The world teaches us to be callous, if we allow it to. It teaches us to mistrust, to take caution, and to protect oneself. When we're born into this world, we are without these characteristics. We know not of the malfeasances of the world. The question that came to my mind was: When did this happen to me? The truth is that it probably happened over the course of a very long time, and will continue to my dying day. As time goes by, we often forget about all the wonder and amazement in the world around us.
I commuted to work today, and it's been over 5 years since I last did it, so I could look at it with fresh eyes. There was traffic as usual. Have you ever taken a look at what people do when they're driving? A few people are talking to fellow carpoolers, or singing to the radio. But there are plenty of others who are multi-tasking: talking on a cell phone, reading the newspaper, doing their makeup, shaving, clipping their fingernails.
It made me think how fast life is passing us by. We struggle for the time to do the basic things to keep us alive. We have to invent non-perishable food and the microwave because we just can't wait to eat anymore. We have to invent email and the web because the US Postal Service just doesn't cut it anymore. The modern progress of technology has got us all going at breakneck speed, not allowing us to take a step back and enjoy even the smallest things in life. It's ironic how the inventions that were made to ease our lives by increasing speed and efficiency in turn generate more work.
The amount of work and impending expectations at work are mounting exponentially, but I'm thriving on the imminent pressure. I realized that for the early part of this year, my life was stagnating. It felt like my dreams, goals, and aspirations were all on holding pattern. The second half of the year has been a whirlwind, and I feel like with this move, the last pieces of my old life are falling away. I feel like a child again. The little things matter. The little things make me happy. The little things lead to big things. It's not always rainbows and butterflies, is it? But rainbows come after the rain, and butterflies from the cocoon. There can be no good without bad. I will never say it will be easy; I can only tell you that it is worth it.
In this world of transience and haste, I find it so amazing when people can retain the childlike qualities of wonder, amazement, and simple pleasure. Deep down, I think we all wish we were children again, nary a care in the world, except for that occasional object into which we can focus all our attention, love, and meaning. Deep down, you realize that the children are the intelligent ones. They realize how small we are in the grand scheme, yet they feel that every single other thing in the world is just as amazing and new as the next thing. Children are honest. They'll tell you when and where it hurts, and their visceral emotions will be clear on their faces. Deep down, I think we all wish we were still children with a new and fresh outlook on life.
One day at a time–this is enough. Do not look back and grieve for the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled by the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.
Ida Scott Taylor
Add a Comment [0] It's been a week since I last updated. A lot has gone on and I'm still recuperating. The flight back from Orlando was incredibly early and long, but worth missing the majority of horrendous Thanksgiving traffic. I went to two Thanksgiving dinners and spent the weekend biking, packing, and planning to move.
I went to the REI Thanksgiving sale, and that was tiring enough. I strolled around Ikea to get some ideas about some things to buy, but I hate the idea of being an Ikea wh0re, so I'm tempering my interest there.
Oh yeah, I finally bought the bike I've been eyeing for months. Amazingly, it was still there. The very last one, in my size. The bike shop gave me a nice 20% discount since it was last year's model and since I'm such a good customer, but it's still a nice chunk of change. Say hello to my new toy.
It's in the same family as my first bike. As you can see, they are basically the same shape, but the components and frame material are vastly better in the new one. Compare the above picture with my old bike below.
Because they are the same geometry, I can pretty much ride both interchangably without my body rejecting the idea. Now, I can use my first bike as my "beater bike" and just ride the new one on training rides and the event itself.
Now thoughts turn to Christmas, and I've got to think about the holidays, my lack of vacation time, buying gifts, finding time to go home to LA, and moving in 2 weeks. Oh yeah, and work, plus the nasty 3 hours of commuting.
Ugh.
Pearl Jam - Last Kiss (.mp3, 3.0mb)
Live - Lightning Crashes (.mp3, 5.0mb)
Add a Comment [4] See you all in a few days. I'm off to Orlando for work. Not work per se, but it's one of those team training workgroups. We'll be staying at the Gaylord Palms. I'll be back on Wednesday, pictures in tow.
Tlaa.
Add a Comment [4] I've completed my first week at the new job. This sure isn't a job where they're going to give me a lot of ramp up time. I've already been in 9 meetings with various people, partly as an introduction, but mostly to get their input, feedback, and critiques about existing processes. If I ever say I'm bored at this job, it will be a lie. But for the money they're paying me, I'm not surprised that I have to hit the ground running.
As exhausted as I am every night I come home, I feel accomplished and excited. My company never went anywhere so I never sold out. I did what I did and I ended it when I felt like it and that was that. After just a week, I feel critical to the future success of this group and that is something I've sorely missed.
Now that the weekend is here, the thing I notice immediately is the incredible release waking up Saturday morning without the looming clouds of work darkening the day. Work is work, home is home. That's it, that's the list. Despite the long work hours and horrendous commute, I managed to find a new apartment. After poring over various websites, I decided on 12 apartments to look at. I only really looked at 7, but either they were way to expensive ($1500+ for 2 bedrooms) or they just didn't feel right. The one I ended up committing to, I found serendipitously while I was lost and driving around. But once I saw the price, community, floorplan, and model, I got that feeling.
And no, I am not ready for a house; right now I just can't imagine being financially committed to something so large. Talk to me in a year. Anyhow, I decided to live in the San Mateo area. I decided on San Mateo because if the neighborhood is right, it can be a really nice place to live. It's only 16 miles from work (currently 39 miles), 21 miles from SF (currently 17 miles), and still relatively close to friends in Oakland and Fremont. I've worked in San Mateo so I am familiar with the area. It has good weather, fairly good biking, and I'm close to grocery, bank, and a mall (Hillsdale).
My current place is 640 sq ft, this place is 835. Don't forget I still have 2 computer desks and 2 bikes. I've got to store them somewhere, and I'm tired of them taking up the back third of the living room.
Whaddya think? And yes, I have my own washer and dryer. If there had only been a 3rd floor one available, I'd have a fireplace, too. Boo.
Add a Comment [3] Day 2 has come and gone at the new job, and there are some things I've already figured out.
Add a Comment [6] Today I start my new job. Metadave Consulting is now defunct. I can no longer call myself sahjahng-nim.
It's been almost surreal the last two weeks, realizing that this is the first time I'd be commuting in a car, wearing the business casual, and working in the cubicle farms in over 5 years. I was a bit nervous all weekend for some reason. Sure, a new job can always be a bit daunting. But I realized that a lot of it has to do with this signifying the end of an era for me. All the memories and experiences associated with the time when I worked for myself are now to be tucked away in the crevices of my mind.
I am realizing this is the last of the staying up until 5am and starting work at noon, or working all day in my PJs or taking a 2-hour break to make chicken florentine just because I felt like it. I am losing a bit of freedom, but I'm gaining it in other ways. I will no longer be chained to work 24/7. The way I am, if something is incomplete, I can't get it out of my mind. But now, when I leave for home every night, the work will not travel with me. My nights and weekends will be free. It's a different lifestyle altogether; something I've probably sorely needed for awhile.
I've found a lot of strength in my friends lately. Some old, some new. I think I've learned how to be a better friend, and to both espouse and have faith in trust and loyalty. So I may not be on IM as much anymore, or post as much in forums, send out as many random emails, or simply be around at random times anymore, but I hope my friends will always know I'll be there, like they've been for me.
Sokoya, I said, looking through
the net of wrinkles into
wise black pools of her eyesWhat do you say in Athabaskan
when you leave each other?
What is the word for goodbye?A shade of feeling rippled
the wind-tanned skin.
Ah, nothing, she said, watching the river flash.She looked at me close.
We just say, Tlaa. That means,
See you.
We never leave each other.
When does your mouth say goodbye to your heart?She touched me light
as a bluebell.
You forget when you leave us; you're so small then.
We don't use that word.We always think you're coming back,
but if you don't, we'll see you someplace else.
You understand.
There is no word for goodbye.Mary Tallmountain
Add a Comment [9] 
This is a photo taken in Gwangju, Korea with my father. This trip to Korea with my dad was my first since I was 1 year old. It represented my forgiveness of my father and his wrongdoings and misgivings throughout the years. We both grew up a lot on this trip and we both earned a world of admiration and respect for each other.
We are standing at the gravesite of my grandfather, great-grandfather, and great-great grandfather. Being that I am the eldest son of my father, who was the eldest son in his family, I am what is known in Korea as a chang-nam, and it is my responsibility to be the future patriarch of my family. My trip to Korea was an incredible experience, some of my relatives have been waiting all their lives to finally meet me. I never truly appreciated my heritage and the pride of my family until this summer.
Add a Comment [4] It's a dreary day today. This isn't really how I wanted to spend my last days of freedom. I had to come to terms with the definitive end of one thing and the probable end of another last night, and a 1am walk in the rain was the perfect ablution for my sorrows.
I'm fine now, but I'm in that slightly forlorn mood that only gloom and rain can espouse. Here's some Coldplay to lighten the mood. That was a joke.
Add a Comment [4] Happy Birthday Sarahkins!
Last year when Sarah came up to visit, we went to the Campanile Tower in Berkeley and took some pictures. I liked this picture, until I saw the Rachel Dratsch freaky look-alike in between us.
You've come to be one of my closest friends the past two years, and I wish you the happiest of birthdays. Bish!
Add a Comment [8] What did you do this Sunday?
I biked around SF for several hours with Raven, ate some grub, then plopped on the couch to recuperate, avoiding work as usual.
Em's mom was kicking ass once again at the ING NYC Marathon. Last year, she finished in 1200th place with a total time of 3:17:05. She placed 104th out of all women and 4th in her age group. This year, she finished in 1004th place, improved by nearly 5 minutes, finished 82nd out of all women and finished 3rd in her age group.
This isn't some small race, it's the NYC Marathon, with over 30,000 runners. 82nd out of all women. She's 50. Jesus H. Christ.
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