December 08, 2005

The King of Marvin Gardens

In my world, it's almost never a bad time to watch a bleak, neo-realistic 70s Hollywood drama.  These were often simple human stories, told in a sometimes opaque and slowly evolving fashion, populated by complex, layered characters.  Remember when movies didn't need to spell everything out for the dimwitted, AND carry a 30-minute epilogue?  Well I do.  Keep your Spielberg blockbusters, Sundance channel indie charmers, your Harry Potter movies and your Lord Of The Rings trilogy.  Give me Electra Glide in Blue, The Panic In Needle Park or Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore.

Kingofmarvingardens_4_4The other night I sat down to re-watch an old favorite, The King of Marvin Gardens, from 1972.  King... is especially relevant here, as the principal character, David Staebler (played by Jack Nicholson), is a free-form DJ of sorts, a morose autobiographical storyteller, representative of a style prevalent on the FM band during the late 60s and early 70s, though barely present today.  Staebler's stories are told in a slow, patient style that would never stand amongst modern computer-ordained commercial FM formats.  The character's closest modern equivalent might be public radio storytelling giant Joe Frank.

David, a doleful loner, is called away from his nighttime air slot and grim 2-story Philadelphia flat to Atlantic City, by his troublesome wheeler-dealer brother Jason, played by Bruce Dern.  In recent years, Dern had performed memorable turns as a psychotic guardian of Earth's last botanical garden in the moody Sci-Fi thriller Silent Running (1972), and as the last guy you'd want as an LSD-tour companion in Roger Corman's The Trip (1967), the latter written by Nicholson.  Dern and Nicholson had already worked together on several films, including Drive, He Said, Jack's directorial debut from the previous year.  The wonderful Ellen Burstyn (see Alice... above) also stars as the sweet nut-job Jason's been shacking up with.

Continue reading "The King of Marvin Gardens" »

December 02, 2005

This Week in Sex: Baby, It's Cold Inside

Snowdick_1Station manager Ken forwarded me an email from the Netherlands which said: "Could you slip this to Amanda?"

Sounded great, until I found out "this" was a giant icy penis with its own parking space. Cold, people, cold.

The email continued:  "I think this one will fit nicely in her most informative blog."

(Editor's note: The pic purportedly ran in a leading Dutch newspaper, and blog is the Dutch word for...something giant penises fit nicely into.)

Grandmaster of Iron Crotch Tu Jin-Sheng pulled a rental truck around a parking lot a couple times with his penis. I don't know why it is important that the truck was a rental.

There oughta be a law. There is, and it is the best law ever. A judge in Fond du Lac, Wisconsin, makes guys who get busted for peeing in public apologize in public--in a letter to the editor in the Fond du Lac Reporter. For example, Michael Huebner of Madison, Wisconsin, wrote: "I am so terribly sorry for urinating outside of a public place in your city. It was not a very intelligent thing to do." Amen! You could revitalize certain dormant political parties with this stuff.

Ads1_1Things you didn't know you needed to worry about. Your labia should be tan, but your anus should not, especially if you want to "keep your bum-hole looking younger." If I could see it, maybe I would care more.

mp3s of radio commercials for schlocksploitation movies. This is the best thing I am slipping you this week, so go check it out at toestubber.

Continue reading "This Week in Sex: Baby, It's Cold Inside" »

November 14, 2005

The Kid From Brooklyn Speaks The Truth

Kidfrombrooklyn_2The Kid From Brooklyn is neither a kid nor is he from Brooklyn. He's a poetically foul-mouthed ticket dealer from Jersey named Mike Caracciolo, but the ticket racket's never been the right place for him. As he likes to tell people, he really oughta be an actor.

The Kid may want to be an actor, but he's found the perfect medium, taping his own video rants and posting them on his Kid From Brooklyn site. He's been at it for a few years, but he's been on a real tear lately. Since his own servers are a little on the sluggish side, I've re-posted three of his latest video rants here (nsfw):

The Importance of Telling People to Go Fuck Themselves (wmv video file)

The Big Man On How To Stop Terrorism (wmv video file)

The Big Man Introduces Mona, (Mrs. Kid From Brooklyn) (wmv video file)

via metafilter

November 09, 2005

Audible Hiss

Came across this great site which made my heart and ears ache for my bygone days as a cassette enthusiast. It's an alphabetical photo montage of... keeee-rist... seemingly every make and model of blank cassette manufactured from then 'til now, and given that they're all the exact same shape and size, the sheer diversity of design is pretty head spinning. Gazing down the list, my eyes fell on a few that even reminded me of old tapes from my personal collection that either bit the dust eons ago, never made it out from under the seat of my '81 VW Rabbit, got left at parties, were simply tossed to make way for other obsessions, or perhaps still lurk in some dark corner of my apartment, waiting to be uncovered and reprimanded for wasting precious storage space.

For example, this little jobby here Maxell_goldwas a bit of an industry standard of the late 80s. But it's also the exact make and model of the corny mixtape I made the year before I finished high school and was subsequently carted around from punk rock shows in Trenton, to parties of older friends who'd trotted off to art school in the city, to secret skateboard spots in Pennsylvania, and then back again several thousand times over. I know this tape still resides in a bag of crap in my closet and is sun-bleached and warbled from years and years of abuse. The tracklisting is way too embarrassing to include here, but I will admit that it includes a plainly retarded segueway from the Jesus & Mary Chain into 7 Seconds. (Links to Real Audio.)

This one here had a Buzzcocks (Real Audio) mix that someone made for me. BuzzcocksOr maybe it was just a dub from a vinyl copy of "Singles Going Steady", which probably gave the above mixtape some fierce competition for play in the boombox at some point or another. Sadly, side two of this tape featured a dub of Joni Mitchell's "Blue" album, (stop laughing) which is a great example of the classic mis-step of tape making, especially when precious boombox battery power is at risk: Don't put something you're only in the mood to hear once a year on the flipside of something you consider part of your daily personal hygiene. To this day, I can not listen to the Buzzcocks without fashioning my hair into a tidy bun and pretending to be a librarian 45 minutes later.

Girlfriend_mix_1Purchased at Topp's Appliances in East Brunswick, NJ for the explicit purpose of making a mixtape for the pasty-faced punky maiden I was madly in love with during senior year of high school. This tape was twice as expensive as the garden variety Maxell/TDK models in regular circulation at the time, but I figured it was important to spend a little cash on the lady. She was obsessed with Depeche Mode, (Real Audio) whom I pretended to like for a little while in the hopes of earning her sympathy. Instead, after graciously accepting the mixtape from me just prior to Christmas break, she never again spoke to or made eye contact with me, having been obviously disturbed by something on the tape. (Note to current teenagers attempting to win hearts of pasty-faced punky maidens by making them mixtapes: Reconsider the inclusion of any lengthy Hubert Selby spoken word pieces as "dramatic" conclusion to side one. Though fashionable at one time, this is now widely regarded as a fiercely stupid idea.)

Continue reading "Audible Hiss" »

November 08, 2005

WFMU's Political Endorsement

Njweedman_vs_unclesam_1Polling places in NJ are still open for a few hours, and we'd like to remind Garden State residents that the race for Governor is far from over. If you're feeling frustrated with the top 2 candidates after being inundated with televised smear campaigns, NJ Weedman just might be the breath of fresh air this state has been wheezing for.

Some of our other favorite crackpot candidates:

Bernie Goetz for NYC Public Advocate. The irony: he shot 4 young African American men on a subway car in 1984. They allegedly "threatened" him, and Bernie was charged with assault and attempted murder, but escaped all charges save weapons possession. (via Monica)

Jimmy McMillan for Mayor of NYC. Representing the Rent Is Too Damn High party.

Tino Rozzo for NJ Governor. Running on the Socialist Party USA ticket, he plans to hypnotize the entire state with his formidable mustache. (via Scott)

Wes Bell for NJ Governor. Check out those credentials! (via Scott)

October 31, 2005

No Longer "Perfect Together"

Wfmu_nj_licenseMany, MANY years ago I wrote an article for our now-defunct program guide, L.C.D., suggesting new slogans for New Jersey license plates. This was before all the diversification, with the "Battleship New Jersey" plates and those friggin' "Shore To Please" plates. Back then, Jersey plates were imprinted with THE GARDEN STATE - which seemed trite and out-dated to me. I suggested silly stuff like:

  • "It Glows In The Dark!"
  • "The 55 Gal. Drum State"
  • "Sure It's Toxic - But We Love It!"

While THE GARDEN STATE may be our nickname, NJ & YOU: PERFECT TOGETHER has been our slogan since the early 80's, popularized by a serious of commercials with then-Governor Thomas Kean intoning the tag-line in his upper-crusty patrician sneer: "New Jer-zee and you; PURRR-fect Together". Then we tried the slogan "What A Difference A State Makes", which bombed as badly as Jim McGreevey's turn as Governor.

It now seems our new, improved hetero Acting Governor, Richard Codey (sorry - I mean Acting Governor The Very Hetero Richard Codey - it was McGreevey who was "acting hetero") has commissioned a new New Jersey slogan, paying one consultant $260,000 to come up with the godawful "New Jersey: We'll Win You Over." In an admission that this latest slogan is as pathetic as it is desperate, the Governor is reaching out to us, his peeps, for suggestions. You can call 609-984-9893 and shout your bon mots into the phone or go to nj.gov/slogan and fill out an electronic form. It's quick and easy and I've already submitted a few myself:

  • "Kiss Her Where It Smells: New Jersey"
  • "New Jersey: Where The Sopranos Work & Play"
  • "Only The Strong Survive: New Jersey"

Okay, that last one I stole. But I want to see your originals - especially if you're submitting them through official channels. Remember: "WFMU & YOU: PURR-FECT TOGETHER!"

WFMU Vanity Plate created at http://www.acme.com/licensemaker/

September 29, 2005

It's Almost Like Not Living Here At All!

Maxwellhouse1-1I was coming home to Hoboken tonight via the ferry from Manhattan and had to pass the pile of dirt that used to be the Maxwell House factory. Wrapped around the construction site are huge banners proclaiming the future home of Maxwell Place ("On The Hudson"), with the tagline: New York State of Mind, Brand New Sense of Place.

Does that mean this upscale, luxury development will be the future home of people who are ashamed to be living in New Jersey? With this in mind, I suggest some other real-estate slogans:

Hoboken: Nearly Good Enough

New Jersey: Just Passing Through

Home Is Where You Spend As Little Time As Possible

NJ: A Deathtrap, A Suicide Rap - Get Out While You're Young

Now let's hear some of yours...

September 23, 2005

Trumped Up

Trump_prDonald Trump came to Jersey City yesterday to announce that two big buildings will be built down the street from WFMU. Well, he didn't put it quite that way. Mostly he was fixated on the fact that the big buildings would be so big that they would be the biggest buildings in New Jersey. They'll be 55 and 50 stories big, while WFMU is only 4 stories not-big.

The Trump Plaza amenities include a fitness center, a basketball court, and a rooftop outdoor swimming pool. The WFMU amenities include a lack of fitness, an arcade version of Asteroids that doesn't work, and a basement prone to sewage backups.

Local pols bent over forwards to welcome Trump to the neighborhood. For his part, Trump commented incoherently: "I am the largest developer in Manhattan, and I am coming to Jersey City. So a lot of people come the other way, and I am coming this way, and I am pretty good at predicting trends, so let's hope that's a trend."

The Jersey papers made it sound like Trump was actually developing the property, but 1010Wins says "Metro Homes in Hoboken has essentially paid Trump a licensing fee to use his name on the project." So what we're talking about here are ugly big-ass buildings with ugly big-ass Trump bumper stickers on their ugly big-asses, unlike all the other Trump projects which are...well, just like that.

(And don't you think putting twin towers on the Hudson river and bragging about how tall they are is creepy?)

The $415 million project at Washington and Bay streets will have about 900 condos with prices estimated to start at $525,000. Plans are for groundbreaking in November, completion in fall of 2007.

The Lieutenant Wore A Purple Ribbon

Janet AielloIt was around 10:30 on an unseasonably warm Sunday evening in October of ‘97 when a commotion began outside my Hoboken apartment that would eventually lead to one of my stranger nights in New Jersey.

I was on the couch, watching a movie, when the noise level outside got louder and angrier than usual. I went to the front window, pulled back the curtains and saw flashing lights coming down the block. Curious, I stepped outside just in time to see an upstairs neighbor corralling a young kid against a fence next door. The neighbor is a powerful guy and the kid – no older than fourteen – looked scared, like a trapped animal.

The cops were soon out of their cars, grabbing the kid and getting some details from my neighbor. When he was through, he came over to where I was standing with some other neighbors and explained that the kid – and some accomplices – were breaking into cars on the block. “I think you better go check your car. I saw them down there.” he said to me, pointing to where my car was parked.

Fearing the worst, I walked fast up the block to my car and got a sinking feeling when I noticed the convertible top unsnapped. I checked inside and (luckily) nothing was missing but a crappy old umbrella. The thieves were scared off before they had time to do any real damage.

I walked back to my building and thanked the neighbor for grabbing the kid. The cops asked me if anything was missing. I told them about the umbrella, said it was no big deal, and was surprised when they asked me to come downtown and swear out a complaint anyway (without complaints they had no case). I hemmed and hawed but then they offered me a ride (I was mostly concerned about losing my hard-won parking space).

Continue reading "The Lieutenant Wore A Purple Ribbon" »

September 22, 2005

NOOIIISSSE!

When I awoke suddenly at 3 a.m. the other night to the sound of a ferociously loud motorcycle on the street outside, I knew then what this week's post would be about.  After trying to fall back to sleep for 30 minutes, I got up and started writing.

BabyThose who know me know that I am all for noise in the proper context.  I listen to music that often prompts others to say "that's not music."  I love Merzbow, MB, Goat, Yoko Ono, Whitehouse and The New Blockaders.  But noise in the public, urban landscape can be intrusive, offensive, disruptive, disheartening and sometimes rage-producing.  Usually this kind of noise is propagated by individuals guilty of what I consider to be the greatest of personal sins:  obliviousness.  They're oblivious to the fact that they share their environment with others who are trying to live their lives in relative peace and harmony, i.e., "that's me, and I'm doin' it 'cause it feels good."  Most city noise isn't personal or malicious, it's worse; it's negligent and casually disrespectful.

Every so often, I read something about the measurement of big city noise levels, or about some legislator who wants to mount anti-noise laws as a quality of life issue, but things don't ever seem to change that much, and I think the whole situation speaks to the sad limitations of human nature and humans in general.  Environmental noise is likely causing us more harm than mere annoyance.  There is also speculation that noise may be making our kids dumb (see this link too) and hard of hearing.   Noise may also be damaging our wildlife.

When I enter "street noise nuisance" into Google, 90% of the links on the first 3 pages are UK-based; is this because the British are more apt to use the term "nuisance" or because goddamit, we're the USA, we're loud, proud, aggressive and prone to preemptive invasions?  In fact, a battery of noise-complaint-related Google searches I did brought up more UK and Canada-related links in general, supporting the common notion (which I'd like to believe is wrong) that Canadians and the British are generally more civilized than we are.  (The few relevant links I was able to find that related directly to the northeastern US are collected at the end of this post.)

We all have our "if I were Mayor, President, or King of the Free World" fantasies, and here are a few noise-related offenses that I, were I to ever hold high office, would terminate with extreme prejudice.

Continue reading "NOOIIISSSE!" »

September 07, 2005

From the WFMU News Vault: 1987 - Village Voice Declares Best New York Radio is Made in New Jersey

Voice87Back in age of the dinosaurs, I mean, in 1987, the Village Voice ran a lengthy front page article entitled "New York's Best Radio Station Broadcasts from a Jersey Basement."    They were talking about WFMU, which at the time was still located on the Upsala College campus in East Orange, in the basement of Froeberg Hall.  The article features, among other things,  Irwin expounding on the art of freeform, The Hound testifying on the state of radio and the world, and this amusing anecdote from the late Vanilla Bean,  about how he first came to be involved with WFMU:

"The turning point, what got me involved in WFMU, was when they were doing the marathon.  I called them up to tell them the pope had been shot.  This was back when Reagan first got elected.  So I called up and somebody who answered the phone sounded really harried and said 'Who gives a shit?' and hung up.  And I though, 'Wow, they sound like a great bunch of people.'"

Some nice illustrations by Kaz, as well. 

The article can be found in full here, in all its cut and pasted glory.  (PDF, 1.7MB)

August 24, 2005

I Can See My House From Here

FlashearthFlash Earth takes google maps to an extreme. You start off with a flat map of the world, and then using the scroll bar on your mouse, you can zoom in to almost any point on the earth, right down to specific buildings. Pictured to the right is WFMU's neighborhood in Jersey City. It's fun to look for what your neighbors are secretly building in their backyards, not to mention monuments and other landmarks. As you might expect, some parts of the world are more extensively photographed than others. (When you click the link above, you'll get a message which you need to only say "OK" to.)

August 16, 2005

Group: Xex, the Story Told

Xex_1 Xex were a band that stuck out like a sore thumb in South River, New Jersey, deep in the heart of metal-lovin' Middlesex county (not far from Bon Jovi's Sayreville stomping grounds). They garnered little press during their early 80's excursions to New York, where it seemed they had hoped to fit in with the downtown scene; though Xex's synth-weirdness might have been out of time and place even then. To Live and Shave in LA's Tom Smith was doing some shows on WFMU some years ago and discovered their Group: Xex LP in our library, hunted down the band for a reissue CD, out in 2004 on the Smack Shire label. The story of Xex gets told in great detail here, (and I mean detail, there's even a link to the Pathmark on Route 1 in Edison) thanks to an extended interview with Waw Pierogi by Mike Appelstein. Check it out and also take a listen to "Fashion Hurts" (from Mike Lupica's show).

August 12, 2005

WFMU Fashion on the Road

Hooray! On my way to WFMU Thursday I saw TWO people wearing WFMU t-shirts. TWO I say! TWO sightings! Good lord, this is exciting, and the fact that I didn't kill either one of them while driving is just as amazing as the sightings themselves. The first was a guy on a motorcycle wearing a blue metalflake helmet coming out of the huge postShirt_6843 office in the bowels of Yhst98874242389720_1856_2849Kearny. He was sporting the "Learn Radio at Home" shirt by Chris Ware that we still sell in the WFMU webshop; it looked comfortably broken in. The other fella, who was helping/teaching someone how to park their car on the street in Jersey City was wearing a sweat-stained vintage "Stop the Descent" shirt. I always chuckled to myself "Stop the Decent" whenever I wore mine  (pictured right), as WFMU has to stand for something, and although indecency by FCC standards is not really what I meant, being anything but decent in today's society is commendable and completely in line with my Beavisian humor. And just because I mentioned our gear & the only link in the posting is to our store does not mean anyone put me up to this. OK, Ken, let go of my hair....

August 11, 2005

You're fuckin' pretty loud, New Jersey!

Because it's an utter act of criminal negligence that this is not readily available via a quick google search,Cronos we hereby present to you the mentally-defying sounds of the between-song banter that tumbled from the mouth of Venom vocalist Cronos when his band played at City Gardens, (Trenton, NJ).

Venom - Spoken Excerpts Recorded live at City Gardens (Download MP3) (Not safe for work)

Backstory: In 1986, Black Metal legends Venom played what some thought of as an unlikely bill with Rollins-era Black Flag at famed punk dump City Gardens, in scenic Trenton, New Jersey. The club was a magnet for all types of unsavory social elements -- skinheads, criminals, bikers, leather-studded punks, people who liked Meat Beat Manifeto, and so forth. Anyway, the punkers, metalheads, and general thugs who turned out for the show not only got to witness two of the more badass bands of the era sharing a stage, but were also treated to some of the most (unintentionally?) hilarious between-song stage banter ever, courtesy of Venom's knuckle-dragging vocalist Cronos.

Continue reading "You're fuckin' pretty loud, New Jersey!" »

August 04, 2005

Will Smith Does Ozzfest

Will4OK, not really, but he's there. America's favorite ex-rapper, Mr. Will Smith is traveling on this year's Ozzfest. Why? His wife, Jada Pinkett-Smith is the lead singer of a "metal" band called Wicked Wisdom who is playing the second stage daily. Sigh. You know where this is going & it's gonna be ugly. So first, let's briefly talk about Ozzfest. 3/4ths of the performers on the 2nd (smaller) stage have to pay Sharon/Ozzy/Ozzfest Inc. the sum of $100,000 for the privilege of playing. Sound like a good deal? On the surface it seems like perhaps it could be worth it for the exposure (it doesn't to me, but someone's gotta play Devil's Advocate), but your money could be better spent on a publicist for a couple of years for that dough. The "second" stage starts at 9:30am, so whoever plays first (The Haunted the day I went) gets no new audience. Aside from whether or not it's a good idea to pay the money to play, Ozzfest has spots that are coveted by metal bands, new and old.

Continue reading "Will Smith Does Ozzfest" »

July 28, 2005

Horror Auteur: Dante Tomaselli

Dante Tomaselli is a director of films that you, the WFMU listener, the inveterate hipster, ought to know about.  While many modern films are described by critics as homages to 70s horror/fantasy, Dante Tomaselli is a true son of creepy 1970s and 80s genre films, as well as being a son of Northeastern NJ.

His two films currently available on DVD, Desecration (1999) and Horror (2002), both stand as visually engulfing nightmares torn from the psyche of a middle-class suburban kid not unlike yours truly.  Desecration deals with religious and family archetypes via mysterious happenings at a convent school, while Horror is an LSD-tinged crazy quilt of hallucinatory occultism populated by a group of misfit adolescents, also starring The Amazing Kreskin in a lead role.

His latest release, Satan's Playground (2005), involves a vacationing family's encounter with The Jersey Devil.

Dante was kind enough to submit to an e-mail interview, the transcript of which follows:

Spposter_2Wm: First of all, Dante, thank you for taking the time to answer a few questions.  I believe there are a great many film fans here who would benefit from knowing about your work.

DT: Thank you.   

Wm: I own your first two films, Desecration and Horror, on DVD, and have watched both several times with great enjoyment.  Your work seems to be imbued with a vibe that is so specific to coming of age in the 1970s, watching medium-to-low budget horror/fantasy, as I did.  Films like The Sentinel, Don't Be Afraid of the Dark and Jack Woods' Equinox are deeply imprinted on my memory and personal aesthetic.  Can you speak to that influence a bit?

DT: I was 7-years-old when I saw The Sentinel at a Drive-in in 1977. It was a blasphemous film, yet stylish, gothic. And I saw Don't Look Now around that age too. It left a very deep imprint. That knife wielding grinning death dwarf has to be the most nightmarish sight — ever. There is just something about films from that time. They were no-holds-barred. Totally unhinged.

Continue reading "Horror Auteur: Dante Tomaselli" »

July 22, 2005

This Week in Sex: A Love So Forbidden

GijoeIt's Friday morning, which means it's time to grab that cup of coffee, check the clock, and realize you're late! It's smut-thirty. But we didn't start without you, darlin'.

G.I. tracts. G.I. Joe is scary. Fan fiction is scary. But G.I. Joe fan fiction--well, that's just too fucking sweet.

Here's a bit from "G.I. Joe: A Love So Forbidden" (and rightly so):

At that moment, they had suddenly realized that even though they each were on different sides of the whole G.I. Joe/Cobra thing, they were still able to experience something wonderful between them.

That something is known as raw and untamed erotica ... and they were enjoying every minute of it.

A few minutes later, after he had placed his stiff cock inside her asshole, Blaine had used each of his hands to caress both her breasts and pussy.

'AAAAHHHH, COR-BLOODY-SHIT! THAT FEELS ... SSSSOOOO GOOOOD!" yelled a sexually energized Zarana. "DO IT, BLAINE! FUCK ME! I REALLY ... WANT YOU ... TO FUCK ME! AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!'

And here I thought I didn't like erotica, but I just didn't know it included yelling COR-BLOODY-SHIT!, which makes me melt every time.

"Attorneys find Dykes on Bikes offensive." No cor-bloody-shit. Twice, the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office has rejected the application of San Francisco's legendarily les-tastic Dykes on Bikes to patent its name, on  the grounds that "Dyke" is vulgar, offensive, and "scandalous." And not in a good way. The Dykes aren't offensive, mind you, it's just the word Dyke that the lawyers don't like. But that's the best part of the name. Without Dykes, you got no Dykes on Bikes. In case you didn't notice, I'm just trying to say Dyke a lot here.

Continue reading "This Week in Sex: A Love So Forbidden" »

July 01, 2005

WFMU Yard Sale Wrap Up

WFMU's third un-annual Yard Sale was nothing short of a hoot and a vinyl huntin' dollah hollah! We Cartmachinecleared our pathetically overstuffed basement of thousands of dollar records, so as to make way for new donations, and we also unloaded our equipment closet of things like antique cart machines, mini-disc recorders, and a slightly water-damaged but otherwise workable Technics 1200 turntable, all for something south of five bucks apiece. If you didn't make it, you can either console yourself with the knowledge that our utterly legendary (and 200 times as big) Record & CD Fair will be back in effect on November 4th, 5th, and 6th, or you can listen (Real Audio) to the live edition of Seven Second Delay that was taped12 during the yard sale, during which Andy Breckman offered one minute of face time for the paltry sum of one dollar. Per minute. The wily OCDJ, who moonlights under the employ of Mr. Breckman, used his dollar wisely as you can see from this picture, in which he enjoys an uninterrupted 60 second Andy hug while Ken Freedman and Gaylord Fields look on. This was a particularly sly move on OCDJ's part -- there's no way Breckman can ever fire him now. You can check out more pix from the WFMU yard sale in this post, including one of Diane Kamikaze's amazing Egyptian Pharaoh skeleton guitar case, and another one of some dude with a mohawk buying it off her. (Thanks to Listener Max for the pic.)

June 28, 2005

Crazy Eddie Rides Again

Anyone who grew up near a television set in the NYC area probably remembers the commercials for the discountEddie electronics and record chain "Crazy Eddie". Thanks to WFMU Listener Pete from Boston (and NJ) for discovering the acerbic TV spots that were an immense point of pride for us tri-staters now have a tribute page online.

June 16, 2005

Three Jersey City Headlines

From my customized google news box, which monitors our hometown of Jersey City, among other things:

Two Wounded In Gun Battle in Jersey City Police Station

Teen Charged in Triple Revenge Shooting in Jersey City

Jersey City OKs Shorts and T-Shirts

June 15, 2005

Summertime Necessities

The tropical suburbs of Jersey City are burnin' these days, my friends. The air is thick and chunkyBig_stick_front to the point where it sticks to your body as you navigate from your spread-legged stance over the fan to the cooler of Coronas across the room. To the air conditioner-deprived among us, days like this signify life becoming a frustratingly expensive hobby of trouncing from Mexican restaurant to movie theater to bar to bookstore to friend's car to... the local drag strip? Maybe if you're lucky enough to have one in your neighborhood, but if not, you'd do right to check out the greatest musical harbinger of the sweaty season: Big Stick's summertime anthem "Drag Racing". Right click to download the MP3, and then consider the legendary lyric:

"...In the summer I wear my tube top and Eddie takes me to the drag strip..."

Continue reading "Summertime Necessities" »

June 14, 2005

Why My Hometown Wears a Wire

Eruv9b_1My hometown of Highland Park, New Jersey wears a wire.

The wire encircles the entire town, unbroken. It's not a telephone or electrical wire, although sometimes it looks like one. It's a single strand of heavy gauge wire, with no breaks in it, that encircles the town and part of the adjoining town. It runs for miles. It's incredibly important to some of the residents, but most people in Highland Park aren't even aware that it exists.

The wire carries no electrical or communications signal of any kind - electrical, telephone, television, internet. It's a dead wire. Although it could carry signal, because it's a continuous loop - a circuit. It has to be.

Continue reading "Why My Hometown Wears a Wire" »

June 12, 2005

Drunks

Homerun-Detail

I've never been one for public drunkenness. My embarrassment quotient is too low. My hometown, Hoboken, is LOUSY with public drunks. I hear some now, their strident laughter wafts through my air conditioner as they stumble back to their cars to join you on the roadways of New Jersey.

For years Hoboken's had a reputation as a party town. Actually, the first time I visited (1982 or '83) was to a party my friend Kit gave on Park Avenue and 13th Street. A few years later I'd moved to Tenafly and was headed down River Road almost every night to hang out with Kit or Tom and Jim on Hudson around the corner from Maxwell's, or Kaz on Willow. We'd get together, drink, smoke, talk. laugh - and sometimes play poker (we were WAY ahead of the poker curve). Even with all the cheap beer, cheap whiskey, cheap gin and cheap Foodtown tonic I wouldn't be caught dead puking or pissing on the street. Maybe it's because I once got a ticket for public urination.

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June 07, 2005

There Are No Excuses. Party Like a Rockstar.

Njalltheway_1Think you understand the enigma that is New Jersey? Known for mall hair, competent driving (PDF), and unique variations on the common pronounciation of words like coffee (cwa-fee in garden state speak, check out this Chris T-certified NJ MP3), even a former governor claimed that the middle finger was the official state bird. WFMU’s beloved and oft-stigmatized home state earned its reputation somehow. I was beginning to think it had a lot to do with the trail of ruin left behind by the likes of NJ stalwarts Bruce Springsteen and Bon Jovi.

But really, there is so much more to the culture of this most densely populated state in the union than a few blue collar rock heroes, diners, and numbered exits on the turnpike. You wanna see what NJ is really all about? The answers to questions you have yet to pose may be found on the NJ Guido site (which might be old news to you if you're a NJ-native). Or if you’ve had it with beer pong, venture into the occult on the Weird NJ site. Click here for some garden state factoids. I can't even begin to scrape the surface of toxic waste, gubernatorial scandals, or the grammatical rules concerning the phrase "down the shore."

NJ also has plenty of international class, with towns named Lebanon, Oxford, Bogota, Dover, Newfoundland, Verona, Stockholm, Bethlehem, Gloucester, Hamburg, Vienna, Manchester, and Cologne. “I'm from Berlin... Berlin, New Jersey, of course.” Original names of Jersey townships include Hopatcong, Cheesequake, Beemerville, Keasbey, and Ho-Ho-Kus. Possibly the best one is Delaware, NJ; isn’t there a rule against that? More funny city names here. Or just listen to Dave Van Ronk's "Garden State Stomp" (real audio) from an archive of Irwin's show.
 

April 26, 2005

Jersey City: Get Laid, Be Happy

HulagalHot on the heels of being dubbed America's eleventh sexiest city, WFMU's hometown of Jersey City has now been crowned the country's third happiest place to live. Not to mention that we are the single most happy city on the entire eastern seaboard! Sez volunteer Therese, who notified us of our new distinction:

First we're the 11th sexiest, now the 3rd happiest.  Or maybe we're the third happiest because we're the 11th sexiest?  I'll leave that to the statisticians to determine..

What's not to be happy about? Our mayor is affectionately known as Diaperman, we're sitting atop a bubbling cauldron of toxic chromium and the Muslim and Coptic Christian communities are buddies once again! We're Happy! Living Happily! Now we're veritable heroes of happiness! (MP3s)

Article here.

April 23, 2005

Truck Route 1 & 9

April is the cruelest month. April is also National Poetry Month. Here's one I wrote. Write your own.

Traffic-Cones-1Truck Route 1 & 9
just before ten,
headed to Jersey City.
Smokestacks below,
Bayonne right -
left lane closed.

Continue reading "Truck Route 1 & 9" »

February 25, 2005

How to Procrastinate: Tip No. 6—Jersey City Goes to 11

Did you know Jersey City is a "Sexy City"?

Apparently no one else did, either. A recent poll done by some annoying deodorant company found that Jersey City is the 11th Sexiest City in the nation. This is such powerful branding information that WFMU is going to change its tag line to “Freeform Station of the Nation, in the 11th Sexiest City in the Nation.”

What constitutes “Sexy”? Apparently these deodorant  scientists used some special metrics to figure it out, but over here in the Department of Procrastination Studies we need to see for ourselves.

Participant_ethnographyA note on scientific methods
: Station Manager Ken sent me this article (you have to do a minor log-in to read it, but I read it so you don't have to) two weeks ago, and I want to be clear that it’s not that I put off writing about it until now. I was doing research. OK, last Friday night I did some research.  I could have just made some crap up while I was watching the umpteenth rebroadcast of “160-Lb. Tumor” on the Discovery Health Channel, but I did not. I chose to do participant observation, an ethnographic method in which I have extensive training. As this site says, "Think Jane Goodall studying chimps."

Stuffing_3Since I had only been out in Jersey City one night in my entire life, I needed expert advice. I don’t know why—this is science, so I’m reluctant to offer a hypothesis without some evidence to manipulate to support it—but the wfmu dj’s were useless informants. They don’t know from Sexy. I have a cousin who lives a few blocks from the station, and she is  super-Sexy (imagine an unplaticized Irish Cher), so I asked her to be my guide/driver. It was cold and I didn't want to walk.

Evidence collected 2/18/05:

Group01_1The evening started out with the needle on the Sexy Meter bouncing into the red. I was at wfmu to stuff envelopes* for the marathon. When I walked in, volunteers Taso, Ryan, Bill and Charlie were sitting around the table under the supervision of Volunteer Coordinator Scott, looking like the Fab 5, but not so gay. But so Sexy!

Sexy Swagster Megan was also there and interrupted her game of computer Scrabble (the computer spelled “boner,” which I took to be a good sign) to help me plan my itinerary. Turns out Megan does know from Sexy. Scott began frothing like a mad dog when he started talking about bars where the “cute fake people hang out,” so I stopped listening to him, and excluded his data from the experiment.Empty

Cousin Cher and I went to the Hyatt first.
Not Sexy, unless Empty is the new Sexy. But it was early.

Next stop was LITM, which stands for “love is the message” (down, Scott, down!). The meter went into the red as soon as we walked in and saw two extremely cute girls making out at the front of the bar. I think lesbian love is a better message. The bartender might have flirted with me, but I was too busy getting the gossip on my extended family to pay attention.

Having worked up an appetite from doing all this science, we went to the Hard Grove Cafe for steak sandwiches. I was ready to call the research over, but then we hit Sexy pay-dirt. Cousin Cher was waiting for the Ladies Room, and it was a long wait. Finally the door opened, and it was not a Lady but one of the Hombres who worked in the kitchen. Then the door shut. After a few minutes a Lady did come out and oh-so casually returned to her table. Cousin Cher and I analyzed the evidence and concluded that there was something Mucho Sexy going on in there. Something that might have even been Sex.

Since I had to get back to Brooklyn to get a few hours sleep before returning to board op for Greasy Kid Stuff Saturday morning, we decided our rigorously scientific experiment had run its course.

Scientific conclusion: Next to the envelope-stuffing table at wfmu, the Ladies Room at the Hard Grove is the Sexiest Place in the 11th Most Sexy City in the Nation.

Ladies_room_sign_lg_1

*Brownie points for me!

Next time: porn? Maybe not, my mom's in town.

 

January 06, 2005

Pulaski Speedway

Us19sbpulbegin_1

New Jersey – like most places in the world – can lay claim to at least one Eighth Wonder of the World. If you’ve seen The Sopranos, you’ve seen our Eighth Wonder: the Pulaski Skyway. A succession of interconnected bridges and roadway soaring high over the Hackensack River and Passaic Rivers and the town of Kearny, the Skyway (as locals call it) is, technically a “viaduct”, carrying Routes 1 & 9 one and a third miles from Jersey City to Newark.

Originally called “The Diagonal Highway”, it was built at a cost of twenty million dollars, fifteen construction casualties and one “labor-related” murder to connect the easternmost portion of the transcontinental Lincoln Highway to the Holland Tunnel. When it opened in 1932, the Skyway got raves from the American Institute of Steel Construction, which singled it out as "Most Beautiful Steel Structure" among long-span bridges. Upon dedication, it was re-named in honor of the “Father of the American Cavalry”: Revolutionary War hero General Casimir Pulaski,  killed while galloping heroically into battle.

“Galloping heroically into battle” pretty much sums up how one approaches the Skyway – as locals call it. With no shoulder to harbor police, drivers feel emboldened to go AS FAST AS THEY POSSIBLY CAN. Despite the posted 45 mile per hour speed limit, most times I'm doing twice that just to keep up with traffic. It's INSANE! And in the sixteen or so years I’ve been using the Skyway I’ve NEVER seen someone pulled over for speeding.

Which gave me an entrepreneurial idea: if the two-lane Skyway is going to be used like a speedway, why not make it official? Create a starting line, install a “Christmas tree” staging light (they count down red, yellow, green), mark off a quarter-mile and put in some automated cameras at the finish line. The new Pulaski Speedway could host thousands of races a day.

Imagine your mother’s “pavement-pounding ’96 Honda Civic!" up against those three guys in the "ground-shaking Dodge Palacios Carpets delivery van!”. Or your “insane ’97 Jeep Wrangler taking on Big Al in his "gas-guzzling 1985 Pontiac Parisienne!” And the best part is the merchandising: I envision a whole line of Pulaski Speedway tchotckes, apparel, drinking glasses, etc., all taking advantage of its impressive silhouette and subtle Sopranos connection. Sure, whoever gets to the finish line first gets a ticket in the mail… BUT they also get the satisfaction of knowing they beat the other guy AND a commemorative Pulaski Speedway T-shirt. The other guy just gets a ticket in the mail.

Logo-Rama 2005

  • Winner (T-shirt): Gregory Jacobsen
    We received such an outpouring of extraordinary listener artwork submissions for our recent logo design contest that we just couldn't keep it all to ourselves.

    Hold your champagne glass high, extend your pinky, turn up your nose, and take a stroll through this gallery of WFMU-centric works from the modern era.