Korea Life Blog - A Healthy Evening


Being the only foreigner there, the regular guys at the health club frequently try to talk to me. They speak English about as much as I speak Korean, which makes for some interesting conversation with Konglish and body language. I used to think it was nice, somewhat funny, and kind of them to give me so much attention. When I go to the health club, though, I just want to be left alone, really - to do my exercises in an efficient routine, wham wham wham, finished. It takes me about one hour or a little less. Now that everyone knows me, it's become a little too personal. When I arrive the regulars greet me, often updating me on Korean baseball, and wondering if I told the Korean teachers at my school about them yet (they're all single, desperately single). That is fine, I feel like I'm part of something and appreciated. However, these days, some of them act like I'm their best friend. They practically follow me around the health club, correcting my "bad" exercise form (how annoying that is as everyone has a different technique) asking me questions in the middle of bench pressing, or just staring at me in general. Sometimes it's as if they've only come because of me, not to exercise themselves. Several times they asked me to go out with them drinking, which I put off as I felt the language barrier would make it awkward. Well, they asked me so many times that I had no other choice really. One of the bad things about being the lone foreigner is that I have to be overly polite because everyone knows me and watches me. Most likely their entire view of foreigners is based upon my behavior. Anyway, after a lot of pressure, I finally accepted.



Well, here we are at a small sam gyeop sal restaurant. (Is that really me? Oh God.) It started off pretty badly. Everyone was speaking Korean while I just sat there smiling dumbly. Then the restaurant owner, the guy on the left sat down. His face was dark red undoubtedly from years of drinking, and he was dead drunk. Despite that, by Korean tradition, everyone was very polite and respectful. He talked and talked and talked and talked while everyone listened attentively, occasionally turning their heads away from him to smoke or down a shot of soju, which I kept forgetting to do. The guy with the blond hair scolded me left and right for not following the Korean social rules, which I honestly tried to do, but it can become quite confusing in a group setting like this when you're an unaccustomed foreigner. He was genuinely insulted when clanking glasses for a cheers, my glass was higher than his. (It was difficult for me to remember who was older and who was younger.) Also, I forgot to use the "yo" ending on a few of my Korean sentences, which he promptly informed me of. And he was shocked that my camera was a Japanese Minolta, not a Korean Samsung.

At one point I contemplated leaving. But as the soju went around things began to change. Gradually everyone began to ignore the restaurant ajushi and engage in their own conversations. After a series of "one shots", a few of them loosened up and spoke in broken English to me as best they could. Before long I was a hero again and shouts of "Shawn is best man!" and "My friend - my best friend is Shawn," and "I love Shawn!" resonated around the room as the sam gyeop sal, searing on the grill, sizzled and smoked. Even the ajushi lightened up, calling his wife over to cut up the meat, bring us more soju, and provide us with extra "service" slabs of other, peculiar looking meats. The man on the right, one of the trainers who is 87 kilograms of beef, told about his desire to fall in love with someone special. He is very lonely, he confessed, and enjoys poetry and romantic songs. At one point he broke into song, singing, "Careless Whisper," by George Michael. Everyone applauded and cheered him on. The partying and drinking continued for several hours.

Despite that it was a Thursday night, nobody cared. All of them had to be up by 6 or 7 in the morning except for me. I wouldn't start work until 2:30. The trainer was smashed and stumbled off his seat at which time everyone decided it was enough. There was the inevitable contemplation about going to no rae bang which was decided against when the trainer fell down again. We helped him up back up and he went into song again, this time "Take a Look at me Now," by Phil Collins. After I attempted to contribute to the bill, which was scoffed at as almost an insult, the merry health club gang staggered of into the Nowhere-dong night. I can't imagine how they could have gone to work in the morning. As for me, I slept until 1:30 and felt awful the rest of the day.


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written by shawn matthews   -|link

Korea Life Blog - A New Poll (3)

There's a new, exciting poll to vote on. Here are the results of the last pole, now moved to the nostalgic Geoje-do (part 2) - welcome to korea page.



What makes you the angriest?

relentless horn honking! 6 (5%)
loud construction at 6AM 10 (9%)
the vegetable man at 6AM 3 (2%)
idiot foreigners 7 (6%)
idiot foreigners w/hot babes 15 (14%)
no breakfast at McDonald's 13 (12%)
sunshine after a night of soju 3 (2%)
a classroom of screaming kids 8 (7%)
xenophobia 5 (4%)
korea life blog not updated 32 (31%)



With a startling 31% of the votes, "korea life blog not updated" takes the top spot. On one hand, I'm happy people aren't angry much about other things; on the other hand, I'm feeling a little pressure here. Phew, it's getting so I'm afraid to leave the PC bang! Personally I voted for "loud construction at 6AM," but I was tempted to vote for "korea life blog not updated" as well.


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written by shawn matthews   -|link

Korea Life Blog - Plop Plop Fizz Fizz Obseoyo!

While some bathrooms seem as if they've come from the last dynasty, other bathrooms feature cutting edge toilet technology. One of my endearing female readers sent this shot to me of a device sometimes found in the girls' stalls. It's called the Etiquette Bell.



Is it a bell that when pushed summons an expert on the art of wiping properly in a public restroom? No. In fact, it's not a bell at all. What is it? you're dying to know. Well, just sit down and push the button. You will hear the gentle, soothing sound of trickling water while you relieve yourself and no one in the restroom will hear what you're doing. It's a brand new world out there these days. Actually I want one of these for my bathroom. My apartment is so small, the bathroom is practically part of the livingroom. How embarrassing when I have someone over and need to make room for more kimchi, so to speak. I'm not sure if this device is enough to drone out that sound though...perhaps my etiquette bell should play the sounds of thunder or volcanoes...


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written by shawn matthews   -|link

Korea Life Blog - In the News (1)

I've decided to make a regular series out of strange stories in the newspaper. Take a look at this piece from today's Korea Herald:

Adult site offers evening at a posh bar


A popular Internet movie site for adults is bidding a night out for two at a posh room salon in Gangnam, southern Seoul, inviting both public criticism and apprehension.

For the grand prize of an event they are hosting as part of their one-year anniversary celebrations.

According to the Web site, one adult who watches a pay-per-view clip by the end of October will be chosen at random and given an all-expenses-paid night out worth over 2 million won, according to the website

The night, dubbed "enjoy sensual pleasures," will include expensive foreign liquor, live bands, complimentary food and women who will entertain at will, the Internet site advertises.

First and second runners-up will each receive a bottle of liquor, while the third runner-up will get a DVD, the fourth a box of soju and the fifth a box of condoms.

"If the prize winner is a woman, we plan to give a gift certificate of equal monetary value to another nightspot if she does not care for the room salon," Yonhap News Agency quoted an unnamed organizer as saying.

Of its 500,000 members, 80 percent are between the ages of 25 and 45, reports showed.

"Although some criticize our event as being crude, none of our members have opposed it," another official at the site was quoted as saying. "Instead, the feedback we have received from our members is that the event is original and fresh."

(shong@heraldm.com)


This story cracks me up. The winner will get an all expenses paid trip to a room salon including women who will entertain at will. Trust me, that entertainment will not include juggling apples, at least not literally. Room salons, a most certain future topic here, are basically very expensive brothels (some debate going on about this: see comments) that generally cater to businessmen often at company expense (and who's says Korean jobs don't have any perks?) When I lived in Ulsan, headquarters of Hyundai, there was an entire room salon section of the city with hundreds of the places. For a long time I wondered about what they were as the buildings were really fancy, everyone was going in and out wearing business suits, and at night that part of town resembled Las Vegas with all the lights. A girl I knew lived in the area. She didn't know what they were either - she just thought her neighborhood was so nice and clean and modern. She was abhorred when she discovered the truth, that she basically lived in a prostitution town.

I love the title of the event: Enjoy Sensual Pleasures. More than that though are the runner up prizes. What a jip! A bottle of liquor? A DVD? A box of soju? And poor 5th place: one measly box of condoms.

I'm sure the majority of the sites whopping 500,000 members are not women, but if a woman does win, her prize is apparently a 2,000,000 Won gift certificate to a regular night club. I can just see her walking into the club to redeem her certificate which basically says to everyone, "Yeah, I'm the woman that won the porn site prize."

Finally, that last quote kills me. What a big surprise that none of the members objected to the event.



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written by shawn matthews   -|link

Korea Life Blog - At the Arcade (1)

Ahh, remember the days of Moon Patrol, Donkey Kong, Kung-fu Master, Karate Champ, and Punch Out? When I was a kid, I was a regular at the arcade and those were my favorite games. I spent so much time at the arcade that the guy who ran it used to leave me in charge of the place while he smoked pot with his friends in the office (he got busted a while later which ended the days of rigging my favorite games with hundreds of free credits and stealing tokens for future use.) Anyway, over the years games got to be bigger, more complex, more expensive and in my opinion much less fun. Wow - I'm really sounding like an old fart tonight. Anyway, here are a few pics of one of the game rooms near my home.



The standard games. It's cool that you can sit down and play them. However, they are usually sorely outdated fighting games or sports games like soccer and tennis that make you wonder if you're really even controlling the players. They even have Tetris. I always hated that game.



Here's a neat machine. I haven't played it for fear of looking like a moron, but I guess you hear music and do your best to hit the beat.



I get a kick out of these mini-norae bang room machines they have. You put in some coins, pick your song and sing away while watching those ever-cheesy Korean scenes on the screen.



Time to sit down and sing your favorite Celine Dion tune. The only time I was in one like this was after my girlfriend and I broke up in Pusan. She sang "Nothing Left to Say but Goodbye," which ended with her crying and me trying hard to conceal my laughter at being in such a weird situation.


Stay tuned for future posts in this exciting series. I have to get up to Seoul to snap some pics of the ever-joyful dancing games...


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written by shawn matthews   -|link

Korea Life Blog - Orgy in China

Those Japanese are at it again:

"An orgy involving 400 Japanese tourists who hired 500 Chinese prostitutes over three days in a luxury hotel has prompted outrage in China."


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written by shawn matthews   -|link

Korea Life Blog - Dirty Dishes

One of the best parts about speaking Korean a little, besides flirting with girls, is being able to order food. In Korea, food is delivered promptly, piping hot, with side dishes and all, on real dishes wrapped with shrinkwrap. Silverware and chopsticks are included. Now, not only do you not tip the delivery man, but he even comes back later to pick up the dishes!



After eating, place the dishes outside your door, garbage included. When the ajushi has another delivery near your home, he'll stop by to pick it all up. Does life get any better than this?


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written by shawn matthews   -|link

Korea Life Blog - Sticker Picture

I remember the first time I saw a sticker picture, a long time ago. I had come home from my job in New York and checked my mail and had somehow received a letter from a girl in the Philippines whom I did not know. I'm not exactly sure how she got my name and address but it was plain that was all she knew about me. Despite that, she described her deep love for me and that she would make me a wonderful wife. All I had to do, she said, was fly to the Philippines and marry her and then take her back to the US. Although she loved only me and would never want to hurt me, if I didn't feel the same way about her she requested I kindly pass on the letter to someone who might mend her broken heart. Attached to the bottom of the letter were several sticker pictures of her sad, yearning face. I kept the letter for awhile and showed my friends. Nobody, of course, was interested, so I crossed off my name and slid the letter under the door of some lonely older guy that lived down the hall. I'm not sure if it was a coincidence or not, but I never saw that guy again.



An inviting display of sticker pictures. You go into one of the various booths and put 3,000 thousand Won in the machine, select from various backgrounds and sizes, and then snap, snap, snap. You pick the ones you want to print and presto...your mug is printed out as stickers. When I first came to Korea I used to get these and stick them on my letter paper letters to home, back when I actually wrote people.



A woman checks out her new sticker pictures. These places are very common and they do a good business - look how busy it is here.

Anybody have any good ideas as to what you would do with sticker pictures of yourself? For example, sticking them in women's restrooms with your number written above them?


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written by shawn matthews   -|link