North Star Writers Group

One of the sad things about the world in which we live is that nobody tells puns any more. Oh, sure, every year in early January, Americans celebrate “National Save the Pun Week”, but nobody really pays much attention to it.

A pun - also known as paronomasia - is a figure of speech that consists of a deliberate confusion of similar words or phrases for rhetorical effect.

Puns have been all but lost in this hurry-up world. Try to remember the last time you heard a good pun. Can’t do it, can you?

In tribute to the pun, here are some of my favorites.

I telephoned a friend of mine who is a judge the other day during the dinner hour and his wife told me, “I’m sorry, Bob, but his honor is at steak.”

Police nabbed a hermit who was driving 95 miles-an-hour on the interstate. The charge? Recluse driving.

Out in the ocean one day, a father drop of water and a mother drop of water were teaching their offspring how to be part of the sea. After a month of training, the father drop of water was extremely pleased with his son’s progress. He told the mother drop of water, “I do believe we’ve taught junior everything he needs to know. I hereby declare him fit to be tide.”

Question: Why did the crow sit on the telephone line?

Answer: He wanted to make a long-distance caw.

Then there’s the one about the two burglars who were leaving a bakery and one told the other “You take the cake.”

There was this guy named Bill Baker who loved his wife Katherine, but he also loved a woman named Edith who he met at a party. When Bill went to court to see if he could also marry the second light of his life, the judge told him, “Mr. Baker, you cannot have your Kate and Edie, too.”

And, finally did you hear about . . .

- The guy who married three wives just to break the monogamy?

- The owners of the dry cleaning company who called a press conference?

- The fortune teller who charged medium prices?

- The delicatessen owner who posted a sign in his shop that said “Our

tongue sandwiches speak for themselves!”

- The old man who died and left his son 150 clocks. It took the son years

to wind up the estate.

- Then there’s the tale of the real estate salesman who asked a customer

"Would you like to see the model home?” and the guy replied, “Sure, what

time does she get off work?"

Or, as Noah said as the animals were boarding the ark, “Now I herd everything.”

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