THE
ABOMINATION
Russian boxer Ivan Drago
first traveled to America in 1985 to fight in an exhibition match as part of an
effort to cultivate goodwill between the Soviet Union and the United States. His
opponent was American boxing champion Apollo Creed, a has-been who Drago
quickly beat to death in the ring. Shortly after his triumphant return to Mother
Russia, Drago was challenged to a rematch by Rocky Balboa, who was
seeking to avenge Creed’s death and America’s honor. Despite inflicting
massive amounts of damage on Balboa, Drago was defeated. Humiliated, Drago was
conscripted into the Russian army and sent to fight in Afghanistan.
In 1988 Colonel Trautman, a U.S. Army commander, was
captured in Afghanistan while leading a mission to help Mujahideen rebels resist
the Soviet invasion, and American superhero John J. Rambo was sent in to
rescue him. Once Rambo had annihilated the entire Russian occupation force in
Afghanistan single-handedly, the USSR realized it would take drastic measures to
stop him from liberating the country and dropped an experimental Gamma Bomb
on his position. Rambo, locked in single combat with Drago (who had mistaken him
for his arch-nemesis Balboa), managed to get Col. Trautman to safety below
ground, leaving Drago to absorb the full brunt of the blast.
The Gamma radiation interacted
badly with Drago’s steroid-saturated metabolism, mutating him into a hideous
green creature that Taliban officials later referred to as “the ultimate
abomination” when he went on a rampage through Kabul. Drago was used as a
secret weapon by the KGB for the duration of the Cold War and was then discarded
after the collapse of the Soviet Union. He was eventually captured by SHIELD and
imprisoned in The
Vault, where samples of his mutated DNA were extracted by SHIELD scientist Dr.
Bruce Banner for use in synthesizing a new Super Soldier Serum.
Banner’s research produced what was later dubbed the “Hulk Serum”
after Banner tested it on himself with predictable results.
The Abomination
eventually
escaped from The Vault and swam from Guantánamo Bay, Cuba, to the southern tip
of Florida, where he had the misfortune of swimming ashore in the middle of
Spring Break. Attracted to the blaring rock music, he stumbled upon a SHAFT
tailgate party (Iron
Man had parked a Quinjet on the beach nearby and was dispensing beer from
it to bikini-clad college girls). The Hulk, having consumed a few dozen
kegs himself, wandered off to take a piss and found himself face-to-face with
his gene donor. Although the Abomination’s strength level is normally rated
higher than the Hulk’s, a completely plastered Hulk is next to invincible, as
he is a mean green drunk and feels no pain. After bludgeoning the Abomination
into a coma, the Hulk stumbled back to the party and never recalled the
incident. However, a SHIELD spy satellite, programmed to keep SHAFT agents under
surveillance, recorded the epic battle, and a cleanup crew was dispatched to
return the unconscious Abomination to his prison cell, where he has been kept
docile ever since by being subjected to cable television 24 hours a day.
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