What does your underwear say about you? Jeremy Langmead reveals all - and wryly imagines what Britain's leading men might be hiding The subject of a gentleman's underwear was, until recently, kept much like the garments themselves - under wraps. They were there for function, not decoration and, on the whole, were chosen (and washed) by the wife rather than the wearer. | |  | | Cheeky chap: Vernon Kay |
Things have changed. Today we are more than happy to hold a public debate about pants. Newsnight's Jeremy Paxman considers their gussets a perfectly acceptable subject for a colourful email discussion with M&S's Sir Stuart Rose; David Beckham is more than happy to show off his latest Armani "budgie-smugglers" while splayed, legs akimbo, across giant billboards; and most teenagers today seem to favour loose-waisted jeans that slip below the hips to reveal as much of their underwear as possible. Paxman, who has been invited to hand over his pants to M&S's technical experts for testing after his complaints about the quality of their gussets, exclaimed yesterday: "Nothing I have ever done - interviewing Michael Howard, asking Tony Blair whether he prays with George Bush, nothing - has elicited such a response. I have been deluged with emails; strangers have accosted me in the street saying, 'Good on you'. There is a real issue here." Like everything today, choosing underwear is a complex matter; no easier than getting to grips with the new iPhone. There is a vast array of shapes, sizes, materials and even trends to choose from. The days when you only had a choice between patterned or plain are long gone. This guide to the underwear styles available and the kinds of men who favour them will make things a little clearer. THE Y-FRONT BRIEF After a few years in the fashion doldrums, the Y-front - a snug-fitting brief dating back to the 1930s, with a soft, elasticated waist and easy-access fly - has made a triumphant return and outsells the boxer short. At the top end of the range, you have your Armanis, Bosses and Dolces; in mostly sober tones such as white, black and grey, they sell in department stores for around the £20 mark. For louder, new-style Y-fronts, look to brands such as Diesel (diesel.com), Replay (replay.it) and swimwear manufacturer Aussiebum (aussiebum.com), whose cheeky fluoro-coloured Wonderjocks are engineered to lift and enhance a man's assets. For locker-room show-offs, fun-loving Canadian label Ginch Gonch (£16.95, 95 per cent cotton, five per cent Lycra, from iwantpants.com) does a collection of low-rise, cowboy-inspired Y-front briefs. Mid-range - and currently popular among men in their twenties - are the brightly coloured retro Y-fronts from American Apparel (£8, 100 per cent organic cotton, 020 7734 4477, americanapparel.co.uk). At the more accessible end of the market, Marks & Spencer - despite what Jeremy Paxman says - does a perfectly acceptable multi-pack (three for £8, 100 per cent cotton, 0845 302 1234, marksandspencer.com). Even if they tend to display a lack of flair, style and spending power, they're still popular: M&S shifts 32 million pairs a year, or one in every five pairs sold on the British high street. Who wears them? There are two distinct categories of men. First, you have your middle-aged intellectuals who are far too busy to notice that more pant, rather than less, is preferable at their stage of life. They will be traditionalists for whom clothes are there to cover up, keep warm and look okay on the telly, if that's what your job entails. As well as Jeremy Paxman and John Major, I imagine Michael Heseltine and Barry Humphries as old-style Y-fronters. And then there are the fit twentysomethings who, having spent a fortune on a personal trainer three mornings a week, hate the idea of hiding any of their toned flesh away. If you've got it, flaunt it, they will conclude. A host of expensively packaged designer underwear will be neatly folded in their maplewood closets, having been painstakingly ironed by the daily. They will also appreciate the fact that briefs are less likely to spoil the smooth silhouette of their slim-fitting Prada suits. New-style Y-fronters include most Premier Division footballers, particularly David Beckham - and I can imagine designer Tom Ford and TV presenter Vernon Kay, near left, wearing the same. THE BOXER BRIEF A cross between boxer shorts and briefs, the thigh-hugging boxer brief - or midway - is made from stretch cotton or a Lycra mix that gives a fitted look and ensures a greater hold. Popularised in the 1990s by a Calvin Klein billboard featuring Mark Wahlberg, this pant is still widely stocked; Calvin Klein has an impressive selection in both cotton and high-tech sports fabrics (from £16 for 95 per cent cotton, with elastine, 020 3100 2800, calvinklein.com).  | | | Current king of the posing pouch: Peter Stringfellow |
Who wears them? The underwear equivalent of sitting on the fence, the midway is popular among LibDems. Men in their early forties are also keen, especially those who want to appear trendy but are not sure they've got the physique to work a Y-front. Midway-wearers buy their own underwear and are just a bit too proud of that. I suggest wearers might include Philip Schofield and Richard Madeley. THE G-STRING This itsy-bitsy pouch pant should be worn only in hydrotherapy spas and colonic-irrigation treatment centres, but they still sell - mainly to porn stars, fat people and men in their late fifties who enjoy holidays on nudist beaches. If you insist, there is a disturbing selection on offer in Selfridges stores nationwide, as well as in specialist outlets; look out for brands such as Hom (£10, cotton with Lycra, 01793 720330, hom-fashion.co.uk). Who wears them? It's the men who shouldn't go near G-strings who do. The current king of the posing pouch is Peter Stringfellow, below, who is happy to upset innocent beachgoers as he waddles around on holiday with barely a figleaf as cover-up. I've no idea who would wear a G-string, but I can imagine Paul Daniels, Jimmy Savile and Sir Alan Sugar in such a garment. THE BOXER SHORT A practical, classic and very British approach to the nether region. When choosing, pick a slim-fitting design. If there's too much material, the cotton will bunch up and pad out your trousers unattractively. At the top end of the market, I would recommend pairs by Brooks Brothers (£15, 100 per cent cotton, 020 3238 0030, brooksbrothers.com). Less exclusive but equally acceptable, try Gap (£8, 100 per cent cotton, 0800 011 1427, gap.com). Who wears them? The perfect attire for the modern politician, and a smattering of tycoons: boxers are favoured by men who don't feel the need to advertise their wares. David Cameron and Gordon Brown both look like boxer short-wearers, as do Sir Rocco Forte and Zac Goldsmith. There is also a new, younger boxer fan - from the hip-hop princes who get theirs from Tommy Hilfiger, to the skateboard dudes who pair theirs with baggy, beltless jeans that fall down. • Jeremy Langmead is the editor of 'Esquire' | 
