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Watchin' Your Words

by Margaret Becker

"Retard!!" my friend Vicki said teasingly to her friend Amanda. The near-empty hallway fell silent and all heads turned toward me. I said nothing.

"What?? What did I say?" asked Vicki, confused and glancing around at our group of friends. "I don't understand . …" she stammered. A couple of people were nervously looking at me, and then back at her.

"Vicki," Amanda explained, "Margaret has a sister who is mentally handicapped. Don't say the word 'retard' like that. It's just not cool."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know. I didn't mean anything by it."

"Don't worry about it," I said softly as everyone moved on to the next subject. I was grateful for Vicki's willingness to change the direction of the conversation.

Throughout high school, I refused to participate in any kind of "name-calling." I never liked it when people made fun of me or someone like my sister, so I didn't want to make fun of anyone else. Pretty soon word got out about the way I felt, and everyone stopped that kind of teasing around me.

I didn't have to get 'preachy' about why I felt that way. I just gave my reasons once or twice, and that's all it took. After that, my silence was usually enough to move the conversation in another direction.

Last week I was with another group of friends when one of the guys began gossiping about a person we all knew.

"Did you hear about . …"

I started to feel uncomfortable. And, by the silence in the room, I could tell others were also bothered by what was being said. Finally, Sarah spoke up: "Hey, guys, let's talk about something else."

That's all it took.

It's amazing how a simple, non-threatening phrase, or even silence, can turn a conversation around. It can also do something else: Each time I make the decision not to participate in put-downs and gossip, I show respect for another person. Even in silence, I am saying, "You are important."

Copyright 1996, Christianity Today International/CAMPUS LIFE Magazine September/October 1996
Vol 55, No.2, Page 80

Last updated: September 6, 1996

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