Parenting café

Karen Gardner with the column that helps to make life happier for families

Night prowler

My daughter, aged 22 months, sleeps as little as seven hours a night and has abandoned all daytime sleep. She has a solid bedtime routine and is asleep by 7pm, but then wakes at about 1am. She spends the rest of the early hours going back and forth from our bed to her own until I give in and let her into our bed to fuss and fidget until we get up.

She is cranky by the afternoon and some days impossible to console. What can I do? Shona, by email

Emails received on this subject were notably brisk and bracing.

Sue says: "Stop giving in. Sit by your bedroom door for two or three nights and turn the little one back. She will soon sleep longer. Strict rules applied now will pay big dividends later in life and will avoid creating monster children. We have enough of these already."

Janice agrees: "For the best of reasons, motherly love, you are pandering to your child. She is old enough to start learning the world does not revolve around her. In days gone by she would have been usurped by a sibling before now, and be learning to fit herself around the needs of others. Be firm. Do not let her sleep in your bed. If she won't nap, ensure she sits quietly with a book or story tape. She may fight being put in her bedroom, but will unknowingly drift off on the sofa. She will be happier if she realises she is a member of your family, not the centre of it."

Sarah posts: "Establish a daytime routine with meals at regular times, plenty of fresh air and no television after tea. Take her to a cranial osteopath to check there is nothing physically troubling her. If this fails, stop the battle and let her come into your bed when she first wakes. Pretend to be asleep - children learn through imitation."

"Groovymum" says: "Sleep patterns are habits. Break this exhausting pattern by putting the child down later than normal. Once she is sleeping longer, gradually pull bedtime forward."

Josie recommends keeping a sleep diary: "I found this invaluable as it revealed clues to my daughter's waking. Ensure that when your daughter wakes, her room feels the same as when she goes to sleep. If at bedtime, her bedroom door is ajar and the hall light on, leave it so all night."

"Long Service Mummy" points out: "This age is when toddlers learn that being upset is a good way of manipulating Mummy.

"When you are 22 months old and try new things, you get frustrated and howl loudly. Your parents have two choices: they can spring to the rescue and remove you from the challenge or they can soothe and help you achieve what you are trying to do, through gentle coaching and praise. Children stuck in behaviours of younger children, such as night waking, are often 'rescued from failure'. They become dependent on their parents to solve every problem. I know individuals in their 20s who still inhabit this world. This child should be allowed to get upset and frustrated."

Answers please

In a forthcoming Parenting Café column, we will tackle the following problem. If you have any advice please get in touch.

Alan posts: "I recently bought an expensive games console for my children (and, I admit, for my wife and myself). We all really enjoyed it. It was easy to play each other and the games can be physically exacting.

"My eldest son, aged nine, accidentally knocked it over and it is irrevocably broken. Should I buy another? It was not kept in the stand provided, as this meant rearranging the room.

So am I partly responsible? My initial response was that the children do not take care of things and need to learn to value their possessions. On the other hand, it was an accident and why punish us all? We could afford another one but the principle is making me hesitate. Am I being unfair and stubborn?"