Weddings

Kids at weddings: Yay or nay?

0

In a recent Ask Amy advice column for the Tribune newspapers, a mom writes in complaining about her brother who included "adult only reception, no children under 18, please" on his wedding invitation.

Do children belong at weddings?

Shutterstock/stocknadia

Do children belong at weddings?

"This puts my husband and me in a sticky situation because we have a 16-year-old and a 14-year-old," the mother wrote into the paper. "They are the only children on my brother's side. Our kids are always with us for everything. This has hurt my children's feelings, and now they don't even want to go to the ceremony."

General advice columnist Amy Dickinson puts the mom in her place: "Your brother and his bride have been very clear. You claim to understand but expect for your children to be granted an exception. This should not be an occasion for your family to have your feelings hurt, but an opportunity for you to explain to your kids that they can't be included in every event."

Wedding invite lists always raise issues among the bride and groom's friends and family, and whether to include children in the festivities is a subject of endless debate. Some feel children are too immature and can't be expected to behave. They fear a screaming baby ruining a special moment at the ceremony or a rambunctious kid knocking over the cake. But others think weddings are occasions when everyone should be included and celebrating together, and they feel a kid yelling "Ewww!" when the bride and groom kiss adds to the memory. In the end, it's the wedding couple's final call. If they want only the 3-year-old flower girl at the big event and no one else under 18 then that's their choice.

In the past few years, I have attended a half-dozen weddings and my children weren't invited to the majority of them. Usually, the invite included a friendly note along the aligns of "We can help you find a babysitter." I respect the couple's decision to not include kids, especially in this day when weddings are exorbitantly expensive and you pay $50 to $100 per guest. Plus sometimes I see the occasion as an opportunity for my husband and me to enjoy time together without our little ones.

But the other weekend my family attended a wedding at which children were welcomed and it made me realize that people sometimes forget that children are capable of rising to the occasion and behaving themselves.

The wedding was held outdoors at Joaquin Miller Park in Oakland. The ceremony took place in front of a waterfall, and the bride, who wore a simple full-length gown, walked down a steep rocky staircase that wound along the side of the falls. When the bride made her entrance, my children's eyes grew three sizes. They were in awe. "A princess," my son whispered in my ear.

The ceremony was long as several friends told stories about the bride and groom. There were lots of laughs--and tears (my son wiped mine off my cheek with his shirt sleeve). My 6-year-old daughter sat mesmerized the entire time, hanging on every word. She giggled when someone told a story about the bride stripping down to her underwear to rescue friends who were stranded on a beach.

My 5-year-old son lost interest halfway through the ceremony so we walked to the side where some other kids were quietly playing. At one point a toddler wandered to the front where his mom was reading a poem, but it was appropriate. Everyone laughed.

After the ceremony my daughter insisted that we immediately go meet the newly married couple. Typically she's shy in these situations but this wasn't the case that day. She marched right up and said hello. We chatted awhile and admired the bride's pretty dress. As we walked away and headed for the hors d'oeuvre table my daughter said, "Mommy I just met a bride."

What do you think? Do children belong at weddings?

Posted By: Amy Graff (Email, Twitter, Facebook) | September 29 2009 at 12:43 PM

Listed Under: Weddings | Permalink | Comment count loading...