For Whom the Bellevue Tolls
A peek inside Northern Kentucky’s miracle square mile

Story and Photos by Brandon Brady and Jessica Turner

Some cities are known for their weather, and others are recognized by an attraction or landmark. Bellevue, Ky., is known as home of The Party Source.

Keep your panties on — there’s more than just ready-to-wear lingerie at Flashback.

And while the world of wine, beer and gourmet food is wonderful — and always a Best of Cincinnati™ award-winner — we wanted to see what the Bellevue scene was like beyond the festive superstore.

Just as the city’s founder, Gen. James Taylor, brought the masses (settlers from Virginia) to the area in 1870, so we bring all things cool (and considerably frightening and/or trashy) of Bellevue to you. Call us pioneers.

Looking straight across the Ohio River from Mount Adams, Bellevue is the 1-square-mile slice of land between Newport and Dayton. You can look directly up to the Holy Cross-Immaculata Church from the currently flooded Bellevue Beach Park. There we were chased by two 12-year-old boys screaming “Paparazzi! Paparazzi!” as they hurled snowballs in our direction. Uh, yeah. Nice view. Gotta go. (Fortunately, other denizens of the neighborhood were far more hospitable.)

Though we spent a fair amount of time perusing the relatively large residential area, we focused more on the Historic Fairfield Avenue District because, well, that’s the main thoroughfare (Route 8) and pretty much where anyone who’s anyone goes to see and be seen. Just don’t discount our favorite surprise — the mansion on Eden Avenue.
Considering an amateurish French translation, the word Bellevue can mean “beautiful sight or view.” In many cases, we found this to be fitting. In other cases, the translation proved a bit misleading (i.e. the overwhelming number of “Beware of Dog” signs; what are they feeding those pups?).

For all its small-town charm, we love Bellevue and we got the bumper sticker to prove it.

Best Party Source (Non-Alcoholic Division):
Need to pick up a copy of Bride Bingo? How about an inflatable shark? And don’t forget, Seinfeld birthday cards always go over big. The Paper Tiger is an eclectic little gift store that’s keen on items suitable for teacher appreciation and Kentucky pride. Where do you think we got the “I heart Bellevue” bumper sticker? We weren’t kidding about that. 243 Fairfield Ave., 859-491-9911.

Best Happening Spot:

Time stands still — or at least the Kohrs family is trying to keep it that way by preserving their beautiful generations-old abode.

OK, so the Bellevue Vets Bar might not be the typical hangout for young hipsters — what with the dress code apparently being overalls and flannel — but this is the place to be at 3 p.m. on a Friday. Since the place now welcomes the public, as advertised on the awning, we thought we’d stop in for a cold one. The patrons — 14 men and one woman, not counting the two of us — are the Bellevue Vets’ proof that it’s a no-hassle establishment. Or maybe it’s a they-don’t-want-a-hassle establishment (sign outside says, “No firearms, please,” though we’re willing to bet at least one customer is packin’ heat). We stick out like a sore thumb, of course, but no one gives us any lip. That’s right, ’cause if they did, we’d, uh, do something pretty bad. Yeah. 24 Fairfield Ave., 859-431-0045.

Best Claustrophobic Experience:
The walls close in on visitors to Tom’s Book Nook. Apologies if this sounds cruel, but people of some girth might have difficulty moving around the 200,000 titles carried within. Truth is people of any size and shape have trouble navigating the maze of shelves placed narrowly together in the supposedly six-room establishment. But there’s a novelty to shopping for literary accomplishments in a bathroom. Tom himself reports being in business for 37 years, and he’s amassed quite a selection. Mostly the store specializes in paperbacks such as numerous titles in the Sweet Valley High teen romance series, but what a find in a hardcover copy of Betty White’s autobiography, Here We Go Again: My Life in Television. Best yet: Each title is only $1. 511 Fairfield Ave., 859-491-9228.

Best Time Capsule:

Jessica Turner gets a history lesson as she navigates the narrow aisles of Tom’s Book Nook.

We like going through other people’s junk. We’re voyeuristic that way. It’s especially fun at Flashback, the newest vintage installment along bustling Fairfield Avenue. Just opened in January, the front room is filled with Art Deco furniture and antiques like old rotary telephones and drink mixers. The second and third rooms contain sequined ’50s and ’60s cocktail dresses (the owners bought the entire estate of a wealthy Fort Thomas woman); other top-and-bottom combos resembling that of the Village People’s Indian; a bald, made-up mannequin sporting vintage lingerie (first of all, is it the lingerie or the dummy for sale, and if it’s the former are you really interested in wearing other people’s nylons, especially old, worn ones?); and an old stove looking to be from the Little House on the Prairie era. Ya gotta check it out, Paw. 715 Fairfield Ave., 859-581-0623 or 859-750-6974.

Best Ode to the King:
Not that anything makes much sense when it comes to the décor of Joe’s Crab Shack. The hodgepodge of netting, twinkle lights, plastic crabs, a giant shark and actual boats plays like the nautical equivalent of a Cracker Barrel. Throw in hula hoops, tricycles, rolls of paper towels as centerpieces and random candids of customers (or maybe they’re family or shots of employees), and it’s enough to give Martha Stewart a coronary. But who can overlook the shrine to The King of Rock & Roll himself, Elvis Presley? Photos galore of everyone’s favorite hip-swiveler, thank you very much. One question: What’s the connection between Elvis and crabs? Oh, maybe we shouldn’t ask. 25 Fairfield Ave., 859-581-6333.

Best Cinematic Disaster:
The Marianne Theater is the perfect locale for a horror movie. Maybe not to show one on its screen, but it would make a suitable setting for ax-wielding homicidal killers. Harsh? Perhaps. It just saddens us to see the blackened windows, decrepit movie frames and singed marquee. Supposedly, according to the “Now Playing” sign, it’s closed for repairs. But this mom-and-pop cinema has been shuttered for quite some time. Restoring the Marianne to its former glory would make a divine art house, a quaint second-run theater or an independent repertory cinema. All this treasure in the rough needs is a little tender-loving care and some hot, buttered popcorn. 607 Fairfield Ave., 859-291-6666.

Best Chocolate Factory:
Got a sweet tooth? Maybe just a craving. Maybe you quit smoking and have a rather serious oral fixation. If any of this describes you, there’s no better place to be than Schneider’s Sweet Shop. The Schneider Family has been curbing sugary cravings since 1939. The old-fashioned candy store/ice cream parlor offers everything from homemade fudge and Kentucky Cream Candy (light but rich, melt-in-your-mouth goodness) to their specialty, chocolate-covered opera creams, and the summer favorite, ice balls. And they don’t discriminate against the glucose-intolerant; several homemade, sugar-free candies are also an option. Chew on that, sucker. 420 Fairfield Ave., 859-431-3545.

Best Fruit Flavor:
Bellevue-ites like adding a splash of color to their abodes. And rarely is it what one would consider “typical” house colors. We’re talking a Crayola 64 box here. Drive down any street in Bellevue and a brightly garnished structure (or two or three) is sure to stand out with electrifying blues, outlandish purples and other uniquely striking bands of the rainbow. Nowhere is this more evident than driving down the appropriately named Berry Avenue. Beautifully artistic or garishly cartoonish? The call is yours. To us, it’s a sight for sore eyes. Berry Avenue.

Best Place to Be Spoon Fed:
At Cleves & Lonnemann Jewelers, it’s like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife. Granted, the store specializes in estate and new jewelry (a lovely and eclectic selection in and of itself), but it’s the abundance of spoons lining the cases that really stands out. Not forks. Not knives. Just spoons. Bring some pudding and dig in. 319 Fairfield Ave., 859-261-3636.

Best Mixed Message:
Who let the dogs out? Not this grandma, and apparently hers rule the roost (even though we’re pretty sure that’s a reference to birds). The front porch beckons, “It’s grandma’s house,” with the cute, painted, wooden grandmotherly doodad. But near the door, yep, it’s another “Beware of Dog.” All bark and no bite, though, we betcha. 159 Foote Ave.

Best Wake-Up Call:

Limited hours are a jolt to the caffeine-deprived, but when The Fairfield Coffee Company is brewing it’s the perfect place to fill ’er up.

Fairfield Coffee Company is a fabulous way tostart your day, which is when you better go. Several failed attempts at enjoying a late afternoon latte led us to finally call for hours of operation, which are 7:30 a.m.-3 p.m. Monday-Friday, 9 a.m.-3 p.m. Saturday and 9 a.m.-1 p.m. Sunday. Once you can fit it in your schedule, Fairfield Coffee Company is warm and inviting — must be that faux fireplace — offering coffee drinks like frappes, mochas, espresso and Chai tea, a sandwich/soup lunch menu and pastries. It’s ambiance overkill inside, with a potpourri of motifs including but not limited to: country kitchen, French country and Asian (?). Whatever the correct décor scheme, it feels home-y and the café caramels are yummy. 313 Fairfield Ave., 859-581-5600.
Best Bird Call: Birds have landed in Bellevue. More specifically, storks. It’s all the rage to place wooden storks in front yards advertising newly born bundles of joy. (Or else Bellevue-ites really have a thing for the Vlassic Pickles mascot.) Congrats certainly are in order, but so many winged wonders are a wee bit disturbing. It’s like an Alfred Hitchcock movie gone horribly wrong.

Best House Call:
Cruising down a riverside residential street to soak up some residential charm — lawn furniture, more “Beware of Dog” signs, Sylvester and Tweety wooden cut-outs on fences — we encountered something foreign and beautiful. What was this strange, large, stone and brick building nestled on the river in the back yards of these working-class homes, you ask? A mansion. That’s right, almost antebellum-looking. The story (from the City Building) is that the owner, Dr. Paul Grunewald, lived on this street for the past eight to 10 years and bought this property with the intent of building a bigger house. Well, mission accomplished, Doc. Should we call it Tara? 211 Eden Ave.

Best Lincoln Memorial:
Lincoln Road’s Victorian-looking mansion in the hillside is truly an aesthetic asset to the community. We wondered what kind of historical society owned it — the sign along the street saying “Historic preservation in progress”— but found out it’s a residence and has remained in the Kohrs family for generations. Talk about inheritance. 801 Lincoln Road.

Best Presidential Supporter:
Ah Americana! Nothing boasts American pride more than an American flag … in front of photos of presidents on the side of a house? Yes, there on this house’s siding are what appear to be glossy 8-by-10-inch photos of George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Ronald Reagan and a dark-haired man holding up a cross. Jesus, we guess. Is it a President’s Day memorial? We don’t know, nor do we care. We just like to laugh. A lot. 19 N. Sherry Lane.

Brandon Brady attempts to steal the “Port Bellevue” sign from in front of Joe’s Crab Shack; he didn’t succeed.

Best Athletic Supporter:
Ambling through the residential sector leaves no doubt that Bellevue is a sports town. Many homes naturally embrace state favorite UK, with a few saluting hometown heroes the Bellevue Tigers. One residence proves quite gutsy in waving a UC Bearcats flag. (Wonder how many times that abode gets egged?) But gold medal honors must go to the house bearing the Olympic rings. No matter that this is an off-year for the international sporting event. The blue, green, red, gold and black rings adorning the porch shine through and through. They’re the champions, our friends. 260 Foote Ave.