• Mel Gibson Week continues with the release of the actor’s mugshot from the night of his arrest. Not quite a Vanity Fair cover, but the jail’s stylist should be given proppers for that swell 50’s-greaser-curl thing he’s got going.
• Paris Hilton, apparently concerned about all the negative media attention Mel Gibson has been stealing from her, issued a press release proclaiming that she’s back together with shipping heir ex-boyfriend Starving Nachos. If the Mel Madness keeps up like this, we can probably expect Paris to light herself on fire live on Access Hollywood by week’s end.
• Corey Feldman celebrated his 35th birthday the only way Corey Feldman knows how: playing a 2 hour concert with his band at House of Blues, featuring bikini-clad strippers, one of the Nelson brothers, drunken Ron Jeremy, a conga player, silly string and a brand new song he wrote that’s “against the war”. Then my alarm clock went off and it was time to get up for work.
• Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson’s first installment in their series of classy wedding ceremonies took place on board a yacht, which is where Rock first met Pammy while masturbating to her Tommy Lee sex tape back when he lived in his parents’ basement.

• Pamela Anderson calls her weekend wedding to Kid Rock “the most romantic wedding of all-time.” Stay tuned for the video footage on Cinemax tonight at around 1 a.m.
• Fire broke out on the set of the new James Bond thriller Casino Royale. While the cause is still unknown, authorities are leaning towards the fire in Daniel Craig’s trousers.
• Cameron Diaz admits that she enjoys playing her animated character Fiona in the Shrek films, because it doesn’t matter how bad her skin gets or how skinny she is. So that explains why Justin Timberlake masturbates to Looney Tunes.
• The press interviews Brad Pitt’s grandmother, who reveals that the star won’t marry until he is over his divorce of ex-wife Jennifer Aniston. She also reveals that Brad hates the Starlight mints she steals from her pinochle night, and that even the great-grandmothers of saviors suffer from incontinence.
• Eddie Van Halen will be composing the score for a new adult film (that’s porno, not Holocaust drama) called Sacred Sin. Not reported but assumed, David Lee Roth dusts off his “bomp-a-chick-a-wow” machine and prays for his own future.

• CONSPIRACY THEORY: Ashlee Simpson was replaced with a better looking model. You know, kinda like they did with Becky on Roseanne. (Collegehumor)
• BIZARRE COVER: Sounds like U2 is covering a track by Albert Hammond Jr. from The Strokes. Shouldn’t it be the other way around? (The Modern Age)
• BIGGEST LITTLE BASEBALL CONTROVERSY: If you tell your fans you have the last living Munchkin from The Wizard Of Oz, you better damn well have the last living Munchkin from The Wizard of Oz. (Deadspin)
• DON’T QUIT YOUR DAY JOB: Kevin Federline- Male Model. Don’t worry, it’s only a part-time gig. (J2)
• 4th TIME’S A CHARM: Pamela Anderson & Kid Rock will have four separate weddings. Kid hopes to remember at least 1 of them. (D-Listed)

• “The Hoff” tells his wife to stop “Hassling” him about his excessive drinking and physical abuse, and files for divorce.
• The Girls Gone Wild bus hits a man on a bicycle after a night of excessive gas guzzling and showing its huge tires to the world.
• Pam Anderson and Kid Rock plan on getting married once for each time they’ve released a sex tape. (i.e. many times)
• Easily Broken News: Kate Bosworth is SuperSkinny. Like, she’s practically a walking x-ray. On the bright side, that purse looks healthy!
• The Office creator Ricky Gervais announces he’s quitting comedy. Move over Princess Di — there’s a new British tragedy in town!

• Project Runway faces its biggest scandal yet. That is, until the world discovers that Heidi Klum’s accent is totally fake.
• Britney Spears beholds the beauty of a tiger. A good-for-nothing, unemployed, white bengal tiger with cornrows, surely.
• Barbara Walters doesn’t understand Black women’s hair. Even Hugh Downs is like “Whaaat an iiiidiot.”
• BWE Presents: 1,001 Ways to Photoshop Matthew McConaughey Into Embarassing Situations
• Jason Mews kicks his heroine habit and immediately transforms into Christian Bale.
• Lindsay Lohan, David Spade and Kid Rock prove that the fighting in the Middle East is not the only sign of the impending apocalypse.

To check out all the other happenings this week, make sure to watch Best Week Ever tonight at 11! And do take a sip of alcohol any and every time a reference to poop (or crap) is made. Don’t question it, just trust us.

Lindsay Lohan, David Spade, and Kid Rock engage in a karaoke threesome. God must have been out picking up his dry cleaning or something.

Any ideas as to who the Fourth Horseman is?

Britney and Kevin are renewing their vows. Paris Hilton swore off sex for a year. Lindsay Lohan has already hooked up with everybody in Hollywood so nothing surprises us anymore. And Nick & Jessica’s post-marital affairs would be a lot more exciting if they didn’t involve That Girl From TRL and That Comedian Everybody Liked Until They Saw Tourgasm. Things are looking bleak for our A-team… which is why the B-team is stepping up.

Yesterday Pamela Anderson stepped up and announced that she was marrying Kid Rock, presumably because Tommy Lee was busy with Supernova and said “pass.” At the same time, somewhere else on this world wide web, Fred Durst– remember him?– announced he was getting married too. Yeah. Sorry ladies. Now, to top that, the news got out today that Eddie Murphy is all set to marry “Scary” Spice Girl Mel B. They say it’s what they want, what they really, really want.

We should enjoy the time we have with these replacement players because you never know what’s going to happen. Paris and Nick could start dating tomorrow and cause a huge media frenzy, leaving Pam, Fred, Eddie and Scary in the dust. So let’s let the B-team relish their time in the sun. They kind of deserve it. Kind of.

Our hearts are a bit a-flutter, and we’re feeling a little bit nauseous. Chances are it’s because we just took another spin on that crazy love rollercoaster known as the “Kid Rock and Pam Anderson Wedding Nuptuals Whirly-Go-Round.”

It was announced today that the on-again, off-again pair are totes ON-again, following a romantic jaunt in St. Tropez for Pam-Pam’s 39th birthday, where Kid proposed. (Sidenote: Only 39! She doesn’t look a day over 415.)

While few details about the wedding itself have been released, our minds are racing: What will Pamela wear? Do they even make such a thing as sheer, thong wedding gowns? Will Kid Rock, aka Bob Ritchie (no relation to Nicole) have his wife-beater bedazzled? Trimmed with lace? Will they order their cake from Masterbakers? Because they’re trashy like that? Or will Pam have her implants removed for the big day, to class it up a little?

Perhaps most importantly, what will their wedding song be? “Afternoon Delight”? “Freak Like Me”? Leave your guesses in the comments!

• I THINK IT’S CALLED PUBERTY: A freak accident left this man obsessed with sex. (Daily Mail)
• TAKE TWO: Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson, together again. You can sleep easy. (Cityrag)
• CRAZY QUOTE: “Women should know their place.”- James Brown. I think their place should be ‘far away from James Brown.’ (D-Listed)
• POST TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER/WORSE ABOUT YOURSELF: National Enquirer made a list of the best and worst celebrity beach bodies. And they didn’t stop there. (Celebitchy)
• INSIDE JOKE: PapaZao was a joke! K-Fed is a genius! He’s going to blow us all away, you just wait and see! For reals! (Tabloid Whore)

Yeah he’s been arrested for being drunk, and made a homoerotic groupie sex movie while drunk with Kid Rock. And sure his drunkeness has broken up his band Creed. But there’s another other side to Scott Stapp, a vaguely Christian side. He’s now on the road with INXS, promoting his solo debut Album, The Great Divide, and reportedly healing his soul–but with what: booze or God?
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