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James Brady takes a look at mags for teen girls and discovers that, in the post-Atoosa era, they're all going for a less racy presentation. We're not particularly interested one way or other (the sooner tweens learn the "17 Fastest Ways To Get Him Off," the sooner they'll be prepared for middle school), but the column itself is another Brady tour de force. While the namedrops aren't as plentiful as usual, the man can set a scene: "What's the formula? I asked founding Teen Vogue publisher Gina Sanders over lunch at La Grenouille, the day before she and her family took off for a Jamaica holiday." But do we get one of those senility moments that is the hallmark of a Brady puffer?

"The hardest thing is coming up with something to say every day ... Although a couple of my posts are about things that I have done, the purpose is to talk about things in their life. I don't want to talk about what I had for dinner." That's new-minted Seventeen EIC Ann Shoket on the challenges of blogging daily. Pain: felt. So if dinner's out, what does Ann discuss with her tribe? Well ... lunch.

Former Seventeen editor and current MySpace queen Atoosa Rubenstein is going to the prom! Okay, not really—but she is going on a television program to discuss the prom. And she wants to include some tips from YOU. Yes: YOU. "Do YOU have any advice for parents about prom? Think about a parent who is terrified that their kid is going to get super drunk, do drugs, have sex or whatever. Is there anything sneaky that parent can do to protect their kid and feel more at ease on prom night?" Trans: "Please sell out your fellow teenagers." Guess what? Atoosa's tribe doesn't immediately get behind her on this one, for some reason!

Did we know that West Village gastropub-whatever hotspot Spotted Pig had a third floor? We did not, but the gals at Seventeen did, and so they threw the tiniest of parties there last night to celebrate new editor Ann Shoket's first issue. Entrance through the rear, as they say! The top floor is like a cute Parisian apartment, with an open kitchen, two refrigerators, a hell of an oven. And so how was extremely tall editor Ann Shoket's day? "Meetings, meetings, meetings, meetings, meetings, and then a party!" the East Village gal said. She was in a two-tone dress, white in the bodice, black to the knees, black hose, undistinguished but not untoward shiny closed-toe heels.

April's ish of Seventeen is the first produced under new E in C Ann Shoket's regime. Is she working hard to differentiate herself from her predecessoress, the voluptuous, tribe-gathering, sparkling magical rainbow that is Atoosa Rubenstein? Well, our first clue was in her editorial letter, where she mentioned her formerly frizzy hair. Straight from the Toos's duckling-to-swan playbook! But a darker side of Shoket lay on the selfsame page: "I had three Red Bulls to get through this loooong photo shoot!" she claimed. Hmm, do girls with healthy body images chug three Red Bulls? And do they run cover lines like the one at right, or like "Get Your Best Butt?" We asked the Atoosa Rubenstein who lives in our mind what she thought of the changes.

Ann Shoket's first issue as editor of Seventeen hits the stands next week. Will she crawl her way into our hearts like Atoosa Rubenstein did so scarily before her? (Related: Will she blog about cutting and emo?) Her first editor's letter—click to enlarge!— plays it smart; she casts herself as the new girl at school. (Whether she turns out to be a Heather or a Veronica, well, we shall see.) So far, she's getting points for chugging Red Bull and including shirtless pictures of David Beckham on her page. That's the kind of gal we want instructing America's teens! Also, we hear that her first covergirl is post-post-punkey fifth-wave-feminist Avril Lavigne, pegged to the Canadian lass's new album in April. So there, 'Toos!

Previously: Judging The Shoes of the New 'Toos

The Wall Street Journal reports today that Hearst's partnership with gaming company Arkadium will soon result in a game at Seventeen.com called "Editor's Assistant," wherein you're the assistant to new 'Toos replacement Ann Shoket and you have to complete "certain tasks" to win. But that's not even as cool as the game that's planned for Cosmpolitan.com: to win "Boy Toy," players will control a virtual man's attempts to "keep his girlfriend satisfied." How lezzie! And how downmarket!

Media Firms Learn New Game Online [WSJ]

After we reveled in deposed Seventeen E in C Atoosa Rubenstein's latest MySpace fabulosity-explosion, you expressed a desire to know much, much more about the 'Toos's background. We'll answer all your questions eventually, but first, we need to tackle the issue of how little Atoosa Behnegar became Big Momma Rubenstein. The answer can be found (as so many answers can) in the Times Vows column. This one is from September 6, 1998, and it details the day the 'Toos wed Tevas-wearing commodities trader Ari Rubenstein:

LIKE a French tulip, Atoosa Behnegar is tall and wiry, with skin so white it seems powdered, and wild black curly hair. She is 26, the senior fashion editor at Cosmopolitan magazine and looks like a cross between a runway model, an ''Addams Family'' character and a Shakespearean maiden from ''A Midsummer Night's Dream.''

We hadn't heard from Big Momma in a while, so we decided to see what was a poppin' on her MySpace. A new blog?? Wheee! We have to admit, we had been sort of lost without her advice. But first, let's recap as to why she's sharing her wisdom with us here and not in, you know, Seventeen. Yeah, here's that "truth":

I remember when I realized that my truth was that I wanted to serve you. I've talked about it before but in case you don't remember, it was a moment of clarity I had when I was in Milan during fashion week (I was 25), talking to the designer of Gucci (Tom Ford at the time) on the runway after the show. I had a complete out of body experience. I remember thinking - What are you doing in Milan, ITALY?? What are you doing actually talking TOM FORD (He's someone I had always admired in magazines and stuff) and wait...are you wearing head to toe VERSACE??? (This was the same girl who would wear her coats and bathing suits until they literally fell apart - just a few years before). There was a part of me that was just not comfortable with this wonderful life. I just didn't feel like I deserved it. Or better yet, I didn't feel comfortable accepting this life from God - sort of like when someone gives you a gift that's way too expensive and you feel awkward. I wanted to do something more meaningful to deserve this beautiful and fun life. It was at that moment that I realized my truth: I needed to do something more "important." Don't get me wrong. It's not that fashion is not a wonderful career - it was AMAZING. But I felt humbled by the gifts it had given me - and I wanted to give back. I knew that was the only way I could enjoy the fruits of my labor. That's when I decided to have a deeper conversation with YOU to help you create a roadmap for getting to a place where you're also super happy and living the great life. So basically, I knew I had to get out of the fashion department and learn more about the big picture.

And now I get to my point. Sorry - I talk too much, I know.

The newly installed editor of Seventeen magazine, Ann Shoket, was [at Ben Widdicombe's birthday party], flanked by her publicist. "Ben is the most charming, most dashing .... "
Right, right, now what are you wearing?
"What? Oh no, I don't want to tell you that," she gasped. She wore a tube top and jeans. "Now I'm starting to get into trouble with my publicity department. They're like, 'Don't talk to anybody.'"
Her publicist, Scott Gorenstein, stepped in. "She's wearing an appropriate outfit for a humid evening in the East Village."

Ben Widdicombe Loves Wieners [NYO]

Earlier: Say Hello To The New 'Toos

Of all the Hall of Fame submissions we've received thus far, one really goes above and beyond typical accounting department shenanigans:

I wrote an essay for Seventeen magazine a million years ago [pre-'Toos, we're assuming--Ed.] and it turned up in fucking "Chicken Soup for the College Soul." Not only did the chicken soupers not have my permission (it's my copyright), I got nothing. I've appealed to them but apparently the LA Times company felt okay in selling my story, which was in their syndication (still my copyright and how the LA times got hold of the syndication rights is beyond me). My essay is now quoted in midwestern preacher's sermons every once in a while and pops up in google searches for my name. I'm an athiest.

Earlier: Gawker's Hall of Shame

The kids at WWD and Jossip are both reporting that CosmoGirl executive editor Ann Shoket has been named editor of Seventeen. Finally, our long national nightm- eh, whatever. Just let us know what the arm hair situation is.

Shoket Named Seventeen Editor in Chief [WWD]
Breaking: Ann Shoket Named Editor of Seventeen [Jossip]

We're not sure when Atoosa Rubenstein became a figure of such renown that she merits a parody on Saturday Night Live, but this Maya Rudolph impersonation from Saturday's episode is probably the funniest thing that show has done in a decade. (And we know how desperate they are.) Extra points to the makeup people for not slapping on an oversized putty nose or arm hair. One quibble: no fried shrimp present.

Gawker's coverage of Atoosa Rubenstein

Departing Seventeen editor Atoosa Rubenstein gives a quickie interview to AdAge wherein she discusses her reasons for exiting:

This started when I got my MySpace page. I didn't understand it at the time. I became addicted to it -- I don't mean in a creepy way -- but I can hear from them what they're feeling in the moment and throw it right back to them. It is such a visceral conversation. I see myself as a vessel for change. I want to be that in my readers' lives, or I should say, in my audience's lives.

We've been using our cover as currency. Our November cover has Teddy Geiger on it; you can take that cover to a Teddy Geiger concert and it gets you to a meet and greet with Teddy. Our December cover gets you a free Paris Hilton fragrance. January gets you free shorts from American Apparel and an advance screening of "Dream Girls."

Hopefully some of them have tweezers.

Atoosa Rubenstein Just Keeping It Real for 'Her Girls' [AdAge]

Earlier: Gawker's coverage of Atoosa Rubenstein

So who's gonna replace the 'Toos at Seventeen? One interesting name we're hearing from more than our usual single source is Amy Goldwasser, late of New York magazine, where she helped create "The Strategist," a sin which will no doubt haunt her for the rest of the days. Goldwasser would be an interesting choice, in that she's the anti-'Toos: Note her recent sale of a book collecting the essays of teenage American girls. ("My goal is to edit them like they're adult writers.") Adding credence to the rumor is word that Goldwasser, a freelance editor at Vogue is only committed to that title till year's end. Speculation here.

Disclosure: A Gawker editor has a personal drinking relationship with Goldwasser, although apparently not one close enough that she'd answer a single goddamn question.

Teen Stories [WWD]

Memories:

It was after a fashion show in Milan, Italy. My former boss (I was a Senior Fashion Editor at Cosmopolitan) and I were standing on the Gucci runway, talking to Tom Ford after the show. Okay -- truth is, SHE was talking to Tom and I was having an out-of-body experience. Was this really me?? In Milan?? With Tom Ford?? At that moment, all I could think of was that young girl who would cry herself to sleep every night thinking that it was her lot in life to be disappointed -- to be underestimated -- to have her dreams unfulfilled while all the other girls at school seemed to get anything they wanted. At that moment in Milan, all I wanted to do was to go back to that little girl and tell her everything would be okay. That she'd finally find her place. That she wouldn't feel like such an outcast forever. If anything, far from it.

Gawker can EXCLUSIVELY report that, as of this morning, Atoosa Rubenstein's myspace page still lists her as the EIC of Seventeen, making no mention of the fact that she's leaving the book. The Post EXCLUSIVELY reports that the 'Toos plans "to launch her own teen-centered Web business, write a book and start a consulting firm specializing in the youth market," while Jossip EXCLUSIVELY reveals that "Atoosa's contract expired in August... and she's been a free agent ever since. And that hasn't sat well with Cathie Black, whose Hearst house has been left in disarray ever since the 'Toos announced her impending exit."

If Atoosa is indeed planning to start her own teen TMZ, do these questions that she recently asked her girl gang represent some kind of market research?

Now this is just mean. We would never compare Seventeen EIC Atoosa Rubenstein to the character Jigsaw from the popular splatter-film Saw series, but they have no such compunction over at fourfour. It must be lonely to be an anonymous, bitter person who comes out from under a rock every so often to throw rocks at people who are legitimately out there, working hard and getting results.

Rock and roll is dead [Fourfour]