There is a lot of noteworthy television on tonight — so put the kids to bed at 6, throw back a fistful of martinis, and use this handy guide to make sure you catch every moment.

8:00 PM: America’s Next Top Model Finale, CW: Tyra Banks has narrowed down 12 cokey young hopefuls to the top 3 models, and tonight is decision time. Between CariDee, Melrose and Eugena, which young woman will spend the next week of her life working as an actual model and the rest of eternity as a old reality show star who never had a chance in hell of making it in Milan? We have been rooting for CariDee from the beginning, but have a sinking feeling that the mouthy, psycho-eyed Melrose will take the prize. Expect to find out the winner after a 17-minute long speech from Tyra where she talks about how modeling is like being the rocket scientist of facial expressions.

9:00 PM The Biggest Loser, NBC: What better chaser to a reality show about models than a reality show about frustrated obese people losing weight the old fashioned way (diet and exercice)? Tonight is their final week at the diet ranch, meaning they’re actually starting to look strangely hot. Cram your face with Mallomars as they cry on the elliptical machine, fire up that Mongolian barbecue as they cry on the treadmills, play “I’m a Candy Cane Walrus” as they cry on the Stairmaster. Then submit your application for next season.

10:00 PM Top Chef, Bravo: Initially, we greatly resented Top Chef for taking over our beloved Project Runway slot. But we finally gave in, when we realized that it’s actually one of the best shows on TV. Our three favorites, Elia, Sam, and Wolverine (Marcel) are still in the mix to win, if they don’t slit each other’s throats first. In tonight’s ep, the chefs must create a meal without the benefits of appliances… we assume Michael will dump a can of baked beans on a plate and stick a French toothpick flag in it, God bless him. Note to judges: We only have room for one Ugly Betty on our tv screens - kick the bitch off already.

11:00 PM - 3:00 AM: Seinfeld, Your Hearts.

Side Note: Even though the highly anticipated Christmas episode of The Office isn’t debuting until next Thursday, Yahoo TV has been kind enough to bless us with 3 clips from the show. We’ve been craving Christmas Goose ever since. (via OfficeTally)

Shea Hess is back with an all new BNE format. She’s here to show you the five best moments on TV for Wednesday night!