Nina Grunfeld's 'Get a life'

Nina Grunfeld advises on how to build better relationships with professional people

What is it about dealing with bankers, doctors and lawyers that makes us nervous? Is it because it implies that there's a problem, or at least a potential problem?

You are probably visiting a doctor because you are ill or worried that you may be ill. Perhaps you're going to see a lawyer because you want to write a will, or an accountant because you have to pay your taxes.

I'd like you to walk into your next meeting with your bank manager or lawyer confident that it is going to work for both of you - after all, you are the client.

So what could make you feel more like a client? Knowing what you want is key.

No professional can solve your problem. He can advise you on your options, but he can't make your decisions for you, so do as much thinking as you can before you go and be clear about what you want.

If it helps, you could even write down a short history of the problem you want advice on and an outline of the questions you want answered, and send them in advance. Failure to communicate can be a big stumbling block.

When you seek the advice of professional people, be yourself. Whatever you do, don't try to impress them. It's up to them to impress you. Use your own language - don't even attempt to speak theirs - and make sure they use your language back to you.

You have to understand what they're talking about, so don't let them blind you with science (or law or money or medicine).

Take a pen and paper, so you can write everything down in case you forget things afterwards. Bring a friend. Stay calm. And remember to breathe.

Finally, if you want results, be succinct, helpful and respectful. Don't ask your accountant how you can fiddle your taxes, or your lawyer to make up a false story for you. Professionals are more than hired hands, they have standards and your relationship will not improve if you don't respect that. Remember, you're the client.

When you seek advice

• Know what you want. Discuss your problem with other people, write down a list of the pros and cons and see how much you can understand of the matter ahead of your meeting.

• If possible, let the person you are about to see know beforehand the reason for your visit.

• If you don't understand what your doctor or lawyer is saying, ask him to repeat it. The more professional he is, the easier he'll find it to explain things in a language you understand.