Reality show royalty: Jersey Shore's 'Situation'

In the Jug Shop parking lot on Saturday, it was a "situation," all right.

That's because reality TV "star" Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino washed up in EssEff from the not-as-picturesque Jersey shore.

Unlike Sorrentino, who arrived at his own PR event an hour late (via a dramatic, oversize black Bauer limo-bus from his crib at the Marriott Hotel), we arrived early. But not out of devotion to the self-impressed celeb, whose moniker refers to his overdeveloped abdominal muscles, which he incessantly reveals from beneath his signature collection of gaudy T-shirts.

Rather, Jug Shop co-owner Phil Priolo had graciously hooked up a big-screen TV for viewing of Game 3 of the Giants' World Series. (Not such a great situation, it turned out.)

However, we ended up cooling our heels in said lot with fellow scribes Beth Spotswood and Melissa Griffin because Sorrentino's belligerent brother/handler banished media from the store.

The media (with a twisted taste for over-the-top, reality-TV train wrecks) had been invited to cover Sorrentino's Jug Shop star turn as he signed bottles of Devotion vodka for a modest line of fans, which required not only a metal police barricade, but also the presence of one of SFPD's finest.

The gimmick of this new elixir? It's infused with casein protein. Why? As we prefer Irish whiskey, we know and care not.

Sorrentino is not only the Devotion spokesman (for which he received a reported $400K), but he reportedly also has shares in the vodka's profits.

Scratching our heads over this media blackout, we had to keep reminding ourselves that in the past year, Sorrentino, whose entire existence is defined by GTL (gym, tan, laundry), nightclubbing, hitting on women, attempting to dodge unattractive ones whom he dubs "grenades" and being filmed 24/7 in numerous inappropriate and often cringe-inducing interactions with his "Jersey Shore" castmates, has supposedly made 5 million smackers.

Amazingly this fame train has yet to run out of steam: Sorrentino's rookie contribution to the world canon of great literature, "Here's the Situation," hit bookstores this week.

Exiting the parking lot, our situation got less bizarre as we headed to the Palace Hotel for a fundraiser that featured a program by a member of the blue-blooded British monarchy, HRH Princess Michael of Kent.

(Oh, that the mercurial god of scheduling had colluded with the white-gloved goddess of decorum to allow the paths of these two personages to meet. Alas.)

Proper, punctual and plummy of tone, the elegant princess mingled graciously among the 200 guests - sans any sign of handlers, police presence or tacky T-shirts.

The event benefited the Village Well, a day care center founded by Jean Rowcliffe for low-income families on the grounds of St. Mary the Virgin Episcopal Church in Cow Hollow.

As a young woman, Rowcliffe was nanny at Kensington Palace to the Kents' children, Lord Frederick and Lady Gabriella, so she asked her princess pal to pitch in at the Well's gala.

"If my children are wonderful, and I think they are," said Princess Michael, "it's due to Jean."

Princess Michael is an engaging speaker, author and historian who politely dishes up tantalizing tidbits of royal history.

In honor of the Well, she delivered a talk titled "Cradle to Crown: Monarchy and Motherhood," which detailed a rocky road filled with plagues, pestilence, royal power plays and early death, from the 1500s up to the 20th century. Phew.

However, the princess avoids discussing present-day monarchs and their parenting skills.

"We all know King Henry had many wives, some without heads," said Princess Michael, of those losses that often occurred in the Tower of London. "Even though my husband, Prince Michael, is a constable there, I don't like the Tower, so I avoid speaking on current family members."

British Consul General Julian Evans was delighted by the lecture, declaring that if his history teachers had been such talented storytellers, he might've stuck with those studies.

And Princess Michael heralded Rowcliffe for her efforts in making young lives better for those less fortunate.

"The most important things we can give our children is a good education, unlimited love, and teach them self-discipline and good manners," said the princess.

Sound advice. But obviously Princess Michael has never set foot upon the Jersey shore.

Chronicle society correspondent Catherine Bigelow's columns appear Wednesday in Datebook, Sunday in Style and at SFGate.com. E-mail her at missbigelow@sfgate.com.

This article appeared on page E - 3 of the San Francisco Chronicle