I Asked for the Loan of a Laptop

Very funny, Li. I took the Northern Express to China this week for a change of scenery and to possibly get my Chinese friends to cough up some of the socialist brotherly aid they have been cagey with lately.

I could not take my desktop machine on the trip, and thought the travel blog bug might bite on my journey, so I impinged on my hosts for some internet access and perhaps a laptop computer. What a tight bunch...they call Koreans the Irish of Asia; well, the Chinese must be the Scots, then, because I was advised to stick all journals on a floppy and my hosts would post them for me. I was not born yesterday! I know Blogger is locked down tighter than a 12-year old Xingdao virgin when the Fleet is in. I had this couried back to Sinuiju by my most trusted aide to post to my account. I know no funny business will go on, because my aide's family is warm in the Embrace of the Party...and it's quite chilly in Chongjin this time of year.

Where the Hell/Chosun Can I Find a Mac?

A devoted reader of mine suggested I try this game. Uncle Kim has a Dell smuggled in from Juche sympathizers in California, not a Mac for which this game is designed. Plus, my 26.4 dial-up would take a week to download the game. You want a medal? Design me a game for my PC! We have "Missile Command" on the Atari system in the bunker at Air Force; I have the high score! Our Commodore 64 finally died this year. So much for my M.U.L.E. fix! Boompa-chucka-Boompa-chucka....

I Approve!

Good Stuff!

Very Funny, Vladimir

After the dastardly Americans and their slimy puppets thwarted my peaceful nuclear aims (heh...let us just say they did), they still refused to cave in onto my demand for light-water reactors. Well, it is getting mighty nippy in the mornings now and have you seen oil prices lately? One would think with all the Arabian Gold our Chinese friends are importing they could pipe some my way...one would think. Well, my Daddy played this game, so I thought I would I would try my hand: When the Sugar Dragon says "No," ask the Sugar Bear. So I got the horn and ringed up my old friend Vlad.

"Light-water reactor? No problem!" he says.

Irresponsible Americans

It is bad enough they rub our noses in their superior technology by letting their children play with things my generals would kill to possess. It is all fun and games until someone loses an eye!

Darn, I forgot to hat tip. Where did I find this? On somebody's blog roll via mine, but I forget.

Hmm...and the date is upgefukt. For all I am paying for Blogger, you would think they fix that.

Pyongyang Open Mike Night

The Noraebang was closed last night for political unreliability, so I checked a new club called Utkyotalla. It is a comedy club. Not like American club with its unbiquitous (I use that right?) brick wall...nothing comedic about brick walls in Democratic Peoples Republic, especially the pock-marked ones. And they are all pockmarked.

Anyway, Marshal Paek was feeling his soju, so he got up to the mike and tried out his assortment of stale knock-knock jokes (Knock-knock...Who is there? ...State Security--BANG BANG!!) which got some dutiful, but nervous laughter from the audience of mostly eastern Europeans. After my third Hennessey, I was loose enough to give it a go, but I resolved I would not bomb like Paek...so I dug into my repertoire of impersonations and my flair for timely topical humor. I think the audience really got their heads wrapped around my act...the English-speaking ones any way. I do not think the Slovak interpreter knew who E.G. Robinson was.

Sent to Mudville Gazette.

A Crony of my Owny

Actually, it is Nepotism. The western press is squealing like piglets over my finally naming a successor, my Number Two Son, Potato Head. What is the big affair? Let us see...in America: Adams times two, the Harrisons, the Johnsons, the Taylors, the Clevelands, the Roosevelts--tell me Jeb will not be the Third Bush in the White House! And you scoff at MY FATHER's dynasty! We could kidnap a random Korean from the south and make him the New Leader--and his name would probably be Kim and you big-noses would still have a fit. So I will tolerate no more jaw from you all.

And this Supreme Judicial Council nominee...she is Dubyu's comrade, no? What is wrong with finding jobs for those you trust? It has kept me alive for this long. And finding jobs for your cronies is so much more worse that pardoning them, eh, Slick Billy?

I predict the mousy lady will get approved, Bush's support will collapse, and Republicans will stay away on Election Day in masses. Then Hillary will win in 08 and I will finally get my Peace Treaty, Reparations, Light Water Reactors, and Summit Meeting with the Heavy Ankled One. I bet I can drink her under the table.

That is a figure of speech, you freaks.

Submitted to the newspaper in Mudville. Where is that, exactly?

Blog Things

I newly added the word verification feature to hopefully slow down the pyongshin who has been adding comment links to girlie sites from which I do not get a cut. I have been diligently working to squeeze from the Imperialist dogs some free light water reactors, seeing as how we could not scratch them down to a surrender agreement. Not much time for blogging or surfing.

Have I missed much? Confused...who leads the USA Democratic Party now? Howard Reid, Harold Dean, or that Sheehan witch with the nose the size Paengnyon Island? Was she in south Korea? My operatives inside and around Camp Casey report no smelly American protestors there. Maybe some smelly Korean protestors, but that is what I pay them to do. I doubled checked the talking points the Overseas Bureau passed them and everything is in order. They do not know what Sheehan is reading, but I suspect a loose cannon in the bureau with a hard-one for Jews. Might be the same guy who must shredding the stuff Babs Streisand is supposed to get. Great O Jin-u's Ghost, I hate when she tries to whinge it.

Interesting

Pyongyang Base, this is Juche One, rolling!

Base, Juche One, gear up...three greens. Climbing to Angels One Zero. Switching to Button Two, will contact Chollima Controller. Have a nice day!

My aide told me it is International Talk Like a Pilot Pirate Day!

Arrr...I just had to keelhaul one of me mates. Timber me shivvers!

I am not Worthy

Much better than those imperialist dogs, no?

Korean Words of the Week 05.9.15

Mulkogi - Fish. The flippy kind. The kind the Lost Nomad catches.

Saengson - Fish. The dead kind. Have you ever smelled Madelleine Albright?

Kundaenggi - Buttocks. The Blog of the Lady with the Occidental Butt is doing a fish thing this week. A welcome break from the 5-way talks.

Korean Word of the Week 05.09.04

Hong-su: Flood.

Huk-in: Negro.

A two-fer for my fans. Speaking of whom, check out Juche Girl.

h/t to Songun Blog.

Now if you will excuse me, we are having a Project A-ko marathon at the Mangyongdae Animation Festival.

Coed Naked Kangkangsullae

Something the Service Girls dreamed up for Chusok/Liberation Day. Picture the traditional Korean moondance, only buck-naked, oiled-up, with me in the middle...and 10 lashes to whomever breaks bodily contact. It is good that I have put on weight...more surface area to love!

Forgive me for not blogging much this month; the Overseas Bureau nicked a shipment of Cialis samples while doing some dry work amidst the capitalists. Not that my steely virility needs any help...oh, no! Just doing some recreational (or is it procreational?) experimentation. Think powdered-Cialis-makoli smoothie! I could rejunvenate my whole economy by selling this abroad. One can get over the chalky taste for a quality sexual experience, no?

Korean Word of the Week 05.8.17

Kanchop - Spy.

Where in the DPRK?

I have noticed some blogs have caption contests and "name this hardware thingee" events to encourage interaction with the readers. Well, I know half of my readers are yankee air pirates and sneaky capitalist spies, so I will use some of your own film against you. Name the landmark at the right and win your choice of a bronze statue in your likeness to be erected in the Chongjin City Square, five grams of premium methamphetimines, or two kilos of songi mushrooms.

I make no claims as to the north-south orientation of this picture.