Checking In

My Sister-In-Law, Little Mary Sunshine

Fri Mar 30, 2:00 AM ET

DEAR MARGO: What do you do when one of your family members is a real downer and you don't want her around? My sister-in-law and brother live out of state, and I only see them once a year or so. I love my brother dearly, but his wife is a real beast. My brother and my mom do not see eye to eye, and my brother tells stories (that may be fabricated) to his wife. Therefore, she hates my mother and constantly refers to her as "evil." While my mom is far from perfect, she is hardly the she-devil my S.I.L. claims.

The problem with all of this is that I am getting married next fall, and the thought of having my S.I.L. at the wedding makes me physically ill. She never has anything positive to say, never offers a compliment and would rather sit, sulk and scowl than relax and have fun. She is just a miserable person and brings everyone down, and I don't want her to spoil the mood at my reception.

However, it will kill me if my brother isn't there, as he is my only sibling. Is there anything I can say to tactfully let her know my concerns?

--- REALLY CONCERNED BRIDE-TO-BE

DEAR REAL: In a word, no. There simply is no way, tactful or otherwise, to say to your brother's wife, the beast, that you find her a downer whose sitting, sulking and scowling give you a stomachache.

But here's the good news: Unless your wedding will involve fewer than 10 people, Miss Congeniality will not have the opportunity to ruin your day. The focus will be on you and your groom, and I'm pretty sure the S.I.L. will even go easy on the she-devil, I mean, your mother.

Just block her out of your thoughts.

--- MARGO, CONFIDENTLY

Can You Top This?

DEAR MARGO: I have been friends with a woman since we were in high school. We are in our 50s now and both have sons the same age.

When we were growing up, her family was comfortable, and my dad died when I was 14, so I had very little. She never failed to mention that she had things that I didn't, but of course "she didn't think any less of me."

Now I am better off financially, and she is a twice-divorced, single mother who works two jobs. I have never gloated about the obvious role reversals, but every time I mention my son's accomplishments, such as graduation from college (hers did not) or buying his girlfriend an engagement ring, she always comes back with some embellished story that tops everything. Her son bought his wife diamonds and platinum, or he sells more on his cola route in rural Texas than any other salesman in the country.

In one story she tells of his virtuousness in that he doesn't drink and doesn't want to be friends with anyone who does. Then she tells me his lifelong dream is to open a sports bar.

Do you get my message here? I am just so sick of her chronic lying it is difficult for me to keep my mouth shut. Should I just tell her I know she is lying, or just play along, since we don't live in the same town and it seems to give her some kind of power boost?

--- FINGERS IN THE EARS, YELLING LALALALALA

DEAR FING: Play along, hon. This is one of those cases where understanding is everything. The "reversal," as you call it, is driving her nuts and she is trying to keep up pretenses. This does not make her a wonderful, quality person, but there you are. There is nothing to be gained by calling her on her fabrications.

Either keep contact to a minimum, or let the relationship wane. I believe if you think about her situation, the exaggerations won't bother you as much. She is trying to keep up with the Joneses, and you are the Joneses.

--- MARGO, KNOWLEDGEABLY

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered. To read more about Margo Howard, click here.

COPYRIGHT 2007 MARGO HOWARD
DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.

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