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"Oma, everybody will think we look so pretty!" my 3-year-old granddaughter, Gabi, exclaimed as we sat together on a bench in front of a big mirror in my bathroom, putting on our wigs. Iridescent blue wigs.

We looked at each other and giggled at our goofy selves. Indeed, we looked so pretty.

Gabi didn't know it, but her mom, Alexandra, was helping me through an extremely difficult life transition. I was losing my hair due to chemotherapy for my ovarian cancer. In the midst of this challenge, one of my greatest heartaches and fears is that I would scare Gabi with my hairlessness—and that might change our relationship.

So along with a couple of look-just-like-me wigs, I bought one outrageous iridescent blue wig as a joke. Meanwhile, my daughter-in-law, Alex, got Gabi some books about cancer and chemo at the children's library and bought Gabi a "funny little blue wig" to match the one I'd gotten for myself. Alex was intentionally helping me maneuver this transition and look good in Gabi's eyes.

A mom has a great deal of influence on a child's relationship with a grandparent; I am thankful that Alex is on my side. She encourages my unique relationship with Gabi in many ways.

First, she lets me be me. Gabi is our first grandchild, and if Alex had an expectation of a grandmother's role, I'm sure I didn't fit it perfectly. Nobody ever meets another's expectation perfectly. Some grandmothers are available for spur-of-the-moment babysitting. Some are not. Some make or buy adorable clothing for their grandchildren. Or make great crafts with them. I'm not a shopper or a crafty person. I fall more into the goofy playmate category. Gabi and I play Pretend. Hide and Seek. And we have great tea parties. Alex understands who I am—and who I am not. And accepts me for who I am.

She also cuts me some slack. She doesn't expect me to be a super-mom or an extension of herself and enforce her rules with Gabi just like she does. Alex is the mom, and Gabi knows her mom's rules: Be gentle with your baby sister. Say please and thank you. No whining. Tell the truth. Not too many sweets and treats. But she doesn't police one of the little rituals Gabi and I share. Every time Gabi leaves our house, I fix her a small snack pack for the 30-minute ride home. Among the raisins and crackers in the bag, she always finds a sweet treat like candy or cookies. I'm sure some of that stuff doesn't meet her mom's nutritional snack goals, and much ends up on the floor of the minivan, but Alex lets us carry on our tradition.

Alex is my my cheerleader. When my mother or mother-in-law did something I considered off-the-wall, I sometimes popped off about it. Out loud. In the car, on the way home. In front of their grandchildren. Some of the things I say or do are bound to irritate my daughter-in-law, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't critique me in front of Gabi.

That recent evening, after Gabi and I got all decked out in our blue wigs, we decided to parade out into the kitchen where the rest of the family had gathered.

Feeling a bit self-conscious, we made our grand entrance.

"Oh … pretty!" Alex exclaimed enthusiastically.

Gabi doubled over, laughing so hard she couldn't walk. So Alex picked her up and together we twirled around the room, feeling very proud and pretty in our wigs.

Editor's Note: Carol was diagnosed with Stage 4 ovarian cancer in December 2005. She is resiliently responding to treatment and appreciates your prayers during this difficult season.

Carol Kuykendall is the Director of Strategic Projects at MOPS International and the author of several books, including Five-Star Families: Moving Yours from Good to Great (Revell, 2005), available in the MOPShop at www.MOPShop.org.

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