Home > Singles > One Single Tip
One Single Tip is an ongoing feature of the Singles Channel, and we're relying on YOU to make it work. Do you have tips, such as the ones below, that have made your life as a single person easier or happier? Have you read a book or seen a movie that contained a great message for singles? Is there a conference you attended or a Web site you stumbled across that offered helpful advice for single people? Send your submissions to: Singles@ChristianityToday.com. One submission will be chosen to appear in the next issue of the newsletter as well as posted online.
Of Relationships and Risk
February 22, 2006
I recently stumbled on a quote by C.S. Lewis that reminded me why, despite all past pain, it's still worth the risk of being open to relationships.
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully around with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."
While rejection and heartbreak are horrible, these results of trying to avoid such things altogether sound worse. And surely aren't part of the full, abundant life God desires us to lead.
—Celia
The Power of Passion
February 9, 2006
Recently, my church used The Power of Passion DVD Study Kit by Rob Eagar. It's a great eight-week small-group study for singles that was so enjoyable I'd go through it again. Rob Eagar does an excellent job of connecting our relationship with Christ to dating issues, such as choosing whom to date, understanding sex and temptation, and dealing with the pressure to be married. I highly recommend this DVD study to any singles group. It's available through his website at: www.RobEagar.com.
—Rachel
The Soundtrack of My Life
January 25, 2006
While Dr. Phil isn't the first person I usually turn to for relationship advice, a recent quote of his I stumbled upon made me look long and hard at the things I say to myself and to others about me:
"If you're telling everyone that you're the greatest thing since the iPod but deep down inside you believe you are an eight-track player or the 'chubby girl' who couldn't catch a man with a net and a pack of hunting dogs, then you're heading for more nights alone than a cloistered nun. When your personal truth [what you say to yourself when no one else is looking] is negative and riddled with doubts, distortions, and shame, you send that message to others in your body language and your facial expressions, which conspire to contradict every word you say and the impression you strive to make."
As a Christian, I know that my "iPod status" comes not from being all that or anything, but from being a child of God. I need to walk in that confidence for my sake, and for the sake of my relationships.
—Gwen
Devotions for Divorced People
January 11, 2006
I just picked up a copy of Divorce Care: hope, help, and healing during and after your divorce. It contains 365 daily devotions from well-known Christian leaders and psychologists, such as Kay Arthur, Dr. Tim Clinton, Dr. H. Norman Wright, and Dr. Tony Evans. And it deals with the issues I wrestle with: anger, loneliness, finances, single parenting, sexuality, forgiveness. I'm only a few days into this book, but I can tell its going to make the year ahead more hopefuland more focused on God.
—Jeff
Unanswered Prayer?
December 21, 2005
I was greatly encouraged by the book When God Doesn't Answer your Prayer by Jerry Sittser. He doesn't address the issue of singleness specifically at any point in the book, but it still had a profound impact on me. I highly recommend it for singles who struggle with the prospect of lifetime singleness. It gave me hope!
—Heidi
Divine Love Song
December 7, 2005
The Song of Solomon: A Study of Love, Sex, Marriage, and Romance by Tommy Nelson is a seminar on DVD/VHS that churches can use in a class. I've watched it twice and learn something new every time. It really helps you realize that waiting for the right person truly is worth it.
—Lisa
Sexual Abstinence for Single Guys
November 16, 2005
I just stumbled on a great book, Sex and the Single Guy by Joseph Knable. With all the authors, musicians, radio-show hosts, and others in Christian circles offering their two cents' worth about sexual purity, it's great to finally hear from a single man on the topic. Though Joseph is pretty young (he's still a college student), he gives great insight to the single guy perspective of this all-important topic. I appreciated his straightforward and biblical approach to abstinence.
—Ray
Hanging Onto Hope
November 2, 2005
A friend recommended the book The Allure of Hope by Jan Myers to me at a perfect time. I was trying my best not to fall into despair over disappointments and unmet desires in my life, and Myers' book spoke right into this struggle. Drawing on her counseling degrees and her recent heartbreak over a broken engagement and a close friend's death, she doesn't sugar-coat the tough realities of our fallen world. But Myers also shows how the ways we often try to cope with disappointment don't cut it—and then offers a better way. This deep, compelling book helped me see why I'm afraid to hope and then freed me up to try hoping for good in my future again.
—Elizabeth
Mud Pies and Marriage
October 19, 2005
I found myself viewing my singleness a bit differently after reading a quote by C.S. Lewis:
"Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are halfhearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."
While I know this isn't the context he was talking about, his words made me think about my desire to get married. Not that it's a bad desire, but if this is my highest and greatest desire right now, maybe I'm not thinking big enough. Perhaps marriage is the "mud pie" in my life and God wants to give me "a holiday at the sea" by doing some work in or though my singleness. I don't want to limit him with my short-sightedness. So while I still talk to him about my desire to get married someday, I also pray bigger, messier, more open-ended prayers about desiring his best for my life even more.
—Natalie
Single Ministry Resource
October 5, 2005
While preparing for an upcoming singles conference for our church, we stumbled on a great resource: www.thesinglesnetwork.org. It's a clearinghouse of information for churches, pastors, and single adult leaders who want to help build thriving single adult ministries. There are lists of singles books, websites, speakers, topics, conferences, magazines, and conference facilities. It's a great source for anyone involved in singles ministry—from a senior pastor to a single who just wants to get something started at his church.
—Janelle
Life on Hold?
September 21, 2005
I read a quote recently from Carolyn Hax, an advice columnist I read frequently, that made me stop and think. Although her advice doesn't come from a Christian perspective, I enjoy reading her because she has a lot of common sense.
Here's an excerpt from a recent advice column:
"Is there any element of your life that's based on the assumption that you'd someday be married?
… the signs that you're waiting for your life to come find you aren't always obvious, like living with your parents. It can be your savings strategy, your hobbies, your neighborhood, your hangouts, your eating habits, your choice of friends, your behavior on dates, your travel plans, your taste in clothing or music or art, your willingness even to buy art.
… If you identify any part of your life that's in limbo because you're single, try knocking it back out again. Make the choices you'd make if this were it, your life, no one but you calling shots."
—Tamara
Getting Through Grief
September 7, 2005
After the death of my wife, someone told me about GriefShare, a ministry that helps those of us who have lost a family member or friend. At www.GriefShare.org, you'll find resources for dealing with grief, a sign-up for free daily e-mail devotions, and a place to search for a GriefShare support group in your geographic area. This ministry proved invaluable as I dealt with such profound loss.
—George
Single as Description, Not Definition
August 24, 2005
I highly recommend the book Beyond Identity by Dick Keyes. One of the main things I learned from it is that no one thing about a person defines them. For example, being single, I'm tempted (by myself and the world) to think that's what defines me and that other things about me serve as explanations of why I'm single. But this doesn't take into account that singleness appears to be God's plan for me right now, and that I'm also a daughter, sister, friend, worker, and Christian. I strongly recommend this book to those fighting against being labeled and defined by singleness—both from internal and external pressures.
—Wynne
Ditching a Dysfunctional Past
August 10, 2005
My Crazy Imperfect Christian Family by Glenn T. Stanton was a big encouragement to me. As a woman who came from a dysfunctional home (who didn't?), it's easy to despair about my relationships and run from marriage. This book set me straight in a lot of ways and even gave me a desire to have a family as God designed it. It's a touching, honest book with anecdotes from the author's life and messages specifically for single people. Overall, it challenged me to be real and loving in all my relationships.
—Jacquie
Cooking for One
July 27, 2005
While searching for some new recipes on the web, I stumbled on a great website: www.cookingalone.com. It's a membership program (you can check it out with a free trial membership) that offers recipes that yield one serving and take less than 30 minutes to prepare. The annual membership is only $17.95, and includes six new recipes a month, a fact sheet of kitchen organization and food storage tips, a monthly newsletter, and a bulletin board where you can interact with other solo cooks. I can't wait to ditch all my leftovers and add some much-needed variety to my meals.
—Carolyn
Divine Romance
July 13, 2005
I found this passage from Heaven by Randy Alcorn to be an encouraging reminder that even though we may not obtain all of our heart's desires this side of Heaven, our longings for relational intimacy will be fulfilled in Christ when he comes to meet his bride:
"[T]here will be marriage in Heaven. [The Bible] says … that there will be one marriage, between Christ and his bride—and we'll all be part of it … That one marriage—our marriage to Christ—will be so completely satisfying that even the most wonderful earthly marriage couldn't be as fulfilling … Here on Earth we long for a perfect marriage. That's exactly what we'll have—a perfect marriage with Christ … A single woman told me she would feel great loss if she went to Heaven never having had a great romance. But our romance with Christ will far exceed any earthly romance. No romance is perfect, and many end in disappointment. Our romance with Christ will never disappoint."
—Mary Lou
Take Note
June 29, 2005
My mom recently sent me the perfect aunt gift. It's a notepad with the words "A Little Note from the Cool Aunt of … " on the top, and there's a cute illustration of a little boy with my nephew's name next to it at the bottom. (It says "Cool Aunt" because I've dubbed myself Cool Aunt Cam.) There's just something fun about writing grocery lists and phone messages on this pad of paper. I plan to give a similar set of notes to my friends when they become aunts. The line—started by two Christian stay-at-home moms—also includes products for grandmas, moms, and pet owners as well. Check it out for yourself at www.LittleOnesOnline.net.
—Camerin
Embracing Our Discomfort?
June 15, 2005
I stumbled across a quote recently that caused me to stop and do a mental "is this me?" gut-check.
"There's nothing terribly wrong with feeling lost, so long as that feeling precedes some plan on your part to actually do something about it. Too often a person grows complacent with their disillusionment, perpetually wearing their 'discomfort' like a favorite shirt."
I don't know who the author is, but his or her words were a good challenge to me to inspect the way I handle the tougher parts of singleness.
—Dana
The Fun of One
June 1, 2005
I loved Singles at the Crossroads by Albert Hsu. Since reading this book, I've had the privilege of enjoying many things like eating out alone or going to a movie alone without feeling like I'm some sort of freak. It's actually very nice to go to a movie alone—you don't feel pressured to respond in a certain way. I can sob if I want! The insights and encouragement throughout this great book were a huge help to me.
—Lynette
The Purpose of Dating
May 18, 2005
After reading Dr. Henry Cloud's new book, How to Get a Date Worth Keeping, I realized I wasn't asking women out unless I was sure there was a good chance it could lead to marriage. Now that I realize that isn't the real point of dating, I've been dating a lot in the past couple months. I highly recommend this thought-provoking book to singles of both genders.
—Doug
Single Parenting on Film
May 4, 2005
Dear Frankie is a delightful film from the UK that explores, among other things, the lengths to which a single mom will go to protect and connect with her child. The mom is Lizzie, who at the beginning of the film moves to Glasgow with her nine-year-old son, Frankie, and her mother, Nell. We don't know much about Frankie's father at the beginning of the movie, other than the fact that Frankie writes letters to him on the Accra, a boat that's been sailing around the world for years. Or at least that's what Frankie thinks. In reality, Lizzie made up the story and has been answering his letters herself. When an actual boat named the Accra is soon to dock near their town, Lizzie decides to find a man to pose as Frankie's father. I don't want to give anything away, but overall this film does a wonderful understated job of exploring precarious human relationships, the choices we make, and the risks and rewards of trusting others. I highly recommend it.
—Simone
The Essence of Hope
April 20, 2005
Today, I received an inspiring quote from a Max Lucado e-mail devotional that I found especially applicable to singleness. It's taken from his book God Came Near: "Our problem is not so much that God doesn't give us what we hope for as it is that we don't know the right thing for which to hope. (You may want to read that sentence again.) Hope is not what you expect; it is what you would never dream."
—Alison
Happy Matrimony?
April 6, 2005
Even as a single, one of my favorite books is Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. The subtitle is "What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?" The book has a lot of Scripture to back up the idea that in marriage you're sacrificing and developing your character through the inevitable hard times and not-so-glamorous moments. Actually, I apply these same ideas to all of my relationships as I try to become more like Jesus. I give a copy of Sacred Marriage to anyone I know getting married.
—Linda
The Blessing of Distress
February 23, 2005
I recently stumbled on an intriguing quote by Gerald May, author of The Dark Night of the Soul:
"In our society, we have come to believe that discomfort always means something is wrong. We are conditioned to believe that feelings of distress, pain, deprivation, yearning, and longing mean something is wrong with the way we are living our lives.
"Conversely, we are convinced that a rightly lived life must give us serenity, completion, and fulfillment. Comfort means "right" and distress means "wrong." The influence of such convictions is stifling to the human spirit. Individually and collectively, we must somehow recover the truth. The truth is, we were never meant to be completely satisfied."
Somehow these words put the tough days of singleness in a bigger and better light for me.
—Simone
The Theology of Loneliness
March 2, 2005
While preparing for a retreat, I stumbled on a wonderful book, The Restless Heart: Finding Our Spiritual Home in Times of Loneliness by Ronald Rolheiser. This book isn't just for singles or for those going through a dry social season, rather Rolheiser asserts in the first paragraph of the book: "To be human is to be lonely." Rolheiser, author of best-selling The Holy Longing, goes on to discuss why we're lonely, the types of loneliness, what can happen if we don't face our loneliness, what the Bible says about it, and the hidden blessings of loneliness. It's an insightful read that made me look at my aloneness as a single and simply as a person with new eyes.
—Camerin
Home Alone Handbook
February 16, 2005
I have a book suggestion for the female readers. Women Home Alone by Patricia H. Sprinkle gives practical help in dealing with a variety of issues faced by women who are never-married, widowed, divorced, or married to a spouse who travels a lot. The book discusses home maintenance, holidays, loneliness, illness, preparing for emergencies, developing confidence in making decisions, and many other things. I found it very helpful!
—Peggy
Lessons in Aloneness
February 2, 2005
I subscribe to a daily meditation sent by the Henri Nouwen society. I found a recent one particularly helpful in light of my singleness:
Finding Solitude
by Henri Nouwen
All human beings are alone. No other person will completely feel like we do, think like we do, act like we do. Each of us is unique, and our aloneness is the other side of our uniqueness. The question is whether we let our aloneness become loneliness or whether we allow it to lead us into solitude. Loneliness is painful; solitude is peaceful. Loneliness makes us cling to others in desperation; solitude allows us to respect others in their uniqueness and create community.
Letting our aloneness grow into solitude and not into loneliness is a lifelong struggle. It requires conscious choices about whom to be with, what to study, how to pray, and when to ask for counsel. But wise choices will help us to find the solitude where our hearts can grow in love.
I hope other singles find this encouraging, too.
—Cynthia
Going to the Dogs
January 19, 2005
I recently bought a dog, which has been a huge blessing to me. I'm a divorced woman with no kids and really needed something to care for. I began my search for the right breed, and finally decided on a Yorkshire Terrier puppy. I named him Gio, short for Giojoso, which means "joyful" in Italian. True to his name, Gio brings me a lot of joy. Now I have something to focus on other than me!
—Cynthia
Share the Love
January 05, 2005
As I get older and start to wonder if I'll have the opportunity to give birth to a child, I've found an outlet for my growing maternal yearnings. There are so many children around the world who are in need. While I can't yet be a mom myself, I can sponsor children around the world, write letters to them, and shower them with my love.
—Jen
Recommended Reading
December 22, 2004
Need something to read while you're riding over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house this holiday season? Check out these two recommendations:
For Women:
I highly recommend Kristen Billerbeck's contemporary novels, What a Girl Wants and She's Out of Control. I admit I'm not usually a fan of contemporary fiction, but these were quite an exception! They're hilarious and touching and a blast to read. The protagonist is a single, Christian 30something woman named Ashley Stockingdale. They're fictional stories, but full of truth about the single life. I've read the whole first book out loud to a couple of my single Christian female friends, and have started reading them the second one.
—Anna
For Men:
Flabbergasted and A Delirious Summer by Ray Blackston offer the fictionalized guy's view of the single life. The main characters are 20something males in search of a date, and true to life, the road to said dates is filled with many misadventures. The portrayal of Christian culture is non-cheesy, and the cast of quirky characters in each book is highly entertaining. There's appeal for male and female readers alike.
—Mike
Living the Questions
December 08, 2004
I'm a 50-year-old divorced mother of three adult children with three grandchildren (and one more on the way!). Being single at my age is somewhat different than someone in their 30s or 40s. There's a quote I've found encouraging, even though I can't remember where I got it:
Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms or books that are written in a foreign tongue. The point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live your way some distant day into the answers.
These words remind me to live my life to the best of my abilities, and bolster my patience and my trust that God's plan will unfold in my life.
—Sharon
Cooking-for-One Co-op
November 17, 2004
Cooking for one usually means lots of prep time and cleanup for a meal I'll eat in ten minutes—and then keep eating leftovers from for the next week. Having home-cooked meals wasn't worth the time and effort involved for me, but I didn't want to give up cooking altogether and succumb to the heat-and-eat world of frozen dinners. So, another single friend and I formed a cooking co-op. We each cooked a meal once a week, split the dinner in half, and traded that portion with each other. I now have a week's worth of home-cooked dinners with a bit more variety, as well as some inspiration to try new recipes, since it's not just me I'm cooking for.
—Tamara
Befriending Married Folk
October 27, 2004
I used to think hanging around married people would be too hard, so I avoided it as much as I could. Then I was adopted by a family at a new church I started attending three years ago. They take me on holidays with them sometimes, and I've become close friends with the mom, who's about my age. She's sensitive to my singleness and avoids saying and doing things that make me feel uncomfortable. I've learned it's important not to shut ourselves off from married friends; they actually need us (to keep them sane) as much as we need them.
—Ruth
Relationship Roadmap
October 13, 2004
I'm reading The Book of Romance by Tommy Nelson, an informative approach to dating from a Christian perspective based on the Song of Solomon. It will help anyone who wants guidance along the road of this important but often neglected journey into healthy relationships that so many people just don't have a clear understanding about. I truly believe if we use such resources and the wisdom God gives us, we can make choices that don't land us in divorce court.
—Vincent
Becoming a Friend and Lover
September 29, 2004
A friend of mine recently sent me a great book on relationships, Becoming a Friend and Lover (the updated edition) by Dick Purnell. Dick is the founder and president of Single Life Resources, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ. The title isn't referring to being a lover in the physical sense, rather to having healthy relationships of all types. As Paul Meier, of the Minirth-Meier Clinic, states in the forward: "Few books are being written on the concerns of living a biblical adult lifestyle before marriage. Fewer still present the ups and downs, the frustrations and satisfactions, the defeats and victories of learning to relate to others. This book offers practical insights for understanding the opposite sex, suggestions about how to avoid short-circuiting a good relationship, and clear ideas for enjoying the dating process." I agree … and highly recommend this helpful read.
—Diane
The Truth that Transcends Marital Status
September 15, 2004
There's an amazing five part audio/video series by one of my favorite speakers, Louie Giglio, called 2 Words That Changed Everything: Christ In You the Hope of Glory. Louie's thought-provoking use of Scripture and visual illustrations provided me with some extremely valuable insight about who we really are as believers and how God sees us. As singles, we sometimes struggle with where we fit and how we measure up to others' expectations, especially within traditional Christian circles. This series was so freeing for me as it reinforced that I'm not defined by external things, but that I'm chosen, holy, and loved. If you're a Jesus follower, Christ is in you. Wrestle with the weight of that concept. Seriously. Spend five minutes meditating on it and realize how it transcends your marital status. (This series is available at www.268generation.com. Also check out www.722.net for more great resources and series from Louie Giglio!)
—Amy
Never Alone
August 25, 2004
I love the song from new Christian band Barlow Girl called "Never Alone." Not only is it a great haunting rock number, it's also a message about how God can sometimes feel so far away. I can relate! The chorus goes: "I cry out with no reply, And I can't feel you by my side, So I'll hold tight to what I know, You're here and I'm never alone." What a great reminder for us singles that no matter what we're going through or how we feel, Jesus is always there with us.
—Jo
Persistent Prayers
August 11, 2004
I just read a fantastic book for singles: Anticipatience by Sharon Virkler. It's aimed mainly at women, but I think men could gain some encouragement from it too, as well as a glimpse into women's feelings. This book challenged me to keep asking God for the desire of my heart (a mate), and also to ask friends and family to pray that God would bring my mate into my life. I learned it's not really about the desire for a spouse … it's about having enough faith to ask and keep asking, no matter what it is I'm praying for.
—Leigh
Waiting Well
July 28, 2004
Inspiration sometimes comes from strange places. Watching the new Tom Hanks flick The Terminal, I was struck by how well his character, Viktor Navorski, waited. Stuck in an airport terminal for countless months while in a black hole of government regulations and red tape (his fictional home country had a coup while he's flying to the US, making his passport and papers worthless), Viktor sets about making the most of his stay. He gets a job, establishes a community, even sets up a creative little home for himself at Gate 67. Even when given a chance to bend the rules, he doesn't. Though stuck in a seemingly endless wait, Viktor still thrives, grows, tries new things, lives. What a great (and albeit unlikely) model for us singles.
—Sam
A Rockin' Reminder of God's Love
July 14, 2004
Sometimes, when I struggle with feeling inadequate, unlovable, and useless to God's kingdom, I pop The Benjamin Gate's CD, Contact, into my laptop. This enhanced CD from the South African rock band contains a video for their song "All Over Me," which is about how Jesus' love is all over us. The energetic video and the poignant lyrics give me the reminders I need—that I'm loved even when I don't feel like it, and I don't have to be perfect for God to love me.
—Robyn
Befriend Married Folks
June 30, 2004
I think it's important for singles to develop close friendships with married people. Many churches divide singles and marrieds into separate fellowship groups, separate Bible study groups, separate Sunday schools, etc. This is a pity, because singles and marrieds have much to offer each other. Sometimes my married friends come to me with their troubles and ask me to pray with them. They know whether it's late at night or early in the morning, I can easily make time for them. If their child is having problems, I can be an "auntie figure."
My married friends also give so much back to me by including me in various family activities, sharing meals, and praying with me. Having close married friends also helps me realize the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Even though these friends have wonderful Christian spouses and lovely children, they often sacrifice their own wishes in order to take care of these "blessings." I praise God for my married friends because they enrich my life, and often remind me that I do the same for them and their children.
—Astrid
Adventures in Singlehood
June 16, 2004
The book I Married Adventure by Luci Swindoll changed my opinion about the single journey. In it, she shares about all the things she's been able to accomplish in terms of her professional life, her relationships with friends and family, her extensive travels to the far reaches of the world, her interests in music, art, and photography, and her relationship with the Lord. She doesn't paint singleness as the one thing wrong in her life; rather, she embraces it as a component of who she is. I highly recommend this inspiring book.
—Lucy
The Truth About "Casual Sex"
May 26, 2004
Sex and the Soul of a Woman by Paula Rinehart is a must-read for single Christian women, whether previously married or not. The author addresses physical relationships from a biblical perspective and contrasts that with today's cultural belief that casual sex is OK for everyone. Rinehart also discusses how Christians compartmentalize extramarital sex and fall victim to the enemy's deception. The book points to the high price people pay for "casual sex" and, from Scripture, shows what a unique role the physical relationship plays within marriage to create a bond that's meant to last a lifetime. This book may leave you angry at that deception and the enemy's efforts to make even Christians think sex outside of marriage is OK, but it will deposit within you a clear understanding of the road to sexual purity—whether you've fallen or not. Regardless of your gender, you'll learn a lot and ultimately come away with an increased awareness of God's design for sex and for single Christians.
—Desirée
Faith and Our First Love
May 12, 2004
The book Authentic Beauty by Leslie Ludy is a great read for all singles, especially women. It's perfect for someone who's just come out of a long-term relationship, is sick of dating the same people over and over again, or has been enjoying the single life for a while but desires to experience the only true Love we'll ever know. Words of encouragement and direction pour from the pages and remind readers of the thrill of our first love, Jesus Christ. If you're seeking a love like none other and want to leave the past behind you and live a life that's set-apart and holy, then this is the book for you.
—Christian
For Marriage-Minded Readers
April 28, 2004
A great book for marriage-minded singles is Fit to Be Tied by Bill and Lynn Hybels. (Bill is the pastor of well-known Willow Creek Church.) The book underscores the importance of being in a relationship with a healthy individual, and helps you identify such health in others. It also teaches you how to relate with all people, and obviously focuses more intently on how you relate to a future/current spouse. The first two-thirds of the book is directed toward single people, and the last third is more for marrieds. I found the book very helpful.
—Rob
Anger Management
April 14, 2004
When my boyfriend broke up with me, I was angry! But I didn't think Christians are supposed to be angry. Thankfully, the book Managing your Emotions: Instead of Your Emotions Managing You by Joyce Meyer taught me I had a right to be angry, but not to let it control me. I learned I should be in control of my anger, and I found ways to deal with it positively. So now whenever I get angry about breakups or other things in life, I channel my anger in a positive way without feeling as though I don't have a right to feel my emotions.
—name withheld
Difference-Making Singles
March 31, 2004
Yesterday I had the privilege of attending a class on making a difference as a single person. The woman who taught the class had us brainstorm a list of people in the Bible who were single, either for a lifetime or for a season. We easily came up with several dozen names. Next, we had to pick a person on that list and come up with several ways in which that person, as a single, made a positive difference and was used by God. It was an enlightening experience! I highly recommend other singles make a similar list, especially on those days when we feel discouraged about our "status."
—Amanda
Single and Sexy?
March 17, 2004
I just read an excellent chapter about singleness in a new book called Sexuality and Holy Longing. It's written by a Christian college professor who reminds those of us who aren't married and aren't having sex that we are still sexual beings. This was a novel, intriguing, and healing thought for me. I wouldn't recommend this book to those who are very conservative. But for those who are willing to consider and reflect on some of the trickier and messier parts of being a Christian in a fallen world, I highly suggest this thought-provoking read.
—Shelby, Nevada
Cool Cinematic Singleness
March 3, 2004
I just rented the flick Next Stop Wonderland and was delighted by the portrayal of the single main character, Erin. Though her wacked-out boyfriend has just dumped her and her even wackier mom has placed a personal ad on her behalf, Erin doesn't skip town or stay in bed for weeks on end. Instead, she fills her life with the things she enjoys—books, work, friends. My favorite scenes are when she's dining alone in public, seeming completely unfazed and totally comfortable with her own company. There are a few slightly crude scenes, but overall, this movie packs some encouragement, humor, and hope for singles.
—Kaitlyn, Missouri
Looking for Love Later in Life
February 18, 2004
I've discovered a great book that's helping me to be proactive about finding a mate. It's called How to Get Married After 35: A Game Plan for Love by Helena Hacker Rosenberg. The book has helped me set up strategies to meet eligible men as well as figure out what kind of man I'm looking for. Two of my friends are "working the plan" with me. We recommend it for singles of any age! I'm now meeting interesting men and will see if any of them turn out to be "the one."
—name withheld
Understanding the Opposite Sex
February 4, 2004
The book Mars and Venus on a Date, written by John Gray, helped me a lot and explained many things I didn't understand about women. I recommend the book for both men and women to give us all a deeper understanding of the opposite sex. Since reading the book, I've enjoyed better communication with women!
—Kobus
Make a Difference
January 21, 2004
I just stumbled on a wonderful website for singles who want to make a positive difference in the world: www.singlevolunteers.org. It contains links to local chapters' sites from all over the country. I discovered that my local chapter is doing everything from staging a (free) café for homeless and hungry people in an inner-city neighborhood to doing dinner and a movie together. What a great way to serve in my community, and hopefully meet some cool single folks along the way!
—L.T.
Wise Words
January 7, 2004
Rich Mullins was more than a Christian singer/songwriter, he was a true wordsmith. In one interview that aired after his death several years ago, he described why he decided to call off his wedding many years earlier. In a nutshell, he described coming to the realization that he was getting married for the wrong reason—to "cure" his loneliness. He then went on to say that marriage never can cure loneliness because "loneliness is part of the cycle of human experience." Married or single, we all will experience loneliness in our lives.
Those words had a profound affect on my spirit. I suddenly realized that the loneliness I sometimes feel isn't a curse of singleness, but a testament of humanity. I saw that rather than trying to cure loneliness, I should recognize it for what it is—my spirit's longing for eternity with Christ. Rich Mullins' words gave me new eyes with which to view my inevitable lonely days.
—Jannette
| | |
