im - Gawker

see you next year BalkerStalker: You still going to post comments on Gawker once you leave?
Balk BTW: I dunno. I think it would sort of feel like being that guy who still hangs around high school after high school.
BalkerStalker: Yeah. Hate those guys.
BalkerStalker: What about your cock?
Balk BTW: My Cock hangs around high schools NOW.
Balk BTW: So probably.

23 comments

glittering prizes

Spurned MacArthur Genius Award Candidate Reflects

BALK BTW: Hey, what's up?
COCK BTW: Not me! I am DOWN, DOWN, DOWN.
BALK BTW: Oh no, what's wrong?
COCK BTW: The MacArthur genius grants came out today, and ONCE AGAIN I'm not on the list.
BALK BTW: Did you really expect to be?
COCK BTW: Every goddamned year! Do you know a brighter Cock than me?

1:40 PM ON TUE SEP 25 2007
BY BALK
2,625 views, 40 comments

Disasters We remember it like it was a few minutes ago: We were breezing along, eleven windows open, chatting with all our friends about "The Hills," when suddenly, for no reason, everything went dead. The last thing we saw was "i think audrina is, literally, retarded," and then, boom, disconnected! WHAT A NIGHTMARE! We almost had to go to gchat! Then, when we got back on, we heard that like it happened to everyone else too! OMG! Where were you during the Great Seven Minute IM Outage of 2007 happened? How did you survive? We want to hear your stories.

32 comments

news jews can use From the mailbag: "What is an acceptable time for the non-observant Jew to leave the office today? 4? Is 3:30 pushing it?" Well, ONE non-observant Jew who won't be named just left here at 3:12, so we'd say you're safe to go now!

41 comments

Think Piece

'The Hills' Is The New 'Sex And The City'

Perhaps you have noticed that I am obsessed with the MTV "reality" show The Hills. It seems like a lot of you are, too! And, like, every celebrity magazine, and even Real Newspapers, are too. At first, it sort of seemed like a joke, like a so-bad-it's-good sort of thing. We were only being ironic as we watched! But now we think there's something not at all ironic at work here. more »

5:10 PM ON WED AUG 29 2007
BY DOREE
14,549 views, 61 comments

golden showers, golden years

Old People Have Sex

Balk BTW: Okay, sorry about this, I don't want to bring you down or anything, but I have to ask. Whaddya think about that study that shows that the elderly are still getting it on? This one:
Balk BTW: "The study of 3005 adults aged 57 to 85 found most had an active sex life with a partner or spouse. More than half of sexually active older adults had sex two to three times a month—the same frequency reported among younger adults in a 1992 national survey."

5:15 PM ON THU AUG 23 2007
BY BALK
4,455 views, 34 comments

Latest by Curse_of_NursePornstein: If it isn't blindingly obvious, I would like to state for the record that I was, in fact, hitting the more »

the culture

The Star Jones Show Is A Train Wreck

We don't have the T.V. on, so we missed the just-concluded second-ever episode of the Star Jones show on Court TV. Fortunately, we are getting a barrage of horrified real-time updates via IM. It sounds really, really bad. more »

4:00 PM ON TUE AUG 21 2007
BY CHOIRE
8,019 views, 36 comments

out of the mouths of babes

Julia Allison Shatters Our Last Illusion

As discussed, the thing we all like least about our jobs here is the frequency and persistence with which Star Editor-at-Large Julia Allison instant messages us. Today, she dropped a bomb on us.

2:40 PM ON FRI AUG 10 2007
BY EMILY
11,232 views, 39 comments

out of the mouths of babes

The Wisdom Of Julia Allison

We bitch and moan about the stresses of this job a lot—mediocre pay (not Observer-bad, but still!), little sleep, getting slapped around by a hot and crabby gay—but perhaps the most frightening aspect of working at Gawker occurs in those random moments when Star Editor-at-Large Julia Allison pops up on the IM to drop some knowledge. So, fine, we're spreading the agony around. more »

5:20 PM ON WED AUG 8 2007
BY BALK
9,399 views, 19 comments

ask an expert

How Not To Sound Like An Idiot In The Hamptons

Or, at least, how to sound like a local idiot! As we prepare for this weekend's journey to the Hamptons, the life lessons are already piling up. First of all—did not know this!—one doesn't go "up to the Hamptons," one goes "out to" them. This is, you see, because of their geographic location! Still, whatever, you don't actually wait on a line (or even in one). And Moses didn't actually go south to the Pharoah's land— scholars agree he probably went north-northwest. Anyhoo, we still wanted some advice. We sat down with a regular Hampton-goer, who requested anonymity. We'll call him the Noam Chomsky of Amagansett. more »

2:55 PM ON FRI AUG 3 2007
BY JOSH
9,260 views, 57 comments

Latest by barette: oh, that I were but a tiny spritz of water in thy little neon green houseplant mist squirter. more »

bad day at flack rock

Howard Rubenstein Says George Steinbrenner Still Crafty And Evil

Sad news from Portfolio. The September issue reveals the world's worst kept secret: George Steinbrenner is unwell. The Post, writing about the piece today, describes a tragic moment from Franz Lidz' article:

Lidz recently gained entry to George Steinbrenner's home in Tampa, Fla., by tagging along with McEwen, a wheelchair-bound former Tampa Tribune sports editor.
"A solitary figure emerges out of the shadows, limping towards us," wearing silk pajamas and a terry-cloth robe, Lidz writes.
"Great to see ya, Tommy," Steinbrenner says to McEwen.
Steinbrenner says "Great to see ya," each time McEwen, 84, asks about the Boss' wife, sons and daughters in separate questions.

12:10 PM ON FRI AUG 3 2007
BY BALK
2,103 views, 13 comments

Latest by Phyllis Nefler: @RufusV2: And don't eat your peas one at a time. more »

garbage in, garbage out

What's the Emoticon for 'Meh'?

Hoping to maintain some sway with both the young and those Upper East Side parents desirous to understand their children's IM conversations (that they're surreptitiously recording), Sunday Styles this weekend featured a guide to emoticons, those signifiers of emotional life expressed with punctuation marks that are so popular with the kids. How very dotcom and youthy! Our reactions started with I:-/ then a little %-( but finally ended up :I. Emily, on the other hand, was more like :) so we ('') (chatted). more »

5:00 PM ON MON JUL 30 2007
BY JOSH
3,912 views, 23 comments

Latest by HipsterPit: ))--(( more »

different strokes

My Cock For Barack

Rhymes With Cory: So remember last week when you were all, "Oh no, Emily's going to be gone all week, we're never gonna have enough material?"
BALK BTW: As if it were Friday.
Rhymes With Cory: And I was like, "Nah, we'll be fine." And you said, "We're going to be begging My Cock for posts." And I told you it would never happen?
BALK BTW: Uh huh.
Rhymes With Cory: Is Your Cock awake? Because we have a huge hole.
BALK BTW: Funny enough, we were just IMing. Are we really that desperate?
Rhymes With Cory: I would take a post from Your Balls at this point.
BALK BTW: Okay, lemme see if he's up for it.

3:25 PM ON TUE JUL 17 2007
BY BALK
4,882 views, 27 comments

Latest by crookedE: "Barack/My Cock in '08" has a kinda nice ring, doncha think? more »

Catfights

'Obama Girl' Video Destroying Hot Female Friendships

You've heard about that Obama girl video, right? Everyone's talking about it. But is it harmless fun or an insult to womanhood's long struggle to be considered equal to men? It's an issue driving a wedge between even the closest of friends—for instance, Huffington Post media critic Rachel Sklar and Star editor-at-large Julia Allison. We've obtained a transcript of a recent (private) clash they had on the subject, and we make it public here because, well, it's very important. Whose side are you on? The answer might surprise you!

Julia Allison: i watched the new Obama Girl video
Julia Allison: i found it totally inappropriate, demeaning to women, and reinforcing of sexual stereotypes
Rachel Sklar: oy. go ahead, gloria steinem
Julia Allison: I cannot believe you didn't have a problem with it!
Rachel Sklar: how exactly is that different from your little photoshoot?????
Rachel Sklar: no problem at all whatsoever. i thought it was hilarious
Julia Allison: because I don't profess to be about politics

1:25 PM ON TUE JUL 17 2007
BY BALK
14,069 views, 84 comments

Latest by Single And Fabulous? on Jossip: Ladies! Are you single, desperate and hankering for a one night stand? If so, let post-feminist feminist Julia Allison tell more »

ask a gay

Cary Tennis Leaves Us Confused, Kinda Gay

If you can't stomach reading through another Cary Tennis Salon advice column—and who can, they're ridiculous—we'll summarize today's. A gay writes a long-ass letter (all of Cary's correspondents write long-ass letters; the dude's audience appears to be comprised entirely of damaged hypergraphics) about a male co-worker who registers high on the gaydar but claims to be straight. BUT. He has told the gay that the gay has pretty eyes. What does it all mean? Should the gay see if the "straight" is actually bendy? Cary answers with some bizarre rambling advice that includes an imagined dialogue between "Gaydar Tower" and "tall dark handsome object," which makes us want to kill ourselves and doesn't really answer the question. So we checked in with our own (unsuspecting!) resident agony aunt. more »

12:45 PM ON TUE JUN 26 2007
BY BALK
4,579 views, 34 comments

Latest by the rat: ok, I was drunk, but I still think momo is gay. more »

the modern man

Must Straight Men Be Manscaped?

Manscaping: According to Simon Doonan, it's an epidemic amongst our city's movers and shakers. The depilatory procedure, "known among practitioners as 'back, sack and crack,' ...concerns male hetero hair removal. Yes, below the waist. Eeeeeuw!" Our feelings exactly, compounded with fear: Do we really have to go out and get our short-and-curlies tweezed away? Because, seriously, you could make wigs for every resident of Staten Island and have plenty left over for blankets and handkerchiefs. To get to the bottom (haha, get it?) of this whole sordid business, we checked in with the ladies of Jezebel. more »

11:16 AM ON WED JUN 20 2007
BY BALK
12,652 views, 92 comments

Latest by LtzPre10d: OK, New unapproved commenter here. I feel strongly that a crop at the shop is sometimes much needed. I don't more »

celebrity connections

Angelina Jolie's Intellectual Secrets

You may not know it, but press-averse Oscar winner Angelina Jolie is a huge fan of quirky literary quarterlies. While some say she developed her interest in the scene during what we assume was her brief affair with n+1's Marco Roth, it's obvious that she's not beholden to any one particular title. Clearly having heard of the financial drain recently incurred by McSweeney's, the talented thespian took to the streets of Manhattan yesterday with a copy of Dave Eggers' What Is The What? as a show of solidarity. Possibly she also agreed to exchange her lifetime subscription for a pack of playing cards. Celebrities: They're just like a couple of doofuses in Williamsburg! [Ed. Note: Yes, that is a picture of Balk's computer looking at the photo of Angelina Jolie carrying the Dave Eggers book that we were not going to pay $500 to buy. It's a nice picture though! Log into the fine website Splash News and go see!] more »

5:50 PM ON THU JUN 14 2007
BY BALK
7,429 views, 25 comments

Latest by VeinsLikeGardenHoses: I'm most impressed by the number of IMs Balk's juggling back there. I max out at three and call it more »

try and remember the times that were good

'The Sopranos' Series Finale

So last night "The Sopranos" - the greatest television show EVER, etc. - drew down the curtain. Balk and Choire rose at an ungodly hour to sort out the whole thing. If you're the sort of person who has not yet seen the episode and doesn't want it ruined, call in sick to work and watch it now. Then come back here and read this conversation which, it goes without saying, has more spoilers in it than [certain character who got shot last night] has holes in him. Enjoy and chime in. more »

9:30 AM ON MON JUN 11 2007
BY BALK
16,336 views, 63 comments

Latest by superba: @Balk: Ok. The guy at the hotel today told me that the Guy in Members Only Jacket is something to do more »