just getting over an ear infection. Annie is taking cello lessons. She can already play two whole songs.”

I looked up from the page. “Who in the heck are these people, anyway?” I asked.

“They must be your relatives,” Sally replied.

I read on.

“My cousin Duane accidentally stuck his finger in an electric outlet inside their double-wide last Thursday. He’s OK, but the doctor says it’ll be weeks before his hair starts growing back in again.”

“Cecil has quit his job pumping gas at the Sunoco station down the street and now he’s attending college three evenings a week. He wants to be a gynecologist.”

“Ruff isn’t a puppy anymore. He now weighs 310 pounds. He’s playful, too. Last Tuesday he ate the couch in the living room. But the veterinarian said not to worry because all dogs like to chew things.”

“Aunt Vera was here two weeks ago from Painesville. We had a real nice visit. Vera thinks her husband, Gilbert, is playing around with a barmaid in Cleveland. Vera still spends her spare time attending funerals.”

“I can’t remember if I told you this in last year’s letter, but Cecil went deer hunting with his Uncle Lew. The first day out, Cecil shot an eight-point buck. The second day out he shot Uncle Lew. The good news is Lew recovered nicely. . . and we’ve got enough venison to last at least three years.”

“Well, that’s all for now. We’re planning on being at your place sometime in mid-September. We’d come sooner, but little Tommy’s arson trial won’t be over for at least another three months.”

“God bless. . . and see you soon. Us.”

Click here to talk to our writers and editors about this column and others in our discussion forum.

To e-mail feedback about this column, click here. If you enjoy this writer's work, please contact your local newspapers editors and ask them to carry it.

This is Column # BB071. Request permission to publish here.