When I was in college and all my friends were getting tattoos I felt a little left out. As much as I loved the Chinese and their symbols, or the Africans and their tribes, I just couldn’t bring myself to permanently etch anything into my arms, shoulders, calves or inner thighs. Call me weird. Now, years later, as these same friends are beginning to forget what the squiggly Chinese thing on their neck really means (”Um, I think it means honor… or respect. I’m pretty sure it’s respect,”) I’m glad I didn’t make any big mistakes. The people on this list of The World’s Stupidest Tattoos, though, sadly can’t say the same. Unless, of course, they’re proud of their Clay Aiken tat. Or the bacon and eggs they got tattoo’d on their head. Or the “I’m Gonna Kill You, Ray Romano” declaration. Check out the entire list here to feel 10% better about your own body.
Yesterday we counted down the 10 Best Celebrity Body Parts of 2006; today we’re going to take a step away from the superficial and base our list on something other than perky nipples and chiseled abs: talent. Or, in the case of the 10 Best Reasons To Hate Singing & Dancing in 2006, lack of talent. Let’s get started.
10. Tom Cruise gets down on BET
He was the world’s best pilot in Top Gun. The best bartender in Cocktail. The best samurai in The Last Samurai and the best secret agent in Mission Impossible. But all of that pales in comparison to his portrayal of the world’s best awkward white guy dancing on BET.
9. K-Fed Plays With Fire, destroys our eardrums
If someone releases a terrible album and nobody listens to it, was it ever released at all? The answer is yes, and believe it or not thousands of people actually went out and bought Kevin Federline’s debut one and only album. Presumably, half of these people purchased it as a joke, and the other half as a test of endurance.
8. Bob Dylan’s music gets the musical treatment
How does it feel to be on your own, with no direction home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone? We have no idea, but we’d imagine it feels better than having to watch this painful clip from The View over and over and over again. The Times They Are A-Changin rolled off Broadway faster than you could say “Blowin’ In The Wind.” Or just “That blew.”
With 2006 down to its final 13 days, everybody is rushing to put out their Best Of The Year lists. Going from site to site and magazine to magazine to find out what the 10 Best– well, everything is– can get a little tiring. We want to make things easier for you. Over the next two weeks we’ll be giving you the 10 Best 10 Best Lists of 2006. No need to go anywhere else. Here’s the first one: The 10 Best Celebrity Body Parts of 2006.
10. Matthew McConaughey’s chest It used to be a safe bet that Pamela Anderson would be the most frequently photographed topless celebrity in a given year. This year, Matthew McConaughey took the torch. Rain or shine, it didn’t matter; like a mailman, Matthew always delivered the goods. And he delivered them topless (and probably high as a kite.) (iFilm) 9. Anne Hathaway’s nipples
Celebrity nip-slips are supposed to be a beautiful thing. However, when Anne Hathaway dropped by Ellen and talked about how her see-through nipple pics made her cry, we felt really, really bad. For about 9 seconds. Then we went online and googled “Anne Hathaway + nipple” for the 8,765th time this year. (YouTube) 8. Lindsay Lohan’s ass cheeks
It seems like ages ago that Lindsay Lohan was known for her incredible rack. In 2006 she showed us another side of herself. The bottom side. We miss the good ol’ days.(Egotastic) 7. Clay Aiken’s hand
Clay’s hand was at the center of a big controversy this year. It caused Kelly Ripa & Rosie O’Donnell to fight, and it led to discussions about homophobia and politial correctness. Imagine what that hand could accomplish if it didn’t have such a weak wrist supporting it. (YouTube)
Attention Soap Opera aficianados - America’s beloved idol of masculinity Clay Aiken is scheduled to appear as himself on an upcoming episode of Days of Our Lives. Check out the special “Behind the Scenes” clip below and watch Clay show off his acting chops in a steamy scene in which a man with an eyepatch tries to give the Idol “a ride home” after his show. You’ll have to wait for the actual episode for the tinkling piano music and the dramatic dolly into a close-up of a nearby vase of flowers.
And also, did Clay Aiken get collagen injections in his lips? Maybe his eyelids? Did he get his ear cartilage removed? What the hell is wrong with his face?!?!!
Paris Hilton has found a new girl to completely ruin and possibly have an intimate relationship with: Sister Nicky. Thaaat’s nice.
And remember how the last time you watched Girls Gone Wild you were like “God, how ARE all these hot, drunky young girls over 18???” Well, they’re not. So buy em up before they’re taken off the shelves.
We know it’s Monday. We know it’s earlyish. But it wouldn’t be right if we didn’t pass along the brilliance that is this clip of Clay Aiken singing the Christmas ear-bleeder “All is Well.” Only, all is not well by minute 3:30 or so, when they strangely chub-faced lesbionic crooner’s voice starts cracking like a plumber’s ass. The audience then joins his strained vocals and cracks up. A truly priceless clip, we can’t help but wonder: Is Clay Aiken officially througher than through?
(via ONTD!)
What do you do when you’re the morbidly obese fake winner of a reality show, and you’re sick and tired of being upstaged in your seemingly inexistant music videos by the skinny struggling dancers grinding all up in your grill? Why, you start a modeling agency for fat people naturally. This is exactly the tactic being used by the Ruben “Like the Sandwich” Studdard, who is probably sick and physically tired that fat people aren’t featured as back-up dancers in more music videos. We think he might be on to something… his vids would be much more believable if instead of some beautiful unknown actress pretending to sleep with him, it was instead the always lovely Kathy Bates. That being said, Ruben Studdard’s Modeling Agency is simply shrieking “reality show hit!”
Going further with this idea, we would absolutely love to see Clay Aiken start a modeling agency for really, really ladylike, creeptown closet-gay guys, with which to surround himself in his vids as an attempt to butch the bitch up a crotch.
You know it’s a slow news week when 1. Someone covering someone else’s mouth is a top story; 2. Kelly Ripa is in the news; 3. Said controversy is used as a platform to confront germ/homophobia. Well, Aiken’s much-hyped appearance on Regis & Kelly last week has now reached the heights of self-parody, as evidenced on last night’s American Music Awards. Check out this clip of Clay Aiken and a pregnant Tori Spelling introducing the next act… If only to see Spelling pulling a Heidi Klum in the “looking better pregnant” department.
If a guy who’s– how do put this– gayish but not openly gay, covers your mouth on daytime TV and you later scold him for it, could that be considered homophobic? According to Rosie O’Donnell, the answer is yes. Today on The View, Rosie called Kelly Ripa out for the way she reacted to Clay’s manhandling on Regis & Kelly. Ripa didn’t take to kindly to the insinuation that she’s a homophobe, so she called in to The View this morning to give her side of the story. Here’s the full video. Start cringing now.
Who’s side are you on: Rosie’s or Kelly’s? And is it even possible to be called a homophobe when the person you’re talking about isn’t even gay? Well, openly gay.
While guest hosting for Regis Philbin, teen heartthrob Clay Aiken managed to piss off Kelly Ripa by covering her mouth with his hand in an attempt to shut her up during an interview. We’re not sure what motivating factors led to this. Maybe Clay was trying to be funny, or maybe he was just overcome with curiosity and wondered what a woman feels like. Either way, it was incredibly, incredibly awkward (it all goes down 2:42 into the video). And as far as Kelly declaring that she doesn’t know where his hands have been… yeah, we can venture some guesses.
Halloween is one of the most joyous times of the year for Pagans: It’s the one day slutty older women show their true colors, the one day plushophiles can fulfill their fetish outdoors, and a day when morbidly obese children can eat candy in the open rather than binge eat in hiding as per yoozh. In addition, the littlest ones can dress up as their favorite cartoon character, neighborhood hobo, ghost, or something else equally innocent…
OR SO WE THOUGHT. Apparently, dressing up like a slutty old lady has now infected even the tiniest of girls. Because now, young “ladies” can dress up like an American Idol contestant, replete with tacky tops, fishnet sleeves, flared pants and platform sandals marked with the American Idol insignia.* And the best news? Now your toddler can look like the littlest failure in the country! But don’t fret, fellas, Clay Aiken is available also. Our one real problem is that nobody seems to offer a Bo Bice costume… oh, no, wait… never mind.
NOT-SO-GOOD THING: Martha Stewart says she’d like to have Eminem as a guest on her show. Maybe he could even share his famous recipe for Wife-Beaten Eggs! (Yahoo! News)
SWEET, SWEET REVENGE: Limewire is turning the tables and suing the RIAA. Download THAT, b*tches! (Consumerist)
COMING FROM BEHIND: Clay Aiken bumps Justin Timberlake from the top…of the charts! (Idolator)
SNAPPY COMEBACK: Personally responding to the people behind “RachelRaySux.com” in an Esquire column, Rachel Ray threatens to start a site of her own called “you know what YOU suck.com”. (Esquire)
IMPROVEMENT TO HBO-RING: This parody of Entourage, entitled Group of Guys, is funnier than even Ari’s most well-timed racial/homophobic slurs. (MollyGood)
Make sure to tune into Vh1 tonight at 11 pm for an all new episode of Best Week Ever! Tonight’s drinking game is: “Things Children Like.” So whenever you see something a child likes, honor that spark in a younguns eye by taking a sip of straight vodka and passing out on your blankie.
Last night’s episode of The Office touched on a very sensitive issue: coming out of the closet. Since we were too busy obsessing over Jim & Pam, though, we totally missed this scene.
Good Morning America’s multi-part Clay Aiken Confessional Booth series continued this morning with Diane Sawyer randomly pulling an “Are you gay?” question out of nowhere, utterly shocking him into giving a rambling 300-word response that essentially says, “Yep”. We admire Clay’s courage, and Diane’s subtle “probing” and “in the closet” puns.
Why anyone would ever question this guy’s total p*ssy-loving manliness is beyond me. Check out this clip from the Macho-Man’s appearance on Good Morning America’s love letter to him, and hear all about Clay’s pill-enhanced heterosexuality straight from the horse’s Paxil-loving mouth:
After publicly claiming to give up the Internet until 2007, Moby made it only 3 days before hopping right back on his online surfboard. At least he did better than the time he publicly claimed to give up being a self-important hippie, then made it only 3 tenths of a second after the conclusion of that statement before telling us all how evil we are for loving steak.
Now that Charlton Heston is getting up there in age (he turns 243 next month), the NRA is looking for a new president, and Tom Selleck seems to be the front-running candidate. Moustache? Check. Starring role in popular 80’s cop show that includes name of hand-gun in title? Check. Tough-sounding result when the word “f*cking” is placed between first and last name? Check. He’s got our vote.
According to Blender Magazine, K-Fed is going to die in the year 2032. If you’re bummed out by the length of time between now and then, also consider that, according to Blender Magazine, AFI and Panic! at the Disco are “awesome”.
A Memphis, Tennessee cocktail waitress has accusedHank Williams Jr. of “choking her” while she attempted to serve him. Guess someone should have listened a little closer to the lyrics of Hank’s hit country tune, “I Like to Choke Memphis Cocktail Waitresses”.
Aaron Carter got engaged in Las Vegas last weekend. Clay Aiken says he’s never been happier. Okay, that was easy, but they’d seriously make a good couple.
(As everyone is freaking out about utterly unsuprising developments in Paris Hilton’s ongoing struggle with existence, news stories as AMAZING as this one are in danger of falling through the cracks, which is why we have decided to present this to you in its entirety, un-edited with the exception of our bolding emphasis, and without further comment. Also, the headline above is the actual one used in the story.)
RALEIGH, N.C. - Clay Aiken is in line to be named to the President’s Committee for People with Intellectual Disabilities, the White House said Wednesday.
Aiken, a Raleigh native who gained fame as a runner-up on “American Idol,” once worked as a YMCA counselor.
The committee’s Web site said it advises the president on issues pertaining to people with intellectual disabilities. The committee was established in 1961 by President John Kennedy as the President’s Panel on Mental Retardation.
A White House press release said President Bush intends to make the appointment. Officials did not say when. The singer’s new album, “A Thousand Different Ways,” is due out later this month.
…You DO NOT talk about Clay Aiken’s homosexuality. According to the NY Daily News (last item), John Paulus, the ex-Marine who made headlines by claiming that he had a tawdry gay tryst in a hotel room with the squeaky-clean pop idol, has been denied protection from the FBI, which he apparently sought out after being “bombarded” with death threats from crazed Aiken fans. “The Claymates”, described as “a loosely organized army of middle-aged women”, have been operating under the radar for some time now, beginning with secret after-hours “Claymate Club” meetings in church basements, Olive Gardens and suburban salons across the country, where they would plot ways to fight the rumors about their idol’s sexuality that keep popping up in the press. Little did Paulus - or anyone else - know that the group has quietly grown and organized itself into one of the most frighteningly sophisticated terrorist cells in the nation, now rumored to be putting into motion their most ambitious plan yet, “Project Cure the McPheever”. Best be watching your back, Taylor Hicks!
After years of living the lie of fierce heterosexuality in order to maintain his macho boy band image, former ‘NSync ladies man Lance Bass dropped a bombshell on everything we know about masculinity by revealing to People Magazine that he is actually gay. While we admire his courage and hope he is now able to live a happier life, many of us are still feeling a combination of shock, confusion and disillusionment. I mean, who’s next - Clay Aiken?
At first glance, Jared Leto and Clay Aiken would seem to little in common, but the similarities are surprising. They’re both musicians known more for their celebrity than their songwriting. They’re both somewhat ambiguous about their sexuality. And they’ve both cultivated a rabidly protective fan base despite making music that isn’t very good. Every time I so much as allude to Aiken, I’m guaranteed dozens of comments from his defensive fans, The Claymaniacs. And yesterday’s Jared Leto translator surprisingly resulted in a similar response from his equally volatile fan base, The Letotics. Notice the number 1 and 2 “most discussed” posts over on the right. Now please take a moment to peruse the comment sections of these two posts, then vote on whose fans you think are most likely to show up here at Vh1 with a sniper rifle and a score to settle.
There are certain readers of this blog, let’s call them “Claymaniacs” for lack of a better term, who get very angry with us whenever we even implicity call into question the sexual preferences of their beloved almost-Idol, Clay Aiken. They leave comment after comment, incredulous as to how we could possibly get these wacky ideas that Clay is anything but the paradigm of woman-loving masculinity. Well, to those people, we submit this video, possibly the gayest thing I’ve ever seen outside of cutoff denim shorts and military boots. I mean, Ryan Seacrest is the straightest thing happening on that stage, if that tells you anything. Enjoy this performance of a song made famous by Elton John, George Michael and Freddie Mercury - as sung by Clay Aiken and his loving male counterpart:
When I was in college and all my friends were getting tattoos I felt a little left out. As much as I loved the Chinese and their symbols, or the Africans and their tribes, I just couldn’t bring myself to permanently etch anything into my arms, shoulders, calves or inner thighs. Call me weird. Now, years later, as these same friends are beginning to forget what the squiggly Chinese thing on their neck really means (”Um, I think it means honor… or respect. I’m pretty sure it’s respect,”) I’m glad I didn’t make any big mistakes. The people on this list of The World’s Stupidest Tattoos, though, sadly can’t say the same. Unless, of course, they’re proud of their Clay Aiken tat. Or the bacon and eggs they got tattoo’d on their head. Or the “I’m Gonna Kill You, Ray Romano” declaration. Check out the entire list here to feel 10% better about your own body.
Yesterday we counted down the 
With 2006 down to its final 13 days, everybody is rushing to put out their Best Of The Year lists. Going from site to site and magazine to magazine to find out what the 10 Best– well, everything is– can get a little tiring. We want to make things easier for you. Over the next two weeks we’ll be giving you the 10 Best 10 Best Lists of 2006. No need to go anywhere else. Here’s the first one: The 10 Best Celebrity Body Parts of 2006.
It used to be a safe bet that Pamela Anderson would be the most frequently photographed topless celebrity in a given year. This year, Matthew McConaughey took the torch. Rain or shine, it didn’t matter; like a mailman, Matthew always delivered the goods. And he delivered them topless (and probably high as a kite.) (
What do you do when you’re the morbidly obese fake winner of a reality show, and you’re sick and tired of being upstaged in your seemingly inexistant music videos by the skinny struggling dancers grinding all up in your grill? Why, you 
Halloween is one of the most joyous times of the year for Pagans: It’s the one day slutty older women show their true colors, the one day 
What did we learn this week kids? Well, we learned that: 
(As everyone is freaking out about utterly unsuprising developments in Paris Hilton’s ongoing struggle with existence, news stories as AMAZING 
…You DO NOT talk about Clay Aiken’s homosexuality. According to the 
After years of living the lie of fierce heterosexuality in order to maintain his macho boy band image, former ‘NSync ladies man Lance Bass dropped a bombshell on everything we know about masculinity by revealing to People Magazine that
At first glance, Jared Leto and Clay Aiken would seem to little in common, but the similarities are surprising. They’re both musicians known more for their celebrity than their songwriting. They’re both somewhat ambiguous about their sexuality. And they’ve both cultivated a rabidly protective fan base despite making music that isn’t very good. Every time I so much as allude to Aiken, I’m 
