Audio: Listen to Sir Clement Freud's joke

Sir Clement Freud told this joke on the Telegraph World Cup Pubcast, describing it as the funniest on record.

A professor investigating the psychology of humour had previously claimed the distinction for one of Spike Milligan's gags, which involved a friend, a gun and an emergency phone call.

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Posted at: 00:05 | Permalink | Comments 66

The Daily Telegraph has declared that dogs have an innate dignity in a Leader article condemning the pernicious trend of naming pets Britney or Playstation.

The way in which owners name their pets often reveals more about their own personality than it does about the animal’s physical traits or character.

If you have a pet, what was the inspiration for its name?

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Posted at: 00:01 | Permalink | Comments 88

Israel's military action in Gaza is intensifying, with troops seizing 64 members of the governing Palestinian party Hamas in retaliation for the abduction of a 19-year-old Israeli soldier.

In a separate development, US President George Bush has insisted that he will not immediately close the Guantanamo Bay prison and will press ahead with military tribunals for the prisoners there, despite a Supreme Court ruling that such trials are illegal.

Are hard-line tactics the most effective way to deal with terrorism or insurgency?

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Posted at: 00:01 | Permalink | Comments 70

Tory leader David Cameron has mocked Tony Blair as the "David Brent of Downing Street - utterly redundant, just hanging round the office".

Mr Blair has been Prime Minister of one of the world’s largest economies for almost a decade but is facing growing pressure to resign after a string of Government blunders.

Mr Brent is the fictional manager of a Slough-based stationary company who suffers delusions of grandeur but is ultimately sacked for incompetence.

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Posted at: 10:01 | Permalink | Comments 39

An American psychologist has slammed the idea that children learn better in single-sex schools, citing a raft of data to show that boys and girls do not benefit from separate teaching methods.

Rosalind Barnett Boys claims that, for example, the notion that boys are intrinsically better at maths is nothing more than myth.

What do you think of single sex schools? Are they an outdated cliché that fosters cattiness in girls and gawkiness in boys? Or do they have a valid role to play in today’s educational system?

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Posted at: 10:01 | Permalink | Comments 32

A Labour MP has waged war on ‘lad’s magazines’, arguing that brash titles such as Zoo and FHM should be banished to the top shelf in newsagents.

Claire Curtis, MP for Crosby in Merseyside, has branded such magazines repulsive and argued that front page pictures of near-naked female flesh should not be displayed at childrens’ eye level.

What do you think of the ‘lad’s mag’ publishing phenomenon? Are these magazines degrading to women, or just an irreverent bit of fun?

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Posted at: 10:01 | Permalink | Comments 75

Charles Clarke has called into question Tony Blair’s ability to continue in power, one month after the Prime Minister sacked him over the foreign prisoner debacle.

The former Home Secretary criticised the way in which Mr. Blair dismissed him and lashed out at his successor John Reid for deeming the Home Office "not fit for purpose."

Downing Street has meanwhile hit back by claiming the Prime Minister had a duty to fire the Mr. Clarke for leaving his department in trouble.

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Posted at: 10:01 | Permalink | Comments 69

Prince Charles's private income rose to more than £14 million last year, Clarence House accounts have shown, with the heir-to-the-throne footing a tax bill of £3 million.

Though much of his income is spent on public engagements, the Prince’s personal costs run to £2m and include paying for some 22 full-time staff including secretaries, chefs, grooms, valets and gardeners.

Do you think the Prince should curb his spending habits? Or do you think the fact that he helped to raise around £110 million for charity justifies his expenses? If you were Prince Charles, how would you spend your money?

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Posted at: 10:01 | Permalink | Comments 59

Tory leader David Cameron has announced his intention to tear up the Human Rights Act and replace it with a British Bill of Rights, in a move aimed at preventing British laws being overridden by the European Court.

Mr. Cameron insists his proposals represent a ‘constitutional landmark’ that would protect Britain from inappropriate human rights rulings – but the Government condemned the idea as "wrong, muddled and dangerous".

Do you support Mr. Cameron’s plans? What would you like to see included in a Bill of Rights?

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Posted at: 10:01 | Permalink | Comments 113

The Sunday Telegraph has launched a campaign to Make Britain Safe, prompted by the government's failure to tackle violent crime.

Other countries have successfully fought back against murderers, rapists and muggers: America's crime rate, for instance, has fallen to the level it was at 50 years ago.

It is time for Britain to reverse its slide into a society cowed by a violent minority.

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Posted at: 00:01 | Permalink | Comments 197

Tony Blair has called for the criminal justice system to be rebalanced "in favour of the decent law-abiding majority", responding to a wave of criticism that Britain puts the rights of criminals ahead of protecting victims.

In a speech given at Bristol University he claimed the current system was built for another age, with the result that "we end up fighting 21st century problems with 19th century solutions".

What do you think is wrong with the criminal justice system, and what should be done to put it right?

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Posted at: 00:00 | Permalink | Comments 44

Suggestions that the United States poses the greatest threat to world peace have infuriated President George W Bush at an EU-US summit overshadowed by criticism of Guantanamo Bay and US foreign policy.

A journalist questioned Mr. Bush on opinion polls showing that most Europeans believe the United States is a greater menace than Iran or North Korea, prompting the president to label such a view ‘absurd’.

Do you think the US is a threat to world peace? Or do you support Mr. Bush’s statement that America is working to spread peace and democracy around the world?

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Posted at: 12:30 | Permalink | Comments 190

Motorists paid a record £1.2 billion in parking charges and fines last year, according to new figures which reveal an 82pc increase in fees over the past nine years.

Local authorities are increasingly reliant on parking as an easy way to raise money, with income from this source rocketing by up to 37,000 per cent since 1997 in some councils.

Do you think that motorists are being unfairly exploited? Or is the government right to take a zero tolerance approach to illegal and inconsiderate parking?

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Posted at: 12:30 | Permalink | Comments 68

Worldwide Anglicanism was in its death throes last night after its liberal American branch failed to toe the conservative line on homosexuality demanded by the majority of the Communion. .

In recent years a chasm has deepened between liberal members of the Church, who support the appointment of female and homosexual bishops, and a conservative body urging what is sees as a closer adherence to scripture.

This has led to a situation which the Bishop of Rochester, the Rt Rev Michael Nazir-Ali, described as "virtually two religions in a single Church". Do you agree with him, or are such statements just hyperbole?

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Posted at: 08:30 | Permalink | Comments 13

Hundreds of school children who missed out on seeing a World Cup match because of an alleged ticket scam will now get to watch a game after Government talks with tournament organisers Fifa, Downing Street has said.

About 350 pupils aged 11 to 15 and 30 teachers spent nearly £400 a head for the trip, but they were told on their arrival in Germany that they could not see the game because their travel agent had allegedly been defrauded by a ticketing agency.

How sympathetic did you feel towards the children? Do you think the Government was right to intervene, or should it focus its energies on people with more serious grievances?

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Posted at: 06:00 | Permalink | Comments 19

A seven-year-old boy has been attacked in Edinburgh for wearing an England football shirt, the latest in a string of cases to highlight the acrimony between England and Scotland.

In political circles, a Commons committee report found that a majority of people in the UK oppose a Scot becoming prime minister – grim reading for Gordon Brown.

Do you think relations between Scotland and England have deteriorated since the 1998 devolution settlement? If so, why?

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Posted at: 12:00 | Permalink | Comments 193

The government has been accused of steering the country towards 'mob rule' by bowing to pressure from a tabloid in reforming sex offender laws.

A top police officer warned that the decision to consider introducing a UK version of the "Megan's Law" - which gives people in the United States access to information about sex offenders in their area - was policy-making "on the hoof" driven by media headlines..

British tabloids are renowned for their strident, crusading nature. Do you think they aid democracy by representing the public and holding the government to account?

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Posted at: 06:00 | Permalink | Comments 26

In a stark reversal of time-worn stereotypes, London has sunk to 18th place in a worldwide league table of polite cities, while New York scooped first place.

French shop assistants, meanwhile, have been labelled surly and inefficient in a separate European survey which praised the friendly efficiency of the Germans and put Britain in second place for helpfulness.

What do make of these various findings? Do you think Britain is still basically a polite nation? Or should the stereotype of the courteous, softly-spoken English gentleman be consigned to the historical dustbin? Where is the most polite place you have ever visited, and where the least?

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Posted at: 10:30 | Permalink | Comments 72

A woman has been elected as the first female leader of the American branch of Anglicanism, a development that could push the worldwide Church to the brink of disintegration.

In recent years a chasm has deepened between liberal members of the Church, who support the appointment of female and homosexual bishops, and a conservative body urging what is sees as a closer adherence to scripture.

This has led to a situation which the Bishop of Rochester, the Rt Rev Michael Nazir-Ali, described as "virtually two religions in a single Church". Do you agree with him, or are such statements just hyperbole?

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Posted at: 10:30 | Permalink | Comments 83

The organisers of the Olympic Games have been criticised for accepting sponsorship from fast food giants and fizzy drinks manufacturers.

Public health experts have said it was "hard to reconcile" the fact that McDonald's and Coca Cola were leading sponsors of the International Olympic Committee.

They also questioned how the organisers of the World Cup could give a platform to both companies, as well as to Budweiser, considering the tensions that exist between health promotion and sport.

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Posted at: 10:30 | Permalink | Comments 24

Underachieving boys have it too easy at home and should be made to do more household chores, a doctor has said.

Dr Tony Sewell, a former lecturer in education, has told a teachers’ union conference that young boys need to develop a better work ethic at home in order to do better at school.

He also said young boys should not be treated as the men of the house when raised by single mothers.

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Posted at: 00:01 | Permalink | Comments 70

Earlier this week, the Tories announced they wanted to replace the “Torch of Freedom” with a new logo.

Since the news broke, debate has been raging on the letters page over what symbol best sums up the Conservative party in the early 21st Century. Now it’s your chance to contribute your ideas and designs.

What should the new Tory logo look like? Should they dump the torch? Does the party need to be re-branded?

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Posted at: 17:45 | Permalink | Comments 74

The government has released a pack for fathers-to-be containing guidelines on how to be good dads.

As well as legal advice and tips on father’s rights, the guidelines include some suggestions for marital harmony.

Among them is one advising men not to have affairs while their wives are pregnant and another that suggests “taking the matter into your own hands” when their wives decline sex.

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Posted at: 00:01 | Permalink | Comments 46

Bank of England Governor Mervyn King added to confusion over the economy with his speech in Edinburgh on Monday night. Some commentators interpreted his words as a warning that inflation is on the rise. Others suggested he thinks it is under control.

Either way, the range of opinions reflects the high degree of uncertainty currently evident in the volatile stock markets.

But is that volatility masking a reasonably strong UK economy?

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Posted at: 17:20 | Permalink | Comments 41

The Attorney General has spoken out against politicians interfering in the courts, after the Home Secretary criticised the “unduly lenient” sentence given to a convicted paedophile yesterday.

John Reid said the minimum sentence of five years and 108 days for Craig Sweeney, who kidnapped and sexually assaulted a three-year-old girl, did “not reflect the seriousness of the crime”.

Mr Reid said he would write to the Attorney General and ask him to consider referring the sentence to the Court of Appeal.

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Posted at: 10:15 | Permalink | Comments 59

The deaths of three men who hanged themselves at the Guantanamo Bay prison camp have been denounced by America as "a PR move".

However, human rights organisations, including Amnesty International said the deaths were the "the tragic results of years of arbitrary and indefinite detention".

The inmates have been held at Guantanamo Bay for as long as five years without being charged, tried or, in many cases, even made aware of the accusations against them. America insists that they are terrorists but are they out of touch with public opinion?

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Posted at: 10:01 | Permalink | Comments 126

The Home Secretary, John Reid, is to tell the public to "stop moaning and take action" against anti-social behaviour.

He wants people to take greater responsibility for street crime - but his challenge has come in for criticism.

Campaigners against anti-social behaviour say the proposals could have "devastating consequences" while David Davis, the shadow home secretary, accused Mr Reid of trying to "shift responsibility on to the shoulders of the public".

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Posted at: 06:01 | Permalink | Comments 110

The introduction of a GCSE examination in which students do not even need to write has reignited accusations that the Government is ‘dumbing down’ academic qualifications.

Since O-levels were phased out in the 1980s to be replaced by GCSEs, rote learning has fallen out of fashion and exams tend to focus more on powers of reasoning than in-depth knowledge.

Do you feel that exams have been dumbed down? If so, why do think this has happened? What do you the effect will be – for students, their future employers, and society in general?

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Posted at: 06:01 | Permalink | Comments 75

After weeks of mounting excitement, flag-flying debates, metatarsal drama and office sweepstakes, the World Cup is finally upon us.

Germany kicks off against Costa Rica in the first match of the tournament on Friday, while Saturday will see England pitted against Paraguay.

How will you be seeing in this momentous sporting event? Will you be glued to every second of every match, or barricading yourself away in the vain hope that it will all just stop?

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Posted at: 06:01 | Permalink | Comments 39

Britain is the best and cheapest place to enjoy culture, according to leading art institutions who are urging Gordon Brown not to cut their funding in the build-up to the Olympic Games.

While most Europeans have to pay entry fees for major galleries, visitors in Britain can stroll in off the street and view masterpieces for free.

Is Labour to be congratulated for having democratized the arts after a decade of generous funding? Or should its priorities lie elsewhere?

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Posted at: 06:01 | Permalink | Comments 31

US troops have killed Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, the infamous leader of al-Qa'eda in Iraq, an event which Tony Blair hailed as a major blow against the terrorist network.

Zarqawi was accused by the US of organising suicide bombings that maimed and killed hundreds in Iraq, as well as orchestrating the kidnap and beheading of foreign civilians.

Do you think his death marks a turning point in the struggle to establish peaceful rule in Iraq? What is its significance in the greater context of the ongoing ‘war on terror’?

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Posted at: 11:01 | Permalink | Comments 90

David Cameron has attacked BBC Radio 1 for playing music that encourages young people to carry guns and knives, as he continues his crusade against the more destructive elements of popular and consumer culture.

The Conservative leader has previously criticised BHS, the department store, for selling "creepy" sexy underwear to pre-pubescent girls, and demanded that newsagents and supermarkets market fruit as aggressively as they do chocolate and sweets.

Are you heartened by Mr Cameron's stance against the crass culture of modern Britain? Or do you fear that he wants to create a nanny state?

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Posted at: 00:01 | Permalink | Comments 77

The leader of Britain’s consultants is calling for the NHS to be run by an independent body, in order to take politics out of healthcare.

Dr Paul Miller, chairman of the British Medical Association consultants committee, claims that Labour’s reforms and political interference have failed to improve patient care – despite record investment.

Do you think the NHS would be better run by an independent body, divorced from political influences? Or would this make the management of healthcare too undemocratic? What do you think has gone wrong with the NHS? From your experience, has the service got better or worse since Labour came to power?

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Posted at: 13:00 | Permalink | Comments 42

A report has shown that a fifth of students now carry on living at home - with nearly half of them saying they do so not because they can’t afford to move out, but because they prefer an easy life.

Other 'kidults' find financial pressures – such as debts or sky-high house prices – force them to return home after a few brief years of independence.

How old do think is too old to be living at home? What should parents do if their offspring are reluctant to fly the nest?

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Posted at: 00:01 | Permalink | Comments 47

With Ferrovial’s £10.3bn bid for BAA now recommended by the board, Heathrow is about to fall into Spanish hands. But does it matter?

The airports themselves - Heathrow, Gatwick, Stansted, Edinburgh, Glasgow, Aberdeen and Southampton - won’t be going anywhere, and whoever operates them will have to comply with strict state regulation controlling investment.

Ferrovial already operates Belfast and Bristol airports, while another Spanish group Abertis runs Luton. In other words, there is precedent.

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Posted at: 15:10 | Permalink | Comments 50

New research has shown that 56pc of teenage girls want to lose weight, but only 15pc are overweight.

This stark statistic will come as no surprise to critics of our ‘looks-obsessed’ culture such as the author JK Rowling, who recently lashed out at the pressure on young girls to mimic "empty-headed, self-obsessed, emaciated clones".

Do you think there is more pressure on girls today to appear thin than there was for previous generations? If so, who is to blame? And what should be done to remedy the situation?

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Posted at: 00:01 | Permalink | Comments 51

An official report into the handling of the July 7 bombings has lambasted the emergency services for poor planning, dire communication and for leaving thousands of survivors to fend for themselves.

For those who potentially risked their own lives dealing with the aftermath of the attacks, which killed 52 and injured hundreds more, the report could constitute a major blow to morale.

Do you think it is fair to scrutinize the performance of emergency workers in such an extreme and stressful situation? Or do you feel those involved failed in their duty and should be brought to account?

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Posted at: 10:01 | Permalink | Comments 19

A proposal to create babies that are both cloned and genetically altered to prevent serious hereditary disease has been outlined by the leader of the team that created Dolly the sheep, re-igniting the debate on the moral implications of cloning human beings.

Ever since news that Dolly had been cloned from an adult cell made headlines around the world, Prof Ian Wilmut has repeatedly said he is "implacably opposed" to cloning a human being.

But in his forthcoming book After Dolly, serialised in The Daily Telegraph, he argues that, when the techniques are shown to be safe, society should consider cloning with genetic modification to prevent the birth of babies with serious diseases.

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Posted at: 22:01 | Permalink | Comments 94

Police shot 23-year old Mohammed Abdul Kahar in the shoulder as part of an anti-terror raid last week, re-igniting the debate on the use of force to counter potential security threats.

The incident comes nearly a year after police mistakenly killed the innocent Brazilian Jean Charles de Menezes, raising grave questions over the ‘shoot-to-kill’ policy used to tackle potential suicide bombers.

Though the full details of last week’s raid have yet to emerge, police and security services have claimed that terrorists were planning a chemical attack in London similar to the outrage on the Tokyo underground.

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Posted at: 22:01 | Permalink | Comments 190

The head teacher at Summerhill, the unorthodox Suffolk independent school where children are allowed to skip lessons, has said her staff often cuddle their pupils - despite inspectors' concerns.

Attacking "nanny state" mindset of many schools, Zoe Neill Redhead said it was "daft" to prevent children over eight from sleeping in mixed-sex bedrooms and condemned the mentality that has discouraged schools from taking children on trips.

Mrs Neill Redhead also criticised today's parents for being too lenient with their offspring. "Now the Summerhill community finds itself in the role of disciplinarian," she said.

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Posted at: 00:01 | Permalink | Comments 52

World Cup fever has gripped Britain like never before.

Alongside the flags, posters and replica kits are dog hammocks with the cross of St George. Women's underwear, car tyres and credit cards bear the crimson cross. There's even a musical drinks coaster that plays the Great Escape.

Asda expects to sell almost 250,000 flags by the end of the tournament. Will you be flying one? Or do they make you think of the BNP?

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Posted at: 00:01 | Permalink | Comments 96

John Prescott has been forced to give up his grace-and-favour weekend retreat Dorneywood in the face of growing calls for his resignation.

The decision to hand over the Buckinghamshire country home comes weeks after Mr Prescott was stripped of his department after revelations of his two-year affair with former diary secretary Tracey Temple.

Mr Prescott sought to retain Dorneywood following the scandal, but his use of the property was further called into question when photographs showing him playing croquet in its grounds hours after Tony Blair left for Washington surfaced last week.

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Posted at: 12:45 | Permalink | Comments 102

Water bills have risen on average by 15pc in the past two years, yet households in the south of England face a hosepipe ban while reservoirs in the north are full to overflowing.

At the same time, water companies are raking it in. The sector’s aggregate profit is expected to be 15pc higher at £2bn this year. But in the 17 years since privatisation the leaks haven’t stopped. The equivalent of three Lake Windermeres drains away every year.

On the other hand, water was woefully underinvested when the industry was in public hands. Since privatisation, for every £2 companies have made in profits £3 has been invested in equipment and maintenance.

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Posted at: 09:15 | Permalink | Comments 30

After a wave of controversy over the fairness of Britain’s divorce settlements, the economics of breaking up is once again on the agenda.

Law reform advisers have suggested giving financial rights to unmarried partners who split up after a period of cohabitation, a move that could affect some two million couples who live together in England and Wales.

The Law Commission provisionally proposes that a partner who has enjoyed an economic advantage as a result of cohabitation should have to compensate the party who has been financially disadvantaged by the relationship.

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Posted at: 00:01 | Permalink | Comments 64