THE S.H.A.F.T. FILES

THE ABOMINATION

Russian boxer Ivan Drago first traveled to America in 1985 to fight in an exhibition match as part of an effort to cultivate goodwill between the Soviet Union and the United States. His opponent was American boxing champion Apollo Creed, a has-been who Drago quickly beat to death in the ring. Shortly after his triumphant return to Mother Russia, Drago was challenged to a rematch by Rocky Balboa, who was seeking to avenge Creed’s death and America’s honor. Despite inflicting massive amounts of damage on Balboa, Drago was defeated. Humiliated, Drago was conscripted into the Russian army and sent to fight in Afghanistan. 

In 1988 Colonel Trautman, a U.S. Army commander, was captured in Afghanistan while leading a mission to help Mujahideen rebels resist the Soviet invasion, and American superhero John J. Rambo was sent in to rescue him. Once Rambo had annihilated the entire Russian occupation force in Afghanistan single-handedly, the USSR realized it would take drastic measures to stop him from liberating the country and dropped an experimental Gamma Bomb on his position. Rambo, locked in single combat with Drago (who had mistaken him for his arch-nemesis Balboa), managed to get Col. Trautman to safety below ground, leaving Drago to absorb the full brunt of the blast. 

The Gamma radiation interacted badly with Drago’s steroid-saturated metabolism, mutating him into a hideous green creature that Taliban officials later referred to as “the ultimate abomination” when he went on a rampage through Kabul. Drago was used as a secret weapon by the KGB for the duration of the Cold War and was then discarded after the collapse of the Soviet Union. He was eventually captured by SHIELD and imprisoned in The Vault, where samples of his mutated DNA were extracted by SHIELD scientist Dr. Bruce Banner for use in synthesizing a new Super Soldier Serum. Banner’s research produced what was later dubbed the “Hulk Serum” after Banner tested it on himself with predictable results. 

The Abomination eventually escaped from The Vault and swam from Guantánamo Bay, Cuba, to the southern tip of Florida, where he had the misfortune of swimming ashore in the middle of Spring Break. Attracted to the blaring rock music, he stumbled upon a SHAFT tailgate party (Iron Man had parked a Quinjet on the beach nearby and was dispensing beer from it to bikini-clad college girls). The Hulk, having consumed a few dozen kegs himself, wandered off to take a piss and found himself face-to-face with his gene donor. Although the Abomination’s strength level is normally rated higher than the Hulk’s, a completely plastered Hulk is next to invincible, as he is a mean green drunk and feels no pain. After bludgeoning the Abomination into a coma, the Hulk stumbled back to the party and never recalled the incident. However, a SHIELD spy satellite, programmed to keep SHAFT agents under surveillance, recorded the epic battle, and a cleanup crew was dispatched to return the unconscious Abomination to his prison cell, where he has been kept docile ever since by being subjected to cable television 24 hours a day.

S.H.A.F.T. H.Q.