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More thoughts on the poor kid who barfed on "Today"
Normally I'm more than happy to leave the hot topic-kid-story-of-the-day to The Mommy Files or whoever else in the SFGate blogosphere wants to tackle it. We didn't craft this one-stop happy fun time parenting utopia by writing posts designed for contentious debate.
But this Balloon Boy "Today" show appearance may be the largest child-yakking-on-television event of our generation, and I feel it's my responsibility to weigh in. I've also noticed that Friday afternoon comments generally get angry no matter what completely benign thing we write, so, you know, what the hell. Below are my thoughts. Yours in the comments.
(I probably should have said this much earlier, but the above video contains a lot of vomiting. Adjust your meal schedule accordingly.)
-- You've got to give Meredith Vieira credit. Most journalists would stop asking inane questions once the kid started blowing chunks all over his family. But Vieira keeps on going like nothing is happening. The father also manages to maintain his attention-loving stride while under heavy fire. (More on him later.) Read More 'More thoughts on the poor kid who barfed on "Today"' »
| October 16 2009 at 03:46 PM
Jeepers! You call that a car seat?
I am by no means Captain of the P.C. Police.
In fact, I'm a firm believer in following the philosophy of respecting whatever floats your boat.
Dr. Del is no Dr. Phil. So you won't hear me telling another parent that they shouldn't let their infants be held by this guy, or that their toddlers will suffer permament hearing damage if exposed to this "music."
But sometimes you've just gotta make a citizen's arrest. With that in mind, I'd like to call out the genius who drives this Jeep.
You've got to be freakin kidding me.
I photographed this Jeep parked at an East Bay BART station a few weeks ago...
Read More 'Jeepers! You call that a car seat?' »
| June 07 2007 at 06:02 AM
Hand-made Valentines -- the espresso balls made me do it!
It's Valentine's Day and I'm ready with 23 precious hand-made Valentines from my 3-year-old son for his classmates. Actually we have closer to 40 cards to cover other friends and family members. We started a month ago.
When I told my friend and fellow Poopster Ilene Lelchuk in January that I had bought materials for Cash to decorate individual Valentine's Day cards for all his school friends, she nervously went to her preschool teacher and asked whether most of the kids brought handmade cards. The teacher nearly scoffed. No, most brought store bought cards.
But I can't help myself. On Halloween, I volunteered to make spooky Halloween cupcakes for my son's preschool class even though the teachers didn't ask for parents to help and there was no party planned. I knew my son would love helping me make them. But it was really the Type A competitor in me that made me do it. Read More 'Hand-made Valentines -- the espresso balls made me do it!' »
| February 14 2007 at 05:00 AM
Judgmental Parent Roundtable: The Nutcracker is overrated
(WARNING: The Judgmental Parent Roundtable is shamelessly designed to provoke arguments. For those who don't enjoy this feature, here's a video of cute little kitties for you to watch instead. Now that that's out of the way ...)
God, I hate the Nutcracker.
There are currently something like 147 ballet companies featuring performances of Nutcracker in the Bay Area. This happens every year, apparently since the beginning of time.
Each December elementary schools send busloads of kids to the Nutcracker, and every year it bores the living hell out of them. Between school functions, family outings and one wacky ex-girlfriend who insisted on going, I probably saw the Nutcracker 14 times between 1974 and 1991, and I despised it a little more each time.
Sanpedrocityballet.org
Worst toy ever.
Which brings us to the latest Judgmental Parent Roundtable:
The Subject: The Nutcracker ballet
Our Irrefutable Opinion: It's completely overexposed and totally overrated, and if I see another commercial for it my head's going to explode.
Despite the fact that kids will watch just about anything, I'd guess maybe 26 percent of girls and 3 percent of boys in the U.S. actually enjoy the Nutcracker. But much like Pac Bell Park and Beach Blanket Babylon (don't get me started on that ...), it has become so entrenched in the Bay Area as something that we're supposed to adore, that we all have to pretend that it's the greatest thing.
So what's not to like?
First Nutcracker problem -- there's not enough action: The first time I saw it, the teachers made a big deal about the sword fight between the mice and toy soldiers. It turned out to be the crappiest sword fight ever, lasting about 20 seconds -- and no one was beheaded or eviscerated or even stabbed. The knife fight in "Beat It" is better than the sword fight in the Nutcracker.
Read More 'Judgmental Parent Roundtable: The Nutcracker is overrated' »| December 21 2006 at 05:35 PM
Judgmental Parent Roundtable: Keep your placenta to yourself
One of the greatest things about becoming a parent is the way relationships with colleagues, neighbors and even complete strangers change. Suddenly you'll have a lot in common with some interesting people who you otherwise wouldn't have gotten a chance to know.
There's just one big drawback: Every once in a while, someone will feel the need to tell you the strange things they did with their placenta -- how they froze it, planted it under a tree or had some bizarre afterbirth-related hippie ceremony. There are even a few twisted individuals who share placenta recipes.
www.Robynsnest.com
The placenta in its natural habitat.
Which brings us to the fourth Judgmental Parent Roundtable:
The subject: People who do bizarre stuff with their placenta.
Our irrefutable opinion: It really creeps me out, so please stop talking about it.
While the birth of my child was the greatest experience of my life, I'm trying to suppress several parts of it. And no matter how many nutrients are in the placenta and how great it is for Mother Earth, I'm always going to see it as medical waste. (Didn't they dump it in a recepticle with a "biohazard" symbol?)
I don't even eat polenta any more, because the word sounds too much like placenta. And if you tell me you buried yours in the backyard, I'm going to wonder every time I see you is whether that nice apple pie you baked for dessert came from the placenta tree -- while a voice in my head screams "Soylent Green is made out of people!" Read More 'Judgmental Parent Roundtable: Keep your placenta to yourself' »
| November 10 2006 at 04:35 PM
Judgmental Parent Roundtable: Minivans are Evil
Before getting married a few years back, I had only one contribution to the vows, and it was a deal-breaker: We will never own a minivan.
automibiles.honda.com
The Devil's chariot ... complete with 13 cupholders.
These hideous behemoths are symbols of everything that's wrong with vehicle ownership -- and they gave parenting a bad name more than anything, except maybe people who take crying kids to nice restaurants. Which brings us to the third Judgmental Parent Roundtable ...
The Subject: Buying a minivan.
Our Irrefutable Opinion: These are the preferred transportation mode of the Devil, and choosing to buy one contributes to his evil plan.
Most of my argument is already contained in this column. But to recap: 1. From the moment you drive off the car lot, all minivans smell like the inside of a child's lunch box; 2. They are extremely ugly; and 3. They contribute to the extinction of the conversion van -- a vehicle so cool that it was the transportation of choice for Mr. T. Mr Freaking T!
www.txstickerco.com
Minivan + car stickers = Ned Flanders-mobile.
The only advantage I've heard over an SUV or conversion van -- and there's just one -- is the incredible amount of cupholders that car manufacturers are placing in minivans. I think there are something like 47 in the new Chrysler Town & Country.
I'd like to add that while I consider people who buy minivans to be innocent victims of Satan's clever deception, people who put those "The Smith Family" stickers on the backs of their cars have just plain given up. (Bonus hellfire points if your stickers include the family dog.)
Please don't hesitate to share your thoughts ...
| September 25 2006 at 07:05 AM
Judgmental Parent Roundtable: I Love Disposable Diapers!
The first Judgmental Parent Roundtable was a runaway success, meeting our original goal of at least three rambling comments longer than the original post, along with a random breastfeeding debate. (I'm convinced we could write a blog item about fixing the transmission on a 1988 Ford Taurus, and the comments section would still turn into an argument about mothers who feed their babies in public.)
So let's try this again ...
Today's subject: Disposable and cloth diapers.
Our irrefutable opinion: The disposable diaper is an amazing invention, and people who choose to use them are fine Americans.
I bring this topic up because the vast majority of parents use disposable diapers, yet they are susceptible to getting shamed if they say it out loud in the Bay Area. So I'll take the hit:
www.Babyminestore.com
The truth is, I really hate handling excrement, and want as little feces as possible in my life. And without getting into the gory details, I am constantly amazed by how much liquid and solid waste the disposable diapers we use can hold. Sometimes, after a particularly voluminous and messy No. 2 is miraculously contained, I quite literally feel the urge to break into applause.
I prefer the superior absorbancy, discardibility and poop-containing qualities of the disposable diaper, and I'll defend the Diaper Champ, too. I'll make a better effort to recycle and conserve energy in other places, and even use that little green bucket for food scraps. (Starting ..... now!) But I sleep much better at night knowing there are three layers of plastic (the walls of the Diaper Champ, the bag inside the device and the baggie around the diaper) between me and that soiled nappie -- and once it's gone there's no chance of that diaper ever returning to my house again. Read More 'Judgmental Parent Roundtable: I Love Disposable Diapers!' »
| August 21 2006 at 02:00 AM
Judgmental Parent Roundtable: Leave Your Baby at Home!
Since the comments section of The Poop has a tendency to turn into a series of manifestos about the intellectual superiority of people who use cloth diapers anyway, I've decided to add a new feature aimed specifically to bring out everyone's inner-Elizabeth Hasselbeck: Judgmental Parent Roundtable.
It is not cool to bring your crying baby to the French Laundry ...
Today's subject: Bringing your baby or toddler to a nice restaurant.
Our irrefutable opinion: If you do it you're a really, really bad person.
Like most young parents trying to own a home in the Bay Area, my wife and I are perpetually broke, and probably go to a destination restaurant two or three times a year. We get someone to look after our 15-month-old, pull out a dog-eared copy of the Chronicle 100 and gleefully drive to the closest restaurant that has received Michael Bauer's stamp of approval.
We arrived at A Cote in Oakland last week, and took our seat in the tranquil patio, only to realize that someone else had brought their 15-month-old -- the epicurean equivilent of going to an AA meeting and discovering that everyone is in the corner doing Jagermeister shots. The kid cried off and on throughout the meal and even though one of the parents took her outside once, it totally messed with our adults-night-out vibe.
... but you can enjoy a nice family-friendly meal here! And there's no 8-month wait!
This isn't about people bringing their kids to child friendly restaurants. Olive Garden and Applebys are fair game. I'll also grudgingly stipulate that anyplace loud enough to get the bomb noise rating in a Chronicle restaurant review is probably OK for a young kid. But if you can afford to drop $100 at Garibaldi's, then you can afford to get a babysitter. Read More 'Judgmental Parent Roundtable: Leave Your Baby at Home!' »
| August 10 2006 at 02:00 AM
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