You know how sometimes a clever a movie fan will create a goofy trailer that uses irony and clever editing to make The Shining seem like a romantic comedy or Tron look like a Busby Berkeley musical? Yeah, those clips are usually pretty amusing the first or second time you watch 'em, but then they're quickly forgotten when you get hungry or distracted by something else.

Well now there's a new one! I don't know about you, but I've always found something vaguely creepy about Bedknobs & Broomsticks, Pollyanna and, yes, even Mary Poppins. (And apparently I'm not the only one.) So without futher ado, we bring you Scary Mary, by Chris Rule. Spooooky.

[Thanks to TheDisneyBlog for the tip!]

Think about a room full of five million people. Now imagine they all bought one copy of your DVD. That's (kinda) what happened yesterday when Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest hit the video stores: People went entirely hog wild to get their hands on a copy for Little Timmy or Cousin Janey or ... themselves. (I'm entirely certain that my early review of the DVD was a huge factor in the sales department, and I'd like a Thank You card from Mickey himself. Or Belle.)

By selling 5 million units in one day, POTC2 is on track to become the biggest DVD ever (live-action division) and, combined with the cash-geysers that met a bunch of recent Disney DVDs (The Little Mermaid, Cars, Narnia), is sure to make everyone at the Mouse House all giddy with greenery. And by greenery, I mean cash. (Too bad they still have to fire all those animators, eh?)

For the record, the all-time biggest-selling DVD is Finding Nemo, which sold approximately 142 kamitojillion units, whereas the lowest-selling DVD of all time is BloodRayne, which at last count sold 12 copies. (It used to be 14, but two of 'em were returned for store credit after the buyers' moms saw that prison scene.)

Clearly all this digital pirate booty bodes well for the third and (ha!) final chapter in the Pirates trilogy ... and then I'll be back here next year announcing that the Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End DVD just sold 6 million units in one day. One of which will be mine.

(Quick poll for those who bought the DVD already: Did you get the 1-discer or the sweet, sweet 2-platter version?)

As an insatiable horror freak, I maintain a strong affection for both Lionsgate and Bloody-Disgusting.com, so imagine my delight when the two combined for a tantalizing peek at next year's horror slate! Yep, it seems that BD.com does a "horror preview" for each studio every December -- and they logically chose Lionsgate as the first distributor to earn a few spotlights. Nobody snatches up grass-roots film-fest horror titles like Lionsgate does, and I can personally assure you that a good portion of the upcoming genre flicks are actually quite good! Well, a few of 'em, anyway...

Aside from the well-established and obvious titles (like Hostel: Part 2 and Saw 4), Lionsgate will unleash a virtual torrent of horror-style offerings next year. Not to steal any thunder from the BD.com boys (cuz they've done a fine job with their research!), but here's how I break down next year's LG offerings:

• Borderland -- Sean Astin and Rider Strong star in a tale of human sacrifice. I know next to nothing about this one.
• Boy Eats Girl -- Been waiting a while for this one. Love the title.
• Bug -- Saw it at Fantastic Fest -- and was really surprised by how much I liked it. This Shannon guy is a force of nature.
• Catacombs -- Wow, I almost forgot about this one! It's been sitting on a shelf for what, three years?
• The Eye -- Another Asian horror remake, this one allegedly starring Jessica Alba. Pass.
• Fido -- All the Cine-staffers who saw it agree: Fido is fun!
• Isolation -- Saw it at Toronto '05! And I definitely look forward to seeing it again. It's creepy.
• Right at Your Door -- Missed it at Sundance. Heard mixed things. Dig the concept.
• Skinwalkers -- Another one that's been "coming soon" for quite some time now. Still fairly psyched to see it...

(And this isn't including the deluge of After Dark Horrorfest titles that LG is releasing (to DVD) next March! Or their as-yet-undetermined parade of low-low-end DTV titles. Heh)

I was all set and ready to head out to the multiplex and enjoy a few of the one-weekend-only After Dark Horrorfest offerings, but unfortunately I got sidetracked and was able to catch only The Gravedancers -- which I quite liked! And then I found myself wondering when those horror titles would be available on DVD ... just as Fangoria was announcing the information!

On March 27 Lionsgate will be unleashing the following titles on DVD: Dark Ride, The Gravedancers, The Hamiltons, Penny Dreadful, Reincarnation, Unrest and Wicked Little Things. Regarding the other titles, Fango informs us that Nacho Cerda's The Abandoned will re-hit theaters early next year, that Snoop Dogg's Hood of Horror hits DVD on January 9 and that David Arquette's The Tripper (which popped up at only a few After Dark locations) will be released at an as-yet-undetermined time.

It's hard to say determine how big a success the After Dark Fest turned out to be, but it looks like it was a semi-clever gimmick to get a few direct-to-video Lionsgate titles some pre-release buzz (and bucks). Having seen only two of the flicks (Unrest being the other), I don't feel comfortable commenting on the quality of the concept, but hey: more horror movies for me!!

I bet some stickler out there will post a comment reminding me that Eddie Murphy: Delirious was an HBO concert film and NOT a theatrical release, and therefore I should not be posting about it on Cinematical, which is a movie blog. By that logic I could legally post about Eddie Murphy: Raw, which opened theatrically on December 18, 1987 and went on to gross just over $40 million in domestic box office, even if it was only half as funny as Murphy's first concert flick.

But I'm so excited I just don't care! Eddie Murphy: Delirious is finally coming to DVD! One of the most popular and oft-quoted concert films of my generation, Delirious was the subject of much online gossip over the years. "Murphy bought the rights and will never let it show up on DVD" was the rumor most often floated about -- and I'll admit I started to get a little worried for a while there.

But now it looks like Entertainment Studios / Starz / Anchor Bay has the DVD locked and ready to roll. Delirious will hit the shelves on February 6 and the DVD will come complete with interview segments and some deleted scenes! Cool! So while it's true that Delirious contains some truly off-color material and a few AIDS jokes that seem more than a little cringe-worthy these days, this concert is an absolute classic -- and one I cannot wait to add to my collection.

[Thanks to DavisDVD.com for the press release!]

Mini-series certainly qualify as some type of "movie," so here goes: Steven Spielberg will produce a small-screen adaptation of The Talisman for the TNT network. As you probably know (if you're a horror fan) The Talisman is a novel co-written by Stephen King and Peter Straub in 1984, although the duo got back together again in 2002 to pen Black House -- which gives TNT a perfect sequel opportunity should they opt to go in that direction.

No word yet on who'll be writing/directing/starring in the 6-hour Talisman mini-series, but the last time Spielberg and TNT got together the result was the 10-hour Into the West, which everyone seemed to dig a whole helluva lot.

The Talisman has been rumored as a movie or mini-series for the better part of two decades, but it took Spielberg's involvement to get the job done. Here's hoping this production turns out better than most of ABC's King-flicks. In related news, everything that Stephen King has ever written has now been made into a movie, TV special, mini-series or student film. That includes supermarket lists, greeting card messages and autographs.

Beerfest -- Those oh-so-wacky knuckleheads who brought you Super Troopers (yaaaay) and Club Dread (boooo) are back with a beer-soaked semi-sports comedy that celebrates the irreprressable beauty of yeast, malt, barley and fermented hops. (At least I think that's what beer is made of.) Haven't seen the flick yet, but I'm told it's actually pretty darn funny. Extras include two audio commentaries, a handful of featurettes and more than 20 deleted scenes.

How to Eat Fried Worms -- Yet another kid's book turned into a movie that nobody really cared to see. Then again, home video is where titles like this one make their bread and butter anyway. Extras include a director/kid actor commentary, a gag reel ("gag," get it? cuz it's about the eating of worms!), and a handful of featurettes.

Idlewild -- Kim was pretty surprised by how much she liked this flick, but going only by the box office numbers it seems she was most definitely in the minority. The "Outkast musical" was lauded by some and derided by others, but most seem to agree that it sure is ... different! Extras are pretty slim: two deleted scenes and a pair of music videos.

Miami Vice -- I think it's one of the worst movies of the year. Honest. But hey, if your idea of fun is 140 minutes of two preening actors wandering through a plotless and a stunningly generic plot construct, have a ball. Yeah, Michael Mann knows how to swing a camera around the room, but this flick's about as deep and edgy as an episode of Murder She Wrote. (Rant over. Sorry.) Extras include a director's commentary, six featurettes and a 15-minute-longer Director's Cut.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest -- I can be pretty critical of the Disney output from time to time, but where the Pirates movies are concerned, I'm little more than a hyperactive 8-year-old screaming "Yay, yippee, more!!" And the 2-disc release of DMC is an absolute treasure chest of digital awesomeness. The movie looks and sounds great, the screenwriter's commentary is quite illuminating, and there's more supplemental material to choke a Kraken: Blooper reels, documentaries, featurettes and yes: at least five hidden goodies!

Pulse -- The remake nobody asked for became the movie nobody went to see. I paid to see it only because of my Kristen Bell crush, and while it's certainly not a GOOD movie, I don't think it's as worthless as most PG-13 horror flicks I've seen lately. Extras include two commentaries, three featurettes, some deleted stuff and (of course) an "unrated" cut.

Rocky Anthology -- I'm pretty sure that all the sequels in this new collection are the same DVDs as before, but the original Rocky is given a rather swanky new digital release that should thrill anyone who loves the flick as much as I do. (Available separately) the Rocky 2-disc Collector's Edition comes with three audio commentaries, a half-dozen featurettes / mini-docos and some old-school archival footage that's never been released before. Yo, MGM! Thanks!

I found it kind of amusing that this Variety article about filmmaker Bob Clark spent a whole lot of time focusing on the fine work he did on Porky's, but neglected to mention that the man also directed Rhinestone, Turk 182!, From the Hip, Loose Cannons, Karate Dog and BOTH editions of Baby freakin' Geniuses!! Then again the article barely mentions Clark's A Christmas Story, which is such a beautiful little holiday comedy that it helps to erase the memory of all those rotten movies I mentioned a few seconds ago.

Nope, this article focuses on (what else?) remakes. As in: The long-discussed and possibly still-happening Porky's remake that'll be produced by Howard Stern. But wait! There's more! Seemingly discontent with the possibility of helming a Baby Geniuses 3 or Karate Dog 2, Mr. Clark has set his sights on remaking a few of his old horror flicks, namely Deathdream and the amusingly-titled Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things. I suppose the filmmaker's logic is that, hey, if someone can remake his Black Christmas without his involvement, then he sure as hack can remake some of his lesser-known titles and rake in a few extra nickels of his own.

On the other hand, Clark mentions something about "rapping zombies" in this interview, and that's news that certainly doesn't make me all excited for the Children remake.

We were psyched when Clive Barker announced that his production company was mounting a big-screen version of the author's Midnight Meat Train story -- and then we were bummed when director Patrick Tatopoulos had to leave the project for undisclosed reasons. But then we were psyched again when hardcore filmmaker Ryuhei Kitamura was signed as the new director -- and now we have a leading man!

Set to star in Midnight Train is "familiar face" actor Bradley Cooper, a guy probably best known for his TV work (Alias, Kitchen Confidential, Jack & Bobby), but he also played the hilariously nasty bully in Wedding Crashers. He also appeared in My Little Eye and Wet Hot American Summer, a pair of underrated flicks if ever there were one. (Er, two.) And out of respect for the young actor, we'll neglect to mention that he was also in Failure to Launch, because that flick stunk on ice. On the other hand Cooper hails from Philadelphia, which means he's gotta be cool.

Midnight Train is set to begin shooting very soon, and if you'd like a brief plot synopsis, I can't really help you out. The short story is pretty brief and exceedingly simple ... but it's one I think you should read for yourself. And the rest of the book is pretty damn good too. (And yes, they removed the "meat" from the movie title. Somehow I doubt they'll excise it from the actual story.)

Just a few days ago the lovely Jessica Barnes informed us that there was a new poster afoot for the upcoming werewolf movie Blood & Chocolate, and now here I am sharing with you the all-new trailer for the flick ... and it ain't pretty. Oh sure, leading lady Agnes Bruckner is all kinds of attractive, but based on this trailer, Blood & Chocolate looks a lot like a Uwe Boll flick mixed with a supernatural teenybopper TV series that Fox hyped, debuted and canceled over the course of three full weeks.

Equal parts Underworld, The Craft and Beverly Cleary, Blood & Chocolate comes from German filmmaker Katja von Garnier, whose last two films were a period piece about the women's suffragate movement and a drama about a bunch of imprisoned rockers who bust outta jail in search of stardom. So obviously she's just the person to helm Underworld Kinda: The Teenage Years. For those still holding out hope that I'm a clueless dolt who knows nothing, I'll let you know that B&C was written by the guy who penned The Brothers Grimm and The Skeleton Key. And The Ring 2. And Impostor, Reindeer Games and Scream 3. Yeah, that guy.

In related news, "Blood & Chocolate" has already won the award for 2007's Stupidest Movie Title of the Year. I just now made up the award and gave it out at the same time. (Yes, I know the movie is based on a book, but that doesn't magically make the title any less stupid.) Attention bored teenagers: Blood & Chocolate opens on January 26. Your other multiplex options that night will be Jennifer Garner, yet another remake or something to make your eyes bleed. Yowch, rough weekend.

Last month we pointed you towards some footage of Fox Atomic's The Hills Have Eyes 2, and since then we've been treated to an all-new one-sheet (which is pretty cool but nothing too thrilling), but get this: That poster was the second version, one that was slapped together after the MPAA censors refused to approve the initial concept. (I've included a little snip of it on the top-right of this post, but to see the whole thing visit EatMyBrains.com.) And then feel free to compare the first poster with the one that the MPAA censors DID approve. Notice a big difference?

Yeah, the first poster had a human hand hanging out the back of the bag, whereas said hand has been deleted for the censor-approved one-sheet. This teaches us many fascinating things about the MPAA members:

1. They don't like hands.
2. They really have nothing better to do with their time than make stupid and arbitrary decisions about things they couldn't care less about.
3. They're starting to really piss me off, and no, not because of one silly horror poster. Just in general I mean.

Look, it's a horror movie. The hand on the original poster is kinda creepy, whereas the lack of a hand on the censored poster implies, what, that this mutant just might have had to get up early on trash day to lug some garbage down to the corner? Do the oh-so-admirably-concerned censors believe that by removing that hand from the poster they're protecting millions of extra-sensitive children from something?

Or do they just not like/get horror movies, and so they choose to flex their muscle extra hard when the "low-rent genre fare" is concerned? Meh, I know it's such a minor little thing, but I'm known to get irked at tons of minor little things. And here's a question: If this Hills 2 poster was deemed too harsh for multiplex usage, what would the MPAA do with THIS poster if it were submitted today?

Remember when Mel Gibson "re-cut" The Passion of the Christ and released a "kinder, friendlier" version of the flick just over a year after the original cut hit the scene? (And how nobody really cared anymore by that point?) Have you been waiting for the "less gory" Passion to hit DVD? Well, here it comes as part of a 2-disc "definitive edition" that's scheduled to pass the collection plate on January 30.

To be fair, there's nothing even remotely new about all-new Special Editions, and it certainly looks like the impending DVD will be absolutely over-stuffed with supplemental features -- which helps to explain why the original Passion DVD was entirely bereft of extras. Fans of the film will no doubt delight in the FOUR separate audio commentaries (director, production, composer and theologian!), deleted scenes, production galleries, a pair of documentaries and some theatrical trailers. (Visit DVDActive for the cover art and full specs.)

The Passion Re-Cut will also be included on the new release, should you be among those who'd like to witness Christ's final hours without all that hardcore gore and terrible torture. I haven't done the math, but I'm guessing the violence-free version of The Passion should run about ... 49 minutes in length. (In reality the Re-Cut is only about eight minutes shorter.) And before you consider leaving me a nasty message for approaching this movie with such irreverence, have a look at my original review of the film. Yep, I liked it!

Well, wow. That's pretty disappointing.

I speak of the 2007 Sundance Film Festival "Park City at Midnight" selections. In previous year the PCM program introduced me to the wonderful horrors of The Descent, Hard Candy, High Tension, May, Saw and Three Extremes.... But next year's line-up seems alarmingly short on the scary stuff. Obviously I cannot make any judgments about the program before I see the films, but going only on the genres and the plot synopses, it seems that next January's Midnight picks are much more comedic in nature. Well, comedies and general weird stuff is what it looks like. Here's the breakdown:

Fido -- Andrew Currie's "Romero meets Sirk" farce earned a small amount of positive buzz at Toronto, which is where James and I sat together and had a really good time with the flick. (Kim liked it too!) Lionsgate is currently preparing a release date for the film, but now we know why they were taking their time on that front.

Finishing the Game -- A mockumentary about the guy called in to "replace" the legendary Bruce Lee on Game of Death after the star passed away. From Better Luck Tomorrow (and, ugh, Annapolis) director Justin Lin.

It Is Fine. Everything Is Fine! -- Director Crispin Glover returns with a follow-up to his certifiably insane What Is It?

The Signal -- "A mysterious signal is being transmitted from all media devices in the city of Terminus, provoking murder and madness within the psyches of its inhabitants." Sounds promising. And check out the trailer!

Sk8 Life -- Apparently it's a Can8ian indie about a bunch of sk8ers who band together to save their beloved hangout from dem0lition.

Smiley Face -- Anna Faris stars as a girl who eats some crazy pot brownies and has a day full of wacky Araki misadventures. And check out the cast!

The Ten -- Some of the old State members got together to do a comedy anthology based on The Ten Commandments. Again, the cast is absolutely jam-packed with colorful folks.

We Are the Strange -- Apaprently someone called it "Monsters Inc. meets The Nightmare Before Christmas inside of a retro Japanese video game." Hmm, OK. The trailer certainly promises something ... yeah, strange.

So there's one I've seen already, two promising comedies, an animated brain-twister, an indie that uses 8s instead of As, another piece of brain-rust from Crispin Glover ... and a Gregg Araki ensemble comedy? Which leaves The Signal as my one small beacon of late-night horror. Ah well, a cool-looking line-up all the same, even if it's not as blood-drenched as I'd hoped it would be. (Plus there's always a few genre titles mixed in amidst the more "highbrow" programs.)

With December (quite literally) around the corner, our thoughts naturally turn towards things all Christmas-y in nature. (Yes, even Weinbergs like the Christmas season!) And if you're a hardcore movie freak, your thoughts naturally turn towards things cinematical-ly Christmas-y in nature. With that in mind, The Guardian has posted a nifty little 10-question quiz for the Santa-lovin' cinema-spaz. Give the test a whirl (in a separate window, of course!) and then come back and let us know how you did. Matter of fact, I'll go take the test right now...

(Pause.)

Wow, 8 out of 10! And I semi-guessed on a few! (#5 and #10 were the ones I got wrong, just for the record.)

Hmm, that was fun and all, but this post feels kinda short. So why don't I throw out a few Christmas Movie questions of my own! OK, lemme think...

Back when that seriously overrated March of the Penguins was cleaning up at the box office, comedian Bob Saget felt an apparently irresistable impulse: Why not shoot a bunch of penguin footage and then invite a bunch of his comic pals into a recording studio to tell some jokes?!? It's such a lazy idea, I can't believe it hadn't been done before! Voila, Farce of the Penguins was born.

But aside from his work on Full House and America's Stupidest Home Videos, I happen to think Bob Saget is a pretty funny guy, so I was more than happy to play "wait and see" regarding Farce of the Penguins -- and when the voice-cast list ballooned to include Samuel L. Jackson, Dane Cook, Tracy Morgan, Jason Alexander and Christina Applegate, I considered myself "actively anticipating" the goofy little experiment.

And then we learned that ThinkFilm was releasing the thing directly to video ... and then they released this trailer, which could be described by way of 3,000 different adjectives, but "funny" wouldn't be one of 'em. I mean, how lame do the rest of your jokes have to be if TWO different trailer gags start out with the line "If I had testicles"?

It's still waiting in my Netflix queue, and I'd be thrilled to report that the movie's actually pretty damn funny, but based on the trailer it seems like Farce of the Penguins will be a lot like The Discovery Channel on MUTE while a bunch of semi-drunk comedians crack wise in the background. And there's no way something like that will fill 90 minutes without making me want to stick pins through my ears.