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Douchebags

Nightmare Online Dater John Fitzgerald Page Is The Worst Person In The World

Hey, remember that wannabe i-banker douchebag Alexsey Vayner and his insanely braggy resume video? Do you recall Eric Schaeffer, the failed writer/director who hates women and blogs about how he can't believe he's still single? Well, what if they met and married and through some breakthrough in medical science had a baby? He would probably grow up to be something along the lines of Atlanta's John Fitzgerald Page, who in addition to working in corporate finance, being a part-time trainer, and being available for work as a "costumed character" or a "stand-in," also somehow finds the time in his day to be a colossal, mindbogglingly douchey douchebag to girls he meets on Match.com! more »

11:50 AM ON THU OCT 11 2007
BY EMILY
120,508 views, 1938 comments

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we get letters

World's Worst Person John Fitzgerald Page's "Official Response"

Know why we are special? Because while Atlantan internet-dating nightmare John Fitzgerald Page only saw fit to address you via an open letter on his website, he sent us a personal message with the subject line, "My official response." It has all the elements that made the original email to a woman who'd rejected his advances on Match.com so attention gettingly douchey, but instead of telling us how fat and ugly we must be because we don't want to date him, he explains to us that we're lucky he's not getting his "legal team involved." more »

5:00 PM ON FRI OCT 12 2007
BY EMILY
9,942 views, 183 comments

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WoW

A Note From "THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD"

Nightmare online dater and "no fat chicks" policy-haver John Fitzgerald Page has updated his website. "Stalin. Hitler. Bin Laden. John Fitzgerald Page. Somehow, I am ranked at #1. My crime - murder? treason? pedophilia? rape? No, worse. A woman winked at me on the internet. I sent her an introdutory email. She tried to rescind her initial wink by saying we weren't a "personality" match . She ascertained that from my first email without ever speaking to me. Here is my crime. Instead of just letting her float away, I let her know that I feel that if you approach me, you should meet my standards and listed facts about myself." IT GOES ON: "The public hanging of me is making many of you happy. The catch-22 for you is that no publicity is bad publicity. I am getting offers for things - movies, books, TV shows. I have turned down every request." DO READ IT.

A Note From "THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD" [John Fitzgerald Page]

2:10 PM ON FRI OCT 12 2007
BY EMILY
11,928 views, 289 comments

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mad pimping

Howard Kurtz Has No Idea Jon Stewart Hates Him

The most engaging part of Howard Kurtz's appearance on The Daily Show last night was Jon Stewart's introduction of the Washington Post media critic: "My guest tonight, Howard Kurtz, known of course... as the inventor of the curtsy." Heh. Kurtz was on the show promoting his new book about the protracted and bloody conflict that has occupied the hearts and minds of the American people for the last four years: The deadly battle for network news ratings. He made his first mistake by saying, without a hint of the irony required to survive on-camera with Stewart, "Well, you've heard of Katie, Brian and Charlie." Stewart, we think, thought Kurtz was a Big Three suck-up whose book didn't so much analyze the networks as adulate them. You can see Kurtz reinforce that impression in this clip, where he extols the bravery, the responsibility, dammit, the independent thinkers, of network news journalists. Stewart, for his part, dealt Kurtz his special brand of passive-aggressive napalm by calling his book "interesting." Twice.

2:47 PM ON FRI OCT 12 2007
BY MAGGIE
3,637 views, 13 comments

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Blue States Lose

Nightlife Of The Living Dumb

"In another version of its utility," wrote Susan Sontag in On Photography, "the camera record justifies. A photograph passes for incontrovertible proof that a given thing happened. The picture may distort; but there is always a presumption that something exists, or did exist, which is like what's in the picture." UNTIL NOW, lady! Here's your weekly roundup of amazing impossible photography from amazing impossible places, courtesy of your host Alex Blagg and the wonderful, horrible, horriful party photographers of Last Night's Party, Cobrasnake, and Ambrel! more »

3:25 PM ON FRI OCT 12 2007
BY ALEX BLAGG
3,962 views, 28 comments

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just guys

Seth Rogen And Judd Apatow's Dude Disciples Celebrate The Victory Of The Nerds

Sweating into his fluffball of jewfro, a heavyset, facially-hairy young man with glasses stepped to the microphone during the Q&A; portion of the New Yorker festival event featuring film critic David Denby in conversation with writer-director Judd Apatow and his protege Seth Rogen. Seth called on him to begin speaking: "Yes, me?" This joke got the second-biggest laugh of the night. But it had some stiff competition. more »

6:00 PM ON MON OCT 8 2007
BY EMILY
10,149 views, 54 comments

gossip women

'Gossip Girl' Creator Cecily von Ziegesar Is Pissed At Her Publisher

"You know you love me," Cecily von Ziegesar signs her Amazon review of her own latest book, the Gossip Girls series prequel It Had To Be You. And you know what? We kinda do, because Cecily has had the balls to risk biting the hand that feeds her by calling her publisher out on doing what sounds like a really incompetent job of publishing her book. more »

3:15 PM ON THU OCT 11 2007
BY EMILY
6,620 views, 54 comments

people who deserve each other

Perez Hilton To Be Deposed In Lindsay Lohan Cocaine Trial Of Century!

Back in July, DJ Samantha Ronson filed a defamation suit against folks who said she'd placed coke in Lindsay Lohan's car. (For those just tuning in, Lindsay Lohan is a rising young starlet and a staple of wholesome Disney films.) Blogger Perez ("Mario Lavandeira") Hilton's posting said that Ronson "planted drugs that were found in Lohan's car after it crashed into a tree in Beverly Hills on May 26, and that she set up her friend to be photographed while under the influence of alcohol," according to AP. For a defamation claim, she must prove somehow that he acted with malice. Says Perez's attorney: "If Ms. Ronson is attempting to get some sort of relief in court and to show that Mario Lavandeira had any malice, I think she's going to a hardware store for milk. It's just not going to happen." Where did they find this guy? Ms. Ronson also stated that she has never "handled" cocaine.

Lohan friend sues blogger for defamation [AP]

2:35 PM ON THU OCT 11 2007
BY CHOIRE
3,181 views, 39 comments

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the gilded age

26-Year-Old Not-At-All Rogue Trader Named Chip Totally Fired

Things are super-fun in finance right now! Richard "Chip" Bierbaum, who is related to megasocialite Tinsley Mortimer (his stepfather is Tinsley's husband Topper's father's brother! Parse that!), and five of his bosses were cruelly let go from Calyon, the i-bank arm of Credit Agricole SA, over monster losses of $353 million. Mr. Bierbaum disputes that any of this is his fault and that he most certainly was not maintaining what the company called an "unusually large market position'' that was "above the authorized limit." He also has a kicky past: a DUI arrest and he went to an unusual school. "Bierbaum characterized it as, 'a place to be for a couple of years relative to public school,' though if you're hung up on labels, it's called a juvenile correctional facility," as Dealbreaker put it. And as one of their commenters put it: "26 years old + trading job = $353 million loss." Or? Maybe he really is a fall guy for an unbelievably mismanaged unit. Weirder things have happened!

4:27 PM ON WED OCT 10 2007
BY CHOIRE
6,575 views, 44 comments

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the gossip

TMZ v. Perez Hilton: Which Should You Be Reading?

There are many important factors to take into account when deciding which trash gossip blog best suits your needs. Like: how many times per day would you like to hear about Amy Winehouse? Rosie and the Gays? "Icky icky poo" Bob Barker? How do you feel about the word "shiteous?" Intern Mary has made one of her signature charts, tallying 50 consecutive posts on Friday from both Harvey Levin's AOL/Telepictures (Warner Brothers)-owned gossip site and Mario Armando Lavandeira Jr.'s own place on the web. Which queen of new media should you prefer? It's like, are you hungry for Funyuns or those Andy Capp fries? more »

10:44 AM ON WED OCT 10 2007
BY EMILY
7,605 views, 58 comments

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The Commies

Paging John Fitzgerald Page

Each week, our commenters blab and blab and blab. We used to reward them arbitrarily with a night in our Gold Star Motel. But that was just to get them to shut up. Who will listen to them? Who will care? Not us! But we know who cares: Crazed uber-commenter (and Gawker ad fella) LolCait cares! more »

4:12 PM ON FRI OCT 12 2007
BY SHEILA MCCLEAR
3,152 views, 60 comments

the skin trade

SuicideGirls Magazine: It's 'The Believer' With Boobs

The second issue of the new SuicideGirls Magazine is out, and it's just as high-minded as the first, starting with the subtitle: "Anthology of model-annotated pinup photography and conversations with notable thinkers, artists and authors excerpted from the pioneering website of the same name." No, we are not making this up. Let's peek inside! more »

12:40 PM ON FRI OCT 12 2007
BY SHEILA MCCLEAR
4,070 views, 53 comments

boys will be boys

'Times' Shocked By Fratty I-Banker's Take On Skirts!

Despite having written about it a couple of weeks ago, we continue to receive emails about that self-described "articulate and classy" young woman who put her neck out there on Craigslist, flung caution and etiquette to the wind and flat-out asked if anyone could help her nab a guy with a salary of at least a half-million a year. Okay, so Jane Austen might have been just slightly more subtle, but this (alleged!) lady's tactics have captured the interest of many, including the New York Times, which today ran a piece about the idiot i-banker whose pissy response to our little gold digger included his JPMorgan Chase signature. more »

4:40 PM ON MON OCT 8 2007
BY MAGGIE
12,449 views, 37 comments

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gawker book club

James Lipton's Memoir May Be The Worst Thing Ever

James Lipton, host of Bravo's Inside The Actor's Studio, has a book! It's called Inside Inside and we got our copy today. It's 492 pages long and costs $27.95. If the first two pages are any indication, it might be the most gloriously horrendous book ever written. You have to love a man who starts the memoir of his middle-brow career with an epigraph by Chaucer, from 'The Canterbury Tales': "And gladly wolde he lerne and gladly teche." Nearly as trenchant as Dostoevsky's "Raskolnikov seemed offended." (Crime and Punishment, pg 144.) Or Faulkner's immortal words, "'Such good beer,' she said." (Sanctuary, pg 140.) Except with the added benefit that Chaucer is a) in Middle English and b) in the prologue. Let's face it, Lipton only has time for prologues. He's a busy guy and can barely read. But can he write? You decide. more »

10:30 AM ON FRI OCT 12 2007
BY JOSH
6,058 views, 92 comments

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Transparency

Should We Be On Strike?

Magazine and newspaper advertising folks just don't know what they're missing! While they may have invented the advertorial ad, wherein, say, Washington Post articles get reprinted in ad space, print folks have none of the boundless freedom of online ad folks, who aren't restrained by the physical facts of editorial vs. ad space. Online ad sales is now the most creative editorial job going! Some folks call the online campaigns that get integrated into the full space of the web page a "complete takeover." That's quite an evocative phrase! This morning, this very website is in the hands of the ad department; completely taken over. We need your advice about what to do. Should the editorial department take a stand? more »

9:18 AM ON WED OCT 10 2007
BY CHOIRE
3,369 views, 115 comments

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glaring omissions

"NothingMore than an EmptyDiary of Words for the Vapid&Bored.;"

Glaring Omissions reproduces tips received from readers in the last week that weren't covered on Gawker, either by accident (it happens!) or by design (it happens more often, particularly in the case of ad hominem Internet biliousness). more »

4:40 PM ON FRI OCT 12 2007
BY CHOIRE
1,474 views, 44 comments