----- Original Message -----
From: Dad2Ter@aol.com 
To: resistance@shaftagents.com 
Sent: Sunday, May 30, 2004 2:27 AM
Subject: wimpy wackos

Sorry, we are the ones with the guns. Till you get some real superheros, it ain't us who is going down. 

Don M

An impressive display of spelling and grammar from a gentleman whose courage is sufficient for making veiled threats but not for signing his full name.

Here are a pair of emails that we declined to respond to for the sake of avoiding an international incident:

 ----- Original Message ----- 
From: Agbani benson 
To: resistance@shaftagents.com 
Sent: Sunday, June 06, 2004 8:36 AM
Subject: ENQUIRY

DEAR SIR,

I AM WILLING TO JOIN YOU BUT, PLEASE TELL ME IF IT IS POSIBLE FOR ME I LEAVE IN NIGERIA, AND I DO NOT KNOW IFYOU HAVE A BRANCH HERE IN NIGERIA OR I HAVE TO COME OVERTHERE TO JOIN

SIR I AM VERY SEROIUS IN JOINING YOU

HOPE TO HAER FROM YOU

 REGARDS

BENSON

---

----- Original Message ----- 
From: Agbani benson 
To: resistance@shaftagents.com 
Sent: Sunday, June 06, 2004 8:45 AM
Subject: ENQUIRY

DEAR SIR,

I WANT TO BECOME A MEMBER OF OU BODY, COULD YOU PLEASE SEND ME IN DATAILS HOW I CAM JOIN YOU, I AM FROM NIGERIA AND I DO NOT KNOW IF I WILL BE POSIBLE FOR ME TO JOIN YOU SINCE THE DITANCE IS FAR OR IS IT'S FOR YOU CITIZENS ONLY PLEASE LET ME KNOW.

REGARDS

BENSON

SHAFT is for everyone, everywhere, dude. Welcome aboard.

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Eleanor Roosevelt" 
To: <resistance@shaftagents.com
Sent: Friday, December 26, 2003 7:20 PM
Subject: Agent Applications

 I'm considering forwarding my resume, but before I do:
 
 1.  What are you prepared to offer in the way of  starting salary.  I couldn't, in all sincerity, consider seriously anything less than $7.5 mil per annum and expenses, including $0.37/mile (the current government rate) when I have to use my own car.
 
 2.  Is Friday a "casual dress" day in your organization?
 
 3.  Can you furnish details regarding your 401(k)  plan?
 
 4.  How do you feel about telecommuting?  (My present commitments would make it difficult to keep regular office hours at your headquarters.)
 

Looking forward to a mutually beneficial relationship,  I remain
 
                 Yours truly,
 
                 Not Whistlin Dixie

Dear Mrs. Roosevelt, 

While the propaganda that passes for American history records that you passed away in 1962, classified SHAFT documents indicate that your death was faked as part of an elaborate conspiracy. Now that you have contacted us, we would appreciate it if you could fill in a few details for us so that we can update our secret files: 

1. How have you survived into the 21st century? Are you (a) a clone, (b) a cyborg, (c) a vampire, (d) a replicant, (e) a zombie, (f) a brain in a jar, or (g) "other"? (If the answer is 'g' please specify). 

2. Did you know in advance that the Japanese were launching an attack on Pearl Harbor, or did your husband keep that to himself until after the U.S. entered World War II? 

3. As Ben Affleck movies go, which was the worst: Pearl Harbor, Gigli, or Reindeer Games? 

Sadly, we cannot consider your application for membership in SHAFT until you have adopted a more imposing codename than Not Whistlin Dixie, as we doubt that such a moniker is likely to strike fear into the hearts of government thugs. 

Thank you for your interest in Super Heroes for Anarchy and Free Thought.

1. ANSWER: "Eleanor Roosevelt" is a pseudonym I adopted to throw "them" off the scent. Not only am I not the wretched Franklin's wife, I'm not even female.

2. ANSWER: I didn't have such advance knowledge, but Mr. Roosevelt, and a few in the cabinet, did.

3. ANSWER: All of them.