Gawker

Far be it from us to complain about cross-promotion, and we understand that after the Tina Brown era there's no point in pretending that The New Yorker is anything but a magazine of its time, but still, a little part of us died when we saw this e-mail to subscribers of Eustace Tilley's gazette. more »

• Blogs: worse than the sixties. [NYT]
• Walter Scott, Walt Whitman also guilty of "sock puppetry." [NYT]
• Joe Hagan throws pretty much everything but the revelation that Bill Keller loves "The Wire" into this profile. [NYM]
• New magazine to battle Portfolio for that all-important douchebag demographic. [NYT]
• Speaking of douchebags, it's hard to identify to twattiest statement in this profile of the Flavorpill folks, but we're going to settle on, "We've been called the Cond Nast of e-mail." [NYT]
• Apparently, people wanted to see pictures of Suri Cruise. [WWD]
• Bill Gates has no iPod. Thank you, Donny Deutsch! [copyranter]

• After an extended period of darkness, 4-year-old Suri Cruise finally reveals herself to the world as a beautiful Asian-American.
• Katie Couric sashays onto the CBS Evening News, and the world is amazed that vaginas can read.
• And in other kind-of-vagina news, Rosie O'Donnell assumed the position on The View.
• Paris Hilton gets cuffed and it's got nothing to do with a sex tape.
• Cuddly rapper 50 Cent trades in his shiny Lamborghini for a trip to central booking.
• Glamour asserts itself as the most absurdly omnipresent magazine out there with four Today show appearances and a sponsored helicopter service.
• Sumner Redstone cans former prez and CEO Tom Freston, but not without the employees giving a cuddly send-off first.

A little Fake Writer Day nostalgia for you this morning, courtesy of Laura Albert, the woman formerly known as cult novelist and utter hoax J.T. Leroy, who gives an interview in the fall issue of the Paris Review: more »

You think you've had enough Suri Cruise? We'll tell you when you've had enough Suri Cruise. Until then, you're the Internet's little p t goose getting force-fed Suri cornmeal until we've decided your liver is just succulent enough. Above is this morning's Suriana from the Today show (baby-wig-tip, Cityrag), with Vanity Fair's feetch editor Jane Sarkin glibbing it up with Matt Lauer on the whole photographic extravaganza. Sarkin knows how to bring both the bubbly and the serious, so sit back and watch how the pros do it, Janice Min.

We're still grappling with the enormity of it all, the overwhelming revelation of Suri Cruise's hair and the crushing reality of Katie Couric as an evening news anchor. It's hard not to be dizzy at such an exciting time as this. Nevertheless, in an effort to understand, let us all repeatedly study the most important 61 seconds in the history of the entire world, when a woman wearing white after Labor Day showed us pictures of TomKat's baby Bjork. more »

HOLYSHITDIDYOUHEAR? Today's spanking-new Vanity Fair is a glossy manger, cradling the messiah of celebrity journalism, adorable 2-year-old Suri Cruise. Vanity Fair features editor Jane Sarkin hit the Today show just now for the requisite scoopy plug, noting that she spent a full five days at the TomKat compound in Telluride and wasn't forced to take a single E-meter test. More importantly, the article and accompanying photos, which you've been waiting for since Katie Holmes first donned her $5 million prosthetic womb, constitute twenty-two fucking pages of the magazine -- the most Vanity Fair has ever devoted to an Asian-American! more »

Could it be? Do Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes actually have a young human life in their possession? According to the paparazzi at X17, this utterly indiscernable photo shows new mother and Scientology detainee Katie Holmes and baby Suri, a touching image captured by the journalists flying above in the X17 TomKat 'Copter. To be fair, Katie could just be playing with her Baby Think It Over^TM doll -- but then again, it's a little too late for that. more »

• Jennifer Aniston's publicist denies Us Weekly's report that Aniston and Vince Vaughn are engaged, but he's made a lot of false denials before. Wait, does this suggest that publicists are merely paid liars? No. Can't be. [Us Weekly]
• Maxim's girl of the day: Floyd Landis. Ain't she a looker? [Maxim]
• New Observer owner Jared Kushner puts in 20-hour days. Doing what? Marveling at his fortune? Showing off how freakishly tall he is? [OAN]
• Old man Larry King drives like...an old man. [TMZ]
• After 20 years of sobriety, Robin Williams falls off the wagon and into rehab. It's the circle of celebrity life. [AP]
• Pity the Harvard freshmen who get Kaavya Viswanathan as their student advisor. Though she surely could offer guidance on how to get that creative writing assignment quickly completed. [IANS]
• NB to beauty bloggers: do NOT trust Allure. They will take your words regarding your favorite mascara, and they will destroy those words. No respect. [Beauty Addict]
• Is E! gossip Ted Casablancas getting the Star Jones treatment? We hope not, 'cause Giuliana certainly isn't any Barbara Walters. [Media Mob]
• Mel Gibson loves the girls in Philly. A little too much, perhaps. [PhillyNews]
• PowerHouse Books starts a magazine featuring content from PowerHouse books, creating an "indie media clusterfuck." Ooh, the clusterfucking means they're mainstream now. Congrats. [Animal]
• Our Los Angeles brother Defamer imagines the TomKat-n-Suri photoshoot for Vanity Fair. Chilling. [Defamer]
• Contrary to popular belief, keeping kosher does NOT protect you from tapeworms. [NYT]

• Yes, Virginia, there is a Suri -- and she's been photographed by Annie Liebovitz for Vanity Fair. We'd no idea Graydon was in the celebrity baby trade. Who are we kidding? The Scientologists totally paid him off to run a spread with a stuntbaby. [Page Six]
• Paul McCartney changes the locks and calls the cops on estranged wife Heather Mills. He's also frozen their joint bank account and thinks land mines are awesome. [NYDN]
• Lance Armstrong and Matthew McConaughey frolic in the rough waters off of Miami, their muscles taut and glistening. [TMZ]
• Now that Vaughniston is engaged, we can all learn that his "ring" is bigger than Brad's. [Us Weekly]
• Clothes shopping with Adrien Brody is like battling in the Coliseum. [R&M; (last item)]
• Larry David and environmentalist wife Laurie drive a gas-guzzling BMW 530, presumably because the Prius doesn't come in a luxury model. [Page Six]
• Celebrities are just soooo in love and soooo adorable and soooo happy. Fuckers. [Lowdown]

• A gentleman caller comes looking for Star Jones' "husband" Al Reynolds at 4 AM and rings the wrong buzzer (thus the whole world knows). Also not helping Al's case: running around in Spandex. [Page Six]
• Mel Gibson doesn't hate Jews who are female, 23-years-old, and "fetching." [R&M;]
• Penelope Cruz, always willing to lend her name and questionable credibility to Tom Cruise, claims to have seen "beautiful" baby Suri. [AP]
• Maria Menounos: the next Cindy Adams? [Page Six]
• Brad Pitt sings about how he wishes he worked in Midtown. The man's intelligence is just stunning. [Us Weekly]

It's been a deafening three months since Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes first pretended to bring baby Suri into the world, and it's only in the latest issue of Us Weekly that anyone has come forward claiming have to seen the baby. Alas, it's not a trusted Us journalist like Alyssa Shelasky who can vouch for the baby's existence; rather, it's King of Queens actress and Scientologist Leah Remini who says she's seen the miracle child. She tells the magazine that she had contact with Suri several weeks ago and that the infant looked like "a cross between the two, [with] dark, straight hair and dark eyes." Right, right, but what else? Says Remini, Suri's "a newborn and normal size." more »

• Beer king Pete Coors gets a DUI; in an era of corporate corruption, it sure is nice to see an executive who really loves his product. [Denver Post]
• If you're going to have a complex, might as well develop it in your infancy: pictures of Suri Cruise aren't worth half as much as those of Shiloh. [TMZ]
• At 7 PM tonight, a pompous clusterfuck will descend upon Soho House. Worse than usual, we mean. Here's your guide to understanding why the fuck Toby Young's book party is so random. [Eat the Press]
• Leonardo DiCaprio films at old mob haunt in Brooklyn; borough's celebrities-are-here arrogance grows 37%. [NewYorkology]
• A handy guide to the MySpace profiles of all your favorite D-list reality stars. [Jane]
• Speaking of D-List, agent Roger Paul revels in the joys of managing Screech. What's not to when the guy's packing 8-inches of hot geek meat? [NYP]
• The rules of office restroom etiquette: "Dancing in front of the auto-flush to the tune of 'Material Girl' playing in your head wastes water and will summon your boss to the bathroom like a beacon. Don't." [The World According to Tom]
• How not to gracefully accept that you didn't get the job. [PR Differently]
• The Post knows there's only one way to cover the "bartha bartha" explosion on East 62nd Street: by focusing on the hot girl who was tragically injured. A video of her almost getting killed? Even hotter. [NYP]

• Everyone's favorite gay escort-cum-White House reporter Jeff Gannon/James Guckert will be speaking this Thursday at the 3 West Club for the Log Cabin Republicans' monthly meeting. Hopefully, it'll be just like a Learning Annex session: how to transform your internet hobby into a viable prostitution endeavor. [Productshop NYC]
• Misguided farter Larry King tries to set up Kathy Griffin and Anderson Cooper. [Malcontent]
• MyTimes, the Times do-it-yourself homepage service, launches in Beta tonight for some 5,000 users. Some homeless person gave us his login info, and OMG IT IS SO TOTALLY NOT EXCITING. More on that tomorrow. [E&P;]
• Shamu is more popular than Star Jones -- while they may be of equal stature, one knows how to keep its mouth shut. [Eat the Press]
• New regime at Vibe results in twenty fired staffers. Bodies strewn across a dead-end street... [AdAge]
• Journalist Neil Strauss continues to pimp his pimping skills, drifts further from anything ever resembling a writing career. [iFilm]
• Suri Cruise looks increasingly fake; c'mon, you care! [TMZ]
• French soccer football captain Zinedine Zidane ended his career by headbutting an Italian player's chest during Sunday's World Cup final, and he might have the right idea: Rick Santorum certainly deserves a headbutt or seven. [HuffPo]
• Self-promoting memoirist Toby Young knows you're going to say his second book sucks. [Mediabistro]
• Precocious fabulist Kaavya Viswanathan's archived blog. [Kahini12]
• Anti-abortion blogger gets worked up over "Caroline Webber," a columnist who writes positively about her abortion and is thus branded a murderer. Nevermind the fact that the offensive, murderous column ran in The Onion. While we feign tolerance and respect of all points of view, those pro-life people sure are fucking stupid. [March Together for Life]

• Suri Cruise does exist, or at least her birth certificate does. Though, strangely, it was issued 20 days after her birth (the hospital's policy is within 10 days of birth), the attendant who signed the certificate wasn't actually in the room during the birth and the person who signed as certifier is unknown, thanks to an illegible signature. How completely not suspicious. [TMZ]
• Lloyd Grove identifies the exact moment when Star Jones and Rosie O'Donnell discovered their mutual hatred: Rosie's appearance on May 12, 2004 sparked an argument about the black vote and an on-air tirade from Star the next day. No apology to Rosie, either -- thus paving the way for poop soup.[Lowdown]
• A private equity firm established by U2 nominee and Nobel Peace Prize nominee Bono invests $300 million in a video game called "Mercenary 2: World in Flames." The game revolves around a gun-for-hire sent to blow shit up in Venezuela -- so long as it's not set in Africa, Bono's cool with that. [Page Six]
• Josh Hartnett is none too pleased when his girl Scarlett Johansson is helicoptered out to the Hamptons by Wilmer Valderrama. The poor guy's just looking out for his sexual health. [Gatecrasher]
• The bitchy senior assistant in Devil Wears Prada is, unsurprisingly, based on a real-life woman who worked with Weisberger before going on to work at, no joke, Prada. So: what's her name? One of you must know. [Page Six]
• At a Good Morning America outing at Bowlmor Lanes, Diane Sawyer falls on her ass for two gutterballs. Finally, an activity in which the woman cannot reach perfection. [R&M; (last item)]

• Today in the Wasted Adventures of Lindsay Lohan: after her birthday party, Lohan passes out on the toilet, "loses her keys," leaves her car parked in front of a drop-off spot on Pacific Coast Highway, and, in the grand finale, autistic kids can't access the beach. [Page Six]
• TomKat is keeping baby Suri so under wraps that even their fellow cult members have yet to see the baby. Until John Travolta can vouch for her, we're not convinced that baby even exists. [Us Weekly]
• Not surprisingly, Star Jones messy exit from The View was great for ratings: when she appeared on Larry King, he had triple his average number of viewers. Meaning that he also farted for an audience three times as disgusted as usual. [E!]
• A guest from Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban's wedding is auctioning off mementos on eBay. [Page Six]
• Contrary to the rumor mill, Jay-Z and Beyonce did not get married this weekend. That'll help you sleep better at night, no doubt. [Lowdown (3rd item)]
• Jennifer Lopez's ex-husband Ojani Noa claims that she practiced voodoo. Which is exactly how she keeps Marc Anthony submissive. [R&M;]
• Watch Paris Hilton dance, then stab yourself in the eye. [TMZ]