This Week in Sex: Cut and Paste

I just got home from my company non-denominational winter holiday you-have-to-go-unless-you're-dead-or-dying party. Here's the dirt:

• The fiance of someone I work with was just circumcised so they can have a good old-fashioned Jewish wedding (complete with panty check--I didn't know that was part of it, but I'm Catholic). I wouldn't tell the whole world about his penis, except I also found out it will be covered in our local paper, so you can read all about it yourself in the wedding section in March. At the party, a friend and I realized that this fiance could answer the question we were debating: who has more sexual pleasure, the cut guy or the uncut guy? Also, I admire the fiance, but if someone said "let's get married, but before we do that, let's cut the tips of your tits off," well, I don't know if I have the capacity to love that much.
• A guy I work with was circumcised at age 11. His parents said, "Hey, let's go to the doctor's office and just talk to him about it." When they got there, they said, "Hey, while we're here, let's have the doctor have a look." When the kid's pants were down, they said, "Hey, let's chop off the top of your penis." Then they injected his little boy penis with two needles full of anesthetic, pulled the foreskin out, clamped it, and sliced it off while he watched. He hollered during that last part.
• The parents of a guy I work with want him to try to convince his younger brother to get circumcised. The brother is sixteen.
• I think circumcision is barbaric. Don't tell me it's hygienic, like your thingy is gonna fester and fall off because you can't wash under a little flap of skin. Lady junk is all flaps of skin and we do ok.
• It's not so easy to enjoy your meal while talking about genital mutilation. But great party!

Turns out getting a vasectomy looks like a worm being yanked out of the ground by a bird, if that bird had a long, pointy, silver tweezer-beak.

Jewelry made of bits of Barbies means a Barbie butt bracelet.

Furniture made like body parts means fugly-ass furniture. via metafilter.com/tags/sex

Statue with business end exposed in shop window is means bad art with lots of talk about it. P.S. Statue is a table pedestal. Please stop doing that with the naked bodies and the furniture and all.

Photocopying your butt is so 20th century. Scanning your penis is where it's at. Even though there are pages and pages of scans here, the obligatory warning says you really shouldn't do it. "nobscan.com does not advise persons to scan their genitals, as it is unknown what the effects may be. We take no responsibility for accidents that may occur in the course of scanning genitalia or other bodily parts." I think the guy with the spinny wiener had a scanning accident.

Mmm, liquid condom. Next: beer-flavored liquid condoms?

See me, feel me. Playboy in Braille.

Yes, I am that girl. The girl who gets unsolicited pictures of ejaculating balloons in her mailbox. Yay me! thanks Bryce

mp3s of 1890s bad girl tunes, including what may be one of the earliest bad-girl tunes in recorded history. Before I was that girl, Miss Beatrice Hart was that girl.

Thanks to Station Manager Ken for smut. (You can send me smut too, you know.)

Comments

[Simon A.]

Goddam, I love you for the stuff about circumcision that wasn't written by a cranky homo-erotic guy. Huh.

[La Luba]

Hey, AB, right on re: circumcision. Speaking as a sexually experienced woman, I prefer a man who's intact -- much more to play with... I too think it's barbaric mutilation, and I recently wrote a Cutting Manifesto for some rag out of SF called Kitchen Sink to be published in Jan/Feb. Think you may like what I've got to say. Look out for it in a couple of months at www.kitchensinkmag.com. Honor the penis, love the foreskin.