• Jessica Simpson’s dad, Joe, wants to “beat the crap” out of Bam Magera for bragging that he slept with Jessica.. Because nobody is allowed to talk about having sex with his daughters but him, dammit!
• Charlie Sheen is set to become TV’s highest-paid sitcom star for his role on Two And A Half Men. Friends, family, and local L.A. whores are incredibly excited about the news.
• Analysts estimate that MySpace could be worth $15 billion within three years. Suddenly Tom just got a little more attractive, didn’t he ladies?
• Rod Stewart has vowed to get a vascectomy after he fathers one more child. No joke here; just included it because we wanted you to think of a 107-year-old Rod Stewart having sex. You’re welcome.
• Pete Doherty, who has vowed to stay clean for girlfriend Kate Moss, was spotted shopping for syringes just 15 hours after leaving rehab. When confronted he responded, “I meant to say I’ll keep my syringes clean for Kate. It’s a start.”

The title says it all. Here’s a video from Monday’s Babyshambles show in Ireland. The video is shaky and blurry and you can’t really make out what’s going on… so in a way it’s kind of like being Pete Doherty. Keep your eyes open for a cigarette smoking Kate Moss hopping on stage and singing at the halfway mark.

Vid via Stereogum.

• Aaron Carter has ended his engagement to Playboy model Kari Ann Peniche after just nine days. Apparently it took him that long to determine that “girls are gross.”
• Kate Moss has reportedly agreed to marry Pete Doherty. No wedding date has been set yet, but the couple has already registered with that shady dude Hector who hangs out in the alley by your apartment and the The Priory rehab center in England.
• Sorry folks, but K-Fed has decided to leave the track that started it all, “PoPoZao”, off his new album. Fans who want to hear the track can still find it online, or wait until they die and are forced to listen to it on a continuous loop in hell.
• Paul McCartney says he’s “doing fine” despite the turmoil surrounding the breakup of his marriage. He also pointed out that he’s standing on his own two feet… which is more than his ex can say.
• Mel Gibson has spoken out against the war in Iraq and says that American civilization is on the decline. Not surprisingly, he said this after getting pulled over in Baghdad, before drunkenly proclaiming that he “owns Tikrit.”

• A plastic bag has been spotted floating near a shuttle in outer space, thus completely blowing the minds of stoned college kids who think American Beauty* and 2001 are, like, so deep man.
• While visiting boyfried Pete Doherty in rehab last week, Kate Moss reportedly “got it on” with him in the public garden, proving once again that these two are the Romeo and Juliet of drug-addled enablers. Oh bag of blow, bag of blow - wherefore art thou bag of blow?
• Jessica Simpson says shooting her movie Employee of the Month “got her through a tough time”. Yes, nothing brightens the days of bitter divorce quite like Dane Cook doing cartwheels while holding his crotch and making fart noises.
• You know what else healed the wounds of Jessica’s broken matrimony? F*cking some Jackass whose entire life’s work consists of binge drinking, lighting himself on fire and letting crabs dangle from his tongue.
• To mark the 15th anniversary of Nirvana’s landmark album Nevermind, Courtney Love busts out one of her old classics, “Still Shamelessly Exploiting My Dead Genius Husband For Personal Attention After All These Years”.

*Seriously, it’s a f*cking bag.

• JUST LIKE PROM MOMENT: Gossip bloggers band together and rank their “Top 10 Most Hated Celebs”. While we weren’t asked to participate (waiting by phone, checking beeper, et al.), for the record, it’s Lupe Ontiveros. (Popbytes)
• FUGLIC SEX: Kate Moss and Pete Doherty tried to get away with public sex in rehab. No joke, but in our minds we picture a shakey toothless hobo sweeping the floor with a strangely Asian broom and breathing heavily. And, oddly, it’s quite sensual… (The Superficial)
• USEFUL PRODUCT: While the following robotic device is meant to keep bored dogs busy while at home alone, stuff some hummus inside those pellet things and we’d honestly have a great time. (Kongtime by Dogopolis)
• PAPAR-NAZIS: Justin Timberlake looks pissed… and kinda Gump-ish. If we could choose anyone to be our abusive boyfriend, we’d want it to be him. (X17 Online)
• SIMI-HILARITY: Maybe Vin Diesel IS gay…? (US Weekly)
• LIFE IMITATES ART?: Remember the Stephen King movie Sleepwalkers, where those scary cat people sucked the souls directly out of people’s mouths? Well, take a look at this polaroid-parade of 15-year-old models, and tell us these girls aren’t all victims. (Confessions of a Casting Director via Gawker)

• The Cookie Monster will start eating fruit. We somehow think a character named “The Fruit Monster” would give Jerry Falwell a heart attack.
• Producers of the MTV Video Music Awards are encouraging people to storm the stage, in order to create some “hilarious” viral videos. We’d like to tell you not to fall into their marketing trap, then again we would pay money to see the look on J. Simpson’s face when some naked dude hops on her back looking for a piggy back ride.
• In an effort to make the carpet match the curtains, Cameron Diaz dyes her hair black.
• Pete Doherty has been busted in rehab, giving cocaine to a teenager. IN REHAB! We’re kind of starting to love this crazy, googly-eyed son of a bitch.
• NYC Officials are begging CBS to reconsider their Survivor: Race Wars concept. In response, CBS flashed a “bloods” sign, and took off on their bicycles.

I don’t know why I love this video so much, but I just do. Hear what this group of random celebs (James Blunt, Pete Doherty, Madonna, Bono & Michael Moore?) has to say about not being able to attend the Pop Video Awards in London. Oh those cheeky Brits!

There is a special breed of celebrities who, whether they consciously realize it or not, have some sort of pathological need to repeat the same bad behavior over and over again, no matter how much negative attention it brings them. Pete Doherty, Charlie Sheen, Robert Downey Jr., Paris Hilton - all repeat offenders of assorted naughtiness. And just as you roll your eyes reading about Pete’s weekly crack arrest, such is the response to Naomi Campbell and her repeated assaults on her employees. That’s right, yet ANOTHER of the supermodel’s ex-employees has come forward and accused Campbell of physical and verbal abuse. I am utterly convinced that even picking up Naomi’s drycleaning is a job far more dangerous and deadly than anything the special forces see on the front lines of Fallujah. Be warned.

• James Blunt’s You’re Beautiful song brings a girl out of a coma. But for every one person he wakes, he puts another 500 in a coma.
• Katie Couric’s absence from The Today Show hasn’t hurt its ratings. And it’s done wonders for the general vibe of the office.
• Bruce Willis sues paparazzi who claims the star attacked him. And if a lawsuit doesn’t scare him, maybe this fist will.
• Vince Vaughn invited parents to a nude sex shoot with Aniston. To help with the chemistry.
• Jeremy Piven tells Cubs fans to “Hug it out, you little bitches.” Also says it to taxi driver, rabbi, talk show host, dog and anyone who doesn’t recognize him.
• Pete Doherty fined for cocaine use. That should scare him straight.

Tom Cruise has been actively recruiting Hollywood super-couple Brangelina ever since they had their baby. He’s offered Angelina humanitarian awards, and Brad paternal advice. He’s even lent the couple his private jet. But no matter what he does, beautiful, successful, emotionally-fulfilled Brangelina just won’t join Scientology.

Of course they won’t, they don’t need to. Tom’s heart’s in the right place, but he’s going about things in the wrong way. Every religious leader knows the best converts are people in crisis. Just ask Jesus, he’s already got his celebrity quota in the bag. Today drug-addled rehab-bound Pete Doherty told press he’s been talking to the big C, who told him to “pull himself together and repent his sins.” Now that’s the what we’re talking about, Tom, tough love on down-and-out celebrities. That’s the only way to play this crazy religion game. It also couldn’t hurt to drop the whole the alien thing. It’s kind of creeping people out.

Those rapscallions in the British tabloid press are reporting that drug-tormented supermodel Kate Moss was seen blowing chunks in the VIP section of the Isle of Wight music festival. Was this just an isolated incident caused by a few too many Jager shots on an empty stomach, or is Kate two dates with Pete Doherty away from another stint in rehab? Only time - and the tabloids - will tell.

• Brangelina and co. will return to Malibu this weekend, to resume rubbing their joy in Jennifer Aniston’s face.
• Pete Doherty checked into rehab again, but he claims he thought it was a supermarket.
• Jessica Simpson and P.Diddy have a red carpet scuffle at CFDA Awards, over who’s more three years ago.
• Lindsay Lohan says she never hooked up with a member of the band McFly. But Marty McFly should give her a call
• Right Said Fred are making a comeback. Willing to admit they’re not too sexy.
• Lots of celebrities smoke pot to relax. But mostly they’re just using it as a gateway drug.
• Kelly Osbourne to host UK’s Project Runway. Singing career was just a way to get into to reality show hosting.
• Angelina Jolie has replaced her Bill Bob tattoo with one that honors kids Maddox and Zahara. Like that relationship will last.

He’s fought with Kate on a train, shot up in an automobile, and now to complete the locomotive trilogy, Pete Doherty is currently being detained on a plane. According to Gawker, Pete’s holed up on a grounded Easyjet plane bound for Barcelona, after a syringe was found in the aircraft’s toilet.

“An airline spokesman said the captain of the easyJet flight from Gatwick radioed ahead to ask police to meet the flight at Barcelona’s El Prat airport. Police are currently searching the plane as it sits on the runway with 142 passengers aboard, according to the easyJet spokesman.”

Unless one of the other 141 other passengers on board come clean about their mid-flight insulin shot, Pete can finally be made an honorary member of the mile high club.

Recognizing that the British have more benefits than American folks, the rich and powerful have decided to throw us a bone. Where as yesterday, we had to pay for healthcare and we couldn’t watch the video footage of Pete Doherty’s syringe blood squirt because it was only available on MTV Overdrive in the UK, today one of those problems has been solved.
Go to MTV overdrive and scroll down for a link to the footage.

And today in Pete Doherty news: the Babyshambles rocker squirted a syringe full of blood all over an MTV camera crew after injecting himself chock full o’ heroin. Even though we Viacom minions are a sturdy bunch, the stint forced the camera crew to sterilize thousands of pounds of equipment. Even Doherty’s bandmates took offense to Pete’s antics, apologizing to MTV for his behavior. Props to jim for dropping off today’s requisite Doherty story, but we think we liked Pete better yesterday, when he was a woman.

If you live in the UK, not only do you get free healthcare, you also get to watch the footage of Pete’s blood squirt here on MTV UK.
Got something you want to share with us? Drop it here. Or Prop up stories you want to see on our homepage, here.

At a recent show in Germany with band Babyshambles, Pete Doherty, dressed from head to toe as a women and performed an entire concert in drag. On the way to the concert, the singer was spotted smoking from a crack pipe, which according to tabloids explains his gender-bending performance. Smoking hormones makes the boobies grow faster.

Check out more pictures here.

Cubachick Dropped this story about Pete Doherty painting with his own blood 7 hours ago. It’s taken me that long to actually accept it.

I mean, we know the guy loves needles. LOVES them. Pete Doherty loves needles like a fat kid loves cake, or like 50 Cent loves cliche similes. But to get to the point where he’s combining his love for sticking things into his arms and painting pictures… that can’t be healthy. What’s next? If he starts using a needle instead of pick to play guitar, I’m calling for help.

Because besides the whole painting thing, Pete’s a totally normal and well put-together individual. We have nothing to worry about whatsoever. (Got a story for us? Drop It now!)

Now, some people look at this picture and what do they say? “This is an outrage! Pete Doherty is injecting heroin into an unconscious fan! That’s disgusting!” Fair enough.

But that’s not what I see. I see Pete coming to the aid of a big Babyshambles fan the only way he knows how– with drugs. I’m sure he meant well. I’m sure he saw a passed out woman and wanted to help. But once he grabbed her arm and checked for a pulse he had an uncontrollable Pavlovian response and couldn’t stop himself from instinctively jamming a needle into her vein. You can’t fault the guy for that, can you?

Oh. You can? Nevermind then. [Read The Sun’s article here]

This has got to be some kind of world record.  Troubled rocker Pete Doherty, only 3 hours after appearing in court and being spared jail time on drug charges from an arrest last month, has been arrested yet again, totally demolishing his previous personal best time of 8 hours back in January.  To give you some perspective, Bob posted about Pete’s victorious court appearance today slightly more than an hour ago, and Pete has now gotten himself arrested again.  How can we even keep up?

It appears that Pete Doherty has finally met someone who understands him: Mike Tyson. According to Female First, he did a solo performance for Tyson at a bar, and the fighter gave him a standing ovation. Someone on the scene said, "They were getting on really well, so Tyson asked Pete to play some songs for him. Pete always has an acoustic guitar with him so he played two or three Babyshambles numbers.

"He got a great response. Tyson loved every minute of it." They are said to have stayed up all night talking in what must have been the most fascinating conversation in the history of the world.

Rav from the News of the World has an update on that crazy on-again, off-again (in more than one way) couple, Kate Moss and Pete Doherty:

KATE MOSS and junkie badboy PETE DOHERTY are an item again, I can exclusively reveal. The couple have enjoyed a string of nights together at her £2.5 million country retreat in Gloucestershire. And she’s even given him a key to her new pad in St John’s Wood, north London.
It comes just days after Doherty scrawled "I love Kate 4eva" on his car window as he left court after facing new drugs charges. Last night a source revealed: "It’s the news Kate’s been trying to hide, but it’s true they’re spending more and more time together… "Pete’s like a love-sick teenager all over again."

So if you’re having problems with your girlfriend, just get arrested and write her name on a car window as you leave court. Works every time!

Ozzy Osbourne has offered to save Pete Doherty from his drug addiction. While the aging rocker is famous for his bouts with excessive booze and drugs, he’s reportedly cleaned up his act in the past few years thanks to a radical detox treatment, more powerful than any rehab center or methadone clinic. His secret? wife Sharon.  Ozzy claims Sharon is great at cleaning up drug-addled rockers and he really thinks Doherty should give her a try. He also mentioned his price is negotiable.