NAME CHANGE: Porn star Mary Carey needs to think of a new name thanks to a Mariah Carey lawsuit. That means she’s gonna have to use her head for something other than… well, you know. Head. (Cityrag)
THE MAN’S A FIGHTER: Sylvester Stallone attacked the Mexican border fence. Fence declares “There ain’t gonna be no rematch.” (LA Times)
GENUINE SINCERITY: Gawker writes its first-ever snark-free post to share a clip of New York’s Subway Superman. It couldn’t come at a better time. (Gawker)
WELCOME BACK: Britney Spears updates her website! Presumably while spread eagle! (Idolator)
JACKASS: Now Bam Majera says he didn’t have sex with Jessica Simpson. The guy must be really scared of John Mayer. (Celebitchy)
The folks at Radar decided to take one for the team and dive head first into the wonderful world of breasts. Those lucky bastards.
“With 2007 marking 100 years since the invention of the brassiere, it would seem that boob obsession is alive, robust, and more pervasive than ever…”
Um, ya think? If you want to learn more about why Suzanne Somers had a career, check out In Loving Mammary. It’s quite titillating*.
*Yes, I know that’s a terrible joke.
**Yes, I’m overcompensating. I’m sorry.
We know this video is, like, SO OLD (it was posted on YouTube on December 28th. In blog years, that makes it ancient) but we had to share this video anyway. Here’s the inevitable response to SNL’s “D**k In A Box”– Box In A Box. You knew this was coming.
Thanks to Saphronjenkins for dropping this. Got something you want us to see? Drop it now!
Today, much to the surprise of my friends, family and… me, I was forced out of the closet. The culprit: InTouch magazine.
Out of the hundreds and hundreds of posts I’ve written for BWE.tv, they had to pick that quote, didn’t they?
I just got off the phone with my mom and reassured her that I’m still straight (her response: “Bobby, you’re my son, I’ll love you no matter what” came a little too quickly… like she’s been waiting for this or something) and my friends have already IM’d me to let me know that Justin is currently available and “on the rebound.” Thanks everybody.
Now I know how Doogie must’ve felt. Perez- you stay away.
TEXT MESSAGES: K-Fed booty-texting Lindsay Lohan? Lindsay denying him? K-Fed Calling her “firecrotch”? Who’s not surprised by this beautiful sequence of events? (Us)
YOU KNOW YOU’RE THINKING IT: So, these robot vaginas that the South Koreans are practicing delivering babies from. Are they… you know? You know. (Reuters)
NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS: There are a couple of glaring omissions in Courtney Love’s list. I’ll let you figure out what they are. (Metadish)
HE HATES THE VIEW: First he disses Rosie, then he snaps atMeredith… Watch out Lisa Ling, Donald Trump is coming after you next (TMZ)
COMPLETELY COMPLETE LIST: Here are the 100 Most Annoying Things of 2006. Somehow Mind of Mencia just missed. (retroCRUSH)
You know why I love YouTube? Because without it, nobody would take the time to compile lists like “10 Kick Ass Opening Credit Sequences”. When you woke up this morning, did you think something as inconsequential as credit sequences would occupy your mind today. Of course not. But they’re about to. Watch them all here.
Here’s some news that surely would’ve given you an erection 6 years ago (if you’re a dude… and if everything worked properly.) So pretend that it’s the year 2001 and Britney Spears is the hot-Slave 4U-Britney and not the vagina flashing-mom-Britney. Just pretend.
A source told Britain’s More magazine: “Britney’s been getting in better and better shape since she split with Kevin and wants her body immortalised in a portrait.
“She loves the film ‘Titanic’, especially the scene where Kate Winslet’s character Rose gets painted in the nude. She wants it tastefully done, though, and is looking for the right artist to do it.”
So Britney’s gonna strip down to her birthday suit and get the Titanic treatment. The only question is, which one is gonna go down in history as the bigger disaster? I know what I have my money on.
CBS’ new reality show Armed & Famous starring Wee Man, LaToya Jackson, Trish Stratus, Jack Osbourne and the guy from CHiPs (I think those are the people who constitute as “famous.” I think) premieres next week. In this preview, posted at Webjunk.tv, the guy from CHiPs let’s out a gigantic FaRT while wrestling with a police officer. If the thought of Erik Estrada passing gas on an officer of the law doesn’t make you want to watch this video… well, then I don’t know what will.
IT JUST SEEMS RIGHT: A scientific study reveals celebrities are more full of themselves than the average person. So US Weekly is wrong… they’re not just like us! (Celebitchy)
BUT POLITICIANS ARE JUST LIKE US: Barack Obama admitted trying cocaine. But he didn’t inhale. (Washington Post)
PISSING OFF THE WRONG GUYS: Spiderman is going after the Bush administration. And fully embracing it, Dick Cheney formally changed his name to Kingpin. (Examiner.com)
TRYING TOO HARD: Scott Storch gave Lindsay Lohan $1 million worth of jewelry in an attempt to woo her. Apparently he ran out of drugs. (WWTDD)
TECHNOLOGICAL ADVANCE: Toyota is developing a car that will automatically shut down when it detects a drunk driver. In other news, Nicole Richie needs a ride. (Breitbart)
Some very interesting pictures of Donald Trump’s wife Melania hit the internet today. Of course, by “very interesting” we mean “completely butt-ass naked”– we were just trying to be sublte.
The NSFW blog (which is Not Safe For Work, obviously) has the scandalous pictures of Mrs. Trump posing in the buff and cuddling up in bed with another naked woman. She basically saw Miss Nevada’s drunken lesbian kisses and raised her some arty black & white photography. Take that, bitch.
Conspiracy theorists are going to look at the timing of these nude pictures and point fingers at The Donald’s arch-nemesis, Rosie O’Donnell. We don’t buy it. This looks more like a peace offering to us. Clearly Donald is offering these pics to Rosie as a truce– a peace pipe, if you will. And as long as Rosie doesn’t reciprocate by posting pictures of her significant other, all is good. All is definitely good.
When I was in college and all my friends were getting tattoos I felt a little left out. As much as I loved the Chinese and their symbols, or the Africans and their tribes, I just couldn’t bring myself to permanently etch anything into my arms, shoulders, calves or inner thighs. Call me weird. Now, years later, as these same friends are beginning to forget what the squiggly Chinese thing on their neck really means (”Um, I think it means honor… or respect. I’m pretty sure it’s respect,”) I’m glad I didn’t make any big mistakes. The people on this list of The World’s Stupidest Tattoos, though, sadly can’t say the same. Unless, of course, they’re proud of their Clay Aiken tat. Or the bacon and eggs they got tattoo’d on their head. Or the “I’m Gonna Kill You, Ray Romano” declaration. Check out the entire list here to feel 10% better about your own body.
Forget about that John Mayer talk… we’ve obtained a picture of Jessica Simpson and the man we suspect she’s really dating.
That’s right; here’s Jessica and BWE’sSherrod Small on New Year’s Eve. We don’t want to jump to conclusions, however they do look pretty close. And the Altoids? What do you think those are for? As they say in the tabloids– the tabloids that would write 500 words about how Jessica is definitely boning Sherrod based on nothing more than a picture like this one– Developing!
SIMPER: Does John Mayer + Jessica Simpson = Simper? Nah… it equals boring. (NY Daily News)
NEWSWORTHY ITEM: Does Jessica Alba playing football in a bikini qualify as newsworthy? Probably not. But it definitely qualifies as awesome. (Egotastic)
RULING CLASS: Kids today are all about websites with no rules. I’m using this as Argument #1 to allow us to get rid of the stupid ** in our f**ks. (NY Times)
REACTIONS: Steve Martin and the guy from Wings share their thoughts on Saddam. Me- I’m not ready yet. I’m still getting over Uday and Qusay. (HuffPo)
TAKE THAT: Queen beat out The Beatles in a “Greatest Brit Band” poll. They’re the champions, indeed. (Stereogum)
You’ve seen Paul F. Tompkins on Best Week Ever. You’ve seen him in Tenacious D: The Pick of Destiny, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgandy, Mr. Show, and– if you’re real good– Run Ronnie Run. Well, now’s your chance to see him live. If you’re in New York, of course (our apologies to everybody in the other 49 states.) Paul will be performing at Comix Thursday, Friday and Saturday this week, so if you want to start ‘07 off on the right foot, go buy tickets now.
You can pick up tickets here. We’ll see you at the show.
If you’re a celebrity, chances are you spent 2006 either denying the existence of your sex tape, flashing your naughty bits to paparazzi or giving birth to an oddly named child. If you’re a politician, you either launched an offensive smear campaign or resigned in a fog of scandal. And if you’re neither, you had a whole lot to read about.
And so begins Nerve.com’s Year In Sex quiz. If you’re a loyal BWE.tv reader you should do well. If you’re a pervert, you should do better. And if you’re both… well, you’ll be more unstoppable than Paris & Britney after a long night of Red Bull and Cocaine (the energy drink.) Good luck!
Vanessa Mannillo rang in the New Year the same exact way as so many other people from coast to coast– with a really bad f**k. Unfortunately for Vanessa, her’s was live on TV (and unfortunately for us, it was an adjective and not a verb.) You can watch Vanessa’s f**k video here.
I really hope that’s not the last time I ever type that.
Now that we’re a few days removed from Christmas and we’ve come to grips with the fact that nobody loves us enough to get us a PS3, it’s time to look at what we’ve received and learn what our holiday gifts say about us. Christian Finnegan is here to help.
You know, it’s not too late to pick up a copy of Christian’s CD “Two For Flinching” for your friends and family. Get it here!
Did you find yourself mumbling the phrase “that’s just not right” a little bit more often than usual in 2006? So did we. And so did Paul F. Tompkins, which is why he’s here today to share his Top 5 “That’s Just Not Right” Moments of the year.
Have you found the time to return those unwanted Christmas gifts yet? Well, before you do, you should check back here tomorrow at 11 for Christian Finnegan’s What Your Holiday Gifts Say About You.
Forget about Rolling Stone, Stereogum, Pitchforkmedia, Spin Magazine and Entertainment Weekly– this is the only year-end music list that actually matters. BWE’sMike Britt is here to walk you through the Top 5 Songs/Lyrics of 2006.
Come back tomorrow at 11: Paul F. Tompkins will be your guide through the Top 5 “That’s Just Not Right!” Moments of the Year.
Paul Scheer loves TV so much that the first draft of his Top TV Moments of 2006 was 137 pages long. It took some convincing, but eventually we were able to convince him to narrow it down to his top 5. So here they are: Paul Scheer’s Top 5 TV Moments of 2006.
Come back tomorrow at 11– Mike Britt will be here to walk you through the Top 5 songs/lyrics of the year!
Okay, now moving on. A lot of crappy movies hit theaters in 2006, but believe it or not there were also exactly five good ones. That’s why BWE’s own Doug Benson is here to walk you through the 5 best movies of 2006.
Make sure you check back here tomorrow at 11, when Paul Scheer will walk you through the 5 best TV Moments of the year. You don’t want to miss it.
The folks at 
Some very interesting pictures of Donald Trump’s wife Melania hit the internet today. Of course, by “very interesting” we mean “completely butt-ass naked”– we were just trying to be sublte.
When I was in college and all my friends were getting tattoos I felt a little left out. As much as I loved the Chinese and their symbols, or the Africans and their tribes, I just couldn’t bring myself to permanently etch anything into my arms, shoulders, calves or inner thighs. Call me weird. Now, years later, as these same friends are beginning to forget what the squiggly Chinese thing on their neck really means (”Um, I think it means honor… or respect. I’m pretty sure it’s respect,”) I’m glad I didn’t make any big mistakes. The people on this list of 
You’ve seen Paul F. Tompkins on Best Week Ever. You’ve seen him in Tenacious D: The Pick of Destiny, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgandy, Mr. Show, and– if you’re real good– Run Ronnie Run. Well, now’s your chance to see him live. If you’re in New York, of course (our apologies to everybody in the other 49 states.) Paul will be performing at 
