Before I get into the stealth Energy Bill that Congress and the White House is passing as we speak, I have a confession to make: When my Grandfather passed away, I inherited a miniscule share in an oil well somewhere....or maybe it's natural gas, I don't know. Whichever, I receive a royalty check every month based on the price of oil (or natural gas....again, whichever).
That's right, I'm an oil baron. For the month of June alone, my royalty check was a whopping $43.56, and that's about ten dollars higher than it was a couple of years ago. When gas finally hits fifty dollars a gallon, I'm quitting my job. Which is a good thing, because when gas hits fifty dollars a gallon, I won't be able to afford gas anymore. Hell, I can't afford gas now.....why do you think I sit around and write this crap all the faulking time, instead of going out and partying every night? Thats right, it's because I can't afford to buy gas. And if an oil tycoon like me can't afford a gallon of gas, just imagine what the commoners are going through.
What the hell, let's just let the Associated Press article speak for itself. I'll "rearrange the furniture" a little bit, and liven it up with an appropriate soundtrack so you can see just how fucking greedy these heartless sons-of-bitches really are.
Whoa......sorry about that, I've been listening to Michael Savage on the radio again....I should have said, "so you can see how unfair and biased our elected representatives in Congress have become." (The sons-of-bitches.)
House Approves Massive Energy Bill
Isn't it rich?
Are we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground,
You in mid-air.
Send in the clowns.....
A national energy plan that would send billions of dollars in tax subsidies to energy companies passed the House on Thursday despite criticism from many lawmakers that it would do nothing to dampen high prices or lessen dependence on Middle East oil.
Isn't it bliss?
Don't you approve?
One who keeps tearing around,
One who can't move.....
Seventy-five Democrats joined Republicans in moving the 1,725-page legislation through the House.
Where are the clowns?
Send in the clowns.....
A provision that had passed the Senate to require the president to find ways to reduce U.S. oil demand by 1 million barrels a year by 2025 was abandoned because of strong opposition from House Republicans and the administration.
Just when I'd started
Opening doors,
Finally knowing
The one that I wanted was yours.....
Lawmakers avoided a certain fight in the Senate by leaving out one of President's Bush's top energy goals: opening the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge in Alaska to oil drilling. House Republicans promised to pursue that issue separately.
Making my entrance again
With my usual flair,
Sure of my lines.
No one is there.....
''This bill is packed with royalty relief, tax breaks, loan guarantees for the wealthiest energy companies in America even as they are reporting the largest quarterly profits of any corporation in the history of the United States,'' complained Rep. Edward Markey, D-Mass.
Don't you love farce?
My fault, I fear.
I thought that you'd want what I want -
Sorry, my dear.....
Other major provisions in the legislation include:
- Easing the way for more imports of liquefied natural gas by giving federal regulators final say over terminals.
- Spurring construction of new nuclear power reactors by offering loan guarantees and ''risk insurance'' against regulatory delays for the initial units to be built.
- A nationwide inventory of offshore oil and gas resources. Critics said they're concerned the inventory may lead to drilling in areas now off-limits.
But where are the clowns?
There ought to be clowns.
Quick, send in the clowns.....
The bill also would direct loan guarantees and other subsidies to encourage construction of new nuclear power plants and develop carbon-capturing and other technologies to assure continued use of coal to produce electricity.
What a surprise.
Who could forsee
I'd come to feel about you
What you'd felt about me?
Why only now when I see
That you'd drifted away?
What a surprise.
What a cliche'.
Rep. Joe Barton, R-Texas, who chaired the House-Senate conference that crafted the final legislation, called it a bill ''for America's future.''
Isn't it rich?
Isn't it queer?
Losing my timing this late
In my career?
''The oil and gas companies don't need incentives with oil and gas prices being what they are today," said Energy Secretary Samuel Bodman.
And where are the clowns?
Quick, send in the clowns.....
"This is a good bill for America," said Rep. Barton.
Don't bother - they're here.....
(Editor's note to the Associated Press: Please don't sue me.)
Interesting footnote to this article:
AOL poll from today:
"What's the best way to address skyrocketing oil and gas prices?
Create more "green" technology 52%
Rely less on foreign oil resources 29%
Produce more North American oil 19%
Faulking Truth contributor Mike Bohling noted that "Reduce usage" wasn't one of the choices. God, I love this country!
(Editor's note: This is an entry from The Faulking Truth blog, ingeniously entitled "Blogfest 2005". If you'd like to spend more of your valuable time blogging, go to www.faulkingtruth.com/blog/ )
Voice your opinion on our message board (you don't have to sign up to post), or post in our guestbook.
Blogfest 2005 Archives:
Keep on Blogging in The Free World (Mark Faulk, Sep 21, 2004)
"It's the Issues, Stupid" (Mark Faulk, Sep 21, 2004)
The Trust Factor......mmmmmm, donuts (Mark Faulk, Sep 30, 2004)
The Vice-Presidential Debate Primer (Mark Faulk, Oct 5, 2004)
Is Bush a girly-man? (Mark Faulk, Oct 7, 2004)
Kids! Time to come in and get dressed for war (Mark Faulk, Nov 1, 2004)
"I Think We're all Bozos on this Bus" and "Dude, Where's My Bong?" (Mark Faulk, Nov 5, 2004)
"We're mad as hell and we're not going to take it anymore!" and "The Ministry of Truth Strikes Again" (Mark Faulk, Nov 9, 2004)
Vacation....Had to get away (Mark Faulk, Nov 11, 2004)
A 'Tribute' to Steve Martin (Mark Faulk, Nov 14, 2004)
How Long Can You Tread Water? (Mark Faulk, Nov 17, 2004)
"Give the People What They Want" (Mark Faulk, Nov 22, 2004)
Home on the Range..... (Mark Faulk, Nov 27, 2004)
Coping With Loss: How to Deal With the 2004 Election (Mark Faulk, Dec 7, 2004)
Peace Kills (Mark Faulk, Dec 21, 2004)
A Tale of Two Psychos (Mark Faulk, Dec 27, 2004)
Hurtling Headlong Through the Blogosphere (Mark Faulk, Jan 4, 2005)
The Faulking Truth Gone Wild (Mark Faulk, Jan 6, 2005)
Palestinians Elect Abba by Wide Margin (Mark Faulk, Jan 9, 2005)
"Look everybody, we've found WMDRPAs!" and "Supporting the Inauguration Day Boycott.....Sort of" (Mark Faulk, Jan 12, 2005)
Confessions of.....a Christian (Mark Faulk, Jan 18, 2005)
Seven Degrees of George W. Bush (Mark Faulk, Jan 20, 2005)
Dear IRS...... (Mark Faulk, Jan 25, 2005)
What Democracy Means to Me (Johnny Carson, Feb 5, 2005)
"I love you...no, really, I do...." and "Have a Crappy... I Mean... Happy Valentine's Day" (Mark Faulk and Kelsey Renee Faulk, Feb 14, 2005)
"THE END OF BLOCKBUSTER!" (Mark Faulk, Feb 19, 2005)
The Poor get Poorer..... (Mark Faulk, Mar 8, 2005)
Refinancing your home the 'hard' way..... (Mark Faulk, Mar 19, 2005)
A Fall From Grace - How Bush is Alienating Mainstream America (Mark Faulk, Mar 26, 2005)
I'm not schizophrenic....and neither am I (Mark Faulk, Mar 31, 2005)
Pope Dies of old Age (Mark Faulk, Apr 4, 2005)
America to Dateline: Tell the Truth Now! (Mark Faulk, Apr 7, 2005)
How I Spent my Weekend (Russell Tharp, Apr 18, 2005)
How Many Lesbians Does it Take to Screw in a Lightbulb? (Mark Faulk, Apr 27, 2005)
Four Dead in Ohio (Mark Faulk, May 4, 2005)
Some Mother's Son (Mark Faulk, May 8, 2005)
"lalalalalalalala.....I can't hear you!" (Mark Faulk, May 22, 2005)
The Man on the Crane (Mark Faulk, May 28, 2005)
NOW Do You Feel Secure on the Internet? (Mark Faulk, Jun 1, 2005)
Taking the Faulking Truth to the Airwaves (Mark Faulk, Jun 17, 2005)
Wall Street: Destroying the Evidence (Mark Faulk, Jun 21, 2005)
And now....Page two (Mark Faulk, Jul 1, 2005)
Help Wanted- President Seeks New Brain (Mark Faulk, Jul 11, 2005)
Bush Picks "French Fry Judge" for Supreme Court (Mark Faulk, Jul 19, 2005)
Praying for a Miracle (Mark Faulk, Jul 23, 2005)
Send in the Clowns (Mark Faulk, Jul 28, 2005)
"What's Wrong With This Picture?" or "Gas Prices Set Record High.....Win A Free Hummer!" (Mark Faulk, Aug 15, 2005)
Pat Robertson's Case for the Assassination of President Bush.....I mean, Hugo Chavez (Mark Faulk, Aug 23, 2005)
The Faulking Truth...in (Black) and (White) (Mark Faulk, Aug 25, 2005)
They're Trying to Wash Us Away.... (Mark Faulk, Aug 31, 2005)
"Not Acceptable" (Mark Faulk, Sep 2, 2005)
And I'm looking forward to sitting on the porch (Laughter.) (Mark Faulk, Sep 6, 2005)
Who Says FEMA Can't Relate to Blacks, Yo? (Mark Faulk, Sep 15, 2005)
Faulking Truth to Senator Shelby: PUT THE DAMN FIRE OUT! (Mark Faulk, Sep 21, 2005)
George Talks to God..... (Mark Faulk, Oct 8, 2005)
For the Greater Good..... (Mark Faulk, Oct 27, 2005)
Coalition....What Coalition? (Mark Faulk, Nov 21, 2005)
Confessions of a White Gentile (Mark Faulk, Dec 4, 2005)
The World Just Got A Little Less Funny (Mark Faulk, Dec 10, 2005)
MySpace is the Devil (Mark Faulk, Dec 18, 2005)
Desecrating Christmas (Mark Faulk, Dec 29, 2005)
Srecna Nova Godina....od tim Faulking Truth (Mark Faulk, Jan 1, 2006)
On Kurt Vonnegut..... (Mark Faulk, Jan 8, 2006)
Taking it to the Streets (Mark Faulk, Jan 14, 2006)
Desecrating History (Mike Bohling, Feb 4, 2006)
Congress Uses "C Word" (Mark Faulk, Mar 13, 2006)
Conspiracy....or Conspiracy Nuts? (Mark Faulk, Mar 18, 2006)
Roddy Boyd: Choosing up Sides (Mark Faulk, Mar 28, 2006)
Emotional Casualties of War (Mark Faulk, Apr 28, 2006)
It is a very mixed blessing to be brought back from the dead. (Mark Faulk, May 10, 2006)
MySpace is the Devil (Redux) (Mark Faulk, May 23, 2006)
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