12 days of Christmas - Oakland style

If Oakland residents lacked the ability to laugh at our own foibles, there would nary be a dry eye in the city. So in keeping with the lighthearted spirit of the holidays, let's sing a different tune for the new year. Because a weekend chock-full of shootings and a body in the Oakland estuary does not make for light holiday column fodder.

So here it is. I give you "The Twelve Days of Christmas." Oakland style.

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: a new mayor for our city!

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me: two street-gang injunctions and a new mayor for our city.

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: three Oscar Grant protests, two street-gang injunctions and a new mayor for our city.

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: a four-year drop in crime, three Oscar Grant protests, two street-gang injunctions and a new mayor with a booted Prius.

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: five parking tickets!; a four-year drop in crime; three Oscar Grant protests; two street-gang injunctions; and a new mayor, thanks to IRV.

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: six geese laying 'round Lake Merritt, five high-priced parking tickets!, a four-year drop in crime, three Oscar Grant protests, two street-gang injunctions and a new mayor for our city.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: seven Raiders wins, six geese pooping 'round Lake Merritt, five darn parking tickets!, a four-year drop in crime, three unruly crowds, two street-gang injunctions and an outgoing mayor with a tax liability.

On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: eight medicinal pot clubs, seven Raiders victories, six geese paddling 'round Lake Merritt, five doggone tickets!, a four-year drop in crime; three Oscar Grant protests, two street-gang injunctions and a new mayor for our city.

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: nine farmers' markets; eight medicinal pot clubs; seven Raiders victories; six geese flying at Lake Merritt; and yes, five parking tickets!; a four-year drop in crime; three Oscar Grant protests; two street-gang injunctions and a new mayor for our city.

On the 10th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 10 candidates a-running for mayor, nine farmers' markets, eight medicinal pot clubs, seven Raiders victories, six geese honking at Lake Merritt, five parking tickets!, a four-year drop in crime, at least three righteous protests, two street-gang injunctions and a new mayor for our city.

On the 11th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: 11 ex-offenders, 10 candidates a-running for mayor, nine farmers' markets, eight medicinal pot clubs, seven Raiders victories, six geese preening at Lake Merritt, five #@$& tickets!, a four-year drop in crime, three unruly protests, two street-gang injunctions and a new mayor for our city.

On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

12 brand-new months;

11 ex-offenders;

10 candidates a-running for mayor;

nine farmers' markets;

eight medicinal pot clubs a-selling;

seven Raiders victories;

six geese flappin' at Lake Merritt;

five paid-off tickets!;

a four-year drop in crime;

three Oscar Grant protests;

two street-gang injunctions;

and a new mayor, who paid her tickets off as well.

Merry Christmas, Bay Area!

Chip Johnson's column appears in the Chronicle on Tuesday and Friday. E-mail him at chjohnson@sfchronicle.com.

This article appeared on page C - 1 of the San Francisco Chronicle