In HER FIRST TV INTERVIEW SINCE SHE GOT OUT OF JAIL, hotel heiress Paris Hilton sat down with CNN's Larry King for a very special Larry King Live last night. The articulate, multi-talented businesswoman appeared contrite, well-prepared, and -- ah, who are we kidding, it's Paris Hilton. Larry King nailed her on a Bible question. Here are some highlights.

The date: June 22, 2007
The place: University & 11th
Sighted: Walking up University Place on my way to Union Square, I had to jump out of the way of a maniacal Alec Baldwin, who was frantically chasing after a brunette. The only thing is that she wasn't running away, and I don't think he even knew her, because he ran up to her saying, "Excuse me! Excuse me!" Is he that desperate for a date?! They exchanged words for a few minutes and then she walked off, at which point he stumbled into the street. At first I thought he was crying, but it turns out he was just furrowing his brow and gripping his chest. I thought he was going keel over in the middle of the street. He then got back into his SUV (which I guess he had jumped out of in pursuit of this chick, who wasn't that hot) and drove off down 12th Street.

Intern Alexis, who usually applies a complicated ratings system to the couples featured in the Times' Weddings and Celebrations section to determine who has won the game of life, is out of town. So Emily is filling in. She doesn't believe in point systems, or the bourgeois institution of marriage.

So if Intern Alexis was here, we'd guess that Catherine Roach and Joshua Chafetz, who both graduated from Yale, she summa cum laude and he magna cum laude, would be the winners of Altarcations based on Yaliness alone. (They'd beat out New York Observer executive editor Peter Stevenson's wedding announcement, even though it's something of a shocker.) Roach's parents are even professors at Yale. Josh's parents are professors too. She's 27 and she's getting her doctorate in art history at Columbia and she's keeping her name—even though, hello? Crap name!—so she must be sort of a feminist. So it surprises us, in a way, to learn about her nuptials via the Times. Or actually, to learn about her nuptials at all. Because, when you think about it, marriage is a tool that the patriarchy uses to oppress women, just like it's always been. Oh, and love is a lie.

"The Ethicist" is Randy Cohen's long-running advice column in the New York Times. Each week, Gabriel Delahaye's "The Unethicist" will answer the same questions as "The Ethicist," with obvious differences.

This week, a question from the dullest voyeur on Earth, and a woman who is no longer eligible to run for office discusses what to do when "the help" goes "crazy."