Dun really know how to describe my feelings now.. A tinge of fury perfected by huge waves of sadness and disappointment is all I can say.. To me, these few days of freedom should have utmost significance throughout my NS life and to meet up with old friends to catch up on lost times is a sure-to-do thing for every newly enlisted NS man to make their book out days worth looking forward to and a fruitful one. Yet to every other civilian in mainland here, it is just another working day for them or just another day of activity at least, with personal commitments prioritised as most important in their list. No, i'm not blaming anyone.. it's just my luck that all of you have such an activity at such a time of the day.. Looks like "she" is the only person I can look forward to meeting on book-out days.. Fine.. I shall be contented with just that..

Indeed, a fucked up feeling you may say but i'm beginning to like army life more now due to the presence of many newly-forged friendships.. at least you won't feel lonely in any part of any day..

Book-out days are just days for me to catch up on my sleep.. nothing else should matter..

Having fever and sorethroat now.. thanks for the plenty of rest time you all have left me with.. yea thanks alot


NAME ; doesnt matter anymore: 3:25 PM

Friday, January 07, 2005

last entry as a civilian.. gd luck to me.. haha

NAME ; doesnt matter anymore: 11:38 AM

Monday, December 27, 2004

distraught.. ah fuck the emotions la damn it

NAME ; doesnt matter anymore: 10:16 PM

Sunday, December 26, 2004

japan sucked almost totally.. msia trip was much more fun.. whahahahahahahahahahahaha

NAME ; doesnt matter anymore: 7:23 PM

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Just uploaded some photos of the malaysia trip.. enjoy

NAME ; doesnt matter anymore: 1:13 PM

Saturday, November 20, 2004

...when and where can I find my silver lining...

Ahh.. 2 more papers left till the end of the much feared A levels examinations.. However, I'm not in the least bit elated nor overjoyed about it.. Certainly, the process of studying was and is still revolting, yet the feeling of contentment guaranteed after the accomplishment of tasks and objectives required within the syllabus, is so very soothing and comforting.. I admit that the ideal freedom I ought to, and should own, is one which is limitless and insatiable. On the contrary, the freedom which had been allocated to me prior to the examinations, was seemingly minute and in fact, negligible. Instinctively, one would think that it should be reflected as immense torture, but this interim restricted freedom is inherent in the process of completing any phase of our lives and I had already submitted myself to it. Furthermore, what's ahead of me, the finite days of "impeccable freedom" between the concluding day of my JC life and the commencement of the next phase-- NS, is a verified type of freedom which would impinge on me. A month and probably a few more weeks, isn't what I deserve to have after much hardwork..

Oh well, what can I do.. Perhaps, the best solution is to tell myself that a month and a half is too long of an enjoyment period..

Delusion.. will it help?

NAME ; doesnt matter anymore: 4:58 PM

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

hah.. Look at this.. I woke up at 4 am, only to realise that there was a thick layer of smoke everywhere and visibility was low.. With breathing difficulties, we had to evacuate the building immediately via the stairways.. what an experience to have..
http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/114858/1/.html

NAME ; doesnt matter anymore: 8:28 PM

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Is it worth it?........... Ah forget it. Nite.

NAME ; doesnt matter anymore: 1:18 AM

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

And yet, another sleepless night. I was bombarded by many thoughts and problems, all bound together by the canvas of a riot of emotions: depression,fear,stress,confusion,hatred and pity. These erupted from within me and spread across my sensory organs, seemingly close to a wildfire. This outburst inhibits my academic progress and indefinitely affects my social life. To ponder about life, is to question my existence here. If I had been created and nurtured to suffer setbacks, overcome challenges and face myriad ordeals, I would rather end it.
The assurance in life which I have always believed in, have been greatly impaired. This searing agony will stay, until the beacon of light rekindles and continues to shine on me just like before.


NAME ; doesnt matter anymore: 11:46 AM

Sunday, October 17, 2004

Can't fucking concentrate today... Felt damn distracted and sluggish..
Anyway below are just a few of the photos I took after the baccalaureatte service on Thursday.. (couldn't upload more cos' the program is damn screwed up)

NAME ; doesnt matter anymore: 11:24 PM

Janice,Melvin,me 
NAME ; doesnt matter anymore: 11:15 PM

Hee teck, me, Bernard 
NAME ; doesnt matter anymore: 10:48 PM

My class 2SG2 
NAME ; doesnt matter anymore: 7:24 PM