this is an 11,000 word post with tao lin and kevin sampsell emails and some things i typed about editing

this post has four parts

the first part has something i typed about editing that compares art to personality

the second part has my emails with kevin sampsell that have to do with the chapbook, today the sky is blue and white with bright blue spots and a small pale moon and i will destroy our relationship today

the third part has parts of my chapbook copied and pasted with kevin sampsell's comments and my comments

the fourth part has a thing i typed about editing where there are interviews with different people who view editing in different ways

i don't feel like i need to organize this post because there is no overall rhetoric in this post (though each individual part may be rhetorical); it doesn't tell you what to do because it doesn't know what to do

after you read this you will be more confused than before you read it

i don't know what to do

no one knows what to do

if you know what to do

you will not like this post

because this post says, 'no one knows what to do'

most people will believe that the message of this post is something like, 'kevin sampsell is an ass and tao lin is angry at kevin sampsell and wants to get back at him'

if i'm ever angry at anything it's existence itself not any person

remember: i don't even know what 'free will' is

i only blame everything

not anything specific

nothing is detached or separate from the first event that created the universe, therefore nothing can be blamed except for existence itself; you blame an asshole then you have to blame the asshole's mom, then the asshole's mom's mom, and it keeps going back until you blame the first event, after which you have to kill yourself in order to stop yourself from thinking

i think the message of this post is, 'you don't know what to do; no one knows what to do; human beings are fucked, tao lin is confused, fucked, and afraid, and life is sad, stupid, and painful; but here are some things that might reduce the pain and suffering of the world' or 'whenever there is a chance to alienate people using only facts tao lin will do it, so as to decrease the number of people he will have to communicate with in the future, which is something he wants, because he isn't able to communicate with mutual comprehension with most people but can't tell which ones he can or cannot communicate with mutual comprehension with because everyone is so polite and abstract all the time'

also first let me explain my choice in posting kevin sampsell's emails; some people think this is 'wrong' or 'disrespectful,' which is like saying 'marriage is sacred'

here is what will happen if i post kevin sampsell's emails: kevin will be more aware of what he types in emails from now on, more people will be encouraged to post other people's emails; gradually more people will be more conscious of other human beings and feel more aware of what they type in emails and by extension what they do or say in real life; in time, less lies will be told, more information will be available, there will be less secrecy, people will be more tolerant and nicer (if only because they are afraid of what will happen if they are not nice), because actions will be easier linked to identities (if you punch someone in the face you will suffer consequences, if you pay someone to confidentially punch someone in the face you will probably suffer less consequences, because of the confidentiality)

misdirected actions by way of obscured philosophies and hidden information, such as soldiers fighting soldiers rather than generals (or presidents) fighting generals (presidents), will happen less; making available information that is true will probably always reduce pain and suffering in the world

PART ONE

a person's personality is their 'art'

different people laugh at different things; some people are more melodramatic than others; some people use the word 'fuck' a lot, etc.

a person's personality is who they are; that is their identity

when you talk to someone your sentences are your art; your arm movements, what you wear, how you choose to do your hair, what you choose to laugh at; these things are the same as what you choose to write, what font you choose to use, what sentences you choose to type

most people change their personality in different situations in order to get people to like them better or to not hate them

if you are a person and you meet another person with a different personality

usually you don't try to 'edit' them but just find someone else to be friends with

usually you don't tell them they can be 'better' if they spoke using less conjunctions or with more variety in sentence length and construction

here is a situation: you are with someone, they point at a hippo and laugh

here are your choices: you say, 'that is not funny' then point at a tree and laugh and say, 'that is funny' or say, 'that's interesting that you think a hippo is funny; i don't think a hippo is funny' and think, 'this person believes a hippo is funny, i will not be their friend anymore' or say, 'why do you think a hippo is funny?' and then listen to their explanation and then think, 'i understand that people are different and i believe that this person is telling what is their own truth when they just explained why they thought a hippo was funny; i understand that truth exists only independently and alone inside of people's skulls'

the extreme of the first choice is that you kill the other person; or that you somehow create a machine that will allow your brain to 'take over' their brain (you absorb the other person; or kill them); this is the same as hitler wanting to kill everyone not like himself

the extreme of the last choice is that no one ever tries to influence anyone else; everyone sits very still and does not eat and eventually there are no more human beings because they all starved or had heart failures or something from not moving their bodies

sometimes personality is used to get money

jay leno's boss goes to jay leno and says, 'you need to use less curse words, use more political jokes, and smile more so that we will get more viewers and make more money'

jay leno says, 'okay'

if it is not used to get money then what could you tell the person; what is the reason, really, for change?

'you need to use less... etc., so that i will like you better and other people will like you better'?

kids have imaginary friends

that is like a novel or story to them, the imaginary friend is their creation

not influenced by business, editing, audience, etc.

not shared with anyone

kids when playing with their imaginary friends are always happy, i think

are they even lonely?

i don't know

but there is no equivalent to the 'imaginary friend' for an adult who is a writer; how can there be with writing workshops, writing magazines, writer's conferences, editors, publishing houses, presses, literary magazines, etc.; all these other things that exist to make your writing 'better,' to improve it?

if money is not involved and you go to the child with the imaginary friend and you start using words like 'better' 'bad' 'good' 'stupid' and saying things like 'your imaginary friend should react differently when you punch it in its head; it is not realistic how it reacted; also, since you already showed how the imaginary friend is an asshole you don't have to have it say that it is an asshole; and it is boring when the imaginary friend says that thing about bananas so you should make it say something more interesting'

the child will be confused

children have less preconceptions than adults

no one says, 'is the imaginary friend good; how can it be made 'better'?

the child will call you on your bullshit and you will feel strange

the child will say, 'i don't understand'

here is what happens when an adult meets another adult

you meet someone; you can either force yourself to accept everything about them or you can try to change them

if you try to change them and use abstract language like 'better' 'bad' 'good' then the other person has no choice; they can either hate themselves and eventually kill themselves or they can become 'better'

if you try to change them and use concrete language like, 'you can find someone different who will not want to change you or you can change and i will not leave you,' then the other person has a choice that does not involve killing themselves

most people feel lonely

they are willing to change in order to be with someone else

and anyone can change

change is not 'good' or 'bad'

violence happens when people think of 'change' in terms of 'better' instead of 'different'

think about what would happen if all the leaders of the world were replaced with either james chapman ("...there isn't any strong or weak or perfect or imperfect. there are only different persons who write.") or susan sontag ("...she said that she considered—get this—herself and Gass the two best writers in America.")

if you are alive you are influencing the world

how you view editing will be how you view what to do when you see a homeless person acting strange in the park or if you are placed in a situation where there is something that is the same as 'racial' or 'sexual' tolerance except that 'racial' or 'sexual' is replaced with things not usually discussed by society and which therefore (if you think in terms of 'better' not 'different') you don't know how to react towards yet, since all your actions are based on what society tells you and you are not able to view the concrete effects of actions, because your language and therefore your worldview is abstract and therefore 'received' (marriage is sacred or postmodernism is bad; rather than marriage is [concrete, factual results of marriage] or [word count, idea, length, and construction of the sentence you are talking about] is [the effect the sentence has on your brain], which means if everyone around you says that slavery is good you will also say 'slavery is good,' which means that though almost everyone who reads this site participates in 'best books' discussions and constantly uses the words 'good,' 'better,' 'best,' 'great,' and 'bad,' almost everyone who reads this site would also agree that slavery is wrong, women should be able to vote, and racial and sexual intolerance is wrong, which are things that have changed only because some people were able to think concretely ('different') rather than abstractly ('better')

PART TWO

From: Kevin Sampsell
To: Tao Lin
Date: Sat, 19 Feb 2005 13:36:25 -0800
Subject: Lin-mania

Hi Tao,
I'm a newer fan of your work. Can you send me some links to more of your stuff? If I type in "tao lin" to google, I get the feeling there are many Tao Lins.
Do you have any books out?

Kevin

From: Tao Lin
To: Kevin Sampsell
Date: Feb 19, 2005 9:25 PM
Subject: re: Lin-mania

Hi Kevin,

(this is my new email address)

I'm very happy that you are a fan.

http://3711atlantic.com/archive/summer04/tao1.htm
http://www.pindeldyboz.com/tllorrie.htm
http://eyeshot.net/lorriemoore.html
http://www.bullfightreview.com/archive/index35.html
http://www.bullfightreview.com/archive/index18.html
http://www.hobartpulp.com/fiction/thenovelist.html
http://www.juked.com/2004/09/things.asp

I also have a very short story in Hobart #4, a short story in Dicey Brown #1, a short story forthcoming in Punk Planet Magazine, two poems, one very long (10 or so pages), that i like in The Minetta Review.

And eight long (5000-9000 words) stories written this past year, two of which are forthcoming in The Cincinnati Review and The Portland Review, one of which won One Story's short story contest (but they aren't publishing it), and the other five i've been sending out for a few months now.

And i have three or four long stories from more than a year ago that i've stopped sending out but i still kind of like.

And a few very short things that i haven't sent out yet but plan to one day.

No, I don't have a book.

I don't understand how there are so many Tao Lins, it seems a little strange.

Tao

From: Kevin Sampsell
To: Tao Lin
Date: Feb 26, 2005 11:45 PM
Subject: re: Lin-mania

Tao,
Thanks for all the links.
I really enjoyed them all, especially the stuff about Lorrie Moore. There's a kind of disturbing gonzo element to that stuff, and I'm not using gonzo just because Hunter killed himself recently. Even if I hadn't heard of Hunter I would probably think: gonzo.
I would be interested in seeing the unpublished stories. I will be guest-editing an issue of a very cool print journal called Spork later this year and would like to have you in there. In fact, I would really like to chat more about doing a possible chapbook project (probably in 2006 though, cuz I'm booked for the rest of this year I
think). What do you think? Are you at all familiar with the little press I do?
Oh yeah--I'll be taking submissions for Spork at my work e-mail (at Powell's!!): [his email]

talk to you later,
Kevin


From: Kevin Sampsell
To: Tao Lin
Date: Jan 12, 2006 1:39 PM
Subject: Cancer Comedy

Hey Tao,
Yeah, it looks like I'll have to get some blogger account action going. I wanted to leave a comment on yr blog today about the Cancer/MFA stories. I thought they were brilliant. I was surprised no one pointed that out. Sooo funny. I want to include that story in the flash fiction chapbook we do this summer!

I am publishing two books before yours--the Eric Spitznagel memoir through Manic D in April (a real fancy trade paperback with real distribution), and a chapbook of memoirish stories by this guy here in Portland named Justin Maurer. He sings in a punk band called Clorox Girls. He's about 24 I think. Smart. Is actually more excited about his chapbook than his impending European tour. He will take the chapbook on all his tours and sell it on the merch table. For some reason I am very thrilled by that.

After Justin, it'll be your turn. Summer. The Summer of Tao.

Oh--and not to mention the Spork coming out. I've been doing lots of shit. And hey--there's an interview with me on Identity Theory. It just went up.

I like yr P-boz story too. But I like the Cancer one so much. It's a classic, Tao. A fucked up classic.

Check out this photo of me attached--it was for an editorial thing I wrote about selling used cassettes. That's my car cassette player.

K


From: Kevin Sampsell
To: Tao Lin
Date: Mar 7, 2006 9:56 PM
Subject: Blurb

Hi Tao,
Thanks.

[a few paragraphs about other things]

Now, as far as your flash fiction stuff goes, I'll give you a deadline of April 18th to get me a good twenty or so stories (guessing that each story is 1-3 pages). So if you have some that need polishing, you have just over a month. After I get the stories, I'll read through them and we'll figure out a game plan for release
date, etc.
Got any title ideas?

KS

[i can't find the email where i emailed sampsell the chapbook; it was either on april 17th or 18th and he emailed back saying he was looking forward to reading it; i don't know why i can't find these emails]

From: Tao Lin
To: Kevin Sampsell
Date: May 1, 2006 10:19 PM
Subject: kevin

hi, kevin,

i'm afraid. have you read the manuscript? is it terrible?

afraid-tao

From: Kevin Sampsell
To: Tao Lin
Date: May 2, 2006 12:16 AM
Subject: Re: kevin

Hi Tao,
I've been swamped. Two new FT books in a week--and one of them needs lots of hype. I will read your manu soon (in the next month maybe) and I'm sure it's great.
I have an intern now. Did I tell you? She's great. She will lay your book out before her 3-month tenure is over I hope.

KS

From: Tao Lin
To: Kevin Sampsell
Date: May 2, 2006 12:18 AM
Subject: Re: kevin

oh ok. thank you. i thought you just did not like it.
ha, no i did not know about the intern.
i can lay out the book myself, i've done that with my poetry book.
you are busy. good.
tao


From: Tao Lin
To: Kevin Sampsell
Date: May 15, 2006 5:13 PM
Subject: Tao Lin Chapbook Final Draft

Dear Kevin,
I've been line editing it, and here is the real final draft.
Please read this one instead of the other one. Thank you.
I want to order Justin's book but didn't see it on your site yet.
Have a good day.
Tao

From: Kevin Sampsell
To: Tao Lin
Date: May 15, 2006 7:24 PM
Subject: Re: Tao Lin Chapbook Final Draft

Thanks, Tao. I just had a crazy week full of writers and road trips. Good times. I saw Matthew Simmons up in Seattle and had a good talk with him and others.
I will check out this new edited version in the next month hopefully, I
promise. I'm still swamped for a little bit.

KS


From: Kevin Sampsell
To: Tao Lin
Date: Jun 27, 2006 12:17 PM
Subject: Today the Sky

Hi Tao,
I read the manuscript this weekend. Lots of great stuff. Thanks!
Of course, with that said, there are a number of edits to go over. I'll have to go through the manuscript and highlight a few things and send it back to you later this week.

I know you wanted to lay your own book out and everything so we'll have to talk about that too. I'm not sure I agree with your thoughts on readers seeing when the end is coming, etc. but I'm willing to entertain your quirks in that regard. Ha!

But I do think the font should be a little bigger (or the lines spaced a little more--not double-spaced, but perhaps 1.5)--it just seems like a slightly uncomfortable reading/viewing experience as it is now.

Also, as far as the title goes, do you really want it to be:
TODAY THE SKY IS BLUE AND WHITE WITH BRIGHT BLUE SPOTS AND A SMALL PALE
MOON AND I WILL DESTROY OUR RELATIONSHIP TODAY ??

I think even the title could use some editing. Remember, we want people to be able to remember it. How about: I WILL DESTROY OUR RELATIONSHIP TODAY or something else entirely.

Now, there are also a few stories I'd like to cut: It's a Snowy Night..., Should, and The Walking Wall.

I'd like to see how many pages the book turns out to be with these stories cut and with the font and spacing adjusted. Maybe we'll have room for some newer stories too. Take into consideration that there will be a title page, a page with the ISBN and acknowledgment stuff, and a contents page, so the stories would start on pg. 4 of the layout. If you have an extra page at the end, it would be nice to have a short Future Tense catalog kind of thing. We can put your bio (and blurbs!) on the back cover. What should we put on the front cover? I don't want it to be blank. That would be boring.

Tell me what you think. I'm hoping we can get this out by early September or thereabouts. (That gives us time to do some review copies if we want)...

Kevin

From: Tao Lin
To: Kevin Sampsell
Date: Jun 27, 2006 10:50 PM
Subject: Re: Today the Sky

hi, kevin,

i don't want to cut 'It's a snowy night,' or 'should.' it goes how i want it to go, as a book, with those stories where they are. 'should' in another draft is forthcoming in NOON, and it fits like i want it to where it is in that chapbook. it doesn't fit in any other book i have, not that i'm just putting it in here because of that. i will cut 'the walking wall,' though.

i'm sure about the title. i don't want to change the title. the font and spacing can be adjusted. the layout doesn't really matter to me, though i prefer small font. i would like it more if all the stories ended at the bottom of the pages, but if not i'm okay with that.

i'm not sure about the cover. i would like just the title in large solid color font on the cover so that it takes up the entire page. i'd do something else, though.

thank you.

tao

From: Kevin Sampsell
To: Tao Lin
Date: Jun 28, 2006 12:37 PM
Subject: Re: Today the Sky

Tao,
We could keep "Should" in there but it would have to be edited quite a bit. I don't really care if Diane Williams likes it; to me it was a frustrating reading experience. You said there's another draft though--maybe I should see that one.

"It's a Snow Night..." is just a weak story (and at one page, it's disposable).

Small fonts are a turn-off to readers. They really are. We want the reading experience NOT to be a pain. We want people to want to read the book. Which is another reason why the weaker stories should be cut. When someone reads a weak story in an otherwise great collection, it does seem to bring down the rest of the book a little.

I can see the cover with the title really big. That might work. Full color.

KS

From: Tao Lin
To: Kevin Sampsell
Date: Jun 28, 2006 2:43 PM
Subject: Re: Today the Sky

kevin,

the shorter draft of 'should' is being worked on still. to me it's not a frustrating reading experience. people are different. i already cut, in my view, the stories that i thought were weak. probably you wouldn't agree with what i cut. it's just a question of whether the book should be what you like, what i like, or what we both like. you decide, i guess.

okay, we can do bigger font. though, again, same thing. i like bullfight review's small font, self-help, like life, white noise, etc., because you can see more of the story.

okay, the title really big then, i like that.

so we'll either keep or not keep 'should' and 'snowy night.' if we keep 'should' i will use the shorter draft. you decide in the next email and then i think everything is okay. thank you.

tao

From: Kevin Sampsell
To: Tao Lin
Date: Jun 28, 2006 3:33 PM
Subject: Re: Today the Sky

Thanks, Tao. Let me see that other version when it's ready. And please, if there are other short flash fiction things you're holding back. Don't hold 'em back. What about your Elimae or Juked stuff?

As far as the book being what you like vs. what I like, that's not really the issue. I want to produce books that other readers will like. Your reders, my (Future Tense) readers, new readers, you know--readers! So, yes, the goal is to put something together we both like. I'm glad you understand this. And believe me, this is just a chapbook, when Dennis starts editing your other books, you'll probably get much harder edits than what I'm getting at.

From: Tao Lin
To: Kevin Sampsell
Date: Jul 1, 2006 5:19 PM
Subject: Re: Today the Sky

i'll get you the new draft when it is ready. i want the new draft in the book, it will be much shorter than the draft you have now.

i didn't hold back! i took everything i had and took out the weak ones or ones that didn't fit and spent like three weeks staring at it putting it in order. everything else is either a novel excerpt or in the poetry collection.

how can we know what readers will like, though? i only know what i like, and to me there is no other reason for writing than to write what i want to read. otherwise it is business not art. i don't know how else to define 'art.' when i read a book i want to have the individual's artistic vision, not what is 'better' or what is done by committee or compromise. i'm just saying this to let you know how i view things. i would prefer to have final say on what goes in and what edits are used.

so, send me your edits and i'll look at them. thank you.

From: Kevin Sampsell
To: Tao Lin
Date: Jul 2, 2006 9:09 PM
Subject: edits attached

Hi Tao,
I understand what you're saying. I don't like the edit by commitee thing either. But remember, it's just me. And I know you're really young, so I mean to say that you should be more open to the suggestions of an experienced editor, bookseller, writer, publisher, book reviewer, etc.

I'm attaching the manuscript with my notes. Congrats on the Punk Planet story--and Noon too. I just sent Noon something as well.

KS

p.s. Do you like Charles D'Ambrosio? Have you read his work?

From: Tao Lin
To: Kevin Sampsell
Date: Jul 3, 2006 7:07 PM
Subject: Re: edits attached

hi, kevin,

i don't like charles d'ambrosio's writing. why do you ask?

okay, i have attached the file with my response to your edits. i took a few of the edits. and a file with the edits implemented. i want to keep the third story. i cut 'the walking wall.'

sorry i am so difficult with edits. i am like this with everyone, except when i don't care about a story or a book anymore. i don't think i'm 'better' than anyone else or that my view is 'better.' ideally i don't ever think in terms of 'better,' just 'different.' and for now i need to be able to say why i left out a certain sentence or a certain story and not have to say, 'because someone else didn't like the certain sentence or certain story.'

so, now i just have to get you the shorter draft of 'should.' i will do that soon.

if you will ONLY publish the book with your edits, though, then let me know and i'll have to think about that.

thank you.
tao


From: Tao Lin
To: Kevin Sampsell
Date: Jul 3, 2006 7:24 PM
Subject: Re: edits attached

kevin, i just thought more about it.

i want to cut SNOWY NIGHT IN VIRGINIA also, like you suggested. the second story is already about death. one story about death is enough. so, cut the SNOWY NIGHT story please.

i am sorry i am such an ass at this. i always get very anxious thinking about what to do.

tao

From: Kevin Sampsell
To: Tao Lin
Date: Jul 3, 2006 9:44 PM
Subject: Re: edits attached

So, ok, we'll cut Snowy Night. Thanks for the edits and the notes. I will have to talk to you further about some of your notes. I'm glad you changed a couple things though.

I also saw your debate on the importance of editing on your blog. I wish I could comment but I don't have a blogger account. Anyway, I want to ask you--do you think that Lorrie Moore or Delilo or whoever doesn't have an editor? Don't make the mistake of calling copy-editing an act of treason. Most of my edits are copy-edits. Simple things that only make the story easier to read. I am not re-writing anything. I am making suggestions that will hopefully make you see the stories in a new and better (different) way. I've been edited many times before myself. 90% of the time for the better. One time an editor put brand new words in my article entirely and
I vowed not to write for them again (she was a bad editor). I am not inserting my language or whole new words into your story. Don't make my editing seem like something else. I'm not turning a 40-page story into 18 pages. I'm not editing Thomas Wolfe here. (and I hope you're not Kathy Acker!)

I know you're young and raw and wanting to blaze a new literary trail for sad, depressed writers everywhere but let me give you this advice: Work with your editors. You don't want to be known as the most difficult writer to work with (especially there in New York).

The reason I mention D'Ambrosio is mostly to point out a possible editing detail. I read and liked some of D'Ambrosio's collection, but I notice that his NYer stories are the most dull, as oppossed to his story in A Public Space, which was much better. And Rebecca Curtis's NYer story was dull too. I think the New Yorker editors must really like to drain the blood from their stories (for the most part--I know George Saunders has published good stuff there).

KS


From: Kevin Sampsell
To: Tao Lin
Date: Jul 5, 2006 5:47 PM
Subject: Re: edits attached

Hi Tao,
I've attached your noted manuscript with further notes from me. Please get back to me on these by the end of the week. Lorrie Moore is in Portland this weekend. I'll ask her about her editor. I'm also writing a story for AP about blurbs (why people want them, why they read them, etc).

KS

From: Tao Lin
To: Kevin Sampsell
Date: Jul 5, 2006 7:31 PM
Subject: Re: edits attached

hi, kevin,

i've attached responses to your edits. i think i took one or two more. and i've attached a draft with all the changes made, and SNOWY NIGHT taken out. though... you aren't going to like this... but i put back THE WALKING WALL. i asked people and they said to keep it and i had always wanted to keep it. sorry.

yes, i know delillo and lorrie moore and every other famous writer gets edited more than i do. i also don't understand what their philosophy of living is. they publish on corporate publishers. i think delillo just observes society. lorrie moore i can more understand since she writes about feeling depressed in relationships, which has nothing to do with society. yes, they are famous and respected. i don't know what the point of being famous and respected is. you used the word 'better' many times. read james chapman's comments on the editing. i agree with him. in business there is 'better' because there is a goal. in art there is no 'better' because there is no goal, except for what goals each individual creates arbitrarily for him or herself. but then i want to not be concerned with 'identity' so maybe i should let everyone edit anything they want of mine, but then the extreme of that would be to not have my name attached at all to the writing and not have an identity at all, which is impossible. i haven't thought enough about this yet but i will.

the new yorker has like 900,000 readers, so i can understand. they need to make it so 900,000 readers will not be too offended or feel too wierd or condescended towards. the more editing that goes into a story, maybe, given that the author has worked as hard as he or she can on the story, the more the story will affect a greater number of people but with a less impact, i think. i'm not trying to be successful and famous, or rich, so i am OK with being known as a 'difficult' writer. sorry if i sound like an ass. i really appreciate that you are publishing me and taking the time to do such small edits. you are right, they are small edits, you aren't trying to change me at all. i've thought hard about each of the edits and considered them. thank you.

tao

From: Kevin Sampsell
To: Tao Lin
Date: Jul 9, 2006 6:55 PM
Subject: What's Gone Wrong

> in art there is no 'better' because there is no goal, except for what
goals each individual creates arbitrarily for him or herself. <

Hi Tao,
Sadly, I'm not really sure what's gone wrong with us. I feel like your writing and attitude has changed since the time we first talked about doing this book. You seemed more playful and open before. Now you just seem stubborn and immature (not just with the editing struggles we're having but also with your oppressive philosophies on writing, publishing, and editing).

I thought about publishing your book unedited (as you wanted) with an introduction by me explaining the various things I don't like about the book. But then, I figured I'd still be publishing (paying for/representing/standing behind) a book that I couldn't feel good about. I just can't do it. I've decided to cancel the publication of your book. I'm sorry.

I will still count myself as a fan of some of your work but I can't waste any more time on trying to help you when you refuse to see things from a reader's point of view. If you just want to write stuff that you, your friends, and your mom like, that is fine. Best of luck. My goal has always been giving writers a chance to gain more readers. If I ask writers to rethink something or consider changes, I only do so with the integrity of the writer in mind. I don't feel like my edits were compromising your work at all but you chose to be difficult. I do honestly hope we can work together on something someday after you've matured more.

Sincerely,
Kevin Sampsell

From: Tao Lin
To: Kevin Sampsell
Date: Jul 9, 2006 7:31 PM
Subject: Re: What's Gone Wrong

Kevin,

Why did you quote that sentence I typed? It seems correct to me. Is it immature? It seems like something I probably read from Schopenhauer or Fernando Pessoa. I like Schopenhauer and Fernando Pessoa. I am sad you would call a person immature for trying to figure out a philosophy in life that might minimize pain and suffering. I also feel like we're in 4th grade. I've always been polite and expressed appreciation and gratitude and explained why I made a certain choice in terms of editing or not editing, and have even explained the philosophy that made me choose what I did. I don't know what 'mature' means.

I'm not interesting in helping myself. If I wanted to help myself in the way you are talking about, which is to gain as many readers as possible as an ends to itself (it seems like you don't want to discuss or consider philosophies of editing or writing beyond 'gaining readers,' at least not without calling the other person immature, which I think is your way of telling me that you know more than me, and so will only ever process anything I say or type as, I don't know, 'cute,' or something), I would write a young adult novel or adult romance novel with cultural identity issues, a strong plot leading to a happy ending (so it can be made into a movie, for more cash and more readers), and maybe a murder mystery.

So, just to let you know my thoughts.

I don't know how to further discuss things with someone who has earnestly called me 'immature.'

Tao

PART THREE

these are the edits sampsell sent me

chapbook excerpts are in normal font
what sampsell typed is in italics
what i typed is in bold

Another voice says, The first rule of fight club is. I hear someone being slapped in the head. (fight club reference? this is a dumb joke) [Yes, the high school kids made a dumb fight club joke. I like it here.] (I just think it’s old already. We’re both gonna cringe about this. I mean, I already am) [I’ve read and edited this story for two years. I’m not cringing yet. I want to remember Fight Club. I can’t just forget about Fight Club. And the joke is STUPID. Look, the next sentence is the person who said the joke being slapped in the head. In Fight Club they have no inhibitions. Richie has many inhibitions, it only serves to make him feel shittier, and for contrast for the reader. I didn’t think of any of these reasons, but they are there, I guess. I just like that the high schoolers made a Fight Club joke, then got slapped. They would do it.]

I think about people (what people? This is too vague) [How he feels regarding people—they make him feel nervous—is shown elsewhere]. (it just seems like lazy writing to me. I say cut it.) [No, this seems right. I’ve thought about sleeping at home, thought about people, and felt sad before.]

It’s 3 a.m. or something (I don’t like the recurring time thing in this story. It’s too distracting. I think you can mention the time a few times but it gets to the point where the reader is thinking about the time more than the story. I’ve highlighted other time mentions. Maybe you can figure out a way to delete or alter them somehow) [The character is concerned about time. How much more time there is until he can fall asleep, how much time there is until the summer is over, how much time there is until he is dead.]. (Thanks for explaining this. As a reader though, it makes the story sluggish in a bad way. It’s apparent that the character is concerned with time, or at least the slowness of time.)

Besides my bed and all that stuff (what ‘stuff’? Don’t be so vague) [This is a realistic and appealing way, to me, as a two sentence internal monologue. “There is nothing…” “Besides… all that stuff.” And is consistent with the character’s voice. “No way out of anything…” etc.] (I see what you are saying, or trying to convey, but I think this kind (“all that stuff”) of detail-less writing is not satisfying to the reader). [It is very satisfying to me when Frederick Barthelme is extremely vague like this. It is representative of real life, of the kind of people I like to talk with, and unwriterly and therefore underrepresented in fiction, from what I’ve read.]

There is still the Summer ahead, like a beach or parking lot (what?!) [Beaches and parking lots are hot and flat] (so maybe you should say, hot and flat like a beach or parking lot—I like that. it sounds much better that way, now that I know what you mean). [It doesn’t sound right that way, too writerly. In real life I would say ‘the summer is like a beach or parking lot,’ and if I was with the right person they would understand. I would never say ‘hot and flat like a beach or parking lot.’]

Where do I work? What do I do for money? I can’t remember. I feel good. I feel great. (I don’t like the sudden positive change. Delete these.) [This is one of my favorite parts of this story. It feels true, it is honest. I don’t know. It is just true.] (maybe you should say something about this mix of emotions-- worry and happiness—that’ll convince me that it’s true. Otherwise, it just doesn’t work) [He can’t remember his life, and feels good. I don’t know, it just seems funnier and more true this way, without explanation and almost like a non sequitur.]

“I’m bored,” I say. “Are you bored of me?” (I think he should just ask the question instead of saying ‘I’m bored.’) [It is much more interesting to me for him to say first that he is bored. The other way feels cliché and expected to me. Also, it’s just what the character, who is me, would actually say in that situation.] (okay)

“I liked being raised by dolphins,” I said. (sort of annoying to repeat it. I’d cut this one) [People repeat the same things in real life if the other person does not react. This is realistic and it slows the story down here very much, which I like.] (it feels like a typo to me. Can you at least say ‘I said again’?) [Sorry, no. This story has no memory of what’s behind it. No ‘Thens’ ‘Buts’ or ‘Sos.’ I’ve tried it with ‘again’ and I don’t like it.]

I felt something wrap around my head. (I tightened this sentence up) [Okay. Good. Thank you. Wait. I just looked at it like this and then read it onto the next paragraph and it doesn’t feel right to me. I changed it back. It is in first-person, so it is not concerned with tightening, it’s a person telling a story.] (even a first-person narrative can be tightened. Just because it’s first person doesn’t mean he has to use terrible grammar) [You are right. I didn’t explain it good enough. It needs ‘That there was,’ I think, because without it it is too sudden and familiar. It is a surprise to him and kind of ‘slowly dawns on him’ that something is wrapped around his head. So he would think, ‘There was something wrapped around my head.’ Instead of ‘Something wrapped around my head.’ Just try reading it both ways. It feels better the longer way to me.]

That way, upon leaving their UFOs, their jetlag and space malaise would be immediately mollified by the greenery and smoothness of a hill. (hills are sloped. Maybe you should say ‘slope of a hill’ or ‘landscape of a hill’) [The aliens would be mollified by the smoothness of the hill, not by the slopiness.] (But I’m saying hills are not smooth, but slanted. At least say ‘slanted smoothness’ or something like that) [To me, hills are smooth. What I said doesn’t preclude the slantedness of hills, it just focuses on the smoothness. I don’t want to make this longer. In real life I would not stop to explain, I would not want to listen to someone stop to explain, but I would just understand.]

He slammed his room (do you mean ‘He went to his room and slammed the door’?) [I fixed it.]He yelled at the closed door (or ‘yelled through the wall) [He yelled at the closed door.] (thanks)

“We are your bones and we don’t care,” said Neil’s bones. (maybe these parts where non-human things ‘speak’ it should be italics, as I’ve changed it here—and maybe without the quotes) [I don’t like italics. I want everything to be the same.] (that’s fine. I understand, but then maybe we should lose the quotes) [Taking away the quotes is too academic to me. In Neil’s head they are speaking. It’s the same as a person speaking. I wouldn’t be able to defend why I took away the quotes. I feel like I would have to write an essay explaining that inanimate objects don’t ‘really’ speak,’ or something.]

“Neil,” said Neil’s mom.

Neil wrote a story about a man who had very good things happen to him. “The man was great. He was the happiest man ever, the best! Each day more good things would happen to him, and it was great, and the best. The man lived forever and kept getting happier.” (I don’t understand where that paragraph comes from. I say cut to the drive.) [Okay. I cut those two paragraphs. Thank you.] (thank you)

“That’s not my wife,” I say. “Who is that?”
“Yeah, that’s my wife,” I say. “So what?”(these two parts are confusing. Can you put something between them, like: ‘I feel guilty for lying’ or ‘I pause for a moment’ or something like that) [I like it like this. The reason I like some writers more than others is because they do things like this and leave out the explanation.] (If it stays this way, then we’re supposed to leave the quotes off after ‘Who is that?’ which might look weird. I suggest a small transition or action of some sort before he acknowledges that’s his wife. Get it?) [Leave the quotes. It is fine. I always hated the way the quotes got left off when a new paragraph began. I’ve seen this before, I know, in Bobbie Ann Mason or someone, and liked it. Because it makes sense this way, though it does not follow the rules.]

They stand there looking at Janet and I and I (clean this up. It’s awkward) look back at them. [Okay. I fixed it. Thank you.] (thanks)

It’s this guy (try ‘A man.’) [Okay. Good. Thank you.].

I’m telling my husband and son what happened. (wait a sec. Where were they at before? You should mention them earlier) [No. This story is dreamlike. It doesn’t matter. It’s funnier to me this way.] (I like dreamlike. I mean I really fuckin’ love it. But this is just unclear and totally awkward and confusing, in a bad way. Ask some friends what they think and get back to me) [The son was in his room, probably, and the husband was sleeping. Now they are at dinner. I don’t see how this is even ‘dreamlike.’ Ryan Boudinot edited this when it was in Hobart and he didn’t say anything about this. My mom didn’t either. And it seems okay, to me.]

I’m annoyed. I trip a little and a thing of tomato sauce falls out of a bag and shatters on the ground (‘ground’ sounds like it’s outside. Maybe you should say ‘on the kitchen floor’ or something—or are you outside?) [I changed it to ‘floor.’]. (thanks)

(this story doesn’t really do much. We should probably cut it too). [This is one of my favorite stories and also one my mom’s favorite stories. I want to stress that people are different, which means they like different things. I want to keep this story.] (okay)

I’m driving; Chrissy’s sitting passenger; we used to date. (change to periods) [It occurs as one thought, as do a few other sentences in this story, so I like it with semicolons.] (okay)

I feel strange. (you already showed this, so you don’t have to tell it) [I like when a character feels something then later expresses it. I like it when it happens in real life to people I know, I like it when I do it, I like it when I read it. So I like it.] (it really is redundant. And amateurish. I say take it out.) [No. Sorry. I just laughed a little. I feel bad, I keep saying no. I would have to disown a lot of these things if I had to take out what I wrote there. I don’t want to do that. People have told me they like it when my characters think something and then later say it out loud. I like it also when I read it somewhere.]

“Soy beans,” I think. “Tofu. Seaweed. White rice.” (Italics please!) (this is fine, but as I asked earlier—w/o quotes?) [With quotes.]

There were lizards! Sandy’s sister had on make-up and she flew out a window, over us, like more than one kite! (why more than one? ‘like a kite’ is a better image I think) [‘like a kite’ is too lyrical for this voice, which is whimsical and childlike, which is why ‘more than one kite.’] (it’s just one person, so why would it be more than one thing? I don’t like more than one kite’. Change the analogy and it will be more effective)

But he was moving through the clouds, in a plane, under a seatbelt (what?) [He is under a seatbelt in the plane.] (you mean he’s wearing a seatbelt? If he’s under the seatbelt, does that mean he’s the size of Gumby?)

Six times and I had waved Sandy all the way back to moose-filled Canada! (this ending is sort of a clunker, could we have something that rings a bit more. Resonate! I like the exclamation points though. Perhaps you can utilize them more) [Hmm. This entire story to me is in the title, so it doesn’t really lead up to anything, it should just end without a ‘resonating image.’ So I like it like this.] (So maybe the story should JUST be the title then. Are you saying you don’t care about the actual story? I’m just trying to give you an idea on how to make the story better, or, sorry, different) [I mean I don’t want the ending to resonate. I think it’s good with this ending. I’ve thought about others.]

I go to A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. (perhaps something a little less hip and time sensitive. This isn’t the year 2000 anymore) [It is funnier with dave eggers. His book was there when I wrote the story. I think his book was there prominently in paperback from 2001-2004 or something. I can’t think of another book. This one is just funnier.] (it seems like you could pick out a book or writer you really hate. Like David Foster Wallace or something. I’m not Dave Eggers’s boyfriend or anything, I just think it makes the story seem a little stale) [I don’t hate Eggers. It is just funniest, to me, with Eggers. Also, I’ve seen his paperback, it has a lot of blank pages for some reason, more than other books.]

I’ll give them assignments, like in Fight Club (do we have to mention F.C.??) [Yes. I like mentioning fight club.] (okay, but that first mention…ugh)

PART FOUR

there are three ways to deal with editing

one

you allow select people to edit your work and accept only select edits

two

you allow anyone to edit your work and you accept all edits

three

you allow no one to edit your work

the first way is used by more than 99% of writers and 99% of editors and publishers

here is an interview with a person who uses the first way:

Q. why did you let gordon lish delete that sentence?
A. because gordon lish is respected and i trust him and i think it made the story better
Q. what do you mean by 'better'?
A. the story used to be bad, now it's good, i think
Q. what do you mean by 'bad' and 'good'?
A. gordon lish says the story is good now but was bad before; and i agree; when i read it now i feel something at the end whereas before i felt nothing
Q. why do you want to write stories that make people feel things?
A. because that is the point of art
Q. do you mean that the point of art is, like schopenhauer said, to induce moments where the human being transcends desire and therefore suffering by momentarily detaching from, or transcending, the world of phenomenon (in part by somehow losing sense of 'identity'), as some people try to do by meditating?
A. yes, maybe that's what i mean
Q. so when you said 'good' you actually meant 'is effective for destroying identity'?
A. i guess; i haven't thought about it, i've just been using the word 'good' for forty years and reading it in the new york times book review and looking at people around me point at art and saying 'good' or 'bad'
Q. okay, so now you have a definition of 'good' which means you have a goal in life, which is to use your existence to contribute to the creation of as many items in the world of phenomenon that can affect a person to transcend the world of desire and phenomenon and experience momentarily the world of pure being, or nothingness plus consciousness, or 'will,' as schopenahuer called it, or the 'oneness' as buddhists and others call it, or the world of noumenon as kant called it; what are you doing tonight?
A. working on a story; i would really like to get into the missouri review
Q. why do you want to get into the missouri review?
A. i think you need to publish in places like the missouri review before you can get a literary agent
Q. do you remember anything i said about the world of phenomenon and the 'will'?
A. not really
Q. okay; let me ask again, then; why do you want to write 'good' stories?
A. i don't know; i guess so i can publish a book someday
Q. why do you want to publish a book?
A. a lot of reasons
Q. name five
A. i want to be respected, i want to be rich, i'm bored, women will like me more and i'll have more sex, and people won't think i'm stupid
Q. those all have to do with identity and desire; why do you want to write stories that induce moments of pre-identity and pre-desire if your own life is about trying to distinguish your own identity in order to fulfill your desires more easily?
A. i don't know; you don't make any sense to me; you're just trying to provoke me; you're just a teenager who listens to korn and wants to fuck with the 'establishment' because you saw rage against the machine on MTV; go home and read schopenhauer
Q. schopenhauer believed that art was one of the only things worth living for; he read a lot of literature, sat around thinking a lot, and enjoyed listening to music; isn't that what you want to write; literature?
A. i'm just trying to be a better writer and write good stories and if someone else can help me write better stories and be a good writer i'm going to be grateful for it, not an asshole about it; they are doing me a favor by helping me so i'm not going to cause trouble and be an asshole about it, i can take their edits or not, anyway, it's my own choice
Q. what is your philosophy of life?
A. i just want to be a good person and a better writer; stop fucking with me and stop thinking so hard
Q. isn't literature just thinking things and then writing what you thought; isn't it just 'thinking'?
A. yes, but you are thinking too hard
Q. you said 'too' that means i'm doing something 'wrong' which means you know what is 'right' which means you have a goal in life or else know the 'meaning to life'; what is it?
A. not to think too hard
Q. are you involved in politics?
A. yes, i hate george w. bush
Q. does your writing contribute at all to those politics, to stopping bush?
A. no, art and politics are separate
Q. so you mean that art is concerned with inducing moments where a human being can experience the 'the will' without 'the representation' whereas politics exists only in 'the world of representation,' or 'the world of objects and desire,' and also actually induces human beings away-from 'the will' or 'oneness,' due to its focus on differences and divisions?
A. yeah, i guess; art is about the mystery, politics is about the real world
Q. is politics about reducing pain and suffering in the world?
A. yeah, i guess
Q. what is the cause of pain and suffering, is it desire?
A. i guess; probably the cause of pain and suffering is that people are stupid
Q. why are people stupid, is it because of desire?
A. george w. bush is stupid
Q. why is he stupid?
A. he causes more pain and suffering in the world; he's bad, he's evil
Q. why do you want to publish a book of stories, is it to reduce pain and suffering in the world; didn't you say art is separate from politics?
A. does everything i do have to be about reducing pain and suffering in the world?
Q. what's the difference between, one, not reducing pain and suffering in the world and reducing pain and suffering in the world; and, two, causing pain and suffering in the world and not causing pain and suffering in the world?
A. they're different
Q. do you read philosophy?
A. yeah, i read plato, why?
Q. why do you read?
A. to be smarter; reading is good
Q. what do you mean by 'good'?
A. it makes me smarter
Q. what's the last book you read
A. something by philip roth, it was bad; it wasn't a great book
Q. what do you mean by 'bad'?
A. it was stupid

the second way is used i think by almost all copywriters, almost all journalists, and probably by people who write video game instruction manuals and things like that

the second way is also used by buddhists who write (doesn't really make sense) or by people who believe that one can reduce pain and suffering by making less salient identity (that one doesn't need to destroy identity to destroy desire, but that it is on a spectrum; you can destroy a little identity to destroy a little desire)

here is an interview with kind of second kind of person who is a copywriter (or who writes for money; it's a spectrum also, most people that are the first kind of people, mentioned above, are usually also this second kind of person to some degree):

Q. why did you change that sentence and take out the hot dog metaphor?
A. my boss told me to
Q. so?
A. my boss pays me to write; i listen to him, he pays me, i use the money to pay my mortgage and buy lamb chops, i live in the house and eat the lamb chops
Q. are you happy?
A. yes; the job is boring but i get paid a shitload and most of the time i'm just sitting there screwing around on the internet reading gawker
Q. so you write to make money?
A. yes, i write to make money
Q. do you read?
A. sometimes i read
Q. why?
A. some books are funny and i read them and i laugh which feels good and then i go eat a lamb chop which also feels good
Q. do you think art is important, do people need art?
A. no, people need a house, they need to eat, they need to have friends; in order to get a house and to eat you get a job and you do what the boss says; and anyone can get a friend; art is the same as video games or table tennis; some people like it, some don't, but even the ones who like it can live without it
Q. so you write to get money to get a house and those other things
A. yes
Q. would you write to get respect and to get people to like you?
A. yes, probably
Q. so writing is a tool for you to get other things that make you feel good?
A. yes

here is an interview with the kind of second kind of person who is a buddhist who writes fiction; or who is the kind of person who believes identity cannot be destroyed completely but only in degrees, and that pain and suffering would be reduced as identity is:

Q. you let anyone edit your work, you don't put your name on your work, and you don't care about the work once you've written it; why?
A. because once the work is on the paper there is no concrete way to trace the work back to me, unless you go into the past, but the past does not exist (to me, at least), and so identity is a lie, a lie which causes desire, which causes suffering and which is in opposition to 'oneness'
Q. you don't care if people plagiarize your work?
A. no; does a tree care if another tree grows the same leaf as it does?
Q. trees aren't conscious
A. i don't want to be conscious either; consciousness is simultaneous with identity; thought and movement creates identity
Q. why don't you just kill yourself?
A. because there probably isn't a way to be conscious and have no desires, but there is a way to be conscious and have less desires, and that's what i want to do
Q. how?
A. one way is by relinquishing control as much as possible without dying
Q. if you write something and it wins the national book award, then what?
A. i will train myself not to feel any differently than if any other book had won the national book award; identity demands self-definition, which demands that you be a member of society, which demands that you use the words 'progress,' 'success,' 'respect,' 'legitimacy,' 'good,' 'bad,' and other words, which demands that you have strong desires in order to distinguish yourself from others and also to gain success and all those other things that are possible only if you have an strong identity
Q. what if the news people come to your house and step on your potato garden after you win the nobel prize?
A. i'll probably realize that i shouldn't have written anything (or published it, rather), or in any way given it access to things like 'the national book award' or 'the nobel prize' and then begin to do that, to not publish things
Q. but can't literature also destroy people's identities a little; induce moments where you forget you exist separately from anything else?
A. yes
Q. isn't that what you want?
A. i guess
Q. do you think that the more edited a work is (and by more editors) the less identity-destroying power it will have, but on a greater number of people?
A. yes, that seems right
Q. so the more popular a book, the less affect it will have on a greater number of people
A. what's your point
Q. your art, since it is edited by whoever whenever, will have almost no effect on people; it will be like watching a sitcom, you forget it immediately, it doesn't destroy identity, it doesn't destroy desire, it doesn't reduce pain and suffering in the world; but actually probably increases it, since it's accessibility will no doubt be exploited by people in capitalist societies to make more profits to have greater returns for their stockholders
A. that's why i'm not going to write anymore; the more you think the stronger your identity will become, i think, unless you think like a robot; i'm just going to meditate under a tree
Q. no you're not
A. i know, i'm probably just going to walk by the river and try to feel calm
Q. then what?
A. i'm fucked, i feel very fucked
Q. how do you feel better?
A. when i read a book where the person expresses that they 'feel fucked'

the third way is used by people who believe, among other things (which will be discussed in the interview), that art is a way to reduce loneliness by expressing yourself exactly as you are so that someone else can read it and maybe want to be your friend and then actually be able to be friends with the actual creator of the art since the art would be the work of an individual and not 'two people' or 'two people plus consideration of the readers'

Q. you don't let anyone edit your work ever; why?
A. because i don't think there is 'better' only 'different.'
Q. if there is no 'better' why do you edit your own work; isn't it to make it 'better'?
A. for me, there is 'better'; for my own writing i can look at it and know how to make it better, but then it will only be 'better' for myself; the word 'better' exists only in the individual and is based upon the individual's worldview
Q. what do you mean by 'worldview'?
A. what assumptions the individual has made in the universe within what context; if the individual assumes that pain and suffering is bad and then takes the context of the earth and only human beings and not animals for the next 50 years then the person's writing will be 'better' if it reduces pain and suffering for human beings on earth for the next 50 years
Q. how can writing reduce pain and suffering?
A. different ways; it can make someone laugh, that reduces pain and suffering; it can make a person feel less lonely; it can teach a person to be more conscious of other people's pains and sufferings; it can show a person a shittier life than their own, which reduces pain and suffering
Q. then wouldn't you let someone else edit your work if the edited version will reduce pain and suffering in the world?
A. no, because everyone has a different worldview; someone else's 'better' is not my 'better'
Q. but all people want to reduce pain and suffering in the world, obviously
A. but people have different contexts; most people only include their generation and their immediate next-generation, most people do not include animals in their assumption (that pain and suffering is bad), and most people only include earth and not, say, the moons of saturn; one moon has an underwater ocean i think and maybe there are squid there that can be considered when one writes something
Q. but by not allowing people to edit your work aren't you being very protective of your 'identity,' which probably increases loneliness, pain, and suffering?
A. yeah; i don't know; but if i let someone else edit my work and the work is read by someone and that someone feels less lonely because of the work, because they feel that the work expresses exactly how they feel, and wants to be friends with the creator of the work, they will never be able to fulfill that; they cannot be friends with the creator of the work if the creator of the work is more than one person, therefore they cannot ever really become less lonely, except in their own imagination
Q. but what is the difference between an imaginary friend and a real friend?
A. i don't know
Q. everyone has a different worldview; no one should edit anyone else; what should people do then?
A. i don't know; there is no 'should,' there are only different assumptions and different contexts; everything i think or say is thought or said sarcastically, knowing that i have made assumptions and created contexts, just like everyone else
Q. why are you talking then; talking is always rhetorical, you are always influencing other minds, whether you want to or not; you are always teaching and trying to spread your own assumptions and contexts
A. it's done sarcastically; existence itself is sarcastic; free will is sarcastic, it is a pretend thing; consciousness within a universe that operates on physical laws is sarcastic; it is two things existing at once that cannot be reconciled
Q. you don't believe in 'right' or 'wrong'?
A. not outside the individual, and within the invididual not unsarcastically
Q. is killing wrong?
A. depends on what assumptions you've made; even if your assumption is 'pain and suffering is bad' killing might be 'right' if your context does not exclude any time, if your context includes from now until the end of time, because if all life was killed now there would be no more pain and suffering
Q. can anyone ever do anything sincerely in the world?
A. i don't know what the word 'sincere' means
Q. what is 'an opinion'?
A. there are no opinions, only different assumptions and different contexts
Q. does that console you? that existence is un-understandable, there is no 'right' or 'wrong' and everyone is equally confused and baseless in their assumptions and contexts?
A. yes it does
Q. how?
A. no one knows anything, that is comforting
Q. why?
A. i don't know; i guess it isn't comforting, since i feel shitty most of the time
Q. what are you going to do then?
A. i don't know
Q. why are you always so extreme? why is it either that you let people edit everything you write or that you let no one edit what you write?
A. because i need a philosophy that will tell me what to do at all times because otherwise i feel so fucked and nervous all the time
Q. but you still know that whatever philosophy you come up with it is based on assumptions and contexts, right?
A. yes, i am fucked no matter what i do
Q. why do anything then?
A. some things are fun and if you are with someone who is like you then it is fun and i'm not lonely and it can feel good
Q. so what is your philosophy that tells you what to do at all times?
A. well, my assumption is that pain and suffering is bad and my context is to exclude is little as possible; so i don't eat animals, i try to think about things as far into the future as possible, and i try to not think only about the earth, but also other galaxies, which is ridiculous and makes it almost impossible for me to live, but which in itself reduces pain and suffering because then i am more aware of other human beings and animals
Q. but animals in the wild suffer so much; and humans suffer so much; wouldn't your worldview actually make it 'right' that you eat animals, pollute the earth (so as to destroy more life), and devote your life to the construction of a nuclear bomb large enough to destroy the earth and thereby destroy pain and suffering on earth and stopping humans from building spaceships and then terrorizing other galaxies?
A. yes, probably; but i want to live
Q. so your context really includes yourself, then?
A. maybe
Q. do you think other people should be edited?
A. i don't know; i think that if no one edited anyone and art was always viewed as 'unique' and that that 'uniqueness' was valued then people would love each other more and be more tolerant and it might be a nicer place
Q. you are forcing your worldview onto other people, then, by telling them not to view art in terms of 'better' but in terms of 'different'
A. i do it sarcastically; i don't really believe in anything
Q. why do you care if you're edited or not, then?
A. like i said, my assumption is that pain and suffering is bad; by telling people not to edit me maybe i'm also influencing how they edit other people, maybe they will also edit other people less, maybe they will go away from editing and make their own art and express themselves and let others express themselves and maybe in time the word 'better' will no longer exist only 'different'; just like if i teach someone why they should not be racist or something towards me they might treat others the same way; still, i know that my assumption is no more 'right' than anyone else's, or even if i'm actually reducing pain and suffering in the world for anything beyond my tiny context; tiny temporally if not physically
Q. how can you live then?
A. i do it sarcastically; really, i am detached; i don't sincerely care about anything because i don't know what the words 'sincere' or 'care' mean; it's all just a strange hazy thing, like a dream almost; i don't know what it means to feel sad and i don't know how it is possible to feel sad but i still feel sad somehow, sometimes, and other emotions also; though i don't understand what an 'emotion' is