Nine things the PSP isn't supposed to do

The PSP - small, sexy, sophisticated and coming to bring a new dimension to handheld gaming this very September. You can use it to play the very latest handheld games, watch the newest UMD movies via its gigantically saucy screen or even store your music collection and play MP3s on the move. But of course that's just the tip of the iceberg, as no gaming machine is worthy of the name until its been hacked within an inch of its life and re-engineered to do stuff its makers never intended. Our good friends over at PSW have been making a long and detailed investigation into the subject and some ...how shall we put this? rather different assignments for the PSP. Here's their top nine alternative things to do with your PSP, just don't tell Sony.

PLAY PORNOGRAPHY
A number of dedicated splat-sites catering exclusively for the pocketsized pocket-shuffler have already cropped up online. All you need to turn your PSP into a mini porno library is a PC with internet access, a USB cable, a 128MB memory stick and a bank account with at least 3 in it. Et voila: up to 17 minutes of tastefully-directed hardcore boffing in the palm of your hand. Handily, these sites keep a record of all the videos you've downloaded, meaning that whenever you need to erase a grot-flick from your hard-(on)-drive, you ll be able to go back the site the next day and get another copy.

REVIVE ANCIENT VIDEO GAMES
Nostalgic hackers with no idea that there's more to life than retro games have found a way to make PSP to play ye olde GameBoy titles. If nothing else this act of technical regression - from state-of-the-art games console to eight-bit 1980s throwback - at least demonstrates what someone with an aptitude for computer hacking and tiny, tiny balls can do with one of Sony's wonder consoles. Expect more powerful emulators to follow shortly as the unbearable summer heat drives pallid losers back to their basements. In fact, we've just done a quick search and found working SNES and Game Gear emulators. Erm, hooray!

BROWSE THE INTERNET
Okay, so we knew that PSP would one day be able to surf the internet. What we didn't know until this month was that fat-brained technoboffins are doing it right now. By fiddling around with the code for the multiplayer component of WipEout Pure, American nerds have managed to construct a very early PSP internet browser. The only thing lacking at present is a decent selection of websites small enough to be viewed on a four-inch screen. But it's more than hi-res enough to display proper websites. Not like your mobile, which struggles to fit the words 'illegal free ringtones' on the screen without exploding in a shower of silicon.

POWER ITSELF FROM A JOYSTICK
Owners of Atari 2600 joysticks, rejoice! For your crappy, disregarded old peripheral makes for a perfect battery pack for PSP, one that lasts considerably longer than the rather piddling internal power supply. The
only slight catch here is that you need to be seriously handy with a soldering iron to get the thing working. Oh, and the list of electrical components and power sources required reads like a Gallic limerick written by a dyslexic robot. Still, if you can find the techy stuff and you've got the skills, you're laughing. In a slightly high pitched, mouthbreathing nerd voice, of course.

CONNECT TO CHATROOMS!
"I was on IRC (Internet Relay Chat, an older version of MSN) when someone mentioned how cool it would be to use their PSP on Wi-Fi at Starbucks to talk to people over IRC," says software scientist Robert Balousek. "I said, 'I can do that,' so I began working on it immediately." The result - PSPIRC - became the first chat application for PSP when it launched last month and now boasts over 100,000 users. A version of AOL's Instant Messenger is in the pipeline. Wait until these people hear about the amazing new VoiceChat, a free, wireless application that works up to fifty feet away, and only requires a gob.

CONNECT TO YOUR CAR STEREO!
Canny movie fans in Canada have fashioned a homemade PSP dashboard-cradle that connects their handheld to both their car stereo and the cigarette-lighter mains adapter. Thus, they can watch movies on the go with near-perfect stereo sound, and all without running their PSP battery down. This sounds like a budget way of fitting an in-car movie player, provided you've got the requisite console-doctoring skills.
Reports that auto fatalities have tripled in certain Canadian provinces due to drivers trying to play Lumines on the move are completely unfounded, we hasten to add.

CONTROL YOUR ENTIRE HOUSE!
One quick-thinking contributor to popular net-based hacking site www.engadet.com has wired his PSP to control all of the major appliances in his living room, from his TV and his stereo to his lamp and his Xbox (spit). Granted, setting up such a system is neither cheap nor particularly easy (you'll need to get hold a web-server control box called a WACI NX before your PSP will even consider it), but it is most definitely possible. And this, we've been promised, is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to household PSP applications. If you want your PSP to cook your Pot Noodle, so be it. Welcome to the future!

BOOST ITS WI-FI RANGE!
PSP's Wi-Fi range is a rather measly 100-feet. Or at least it is if you haven't added an external antennae bought from a specialist retailer, then fitted it by completely taking the PSP apart and re-arranging its
innards. Not only does this procedure double the range, it gives you a better signal all round, resulting in smoother, happier multiplayer. On the other hand you could, y'know, walk over there, shake your rival by the
hand, and engage in a polite discussion of nearby ladies' soft parts before you proceed to whip his ass (metaphorically) in THUG2: Remix. You know it's the proper gentlemanly thing to do.

BECOME A PORTABLE TV!
Or at least a very good alternate to a portable TV. Users of the popular American digital TV service TiVo (a bit like Sky+, only better) have found a way to download pre-recorded transmissions of their favourite shows
onto their PCs and to then convert them into MPEG4 files compatible with PSP. Sites dealing in PSP-friendly TiVo files are thus your new best friend. Sniff them out. Immediately. But as with many of these fancy-Dan PSP hackables, you might want to consider shelling out for a bigger Memory Stick Pro Duo. 17 minutes might be alright for girl-grot, but how are you going to watch the last episode of this season's 24?

PSW Staff