Gawker: Brandon Davis

Now Soylent Green Can Be Made Out of Him!

ian spiegelman — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 12:43:29 EDT

Actor/NRA man Charlton Heston's hands grew cold, dead.
We had a thoughful discussion about Battlestar Galactica's season premiere.
A Princeton kid discovered drugs on campus!
Unfunny comedian Dane Cook got even more unfunnier.
Former Gawker chief Choire Sicha actually got Elizabeth Berkley to say something funny. But the LA Times cut it.
Oil-heir-loser-with-no-reason-to-live Brandon Davis casually flung the N-word at a man and then cowered.

Why is Brandon Davis Alive?

ian spiegelman — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 10:38:44 EDT

I hate TMZ, truly, I do. But I hate pudgy rich homicide-victim-in-waiting Brandon Davis even more. So here's the sniveling little shit dropping the N-bomb.

Britney Losing Furs, Cars, Insanity

Ryan Tate — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 06:23:11 EDT

Britney Spears can't have nice things because men will take them from her. Yesterday her dad got permission from a judge to sell off at least some of the singer's cars, and it emerged that former hanger-on Sam Lutfi allegedly intercepted "hundreds of thousands of dollars worth" of jewelry, fur coats and other luxury items intended for Spears.
On the bright side, Spears may actually be getting healthier under her father's conservatorship: The cast of How I Met Your Mother claims she was "surprisingly easy to work with." Star Neil Patrick Harris said she was "rather shy and intimidated." Classic politician's gambit: Set expectations low, then exceed them!
Designer Donatella Versace will be a live mannequin at Barneys today. [P6]
Tom Cruise historically does this weird thing where he will sometimes awkwardly make "friends" with people for PR reasons, and fellow actor Will Smith is his newest victim. Cruise has been basically stalking Smith, flying to New York for his movie opening and surprising him at Smith's Hollywood Walk of Fame installation. The horrific result: Charitable Smith and his wife donated $20,000 to a Scientology literacy campaign. [Fox]
Michael Stipe of ancient alternaband REM is gay and about to say so in Spin. [P6]
Here is a picture of actor Ashton Kutcher in tight Calvin Klein briefs, to kick off or ruin your morning. [LA Rag Mag]
Madonna's flack said the singer's marriage to Guy Ritchie is a happy one and the whole family is "joyfully back together" after the wife and husband finished far-flung movie projects. Page Six is so not buying it and points out that, to the Brit ear, Ritchie clearly has an affected gangland accent that sounds as fake over there as Madonna's faux-British accents sounds in the U.S.
The whole thing about actor George Clooney returning to TV show ER was, of course, total bullshit. [People]
Perez Hilton does not seem to realize Amy Winehouse has an actual skin disorder and registered a false drug-related accusation against the singer-druggie, perhaps the first in her entire life. [Perez]
Oil heir Brandon Davis is now disrupting lives in California instead of South Florida. He made a scene at designer Lauren Conrad's fashion show and was removed by security [P6]
Kirstin Davis of Sex and the City is not the one in that porn photo allegedly from a sex tape. [OK, P6]

Every Detail Is Perfectly Ironic

rebecca — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:18:26 EST

This week Village Voice columnist and flip-flop with socks wearer Michael Musto recreated Lindsay Lohan's recreation of Marilyn Monroe's last photo shoot because nothing says "Pultizer" like drag (Does it count as drag if you're naked? -ed). A small point that might have gotten overlooked as you held in your vomit: Musto's ass has "Fire Crotch" airbrushed in. Hey, Musto, you owe Brandon Davis a nickel. [La Daily Musto]

Brandon Davis No Longer Getting By On His Charm, Inheritance

rebecca — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 12:10:34 EST

Is international asshole and oil heir Brandon Davis broke? He's been bumming money off friends and asking strangers to buy him drinks. But this is the same international asshole and oil heir who was detained at Syndney International airport in January for carrying too much cash around. Rumors of Davis getting cut off have been going around since July, but maybe he just forgot to deposit his allowance this month. Rich people don't understand that regular people don't casually lend out thousands of dollars (unless you are trying to buy an over-valued home). Perhaps he's just asking for loans and drinks because of the "asshole" bit. The man should be living large off royalties from coining "firecrotch" alone. [P6]

Kate Moss' Scary Side

Ryan Tate — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 08:19:11 EST

London tabloid Daily Mail snickered at Kate Moss' bony knees during Moss' night on the town with her rocker boyfriend, but what about the frightening shot of her face at left? The tab writes, under that photo, "Kate's hard-partying ways are beginning to show on the world beauty." Or maybe it's just the tint on the limo glass? [Mail]
Britney Spears was not allowed to go to the bathroom alone, call anyone or touch the mail, but she was allowed to order something called a "lobster burger."
Lily Allen had a miscarriage, broke up with her lover and her show got low ratings. Now lingerie maker Agent Provocateur is backing out of a modeling deal she trained hard for. Where is Chris Crocker when you need him? [Sun]
Yankee Derek Jeter shut down by actress Sienna Miller, who had no idea who he was. [P6]
Vanessa Hudgens,18, looking cute in an airport. ("Hot" would be creepy still, right? Too soon?) [X17]
After being "inappropriate" with an adult film star during the taping of a reality show, married Daniel Baldwin returned home. Now he's got a black eye.
Oil heir and inventor of the term "firecrotch" Brandon Davis is out of rehab and, surprise, now has a short temper, most recently with some South Beach hotel staff who called the police. Sounds like a certain hotel needs to sign up for the Russell Crowe Celebrity Sensitivity Training Workshops. [P6]
Jessica Simpson is blocking a video she starred in, because it might possibly have some redeeming social value. [P6]
After all the pussies canceled their Oscar parties, which diehard queen was left standing? Elton Fucking John, that's who. [P6]
Michael Bolton is engaged to an actress from Desperate Housewives in an attempt to create the most sickening wedding ever. [Daily News]

Britney Spears May Yet Still Lose Those Kids!

Emily Gould — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 09:00:00 EST

Kevin Federline is dragging Britney Spears back into court because of her erratic driving—she recently ran a red light with the kids in the backseat. [Us Weekly]

It's okay with retired Supreme Court justice Sandra Day O'Connor that her husband is having an affair, because he has Alzheimer's and his nursing home hand-holding has given him a new lease on life. Aw/ew. [NYP]

Stylists forced to touch the head of oil heir Brandon Davis wore rubber gloves. [Page Six]

Ashley Olsen And Lance Armstrong: Is This A Joke?

Choire — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 09:00:18 EDT

Why are Ashley Olsen and Lance Armstrong parading their PDAs around the town's hotspots? Although! Page Six says they were dining at Waverly Inn together on Tuesday—but the photographic evidence says that Ashley was actually dining with Sting, Slash and Stephen Fry. No Lance shows up in the paparazzi photos. [Page Six, Image: Splash Photos]

Alleged oil heir Brandon Davis is in town; please avoid the greasy wingnut on your travels. [Rush & Molloy]

Heather Mills owes $3 million in legal bills so far in her endless divorce from Paul McCartney and says they're going to kill her just like they killed Princess Di. Oh sugar no! Also she is tired of being called a whore and a gold digger. Well, ya gotta spend money to make money! (Um, whore!) [Page Six, Gatecrasher]

Posh And Becks, America Is Yours!

Choire — Thu, 19 Jul 2007 09:00:44 EDT

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes and Jada Pinkett-Smith and Will Smith (nice four-some!) are throwing the "Welcome to America" party for Posh and Becks this weekend. "Invitations went out all over Hollywood . . . they were printed on red velvet with tacky gold lettering." [Page Six]

Heather Mills willing to walk away from marriage to Paul McCartney for just $102 million. That's so sweet! [Page Six]

Steve Martin is finally going to marry former New Yorker staffer and former Derek Walcott assistant Anne Stringfield! [Rush & Molloy]

"I ran into Brandon Davis in the men's room at Beige, Erich Conrad's long-running Tuesday night gay party at the Bowery Bar. Weird, huh?" [Gatecrasher]

Even Lindsay Lohan Probably Has Nude Photos

Choire — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 09:00:04 EDT

If we have to see naked pictures of Lindsay Lohan in the course of our job duties, we will sue someone. Maybe it'll be this person, who claims that Lindsay confirmed the naked pictures via Gchat. We imagine this is just what Larry Page and Sergey Brin invented Gmail for. Oddest statement ever from publicist Leslie Sloane Zelnik: "Anything is possible." Isn't it though? [Page 6]

Did oily oil and movie studio heir and "firecrotch"-coiner Brandon Davis get cut off by the family? GOOD. [Gatecrasher]

Dane Cook not gay, just heinous. [Page 6]

DJ AM single. Uh, go get him, ladies. [Page 6]

Gossip Roundup: Brandon Davis Hates Himself

Emily Gould — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 09:10:30 EST

What makes Brandon Davis's anti-Arab slurred slurs against Paula Abdul (sorta, in an Alanis way) ironic? The fact that he's half-Turkish. Oho! [Gatecrasher]

Are Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes spawning again? A source at La Petite Tresor, Hollywood's most loose-lipped baby accoutrements store, seems to think so.[TMZ]

Kevin Federline is classily trying to shill rights to cover his birthday bash. [Page Six]

Boy, it's nice to know that the redevelopment of Greenpoint's waterfront will be carried out by people who really understand the neighborhood. People like Magic Johnson! [NYP]

Justin Timberlake and Timbaland will help Britney get back on her feet when the time is right. [EW]

Gossip Roundup: Brandon Davis Classes Up Paris Bash

Emily Gould — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 08:54:53 EST

Brandon Davis, the oil heir who's 'famous' for coining "firecrotch" and for being the ugliest man ever to date Mischa Barton, caused quite a ruckus at Paris Hilton's zillionth 26th birthday party. At one point, he picked up Courtney Love and told her "I want to squirt on you." Horrors. [R&M]

Jason Alexander, Britney Spears' first husband, says that the currently rehabbing singer once OD'd on pure MDMA in his presence: "I thought, 'This bitch is going to f—king die right here in front of me.'" [NYDN]

Lou Pearlman is the man responsible for NSYNC and the Backstreet Boys — and, it now seems, for defrauding more than 1,400 investors out of $317 million. [NYP]

Times fashion critic Cathy Horyn is ruffling feathers by sniping at Dolce & Gabbanna on her blog after being banned from their Milan show. [WWD, 2nd item]

In which Page Six tactfully points out that Peter O'Toole is old. [Page Six]

Daniel "the most fucked up" Baldwin shared his sobriety tips with rehab compatriot Britney. [Us Weekly]

Gossip Roundup: Brandon Davis Loves Frenchies

Emily Gould — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 11:18:18 EST

Factory Girl director George Hickenlooper was "forcibly ejected" from oily heir Brandon Davis's hotel room for... not being French or medicated enough? [Transom]

Speaking of trashy hotel rooms, who do you think is the "old-school MC" who managed to get vom on the ceiling of his? [Gatecrasher, last item]

TrimSpa CEO Alex Goen casts aspersions on the veracity of those Anna Nicole fridge photos. Seriously, how dare they imply she used Slimfast! [NYDN]

Mario Batali and his fingerling won a round in the battle against their bad landlord. [Page Six]

Howard Stern is going to marry his girlfriend. [Us Weekly]

Can Brit singer Robbie Williams kick prescription drugs? Yes he can! [AFP]

Lindsay Lohan Is Already On Step 5!

Emily Gould — Fri, 29 Dec 2006 09:30:00 EST

For those few Gawker readers who don't have 'em memorized, that's the "admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs" one. And it should come as no surprise, really — we were there, after all, for Step 4 ("Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves"): Lindsay inventoried her morals and encouraged us to do the same in her pithy Altman eulogy. And now, Lindsay is running around town apologizing — yesterday, she made up with the strippers who she'd called "whores" and "cunts," and today, according to Page Six, she reached a similar rapprochement with producer Scott Storch, forgiving him for producing "Brandon Davis's 'firecrotch' song" (what??) and, quite possibly, for the crime against humanity he committed by enabling Paris Hilton to record an album. Brava, Linds — only a week into your recovery, and you've come so far! We're looking forward to step 8: "Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all." We're expecting a fruit basket; that crotch shot scarred us for life.

Forgiveness [Page Six]

Gossip Roundup: Firecrotch to Simmer Down

suki — Mon, 16 Oct 2006 13:30:00 EDT

Lindsay Lohan wants a break from whatever it is that she does for living. [MSNBC]

Speaking of whom, her nemesis and oil heir Brandon Davis can't pay for his Girls Gone Wild DVDs. [Page Six]

Infant saved from Madonna, returned to safety and comfort of Malawi orphanage. [NYDN]

Petra Nemcova regains hearing, dumps James Blunt [BWE]

Nick is like, so over Jessica, he won't stop talking about it. [Gatecrasher]

Are you sure you're strong enough to be her man? [Egotastic]

Gossip Roundup: Brandon Davis Sings of Firecrotch

Jessica — Thu, 17 Aug 2006 13:00:58 EDT

• Oh thank God, Brandon Davis is fucked up again. The drunken oil heir climbed on stage at a Miami club and told the crowd he'd written a special new song called "Firecrotch," just for Lindsay Lohan. Hope it's a B-side on Paris Hilton's single. [Page Six]
• Britney Spears to name her second child "Accident." That is, at least until the poor thing gets eaten by K-Fed's pet sharks. [Scoop]
• Jessica Simpson fires her agent after the poor soul dared to get in a fight with her father, Joe Simpson. [Us Weekly]
• This one's a stretch, but: Christie Brinkley's estranged, philandering husband Peter Cook is such a bad man, his son had to miss a Little League game. [Page Six]
• Howard Stern couldn't attend the funeral for his producer's father because girlfriend Beth Ostrosky broke her ankle. Whore. [R&M (2nd item)]

Gossip Roundup: Bored With Ryan Cabrera, Joe Simpson Hunts Nick Lachey

Jessica — Mon, 17 Jul 2006 13:15:54 EDT

• Daddy stalks best: In the seven months between Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson's separation, dad Joe Simpson was keeping a close eye on Nick, asking clubs for security footage from when Nick was present with Vanessa Minnillo and CaCee Cobb. [Gatecrasher]
• Meanwhile, faux-troubled Entertainment Tonight hostess Minnillo pisses off her neighbors by dating the paparazzi and Nick Lachey; fellow co-op residents much preferred ex-boyfriend Derek Jeter, whose autograph was actually worth something. [Page Six]
• Christie Brinkley leaves 4th husband Peter Cook after learning that he's been banging a 19-year-old assistant at his architecture firm — the ultimate blow to an aging supermodel's self-esteem. [NYDN]
• Rapper claims that her former assistant who is charging her with abuse and harassment is a liar; the woman, Rasheeda Ellis, lied about references and tried to leak Brown's personal emails to two gossip reporters. Come to think of it, Lloyd Grove does seem to write quite a bit about Foxy. [Page Six]
• Paris Hilton and Brandon Davis enter the "friends with privileges" stage. We can't think of two people who deserve each other's herpes more. [TMZ]
• Did you hear about those two drunks at Soho House? [Lowdown]

Gossip Roundup: Lohan Returns to the Magic Kingdom

Jessica — Tue, 11 Jul 2006 13:00:25 EDT

• Disneyland stays open until midnight for Lindsay Lohan, so that Mickey might get high from her special secondhand smoke. On the darkened riverboat cruise that concluded her evening, Lohan made the happiest place on earth a little more so by blowing rails of Tinkerbell's fairy dust. [MiceAge]
• Diddy now asks that you refer to him as Puff. And if you openly mock him, you can expect the support of onlookers and pedicab drivers. [Page Six]
• At a shop in London, a salesgirl refuses to take Naomi Campbell's credit card; the girl apparently didn't believe it was actually Campbell making the purchase. Campbell stormed out of the store; salesgirl miraculously escapes unharmed. [Female First]
• Brandon Davis is out of rehab; Los Angeles drug dealers stock up in anticipation. [Gatecrasher (2nd to last)]
• Always on the urban beat, Lloyd Grove reports that rapper Foxy Brown is facing misdemeanor charges of harassing her former assistant with threatening emails. Emails? Whatever happened to the hardcore bitchslap? [Lowdown]
• The good news: drooling virgins will finally be able to see Natalie Portman naked. The bad news: they'll have to sit through an entire Goya biopic. [Page Six]
• Elle MacPherson assumes her role as the lead Hot Tuna. [Bloomberg]

Gossip Roundup: Brandon Davis Removes His IV of Cocaine, Enters Rehab

Jessica — Fri, 16 Jun 2006 11:50:45 EDT

• Brandon Davis checks into Malibu's Passages rehab center, not to be confused with Malibu's Promises rehab center. For $75,000 a month, they'll help Davis treat his addiction to firecrotches and Paris Hilton's coke spoon. [InTouch]
• Unfortunately for Page Six, their top story is that Davis had refused to go. Those damn newspaper deadlines. [Page Six]
• For the first time, Tom Cruise has had a project taken away from him and given to a less crazy movie star by the name of George Clooney. We're still conflicted about Clooney, but he's better than Cap'n Crazyfuck. [Fox411]
• Vince Vaughn's mother invests $25 million into a fraudulent hedge fund. Vince Vaughn invests $25 million into keeping her away from the family bank account. [R&M]
• Kevin Federline has a job — and, unlike the hip-hop gig, this one pays actual money. He's modeling for Blue Marlin clothing, and Britney's so proud that he can sit still for the cameras like a big boy. [Page Six]
• Michael Eisner has no idea where he is, what he's done, or who he's talking to. [Lowdown]
• PETA goes after Beyonce Knowles, interrupting her overpriced omakase at Nobu to interrogate her about the use of fur in her clothing line. TMZ has the video, but it just shows Solange Knowles looking bored out of her mind. [TMZ]

Gossip Roundup: 'People' Kidnaps Shiloh for $4.1m

Jessica — Tue, 06 Jun 2006 12:17:12 EDT

• And the award goes to... People magazine, who won the Getty Images' first pictures of baby Shiloh for a mere $4.1 million. Props to Getty for making them scramble and outbid each other until 6 in the morning. [Page Six]
• While you organize a hunger strike until People publishes the pics, do enjoy the questionable image at right. At any rate, the baby's lips look real. [Dlisted]
• Former ReganBooks slave Bridie Clark pulls a Weisberger and skewers Judith Regan in her forthcoming roman a clef, Because She Can. If the movie looks half as good as Devil Wears Prada, we approve. [Lowdown]
• Crazy Barbara Davis defends her greasy grandson Brandon's comments about Lindsay Lohan's firecrotch, telling people that Lindsay and Brandon are dating now. Not true, says Lohan's rep, but delusional old ladies sure are cute. [Page Six]
• Delusional teen talents are cute, too: Lindsay Lohan drops out her latest project, Bill, because the directors aren't as awesome as Brett Ratner. [IMDb]
• Nicole Kidman schedules her June 25 wedding to Keith Urban for the evening hours, so as to thwart the paparazzi. If she'd just give in and let Getty take some pictures, Nicole could use the money to feed all of Angelina's Namibian leftovers. [Scoop]
• Born-again Christian Stephen Baldwin is irrelevant because the Lord wants it that way. [R&M]
• Elapsed time since Britney and K-Fed were last photographed together: 97 days and counting. [Us Weekly]

Gossip Roundup: Britney Just Might Be Done With Carrying K-Fed's Seed, Once and for All

Jessica — Fri, 26 May 2006 12:00:59 EDT

• America's first couple, Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, may no longer be rolling in the filth of their wedded bliss. Brit's publicist refuses to deny that they've split, and in the court of celebrity trash, silence is an admission of divorce. If the sweet sounds of "Popozao" can't save a marriage, can anything? [Mirror UK]
• After signing a $6 million deal with Miramax Books for her memoirs, Barbara Walters has weaseled her way out of the contract in pursuit of a better deal elsewhere. If Hillary Clinton can get $8 million for her autobiography, then certainly Babs can fetch just as much. The face-lifts aren't going to pay for themselves, you know. [Page Six]
• Having worked for everyone in Hollywood, jailbird P.I. Anthony Pellicano may have worked with Israeli mobsters — a natural climb up the Power Jew ladder. [R&M]
• Brandon Davis issues an official apology to Lindsay Lohan after calling her a firecrotch. He's also "horrified" by that bit about her seven-foot-long clitoris, and considers the freckles coming out of her vagina to be "reprehensible." [Page Six]
• Fox News' Kimberly Guilfoyle is set to marry male socialite Eric Villency in Barbados tomorrow — and just in time, too, as she's 5 months pregnant. We can't have a bastard baby around Murdoch's house. [Lowdown]

Remainders: Come Give Al a Hug!

Jessica — Wed, 24 May 2006 19:00:57 EDT

• Al Roker continues to amaze the denizens of Philly, revealing that he is, as suspected, a hugger. As is Matt Lauer. Katie Couric? [Insert controversial pause] Sure, guess you could say she's a hugger, too. In fact, the entire staff of the Today show molests one another daily. Except for Ann Curry. No one will touch her. [NBC10]
• So who screamed at Brandon Davis, berating him for revealing Lindsay Lohan's clit length and demanding that he "take a shower"? This girl, that's who. And she's Lindsay's biggest fan, so step the fuck off. [BWE]
• MySpace isn't just for greasy hipsters and perverse predators — it's also for wannabe Playmates. [TMZ]
• Judge a book by its cover. [Book Covers]
• To Do, This Weekend: fuck a sailor, and fuck him good. Then tell everyone you know before realizing what you've done, then go get a STD test. [NY Sun]
• Mike Myers and his hockey stick are thisclose to joining Yonah Schimmel's and ABC No Rio as LES institutions. [Cityrag]
• Seriously, Frank Bruni, could you make us love you any more? Stop it! It's unnatural, this affection! [NYT]
• Meet the Harvard-Yale lovematch from hell. You may feel inferior now, but just wait until they move into their first Park Avenue penthouse and they start throwing crystal vases at one another. [Julia Allison]

Remainders: Everybody Hates Brandon.

Jessica — Mon, 22 May 2006 19:00:25 EDT

• The cameras of TMZ.com never rest: last week they caught Brandon Davis waxing philosophical on the nature of Lindsay Lohan's crotch, this week they document the LA nightlife backlash as a woman screams at him to take a shower and derides him for getting his money "from daddy." As if that's an insult? [TMZ]
• Former New Jersey governor and proud 'mo Jim McGreevy reads excerpts from his new book, an erotic tale of his anonymous rest stop hookups. [Star-Ledger]
• Quote of the day, courtesy of Ghostface Killa: "New York be bullshitting. Right now, I say fuck New York. Yeah, I'm from New York, but fuck New York. Because niggas is pussy." [Prefix]
• In live theater, distracting the actors just might get you backstage, where you can confuse David Schwimmer and piss off Zeljko Ivanek. [BroadwayWorld]
• Life imitates art, at least if you're a Sopranos fan: the body of a man who'd been beaten to death was found behind the Cafe Bada Bing. [NYT]
• As Memorial Day weekend draws near, the four horsemen of the Hamptons apocalypse prepare to open their doors to thousands of devoted Wet Seal fans. [NYM]
• A bird flu awareness night in Newark is marked by a chicken wing eating contest. In Jersey, the jokes just write themselves. [Newark Bears]

Gossip Roundup: Brandon Davis Apologizes to the Firecrotch

Jessica — Mon, 22 May 2006 11:50:14 EDT

• Oil heir Brandon Davis claims to have called Lindsay Lohan and apologized for calling her firecrotch no less than ten times in a video aired last week on TMZ.com. Of course, this development comes via Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis, so the only thing we believe thus far is that this whole story reads like a dealer's address book. [Page Six]
• Incoming View-ette Rosie O'Donnell isn't tip-toeing around fading co-host Star Jones. Here's hoping the two share at least one tense, bitchy episode together before Jones is shown the door. [Lowdown (2nd item)]
• Welcome to the twilight zone: Brian Grazer makes out with Bai Ling; Jamie-Lynn Sigler, Laguna Beach's Talan Torriero. [Gatecrasher]
• Former ER star Alex Kingston claims she was turned down for Felicity Huffman's role on Desperate Housewives because she was too "curvy." And this is shocking because? [Scoop]
• Ivanka Trump blind item? [R&M (last item)]
• In his divorce from Heather Mills, Paul McCartney is determined to get custody of his 2-year-old daughter Beatrice, if only so he can prove to himself that he can raise at least one daughter who doesn't hate him. [Page Six]

Gossip Roundup: Lohan Fights Back the Only Way She Knows How

Jessica — Thu, 18 May 2006 12:05:22 EDT

• After Paris Hilton's new BFF Brandon Davis hurled an a-bomb of videotaped insults at Lindsay Lohan (who, if you recall, has freckles coming out of her vagina), Lohan exacts revenge by using her tongue to massage the tonsils of Paris' ex, Starvos Niarchos. [Page Six]
• Now that Couric is leaving the Today show, publishers are hungry for her unauthorized biography. Ed Klein is foaming at the mouth. [R&M]
• Meanwhile, not content to be left in the morning show dust, Diane Sawyer makes a subtle, attorney-driven play for the World News Tonight desk. [Page Six]
• Brett Ratner would love to photograph nude women, particularly Lindsay Lohan's 7-foot-long clitoris. [Lowdown]
• Authorities have decided to prosecute "other" Baldwin brother Daniel on cocaine charges. He faces 18 months in jail and, for once, people knowing his name. [CourtTV]
• Jessica Simpson insists that she didn't fire her best friend/assistant CaCee Cobb. She fired a two-timing skank who wouldn't stop being friendly with Nick Lachey. [IMDb]

Gossip Roundup: Mischa Barton Breaks Brandon Davis' Booze-Soaked Heart

Jessica — Wed, 20 Jul 2005 12:15:50 EDT

• Oil heir Brandon Davis isn't taking too well to being dumped by The O.C. star Mischa Barton. Apparently he's down in Tijuana, passed out in an alley from taking too many sleeping pills and tequila shots. [Lowdown (last item)]
• Tom Cruise has Scientology, Madonna has Kabbalah, and now director David Lynch has transcedental meditation. Finally, Lynch is normal, if only by default. [Page Six]
• Jude Law continues to beg for his fiancée Sienna Miller's forgiveness, but she's not wearing her ring. If we were the supportive types, we'd be shouting something along the lines of, "You go, girl!" But we're not, so we won't. [R&M]
• Al Pacino, Rose McGowan, vomit, rinse, repeat. [Page Six]