WFMU's Beware of the Blog

WFMU Listener Art

A few months ago, WFMU was lost in a dark wooded forest of creative blockage, with nary a flashlight or compass to guide us back to the path of artistic awareness. We sent out a desperate cry for help, beseeching listners to submit their t-shirt and sticker designs for us to have our way with, and o, were we led back to the light!

This year's Logo-Rama contest elicited the largest number of artistic submissions on record, and they were all so good that we can't help but share them with you. Take a gander at the myriad of listener art submissions right here.

The decision was tough, but we could only select 2 winners: Gregory Jacobsen's "Creepy Meatball" design (left) is featured on our December t-shirt giveaway (snag one for yourself by donating $45 or more to the freeform cause), and Nick Dewar's "Dancette" design (mock-up on the right) will be featured on a sticker to be given out during WFMU's 2006 on-air fundraising Marathon.

A big thanks to all of our artistically-endowed listeners who participated!

This Week in Sex: Trashbox

Pull up a chair and make yourself comfortable, because we've got a big sticky wad of smut for you this week. Make sure you grab a handywipe on your way out.

Plug and play. Momma's got a squeeze box, and it's the iBuzz plug-in that syncs up a vibrator to the beat of the music on your iPod. (Handywipe, please.) Wanna visit the Iorio International Accordion Museum? Me too. [via boingboing]

What not to wear:

• If anything will make you keep it in your pants, it's boxers with HIV on them. [via popgadget]
• You can wear teeny condoms, but you better not talk about it unless you are Enrique Iglesias. You know, you probably shouldn't talk about it either, Enrique.
• Backless panties: perfect for lady plumbers.
• Furry, heated wonder bra is supposed to reduce energy consumption, but it will never be made or worn, so never mind.
• Imagine how hot super-long socks are to people who think plain old regular socks are hot.
• Can't have too many novelty aprons, Dad. Now go carve some turkey.

They Called Her Mrs. Bowie

Don't worry, fabulous space-kittens, this isn't an R.I.P. post. Angie Bowie is alive and well, hanging out with pals like Xaviera Hollander and Mick Karn, and writing pocket books about bisexuality.

In fact, here's a cool interview with the lady with some great pictures. Better yet, you MUST see Angie in a leotard thong, with giant press-on nails and a *ahem* handsome escort in these incredible videos!

Criswell Predicts MP3

For your listening and sampling pleasure, here's a 44-minute-long MP3 of the legendary Criswell predicting what he predicts best - the future, which is where you and I will spend the rest of our lives. I know that some of you will write off Criswell as another Ed Wood boy toy, but listen to the predictions he makes here, and you will be astounded by his accuracy. Among Criswell's 1970 predictions that have come to pass:

• The political rise of the American south
• The red versus blue state culture wars
• Genital piercing and ornamentation
• Jennifer Beals and the leg-warmer epidemic
• The great caf-tunic contagion of 2005
• The backlash against liberal Hollywood entertainers
• Homosexual Cities and the Contented Discontents!

And that's just in the first few minutes of this MP3! Eventually, the great Criswell predicts the end of the world for August 18, 1999, which, unless I'm seriously mistaken, also came to pass.

This Week in Sex: Random Acts of Smut

New sex poll says Americans Bulgarians Indians South Africans Kiwis Aussies Malaysians Singaporeans Canadians Chinese college students Greeks have sex. Or not.

You're fired. Scooter Libby's dirty thriller The Apprentice is being reissued, but the good parts are already dog-eared here.

Really Cool Adult Movie Posters of the 60s and 70s, when X-rated meant something, and that something was way less graphic and way more graphically interesting than any beer ad today. P.S. Who knew the Inkspots had a porn career?

Remember your gay hankie codes? If you need to brush up, they're here.

In my world, farting is mostly funny, rarely sexy. Further confirmation we do not live in my world.

"Some penises I have known": a sculpture for sale on eBay. My epic novel Some Dicks I Have Known is still in progress, but you can option it.

"What's next? Sambo ham sandwiches and Ku Klux Klan juice?" said the Rev. Paul Scott, a  leader in the national boycott campaign against rapper Nelly's energy drink Pimp Juice. With all due respect, I think the Reverend was over-reacting--there's about as much chance of a Sambo sandwich as there is a rapper named Nelly hitting the charts. Word is that Pimp Juice "tastes like a mixture of semen and urine," appropriately packaged in can that suggests exactly that. It's been around since 2003 and is available internationally, but I've never seen it here in Brooklyn, which makes me think the target market is suburban ravers. (It glows in the dark.)

This Week in Sex: Tricks and Treats

Ah, Halloween, time to mix the sacred and the profane, or if you're lazy like me, just go with the usual profanity. But if you want to get sacred, you can make your own church sign. Trust me, it's extremely satisfying--without the danger, guilt, and eternal damnation of church vandalism. Plus you can get your sign in fridge-magnet form, suitable for doling out to cranky kids who would actually rather have a fistful of fun-sized Kit-Kats or edible anatomical treats. [via]

Fun and (mind) games. Is she really going out with him? Love Cubes, the 1972 board game by the great Martin "Boring Postcards" Parr, is now online. Click on each member of a boy-girl couple to find out if they, uh, click. Take a Sex ID test courtesy of the BBC (only if you are at work and have nothing else to do). Make a sacred hula hoop. (Honestly, I can't think of any reason why you would do this. If you really need a hula hoop, buy one--it just won't connect you to the universe as well as the sacred kind.)

What not to wear. Let's start with boob scarves. Please don't wear boob scarves. No, vagina underwear. Please, please don't wear vagina underwear. No, wait, definitely don't wear a penis costume to a homecoming dance. Giant-inflatable-penis-boy got suspended and slapped with a sexual harassment citation. His parents, while agreeing he made a "poor decision," think he should have been cut some slack as this was his first offense for wearing a giant inflatable penis costume to a homecoming dance.

iPorn. Porn producers way into video iPod. Porn producers not that into video iPod. Oh, you silly porn producers, stop teasing us.

The biggest turn-off ever. Naked people sheets.

Lost in translation. I don't know what the captions say, but the pictures here are good enough that you can make up your own. Where can you register for a matching salt and pepper/dildo set?

MekSex. A site about sex and machines. By Sandy Beach, the inventor of the Tickling Machine, Fancy Panties, the Portable Tickling Machine, and the Invisible Tickling Machine, and Author of Sweet Agony, a novel featuring (you guessed it) tickling, and the nylon jersey fabrics used for women's evening wear in the 70's, particularly Qiana, and slinky bell bottom pants made by designers like Manning Silver, Rina, Funky and Estievo (didn't see that part coming, did you?). I heart Sandy Beach.

Hump day(s). A driver in the United Arab Emirates was sentenced to three months in jail for repeatedly having sex with a camel, who the driver said he had fallen in love with. The camel's sentence was a one-way ticket to the slaughterhouse, since its meat is now tainted by driver spunk.

It's a crime. No, not camel-humping in the United Arab Emirates. Teen sex in Kansas. And now homo-teen sex in Kansas is just as criminal as hetero-teen sex. That's progress, my friends. The Kansas Supreme Court ruled unanimously that Matthew Limon, now 23, will not have to spend 17 years behind bars for consensual sex a week after his 18th birthday with another male teenager. And for that we're grateful. We're also grateful that I didn't make a "not in Kansas anymore" joke. Because a lot of people are still in Kansas.

The Intimate Audio Gadget

Really portable music is a wonderful thing. It's both empowering and comforting to have a shiny music machine in your pocket that plays a variety of your favorite tunes at the whim of your finger on a little wheel. It's futuristic technology that has made listening an intimate experience... for over FIFTY years.

Back in the early 50's a company called Texas Instruments was making good money churning out piles of newfangled little transistors for military applications, but they envisioned a wider public marketplace for the little buggers. And in 1954 the TI engineers created a prototype transistor radio. It was small, it worked, and it seemed like a great idea. However, Texas Instruments wasn't in the business of manufacturing consumer products back then, so they shopped their concept around to several big radio makers of the day. Surprisingly, RCA, Sylvania, and Philco all said "no thanks" before a small outfit in Indiana (the Regency Division of Industrial Development Engineering Associates) took the bait.

Within a matter of months the first commercial transistor radio was a reality. Besides being cute and colorful, the TR-1 was the very first mass-marketed transistorized gadget. It was made here in the U.S.A., and in that spirit the it was prominently on display in stores across America just in time for Christmas 1954. The price? A whopping $49.95. Adjust the cost for inflation and you're lookin at almost $350 in today's dollars, not far from the $399 price tag on that first iPod.

Before the TR-1, any portable radio you might buy had a "luggage" quality, with big top handles and a bit of heft. They just weren't all that portable thanks to the warm glowing vacuum tubes they contained. These days, audiophiles and technical stick-in-the-muds properly laud the aural beauty of the "tube" sound, but the glass casings and inner workings of vacuum tubes are rather fragile and they need a protective case, as well as some large batteries to power up. And of course, the tubes themselves aren't all that tiny either.

Festive Fall Decor

You can make macabre dried-apple heads using knives, bowls and ingredients found in nature.                      

         

Decorative shrunken heads can easily be fashioned using knives, pots and ingredients found in nature.

Here Comes the New Technology, Same as the Old Technology

Hello, Everybody--Nice Seeing You Again.

Sorry I'm late posting this week--I seem to have lost track of everything, including whether or not I've already told you about the great Japanese CD Gramophone. See? You take all those nice free promotional CDs you've been using as coasters and pocket mirrors and put them on the gramophone and sing or talk, and then the needle cuts the grooves and you've made a wee, tinny recording of yourself. How fine is that? It costs about $30, depending on the exchange rate, from Hobby Link Japan.

But just in case someone else has already told you about the gramophone, here's the newest old technology, sure to be a hit with fans of Mac's Antique Phonograph Hour show--the Edison Cylinder Plastic Cup Recording Device!

Unfortunately, I think you have to speak Japanese to order this--the only place I've found it is on a non-English web site.  But Yuletide is coming, so put it on your list and maybe Hoteiosha will bring you one!

Me, I'm still hoping for the complete DVD collection of "The Immortal Yi Soon Shin" with English subtitles.

Thanks for reading my blog entry this week, and may God bless.
-Bronwyn C.

He's Got Some Fucking Attitude

...but no devilock. Yet.

WFMU Art Contest

Attention artists: WFMU is hungry for tasty new T-shirt and bumper sticker designs to be used for our 2006 fundraising Marathon.

Enter our contest, Logo-Rama 2005, where fame, glory, and $300 worth of records, CDs, and/or MP3s can all be yours if the spoils of your right brain prove worthy. We're accepting both digital and analog works up until Thursday, October 20. Hit up our online store to see examples of art we've used in the past.

Digital submissions may be sent to "contest (at) wfmu (dot) org" as attachments (.jpg, .tif, or .pdf formats only, please do not send files over 1 MB in size).

Original artwork, high-quality reproductions (no slides, please), and CD-Rs or DVD-Rs containing digital files (.jpg, .tif, or .pdf only) may be sent to:

WFMU
c/o Logo-Rama 2005
P.O. Box 2011
Jersey City, NJ 07303

Artwork will be returned upon request, but please remember to provide your address.

There is no limit to the number of designs any one person can submit, but do include your full name, a valid e-mail address, and daytime phone number when submitting designs. Questions may be directed to contest (at) wfmu dot org.

Starring... WFMU's T-shirt

The New Pornographers have just released the video for their pop anthem "Use It" (watch the video in Windows Media or Real Player), which appears on their latest album Twin Cinema. If watch closely, you may notice Carl Newman (the band's red-headed frontman) sports a WFMU t-shirt (designed by Chris Ware; also seen on Blaine Thurier in the photo to the left) for part of the head-bobbing sing-along. Playing supporting roles to our t-shirt are comedian/actor David Cross and Canadian rocker Nardwuar.

If you missed it, the New Pornographers recently performed live on WFMU during Brian Turner's show: you can listen to the archive right here (real player) or download a video clip of the band's performance (avi file, 44 MB).

Wherever I May Comb

Lo and behold, a website exists for every cause... even if that cause happens to be critiquing James Hetfield's hair. A disgruntled ex-Metallica fan put together this detailed graph, explicitly illustrating where Hetfield strayed from the course of good hair. Also be sure to check out the Hetfield formula for successful facial hair. The whole site was created because, as the author puts it, "if we couldn't laugh at James, we'd have to cry." Perhaps a consultation with Metallica's therapist might help this bereft ex-metalhead...

Living Room Photos Found On Foxtons' Brooklyn Condo and Coop Listings

Here are some living room photos I found while perusing Foxtons' Brooklyn condo and coop listings:

Black Metal Coverboys

Take some style tips from the fashionistas of black metal: Ruthless presents this year's Top 10 Most Ridiculous Black Metal Pics (some images not safe for work). And yes, #1 is that good. You can also check out 2004's list here.

via del.icio.us

WFMU Fashion on the Road

Hooray! On my way to WFMU Thursday I saw TWO people wearing WFMU t-shirts. TWO I say! TWO sightings! Good lord, this is exciting, and the fact that I didn't kill either one of them while driving is just as amazing as the sightings themselves. The first was a guy on a motorcycle wearing a blue metalflake helmet coming out of the huge post office in the bowels of Kearny. He was sporting the "Learn Radio at Home" shirt by Chris Ware that we still sell in the WFMU webshop; it looked comfortably broken in. The other fella, who was helping/teaching someone how to park their car on the street in Jersey City was wearing a sweat-stained vintage "Stop the Descent" shirt. I always chuckled to myself "Stop the Decent" whenever I wore mine  (pictured right), as WFMU has to stand for something, and although indecency by FCC standards is not really what I meant, being anything but decent in today's society is commendable and completely in line with my Beavisian humor. And just because I mentioned our gear & the only link in the posting is to our store does not mean anyone put me up to this. OK, Ken, let go of my hair....

M. C. Escher would have shopped there...

The curious new Viktor & Rolf boutique in Milan has fashion lovers hitting the ceiling. The Dutch fashion duo created it alongside architect Siebe Tettero and designer Sherrie Zwail. Shop to your hearts content... but bring some Dramamine. The clothes are the only things in the store that are not upside down - even the store's facade, front door and fitting rooms are inverted. Neck braces and LSD not included (and if you're wheelchair-bound, just stay home... please). You can read about it here, here and here. For a slideshow of the store, go to Viktor & Rolf's web site (after getting through all the Flash stuff, click on 'boutique.')

Where's your "Happy Face?"

I can tell that these models wearing their new Paddy Hartley facial corsets are extremely pleased... I think. Like most revolutionary fashion trends, facial corsets blur the lines between the medical/scientific and the trendy/fabulous - merging oral maxillofacial surgery and tissue-engineering with haute couture and the over-40 globe-trotting sex kitten set. Link, link, link and link (all with lots of pics). (via We Make Money Not Art!)

Last Call for Baubles, Bangles, and Beads

Caf-Tunic? Check. Fiesta skirt? Check. Something still missing from your stylist to the stars Rachel Zoe hot weather wardrobe? Chee-eck. And with less than six weeks left to work the urban affectation of Faux-Ho Realness (For She Who Is Truly Unbothered), those attempting a trendy trifecta had better kick their peasant-look portfolios into overdrive before the blush is off that gypsy rose for good. The most expedient way of spicing up your meow mix is with accessories. For this, we turn to the ever reliable army of New York City street vendors.

While department stores mark down countless SKU's of gauzy dreck to make room for B-T-S (back to school) and garmentos  anxiously await the hernia-inducing heft of September Vogue, street vendors are patiently plying their trade in the ephemeral realm of the here and now. They've got what you want this minute with a price that's right given the impending "sell by" date. Here's a short list of "buy now or forever hold your Sienna Miller shorts with cowboy boots" stuff that we're seeing on the street and in the dog-eared issues of InStyle that I peruse  while basking in my Pedi-Throne at the local Bloomie Nail salon.

Fury Fest: France's Answer to Heavy Metal Parking Lot

For Diane's accompanying audio archives on Fury Fest 2005, click here: Realaudio | MP3. For the playlist, click here and for the bigass Fury Fest Foto Gallery, click here. 

After the bloodbath in Paris, see this blog entry, was I really ready to go to LeMans for Fury Fest, the best metal/punk/heavy lineup of the summer for three days of camping and partying with my horns up? Hell yeah!

June 24th, Friday, my friend Rob & I were off, leaving from Paris for an uneventful but safe drive to LeMans once we found the Peripherique (the highway that encircles Paris, and basically the "way out"). Fury Fest was right next to the LeMans raceway at Le Parc Expo du Mans, but although the two sites were next to each other, both were huge and I could not get a decent photo of the racetrack from the site, it was still too distant.

We met friends near the festival entrance & proceeded to set up camp; putting up the tents was the easy part - finding an area where we'd be able to find our tents at night while in any condition, that was a bit trickier. A spot by a light pole was perfect, and the labor was done in minutes, voila!

The festival was set up with three stages, all inside; total band count for the festival is a whopping 96, and as far as I know, the only band who did not make it was Murphy's Law. Most of the bands on earlier in the day are given half hour sets, then 45 minutes to about 25% of the performers, then the headliners get anywhere between one & 1.5 hours to play. The Velvet Stage would be the first one I hit today; Belgium's Leng Tche, featuring the vocalist from Aborted on drums was on at 12:55. The Velvet Stage is the smallest

Hipsters: Buying In To Marketing

Interesting article by Jon Fine in BusinessWeek Online (heads up from CSTB) on the relative success of new-breed marketing firms like Cornerstone and others utilizing the so-called music subculture to further the agendas of its many clients. Indeed, the idea of outcry over hip songs being used in corporate ads is pointless (unless you're, say, the Brainbombs not getting paid for use of "Bleed" in Red Cross spots), though I'm still rattled (for other reasons I'll just have to learn to deal with) everytime I hear Snap's "I've got the power" hook utilized to bolster the idea of child crapping diaper=having the world in one's pocket. Fitting bands for Levis at convention events, placing strategic cases of Sparks at Vice-related concerts, networking every DJ and scenester in major cities, all somewhat easier that some would think in 2005. Above: Brigitte said to be working out exclusive Timex sponsorship so her protegee Falco can wear a clock around his neck for his 2006 SXSW comeback.

The Shirts On Your Back

As many of you know, WFMU thrives due to the dedication and support of many people: DJs, listeners, volunteers, the staff. But there is also a somewhat neglected group: the artists and designers who have kindly provided us with the visuals for our many geegaws and gimcracks. Listed below are the websites of many of the artists whose imagery has adorned our t-shirts. Click on their names to go to their website.

Jim Flora: Popular designer of record covers of the 1950's and influence on many current artists. He is our first posthumous designer, responsible for this popular shirt and hoodie (with a little help from our very own Dave Cunningham).

Jonathon Rosen: Responsible for the freeform-defining "Head In The Hand" shirt.

Mary Fleener: Her cubist cartoon style graces this fabulous shirt.

Eric Walczak: The fine vinyl adorning this tee was designed by Mr. Walczak.

Rodney Allen Greenblatt: Rodney gave us this shirt that proves once and for all that you can teach an old dog new tricks, or a new dog old tricks, or something like that. (Image to the right is by Rodney Allen Greenblatt.)

Gary Taxali: Gary is responsible for the pale, crying sissy rodent you see on the bodies of so many WFMU-types.

Renee French: Not only do we have a crying rodent, but also a flying rodent. Actually a floating rodent, courtesy of Ms. French in both his and her styles. (Image at top left of this post by Renee French.)

Chris Ware: The best read among our shirts by the creator of Jimmy Corrigan.

Mark Zingarelli: Mark designed the shirt for this year's marathon. I've already had someone try to speak to me in Spanish while wearing this shirt. (Image at left by Mark Zingarelli.)

Steve Keene: The most prolific painter of our age graced our heavy cotton tees with a fine painting of the entrepreneurial spirit in action.

Unfortunately, several of the artists who have designed t-shirts or sweatshirts for us do not have websites dedicated to their fine efforts. These include:

Drew Friedman: The man responsible for our beloved icon. I cannot fathom why there is not a Drew Friedman webpage.

Marco Almera: There was a www.marcoalmera.com. That's how we found out about him. Several webpages have links to it but it currently does not exist.

Here are a batch of links to WFMU T-shirts by the following artists:

Bruno Nadalin | Takeshi Tadatsu | Joe Siena | Bill Graef | Alex Ross | Burt Schlatter and Jim Coppola

And for all you longtime listeners to the station, there were indeed shirts designed by Kaz, Mark Newgarden and Joost Swarte. However, since their shirts are no longer available and their designs grace other WFMU product, we will deal with them in another post.

World Beard & Moustache Championships

The World Beard and Moustache Championships will be held in Berlin, Germany on Saturday, October 1, 2005.

Membership is still open for the World Beard and Moustache Association.
"The purpose of the World Beard and Moustache Association is to promote the worldwide appreciation of beards and moustaches, and to co-ordinate and regulate international events, including competitions, held in such a manner as to encourage friendship among those with beards and moustaches."

Summertime Necessities

The tropical suburbs of Jersey City are burnin' these days, my friends. The air is thick and chunky to the point where it sticks to your body as you navigate from your spread-legged stance over the fan to the cooler of Coronas across the room. To the air conditioner-deprived among us, days like this signify life becoming a frustratingly expensive hobby of trouncing from Mexican restaurant to movie theater to bar to bookstore to friend's car to... the local drag strip? Maybe if you're lucky enough to have one in your neighborhood, but if not, you'd do right to check out the greatest musical harbinger of the sweaty season: Big Stick's summertime anthem "Drag Racing". Right click to download the MP3, and then consider the legendary lyric:

"...In the summer I wear my tube top and Eddie takes me to the drag strip..."

The Great Caf-Tunic Contagion of Spring/Summer 2005

Ah Spring/Summer, when a young woman’s fancy turns to thoughts of Boho-Luxe and other artificially inseminated fashion dictates. With glue guns still warm from nipping and tucking their Junior and Missy "visual stories," fashion merchandisers across the land have worked themselves into a folkloric frenzy of faux-ethno excess (see May 5 fiesta skirt post). Leading the charge is The Great Caf-Tunic Contagion of Spring/Summer 2005, which has officially whacked The Poncho Pandemic of Fall/Winter 2004 off its mass merch perch. Half tunic, half caftan, and ALL Gypsy-Chic, the Caf-Tunic hybrid has cut across price points and planograms to emerge as the hottest shmatte since Skorts. Blouse it out, belt it up, work it with a wedge, and serve that apple bottom like the legend that you are, bitch!

Touted for many months as an Important Summer Trend, it clogs up Size 0 waiting lists in Meatpacking District boutiques, monopolizes mannequins in Mandee mall stores, and stuffs the "Plus Size" circular racks at Conway's. Bias-cut, sequined, fringed, and "shot with shimmery hints of metallic." In glittery gauze chiffons, crepes, sheer silks, and synthetic blends. And in every unflattering tropical hue imaginable. Like a swarm of beaded locusts, the Caf-Tunic plague shall inhabit outlet center and department store aisles until the cleansing rains of Labor Day markdowns wash away its over-embroidered carcass, leaving liquidators to pick over its deeply discounted bones (see last winter's rhinestone brooch bonanza).

Also, despite its new found haute-ness, the Caf-Tunic shares some unfortunate genetic fibers with its trailer park predecessors. The humpback whales of women's wear - the muu muu (or "float dress"), patio dress, caftan, garden lounger, floral duster, and other assisted living-appropriate styles - have contributed their demode DNA to the C-T. And for those of you a bit broad across the beam, like myself, we suggest exercising caution in attempting to wear this tight-across-the-torso descendant. Come to think about it, perhaps it's time we revisit the frowsy fabulosity and slatternly chic of those billowy Omar the Tentmaker creations one associates with Liz Taylor and Shelley Winters. Screw the Caf-Tunic, I'll see YOU in the extended size racks of Catherines' loungewear department!

Capsular Reviews of Anything 1.1

Out of the Blue  (1980)

Dennis Hopper runs up and down the hallway, waving his hands and screaming. Dennis Hopper sits at the breakfast table, drunk, waving his arms and screaming. Linda Manz, later of Gummo "fame" (Solomon's mom), runs away to carouse around with a "punk rock" band. Not much fits in-between the (these) lines, here. An entertaining wreck (no pun intended).

The Ice Pirates (1984)

This is the eleventh or twelve movie that I remember seeing in the theater. Condorman was the fourth, and The Black Hole was the first. The all-knowing North Pole glowing crystal that creates the universal star rating system is pulling one over on me. This movie got two stars. The climax is loaded with pre-MTV scatter-brained editing tricks. Oddly "name" cast with Robert Urich, Anjelica Huston, Ron Pearlman (ok, ok), and a Carradine.

The Ballad of the Whiskey Robber (2004...it's a book)

Best true crime I've read in months, and I read the living shit out of true crime. This past Christmas, I went on a cruise with my mother. When I wasn't drunk (afternoons at pool and prior to daily nap), I read the 2003 and 2004 editions of The Best American Crime Writing in the space of a week. Totally engaging, easy, and addictive. Scary Monsters and Super Freaks is in the same territory, but more entertainment biz related. Perfect vacation fare. In order to fit in better on the pool deck, I purchased Robin Cook's Seizure from the duty-free shop, but I couldn't dance with that thing. The Nashvillian real estate agent sunning next to me was engrossed in Robert B. Parker's Stone Cold, but we're veering into fiction here, with my only point being that THIS BOOK, the story of Attila Ambrus, is a must and erases all other true crime...for now.

Do's & Don'ts: 10 Years of Vice Magazine's Street Fashion Critiques

Do your research. There is a picture of a corpse-painted Black Metaller. The caption refers to him as "Speed Metal" and goes on to make a tired joke about metalheads huffing glue or suffering from incest down the line or something. Practitioners of speed metal do not wear corpse paint. I felt like I was reading Andy Rooney on Metal, if, of course, that existed.

Every Thin Lizzy album before and including Chinatown

...is worth owning. Why, at this late stage in the game, do I have to keep telling people this?

The CD-reading table

If your reasoning behind having an I-pod is to avoid the annoyance of pulling out a CD case and turning it over to look at the tracklist, or worse yet, have to OPEN the case and look at the booklet itself (I know, you're already exhausted thinking of this), then designer Michihito Mizutani has your solution. You put the CD case down on the table, and voila, it reads the tracklist onto the surface, and allows you to point the mouse and select a song. He's also created a cup for couples that illuminates when one of the partners' toothbrush is not in it.

Nice Girls Don't Wear Cha Cha Heels

MP3: Razormaid remixes "Cha Cha Heels" (excerpt)

I was listening to Sigue Sigue Sputnik's "Jayne Mansfield" (click for real audio, from an archive of Diane's Kamikaze Fun Machine), and realized that the song contains a reference to cha cha heels. Of course, this term was popularized in the 1974 John Waters flick, Female Trouble, by the ultra-fabulous juvenile delinquent Dawn Davenport ("I'm a thief and a shitkicker... and I want to be famous!").

Exploring the topic further, I discovered that Bronski Beat had written a song for Divine (aka Harris Glenn Milstead) to record, entitled "Cha Cha Heels." Unfortunately Divine passed away before the tune was recorded, but as a tribute, Eartha Kitt offered to lay down the vocals. The result is available above as an MP3, as remixed by Razormaid. Divine did manage to record a few tracks before her departure, and WFMU's DJ Monica was all over that drag queen sass... check out "Native Love (Step By Step)" (real audio) for a fix.

And be sure to get yourself a proper pedicure before slipping into a pair of cha chas. (Thanks for that one, Metafilter)

The Fifty Worst Hairstyles of All Time

And they missed choppa-style! Link, via Cynical C-Blog.

To Everything Turn, Turn, Turn: Cinco De Mayo Edition

Fiesta skirts. Suddenly these gaily colored garments are everywhere you turn. Likewise their full-circled kissing cousins: the peasant skirt, the prairie skirt, the handkerchief skirt, the pouf, and all the other ersatz ethno-flounciness that's been foisted upon us this spring. No longer the exclusive kitschy domain of rockabilly revivalists (aka The Black Hair People), the fiesta skirt has come, well, full circle. From shrewdly stylish junior publicists maxing out their credit cards at Scoop to red-state bible study moms going Boho Light at Walmart, this wide panelled whirling dervish speaks to the gypsy in our sequined soul.

In fact, the circle skirt has enjoyed quite a long-hemmed history. Middle-aged belly dancers, dirty hippies, hula girls, Renaissance Faire wenches, square dancers, figure skaters, the Martha Graham dance company, and Melissa Gilbert as Laura Ingalls Wilder have all known the joy and versatility of the humble orb.

But despite its generous proportions, the fiesta skirt, like most fashion foibles, is best left to those who stick index fingers down their throat. If you're like me, with extra acres to hoe in the lower forty, all that festooned fullness can make your ass look more like a pinada than a Bill Cunningham photo in Sunday Styles of the Times. In fact, you might as well hang a Wide Load sign out back. Ah, but who needs a fiesta skirt when there are Nachos Supreme to be had at Chi-Chi's Cinco De Mayo Festival? Now unzip me out of this post and pass mother her frozen margarita.