Lorianne Schaub, a Zen teacher in the Kwaneum (Kwan Um) School of Korean Zen and all-around neat person, has a great tribute to Seung Sahn up on her fantastic blog, Hoarded Ordinaries.

I dug around my archives to find posts I've written that make some reference to Seung Sahn. Not all of them are glowingly positive, especially since I learned about the Zen master's past dalliances. I'm not quite as forgiving as some are about Seung Sahn's personal failings. It would be as wrong to say "let bygones be bygones" in this context as it would be to ask certain members of the Catholic community to forget the wrongdoings of a maverick priest who betrayed the parish's trust.

At the same time, I don't doubt that Seung Sahn did a lot of good during his time. I've read a few of his books and find his practical wisdom to be both sound and extremely enjoyable to read.

Here are the links, in chronological order, to my blog posts mentioning Seung Sahn. Some posts merely drop his name; others deal with him a bit less superficially.

Buddhism question: redux

fucking with Derrida

...but before Hindu cosmology...

Monday ups and downs

proximate testicles in a single scrotum

le parcours

On Mindfulness

people, trust, and life

Buddhism/Zen Thursday: jae beop gong sang

Tuesday Worldfarts

Seung Sahn sex scandal??

Wednesday Madness continues: Cleanup in Room 9013

Buddhism/Zen Thursday: Reckoning with Sex Scandals

Buddhism/Zen Thursday: Go Wash Your Balls

Buddhism/Zen Thursday: mixed nuts

Religious Diversity Friday: the dialogue continues

more re: analogy, etc.

Buddhist common sense

Panikkar redux: Andi gets the floor

It's a lot of material, so choose wisely.


_

With regard to my earlier imitatio Christi post, my brother David (whom you can hear in this post) writes:

I think there are two flaws with your question:

1) You're referring to Jesus as a person and not God when you call him a "compassionate being." Of course, since I was raised to believe in the holy trinity, I am basing my remarks solely off of that belief. Jesus, in the flesh, was mortal but his own being was something beyond human pain and suffering. Jesus spoke to people not as a human, but as God. And, of course, God wants everyone to "take up the cross."

2) Did Jesus believe his path was one of suffering or of enlightenment and redemption? If you look at His life from a sufferage point of view you are only seeing things from a humanistic perspective. Sure, things and people can hurt down here on Earth, but looking past our blink-of-an-eye mortal existence we see that our actions during our time on this planet have an enourmous effect on how we will life after our mortal existence. Again, all of this is based upon the belief in the holy trinity, etc etc... so if you don't believe in the Trinity or in heaven then my arguements are pointless. By taking up the cross God was asking, through Jesus, for man to lead a life of divine inspiration.

YEAHHHHHHHHH baby - yeah?
Moat goat Noate Goat Note Goat Float goat?

OH NOOOOOOOyeah?

Scott, who also mentions goats, writes in:

Hi Kevin,

Re: "Would Jesus, a compassionate being, truly have wished other people to "take up [their] cross and follow" him?"

It's a question of being a goat-fucker. At the time he asked the question, your choice in life (slightly exaggerated) was to live a comfortable, but non-10-Commandments-following life (like Pontius Pilate, a goat-fucker, etc) or live a virtuous, and diffcult life. So you had a choice: live an easy life with a crummy afterlife, or 'take up your cross' and have it good/better in the afterlife.

Given a choice, and assuming the afterlife is as long & nice as advertised, Jesus' admonition is very much in line with his perceived character.

Having said that, I would have been tempted to cast stones at the goat-fuckers who were throwing things at my cross.

_Scott

_

Brian has a good post up about the "Hollywood Left," i.e., those prominent stars who use their stardom to voice political opinions. Brian points out that there are social reasons for this phenomenon. To wit:

The problem is not Hollywood celebrities making a pitch for their pet political issues, the problem is the media for giving these people an undeserved soapbox to yell from. Actor Daniel Day-Lewis has the right idea when he says (in the Alterman article), "The media are sick and tired of people in my profession giving their opinion, and yet you're asking me my opinion. And when I give it, you'll say, 'Why doesn't he shut up?'"

It's trite to say so, but I'll do it anyway... we live in a celebrity-obsessed world. And as long as the cult of celebrity worship remains so strong, we'll continue to see celebs across the political spectrum using their influence to sway politics this way or that. The blame lies not with them, but with our society for making their words sacrosanct.

It would be ridiculous to argue that the larger culture plays no role in what these stars do and how they do it. However, it would be equally ridiculous to posit that "society" is the sole cause of this phenomenon, as if individual choice had nothing to do with, say, Tim Robbins's outspokenness. Tim Robbins, despite his contentions to the contrary, is perfectly free to voice his opinions-- free to voice them, and responsible for their voicing. As free and responsible as Noam Chomsky, actually.

But it seems that Hollywood gets criticism whether it's outspoken or silent. Via Andrew Sullivan, I found an article by Pat Sajak (yes, that Pat Sajak) that takes Hollywood to task for its deafening silence in the wake of the brutal murder of Dutch filmmaker Theo Van Gogh.

Sajak writes:

So, again I ask, where is the outrage from Hollywood’s creative community? I mean, talk about a violation of the right of free speech!

Perhaps they are afraid that their protests would put them in danger. That, at least, is a defensible position. If I were Michael Moore, I would much rather rail against George W. Bush, who is much less likely to have me killed, than van Gogh’s murderer and the threat to creative freedom he brings. Besides, a man of Moore’s size would provide a great deal of “bulletin board” space.

Maybe they think it would be intolerant of them to criticize the murder, because it would put them on the side of someone who criticized a segment of the Arab world. And, after all, we are often reminded that we need to be more tolerant of others, especially if they’re not Christians or Jews.

There’s another possibility; one that seems crazy on the surface, but does provide an explanation for the silence, and is also in keeping with the political climate in Hollywood. Is it just possible that there are those who are reluctant to criticize an act of terror because that might somehow align them with President Bush, who stubbornly clings to the notion that these are evil people who need to be defeated? Could the level of hatred for this President be so great that some people are against anything he is for, and for anything he is against?

I think the jury's out as to Hollywood's motivations. Maybe it does boil down to Bush-hatred; I don't know. But I think Sajak is on solid ground to ask why the American artistic community isn't up in arms about this. It does seem more than a little strange.

_

Zen Master Seung Sahn, founder of the Kwaneum School of Korean Zen, has passed on, according to the Marmot, who got the drop on me. The first commenter to the Marmot's post sums up my own mixed feelings about the man quite well.

_

I'm going to start my block shift today (Wednesday, Korea time), so I'll nix the hiatus and ask a quick theological question:

Would Jesus, a compassionate being, truly have wished other people to "take up [their] cross and follow" him? Why would a compassionate being enjoin others to embark on a path of suffering?

[NB: I'm not asking the question in a spirit of wide-eyed innocence. I have my own ideas about how best to answer this question. Discuss amongst yourselves, or share your answer with me and I'll slap it on Ye Olde Blogge.]

_

[NB: Sorry, but this was too good to pass up.]

My brother David called me up this past weekend by cell phone-- he got a really cheap deal for international calls, so he decided to take advantage of it.

We talked for a bit, and then David said he could send an audio message to Mom and Dad from his phone by email. I've heard of this feature plenty of times; it's been a commonplace in Korea for a while. So I decided to send the parents my Turkey Day wishes. David set his phone up to record. What follows is a transcript of the audio. After the transcript is a link to the actual message I sent-- the Hairy Chasms's first-ever audioblog.



TRANSCRIPT:


DAVID (my little brother): Go ahead, baby.

ME: Hi, guys, this is Kevin. Just wanted to say Happy Thanksgiving to you all, and that I love you and miss you and hope you all are doing well. If you have a chance, send me an email! (pause)

DAVID: Eeeee? (This is a standard Davidism. I can have entire conversations with David in which not a single English word is uttered.)

ME: EEEEE. (My helium-voiced reply.)

DAVID: That it?

ME: Was that recorded, too? (The "EEEEE," I mean.)

DAVID: Yey-hey-hey. (A sort of tremolo version of "yeah.")

DAVID: Still recordin', baby.

ME: [belch #1] (I love the way my belch was distorted on the cell phone. I had no idea it sounded like that when I first made the recording. Sounds a bit like the last stages of a toilet flushing, doesn't it?)

ME: Did you get that?

DAVID: Yey-hey-hey-hey-hey.

ME: [belches #2-14*] (Intermittent chuckle from David during the belching. One of us starts laughing at the tail end.)

To hear the audio, click below and enjoy.

Link

---

*Depending on how you count a particular pair of belches toward the end.


_

It was unfortunate to have to keep blogic silence during Thanksgiving, but part of this past week was about seeing whether I could make it through five weekdays without blogging. I did just fine, though my site visit stats have taken a major hit. On the plus side, I suppose this means my readers are quick to adapt to adversity: they knew I wasn't going to be posting, so they went on with their lives (a hint of what the world will be like after I get splattered by a careening cement truck). This also means my readers take me seriously: they stopped coming because I told them not to expect anything.

That's power. The power of the dark side.

One of my closest friends sent me a triumphant email describing his new crapping prowess, now that he's on Metamucil. I did Metamucil while back in the States, and I can vouch for the power of that amazing, magical orange dust. You might have been shitting watery rabbit raisins in your pre-Metamucil phase, but once you start down the 'Mucil path, forever will it dominate your asshole. A single serving of Metamucil will produce shit that's denser than a neutron star. It's the kind of stuff Shakespeare would have written about, had Metamucil been available in the England of his day. Imagine shit that sinks immediately to the bottom of your toilet and stares evilly up at you, slowly breathing toilet water like a moray eel. Poke it once with a stick and it curls in on itself as a defensive reflex. Poke it again, however, and it leaps out at you in fury, going straight for the throat.

My own Thanksgiving, Metamucil-free, was nevertheless dominated by my asshole, which ruled the day with an iron polyp. After my morning shift ended I walked, alone, to the local Bennigan's (much nicer than the ones in the States, let me say), in the hopes that they might recognize America's special day by offering a one-day-only platter of turkey and stuffing and veggies and pumpkin pie.

No such luck.

I therefore opted for one of the lunchtime specials: the Southwest Sampler.

For those of you who don't know, the Southwest Sampler is a large appetizer, ideally meant to be eaten by several people. I'm only one man, but I too am large, and my stomach can easily store the screaming multitudes. All the same, the Southwest Sampler is a mostly-fried mess of greasy Mexamericana that will leave an impression on even the most inveterate glutton.

Undaunted, I ordered the Sampler and a Coke. I then followed this up with a Brownie Bottom Pie for dessert.

I finished the awful slaughter of my meal sometime around 1PM, got home, peeled off my skanky clothes, and then prepped myself for some Net surfing and a nap. Around 5PM I got up and prepared for the evening half of my split shift. I had to leave my place by 5:25PM to be on time.

Now that I'm 35 years old, I've got a pretty decent idea of some of my body's major rhythms. Digestion is a case in point. It takes roughly six hours for the food to do the Olympic bobsled ride from my mouth to my anus. My guts are pretty reliable on that score.

You see the problem already, yes? I'd made a costly miscalculation, having finished my meal around 1:00PM. My evening classes were to begin at 6PM, and I had a brief interval from 5:00 to 5:25PM in which to get dressed, brush my teeth, reinsert my contact lenses, un-muss my hair, and take a pre-shift shit.

That, friends, left about a 10-minute window just for shitting. Not much time for those of us who prefer to take long, leisurely dumps, the crap sliiiiiiding out of our asses like the Titanic leaving its berth. Compounding the problem was that only four hours-- not six-- had passed from mealtime to departure time.

So, based on what you now know: do you think the shit was ready to come out?

Aha, you guessed correctly!

Like the world's most famous groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, my shit was deathly afraid of its own shadow and refused to emerge from its burrow. But I was not to be deterred. Intestinal coaxing commenced. As a master of hangmun-do (the Way of the Anus), I'm able to manipulate the peristaltic process to some degree, and can produce a load of shit where others would simply explode from the effort. I grimly settled into the ancient breathing, tummy-rubbing, push-hrrrrrgh-push rhythm of hangmun-do's most advanced form.

As you know, forcing your shit out is never good policy; it produces hemorrhoids, distorting the appearance of your anus and making your girlfriend unwilling to take core samples of it with her tongue. "Eewww, it's like the Mars landscape!" she'll squeal. After all that grunting and straining, your once-proud "brown starfish" (as one of my other friends calls the anus) ends up looking like an angry vampire squid.

But when you've got only a few minutes, and you know that you're not going to have time to shit while at your job, you make the effort to launch as many glistening ass-babies as possible. I did so, and was rather impressed with the results.

So I skipped over to EC, blissfully unaware of the danger I was in. I had badly, badly underestimated the size and malevolence of the Southwest Sampler which, coupled with the equally evil (and aptly named) Brownie Bottom Pie, was about to wreak some major havoc on my evening.

Of late, EC teachers have all experienced a marked spike in student attendance. The Kangnam branch of EC isn't that old, and business is now starting to pick up. Way up. In July, when I first arrived, I could expect a few breaks during my evening, but now... it's routine to teach eight 25-minute classes in a row. If I'm lucky, I get a 5-minute break between classes, but sometimes I or my Korean partner teacher will run a little overtime, which means I occasionally have to teach nonstop.

Thanksgiving evening was an 8-class-in-a-row whammy.

The seismic activity started somewhere around the third class. I could feel it: something down there was screaming to get out, pummeling my poor hangmun with increasing desperation. Maybe there was a fire in the transverse colon. Maybe a fight had broken out between warring factions of E. coli. Whatever it was, the Brown Slug wanted out.

And now, a personal note: if you ever see me in a cold sweat when no normal human should be sweating, it probably means I'm trapped in a situation where I need to take a fucking shit and can't. Outwardly, I might appear mildly uncomfortable, or even a little sick. Inwardly, though, my mind and my ass are going:





I started sweating.

My student either didn't notice or didn't care to bring up the fact that I was suddenly looking mighty constipated. I was finding it hard to concentrate on the lesson, but somehow I managed. We finished a little bit overtime; I had about three minutes to flee to the restroom and let fly, but I knew myself: I would need at least five minutes for a proper shit and wipe-down, and there was always the possibility that not everything would come out at once.

Should I stay or should I go?

Should I stay or should I go?

This happens to me a lot. I often wonder if I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome, a condition that normally strikes women and is often linked to stress. I'll be sitting there on the crapper, the shit seems to be flowing freely, and then... nothing. I can feel that there's more to come, but for some reason, my sphincter has decided that it's Ian McKellen as Gandalf, screaming, "Yoooooooouuuu shall not paaaaaass!"

Consistent with this Tolkien analogy, the remaining shit acts like the menacing Balrog and waits until Gandalf has turned around before striking. I'll shit out a log, then wait... then suddenly the urge to shit will strike again a few minutes later. This cycle usually occurs in threes. When I talk about this problem with my little brothers, I call it "writing a novel," first chapter, second chapter, third chapter.

The timing of all three chapters was awful that evening, and none of my students cancelled on me, which meant I had to run to the bathroom THREE FUCKING TIMES to obtain temporary relief, as opposed to having a 30-minute break in which to proceed at a more leisurely pace. I faced the horrible command decision-- to shit or not to shit-- several times. The front desk ladies looked concerned. I told them I was a little sick. One shit session ran about a minute too long*, and a student had to wait for me.

By the time 10 o'clock rolled around, I was a beaten man. My ass had won. I could feel it vibrating in triumph, grinning that vampire squid-shaped grin.

And that, Gentle Reader, was how I spent my Thanksgiving. I've since learned my lesson: no more big meals between shifts. Luckily, I start a block shift on Wednesday, but now I'll have to persuade my intestines to adjust to a new rhythm. That ought to provide fodder for a few more blog posts.

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving weekend. Don't get trampled by the shopping hordes. Think about doing a lot more online shopping this year (hint hint).

And watch your ass.

---

*Ever had one of those unwipeable craps, where you're sacrificing sheet after sheet of toilet paper, but an equal amount of brown is being dispensed with every wipe? Those take time to defeat, and that's why I ran overtime.

_

Scott writes:

Hi Kevin,

Happy Thanksgiving from the USA!

I've got a religion versus establishment question for you. Please pardon my improper use of terminology, I'm out of my league here. But I would like your take on my basic question (the last line of this mail).

This week a San Francisco school principal said a teacher can't use documents in class which include reference to 'God' in them. In this case it was government documents such as [The Declaration of Independence].

Link to The Smoking Gun

Putting aside the issue of the teacher's previous questionable behavior and intent - is it possible to truly ban 'religion' in this case? The school wants to ban reference to 'God', and instead issue a decree that all students will follow the doctrine (and I believe 'religion') of "Anything But God".

Isn't the school's cry of "Anything But God" in-and-of-itself a 'religion'?

Thanks,
_Scott

Scott's letter isn't concerned with the larger question of whether this story is bogus (see a liberal take here-- very interesting). Instead, his focus is on whether the "anything but God" refrain is itself somehow religious.

My instinct is to say it's not, because to me, a religious attitude entails some proper "disposition to the Real," as John Hick might put it (where Hick's Real refers to the nameless, ineffable ultimate reality that is mediated to us through personal experience and our culture milieu). Instead, "anything but God" is simply a reaction to the possibility of religious speech in the classroom.

I find such an attitude shamefully PC. Call me optimistic, but I think most public schools have a proper sense of boundaries when it comes to religious discourse. Most public schools do not advocate daily prayer in the classroom. Most biology classrooms teach the theory of evolution, and the ones that give air time to "creation science" do so without casting evolutionary theory aside. Yes, the name of God will be invoked at high school graduation ceremonies, but even here, this will often be watered down. When it's not, people notice, and they get angry-- as well they should! Example: I know that one girl from my high school alma mater, who graduated a few years after me, got into trouble for focusing too explicitly on God in her blatantly fundamentalist valedictory speech. Most high school communities have an innate common sense about how far you can push the religious envelope.

I also question the plausibility of completely eliminating religious speech from the public domain. As long as people both have religious convictions and live in a society that cherishes free speech, it's inevitable that folks will express themselves religiously. For me to say "Merry Christmas!" to someone at the workplace is not an act of oppression. The recipient of my well-wishes might not be a Christian, but surely they can make a distinction between a simple "Merry Christmas!" and the more sinister "Is the White Jeebus your personal lord and savior?" To study historical documents that mention God is to study history, not to proselytize. If people are serious about banning such documents, there's something seriously wrong with this picture. And if people are expected to keep their mouths shut about religious expression (as is apparently the case in France with regard to what a student can wear), then the "anything but God" wackos will have gained a huge victory.

Me, I'm a pluralist: I have no trouble hearing "Happy Hanukah!", nor do I mind being on the receiving end of a "Happy Kwanzaa!" I understand these utterances to be well-intended. Freedom of speech and freedom of religion, especially in the public domain, don't need to be mutually exclusive. Diversity should be valued by both liberals and conservatives, and we also need to trust that open, public debate about religious issues will keep society on the middle path, with religious sentiments being expressed, but not overbearingly so.

A linguistic note: we use the adverb "religiously" rather loosely to describe activities in which we participate with conviction, emotion, devotion, etc. For example, "I watch 'Friends' religiously." While I don't believe there exist any absolute boundaries between the sacred and the profane, I think it might be a little much to say that an anti-religious* mantra like "anything but God" is itself religious. It merely has certain superficial traits in common with a truly religious attitude.

Perhaps it's time to do a post on "What Religion Is." Hmmm. That's a post that might come under fire from all sorts of dissatisfied customers. Heh.

---

*"Anything but God" is anti-theistic in terms of how it's phrased, but the mantra arguably expresses a broader anti-religious sentiment, since the word "God" is a stand-in for all concepts of ultimate reality and the institutions devoted to those concepts.

I imagine some people might want to question whether "anything but God" is in fact anti-religious. "Maybe," such people would argue, "it simply expresses the wish to keep God in God's domain, which in America is not the public domain." The problem is this: the trend in the West is to privatize religion, i.e., to make it an increasingly private matter. Perhaps paradoxically, the only way to know someone's private convictions is for that person to express them somehow, in word and deed (say, by wishing someone a merry Christmas or by wearing a religious symbol). To my mind, such expression should be allowed, because if all external means of expressing religious convictions are disallowed, the only thing left is "thinking religiously while in public," whatever that might mean.

At the same time, I do think we need to keep an eye out for creeping theocracy. But we should go about this task openly, by the time-tested means of spirited discussion and debate. The way to deal with issues of religious expression is to view their resolution in terms of process, and not as a fixed end result. This question isn't going to go away, nor should it.

_

If you scroll back down to the "Two Assholes" greeting card image (in this post), you'll notice a slight change in the text by the cartoon Kevin's head.

I should also note that the "ass lion" scenario isn't new: I originally drew this as a cartoon I sent to a friend of mine-- Carpemundi-- almost a year ago, I think. I didn't keep the cartoon, so I had to draw from memory.

Not long after my previous post this afternoon about Mac word processors, I received an email from The Lost Nomad referring me to a couple Mac-ready word processors that are simple but efficient at what they do. I also discovered, to my delight, that OSX 10.3 already has a built-in PDF conversion option: it popped up when I hit "print" in my newly-downloaded Mellel word processor. This will save me from having to shell out for the full Adobe Acrobat suite, which I don't need.

Mellel can be downloaded for free as a demo; to keep it, you have to pay $39 to get the registration code. Not a bad deal at all, given that MS Word for Mac costs a ridiculous $190 at Amazon.com, and AppleWorks 6.2.7 costs about $70.

Now that I've got Mellel, I can do my word processing without having to flip back to my old OS 8.6. Switching between OSes is a pain; the less I have to do it, the better.

_

An Aussie dude named Rory* has been visiting my blog with some regularity of late, so I've been returning the favor and checking his blog out.

Conclusion: highly, highly recommended. Rory likes posting about his wasted mental state, and he's obviously an artist-- not just with music, but also with food. His recent posts on "fusion" cuisine, in which he (1) makes a nuclear sandwich with quasi-Korean ingredients and (2) stumbles upon a spicy chicken recipe that is eerily similar to a dish my brother Sean makes, will be remembered as blogospheric classics. His latest food-related post showcases some food villains. Be sure to check out Kimchi Garlic Sludge, a.k.a. "Kimchi the Kid." I was rolling.

These posts establish Rory as the anti-Fatman Seoul. Whereas the Fatman is all about blogging the cuisine he encounters but never makes, Rory is more like a pervert doing Naive Art, an incarceration-addled Martha Stewart making rat-and-roach stew in her prison cell. Rory's a creator, not an observer. In the Hindu pantheon, he'd be a very happy Brahman on crack, reaching into far-flung galaxies, extracting disparate life forms, and smooshing them together to make some fucked-up aliens.

Rory is one of the liveliest of the "new wave" of Koreabloggers. While some of us older assholes are losing steam (maybe not the Marmot, but even he seems to have fallen back on group blogging to keep up the pace), the Koreablogger v2.0 generation-- not all of whom are young'ns, of course!-- brings a lot of fresh material to the table.

So even though I'm usually hesitant to blogroll newbies these days (like Kant in Königsberg, my daily cyberspace wanderings are fairly restricted in scope), I'm blogrolling Rory. The only question is whether his drinking habits will leave him enough brain cells to be blogging like this in a year's time. But before Rory's brain finally sloughs out of his ears, I'll enjoy every "Fuck, I still feel wasted" post he writes.

Then again, the brain-sloughing might not happen. Aussies are tough bastards. It's been said that, when an Aussie drinks too much, the only change is that he starts using American spelling.

Welcome to the blogroll, dude.

---

*Or maybe it's just Rory's disciples who've been visiting.

_

Is there no good word processor for a person using Mac OSX 10.3 (Panther)?

I just spent a few minutes over at Amazon.com reading some depressing reviews about Microsoft Word and Apple Works. Apparently, the newest versions are a letdown from previous versions, being buggy or just plain strange.

If you know of a Mac-compatible word processor for OSX 10.3 that can do the following:

1. deal with multiple fonts
2. handle graphics
3. allow for footnotes and endnotes
4. convert the document to a PDF

...please give me a holler.


_

And finally-- the last two cards for the 2004 Christmas rush. Online shopping is big this year; join the wave and buy some dung-speckled goodness. Click on the images below to take the consumerist plunge.

The Ass Lion gets his own card:



I've been wanting to make my banner into a card/mug/mousepad design. Here's the card version:




_

Take a gander at the newly colorized collection. ALL B&W; CARDS HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED!

At CafePress, the cards are sold in packets of six. The cost is $12.99 plus shipping-- not a bad deal for original fart art.

Can't think of anyone who'd like a disgusting card?

Then you're not thinking hard enough, asshole!

Take a look at these cards and click on the images to go straight to my online store.

The Ass-flavored Christmas card:



The Phosphorescent Snot card:



The Pungent Genitals card:



The Rudolph card:



The Santa Didn't Come card:



The Gift of Pain card:



The Tongue Chomp card:



Do your friends a favor and buy some cards today.



_

You want these cards.

You need these cards.

You will buy these cards, not because the voices told you to, but because the gerbil in your colon has been rigged to explode the moment you click away to somewhere other than my online store.

Don't let that happen.

Order a set of cards. Order two sets. Click on the images below.












_

The old riddle goes:

Q: In Greece, how do they separate the men from the boys?
A: With a crowbar.

If you visit the very beautiful campus of the University of Virginia down in Charlottesville, VA, you'll see a statue of Homer (the poet, not Simpson) with his, uh, boy. This elicits snickers from some UVA students. It doesn't help matters that a nearby dormitory is named Balz. Walking through Jefferson's campus (yes, it's a TJ original), you might end up with the unconscious impression that most Greek men, from Homer on down, are a little light in the loafers.

Of course, Greeks aren't any different from other world populations in terms of the genetic distribution of homosexual propensities. In fact, when you add nurture (i.e., culture) to the equation, the entire issue of sexual orientation becomes complex. I think that, as a rule of thumb, most folks clearly fall into the "conventional" categories of homosexual and heterosexual. But this doesn't account for everyone.

Ask any bisexual.

As Robert Pirsig pointed out in his 70s classic Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, there's always that damn, category-straddling platypus who comes along and fouls up the taxonomy. Bisexuality, at this point, isn't an unknown phenomenon, but it still makes some people scratch their heads. It's a biological/sociological platypus.

Oliver Stone's new film, "Alexander," apparently suggests that the great conqueror batted for both teams, and today's Greeks aren't happy about the imputation (see here-- link via Drudge).

The movie's got more potential problems than the issue of The Great's sexuality, though: it looks like "Alexander" is going to suck some major donkey dong. I watched the preview trailers for "Alexander" and "laughed and laughed," as the Maximum Leader would say. Colin Farrell, whom I like as an actor, is the wrong guy to play the title role, being both too old and too goofy-looking with that bleached coiffe. Angelina Jolie, whom I usually consider a fantastic actress, looks and sounds ridiculous here. Val Kilmer, who should know better, seems to be doing a Popeye impersonation. The movie, which is being marketed as the next "Troy" (haw haw-- the music is by 80s-era milquetoast synth legend Vangelis, perhaps best known for his "Chariots of Fire" and "Blade Runner" soundtracks), shouldn't be taken too seriously.

The evidence for Alexander's bisexuality isn't beyond dispute, and certainly isn't beyond interpretation. Check out this Wikipedia article on the subject, before it gets Wiki-edited into unrecognizability.

"Alexander" will be coming to Korea soon; the posters have been up in Seoul for a while. I'm wondering whether the film will be edited/censored. Back in the mid-90s, I caught a showing of the late-70s classic "Midnight Express," a movie that apparently features a gay sex scene. I say "apparently" because, when I saw it, the scene was quite obviously chopped out. It was standard policy back then to snip out anything controversial in terms of politics and sexuality. I'm curious as to how much Korean sensibilities have changed since the mid-90s, given the number of Korean art-house flicks that have appeared in recent years.

Korean culture doesn't quite know how to handle homosexuality; as the Party Pooper pointed out a while ago, there's plenty of gayosity in Korean pop culture, but no one here calls it gay. The Mangina Syndrome is very much in evidence. Will South Korean theaters (or the SK government; it's hard to tell where one entity ends and the other begins these days) snip out all references to Alexander's ass-love?

Stay tuned.


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YES! The Tittie Christmas Card is now on sale! I'll be colorizing the other B&W; cards in my shop over the next couple weeks. The dog fart card ought to look pretty cool when I'm done with it. Of course... if you're into B&W; minimalism, you could always buy a set now...


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As I wrote a while back, the Presbyterian Church, USA-- my church-- has set itself against Israel by advocating divestment from it. In my previous post on the subject, I contended that this was a mistake. No change here: I still think it's a mistake.

My brother David just sent me a link to a Beliefnet article indicating that my church continues to be in error. Apparently, some church officials said the following: "...relations and conversations with Islamic leaders are a lot easier than dealings and dialogue with Jewish leaders." The Beliefnet article deals with the firing of two high-ranking members of the PCUSA who visited the Middle East to meet with-- get this-- Hezbollah officials.

I can think of some conservative members of my home congregation in northern Virginia who must be having a cow right now. I'm shitting hooves and horns myself.

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Kirk Larsen links to a well-edited juxtaposition of the guitar riffs from Boston's "More Than a Feeling" and Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit."

Daehee links to an animated musical that started to drive me nuts even while I was laughing at it. I'm still not sure it actually ends.

A snake! A snake! Snaaaaaake! A snaaaaake! Ooooooooh, it's a snaaaaaaake!

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Available soon at a CafePress shop near you.

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Brian takes me to task for what I wrote in my post-election gloat. Read his post, and you'll find my reply in his comments thread.

What disturbs me about the left's overall reaction to Bush's reelection is the depth of the emotion, as well as the continued denial. Instead of lefties adopting the Republican attitude of "don't get mad, get even," we instead hear them threatening to leave the country for good. I'd have to agree that such people probably should leave, since that'd give some breathing space to the more cool-headed liberals, who are poorly represented by the likes of Michael Moore and his Hollywood ship of fools.

If these potential émigrés thought more about it, they'd realize that it's better to stay at home and hash the issues out in the name of spirited debate than to give up and flee the scene. Flight is cowardice. Brian himself vows to fight on; I respect that, and hope his lib/Dem fellows take heed.

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Lots of letters recently. I'll just slap them on up here.

Kevin,

I just read you latest post. Whatever compromise or solution you arrive at, please do not stop blogging. Your blog is one of the few that I read faithfully and regularly and I'd hate to see it go.

Why not blog if and when you have the time instead of holding yourself to a daily schedule? That way you could think about subjects during class/walking/whatever and when you have a few minutes, throw them on the blog.

As for walking, you don't need 3 hours of that for exercise. Trust me, I'm the "abs at 45" guy, remember? 30-60 minutes of powerwalking (not a leisurely stroll, but a good, brisk walk 5 days a week will give you plenty of exercise.

I jogged for years and years until my poor knees and ankles just couldn't take it any more and found the joy of powerwalking a few years ago. Now that my wife and I have joined a local gym, I hit the treadmill for 30 - 45 minutes at 6.2 kilometers an hour (brisk walk), then lift weights afterwards - a different body part each day. But enough about me, let's talk about you :).

At the risk getting too personal, if it's your weight you're worried about, the walking will help a lot, but the other thing is your eating schedule. Dinner at 11:30? bad, bad, bad. Is there any way you can grab something to eat during a break in your classes?

Bottom line is, don't stop blogging. I can't tell you how many time one of your posts had me googling all over creation to research the topic, or the laughs your posts have brought (the Daejon love motel is my all-time fave, a classic).

Nomad

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Kevin,

I understand. There are days when I am falling asleep at the keyboard while trying to create a post or read all the blogs I consider worth reading. Blogging, for someone with ideas and the urge to state them, is a passion and a draining one. It may well be that there must be a compromise. There have been days recently that I have left the computer off and slept instead. The world does not come to an end, but I worry it might. Far better that you blog irregularly (egad!, not you, irregular!) than to not blog at all. If you are at all like me (a most gruesome thought) ideas get built up and until they are communicated they just tie up thinking and leave no room for new. Or in more direct terms, better to shit once in a while than not shit at all. The latter state is usually equated with death.

Regards,

Bill


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Hi Kevin,

Re: "Yet the question lingers: why did Bennett swear off gambling only after the press made a stink about his vice?"

There's no question there - he 'quit' because he got caught. Giving him the benefit of a doubt...he might truly have been trying to quit. But let's be honest, I was 'trying' to lose weight the entire time I weighed 220lbs.

Bennett's only effective change of mind came after looking down the barrel of serious unemployment. That's not an intemperate thing to say, the guy simply got busted. Because if someone's trying to overcome lifelong addictions at the age of 50+...... trying hard isn't someone's strong suit.

_Scott

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"I also teach French every Sunday for about three hours, and that's for free."

you probably do this for a good reason (charity, family obligation, business obligation, etc etc) but just on the teeny tiny chance that its not a good reason, im writing to remind you that you should not be teaching french (or anything for that matter) for free.

if its not for a good reason, then ive freed up 12 hours a month for you!

otherwise, it sounds like a tough time. that freaking split schedule sounds like the shits...

hang in there...


HK

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I started taking walks fairly regularly a couple months ago and have been blogging a lot less. I've also been the busiest during this past month than I had been for a year or so. Interestingly enough, taking long walks improves the quality of my shitting sessions.

Just my two cents.


J. Yoshida


P.S. You didn't even consider the Bolivian marching dust option.
P.P.S. The dark rings under your eyes are quite fetching.


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Hi Kevin,

Posts like your latest are why I read your blog. I don't understand or agree with everything you write, but you often make me think. You will probably be worthy of a link on the sidebar of my upcoming personal blog, thus offending untold others.

I'm currently reading Total Truth: The Transforming Power of a Christian Worldview in which the author strongly argues that there is no place for dualism in the Christian worldview. It's been an interesting challege for me, as I've questioned but never fully confronted my own dualism.

May you rest well during your own brief hiatus. Split schedules are a killer.

Kangmi


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I have one word: Whew!

When I started reading your latest post, I was worried you'd made the decision to quit...glad you found a compromise!

Sleep tight and don't let the centepides bite ;)


Nomad


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Kevin,

First of all I am glad you have decided to blog part time as opposed to not at all.

With respect to being an Elder in the Presbyterian Church and all the rest you said on religion. Hi, fellow traveler.

I spent over 30 years as a hard-core atheist/agnostic. During that time I read though did not strongly study much about all religions and their traditions. For a while I had a lot of resonance with Zen. I loved the tiger koan. I still think it encapsulates much of my life. I have a great difficulty with the whole concept of Nirvana. Negation doesn't seem to be my bag. If you read my religious archive, you will see that I am definitely not a traditional theist. However, I am a member of the ELCA as is Lee (Verbum Ipsum), and am a member of the choir, soloist, and regularly am lector and liturgist and occasionally communion assistant. Just as they are vital to you, so religious questions are vital to me.

I have a mission or calling to witness to those who don't believe but are looking for some intellectual support for theistic beliefs. I have apparently brought one person from being a self-styled atheist to talking about believing in God. She has said my writings are important. I try, though I don't always succeed, to write a "Sunday Sermon". Lately it has been a Monday or Tuesday Sermon instead. The main purpose is to get my thinking down so I can think about something new. It is a way of creating new ideas or expanding or even destroying old ones.

I am in awe of the level of discussion that you and Bill Vallicella get into. When I can't follow it, I archive it for later study. I felt honored to be included in the three-way discussion you, Lee, and I had not too long ago.

With respect to the not-twoness of the sacred and profane, I have this idea that since God grew with people by the accumulation of good souls, that He is not nearly as judgmental as many would make Him. [See below] He is far more interested in the attitude towards people and doing good than the details of its expression or interests in the material things of the world. As long a material interests do not get in the way of goodness, they are unimportant even if some consider them offensive. One of my friends who is an ELCA pastor has pointed out that Paul was earthy. Where the translations of the bible clean it up, Paul actually said, "shit". My wife gets all over me sometimes for my earthiness.

I think a non-traditional belief that one develops for oneself is much more sustaining in adversity than a lay-on of traditional religion that cannot be questioned. I have a fundamental rule for living, ANYTHING is open to question and investigation. I also am willing to live with incomplete answers for very long periods of time. I have a whole part of my head that contains open questions that accumulate bits and pieces of data throughout my living. I just realized that the greatest enemy of wisdom is impatience -- the unwillingness to wait for the answer.

[I just saw the counter to my own argument that there is no Devil. If God is the accumulation of good souls, then there would be the possibility of a Devil as the accumulation of bad or evil souls. This implies that it gets real dicey when death occurs. How are things sorted out, and is there really a Purgatory after all?]

Regards,
Bill

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