Dining at The Gatehouse Tavern reminded me that there are people who don't love surprises. They want a reasonable meal in a pleasant setting with a clean-cut server, and they don't want to feel awkward when they read a menu with ingredients they don't know or a wine list they find intimidating. They want to take business associates or family out to a place where they can order a big steak and a baked potato, choose what goes in their salad and order a glass of house red wine with assurance that it'll be just what they expect. And that's not a bad thing!

My dad used to look forward to taking us out to "nice" restaurants with heavy oak tables and a big fireplace in the dining room, where they served thick, juicy prime rib. This was back in an era when arugula and risotto were not in the American dining dictionary. Whether you call that "classic" or "outdated" is really a question of taste.

The Gatehouse Tavern is housed in a replica of a miniature castle with turrets, moat, suit of armor and all that medieval jazz. It's part of the Drawbridge Hotel complex, which has been a Northern Kentucky roadside attraction for such a long time that one might suspect the castle theme is authentic. Of course it's not, but the place does hail back to an age when kingmakers and powerbrokers met in the bar to seal big deals.

It's got more kitsch than class now. The hotel was rescued from financial straits last year by a corporate chain, and the aura of worn-at-the-elbows should be polished up soon. The Oldenberg Brewery on the premises closed years ago, although there's still a sign for it next to the Citgo, and Montgomery Inn is now serving up their familiar ribs in that site.

Familiar is what dinner at the Gatehouse is all about. Appetizers include French Onion Soup ($4) and Shrimp Cocktail ($10) as well as the only-slightly more adventurous Baked Oysters ($6.95). There's a salad bar with all the standards and a few exotic elements, including some nice oil-cured black olives and grilled yellow peppers, anchovies to add to your Caesar salad if you choose and quite a few choices of good bread, from Irish soda bread to focaccia. I thought the Caesar was a bit wilted and tasteless. The pewter plates and water goblets were the medieval bits I liked best -- wow, do they stay cold!

There are no vegetarian entrées on the menu at the Gatehouse. Fish-etarians have several choices including Atlantic Salmon ($16.95), Pacific Tuna ($19.95) and Gulfcoast Swordfish ($16.95) All bodies of water are well represented.

My companion ordered the "Boneless" Half-Chicken ($16.95). I wondered why the word "boneless" was in quotation marks on the menu until I saw that the chicken had every bone it was born with. All it lacked was flavor. It was dull, dull. Seventeen bucks for a breast and a thigh isn't exactly cheap, and the side dish of Caramelized Onions wasn't piping hot.

The Pork Chops ($17.95) were a better choice, especially if you're on one of those low-carb diets everyone's doing these days. The two boneless loin slices were large and as plain as day, served with a little side cup of spicy barbecue sauce that had some pizzazz and a tablespoon of applesauce for luck. For the vegetable of the day, we had a few sautéed zucchini slices with a sprinkle of dried thyme on top.

We shared the Peanut Butter Torte ($4.95), which had all the subtle nuanced flavor of a Snickers bar and seemed for all the world like one of those pre-sliced fancy desserts one buys at Sam's Club. An abundance of chopped peanuts atop a drizzle of chocolate on the plate didn't fool me into thinking it was homemade. The coffee, however, was excellent.

The Gatehouse's prices are high, I think. A glass of house red is $7. Unless you eat a whopping load of salad, $25 seems like a lot for a New York Strip and a baked potato -- even if it is Black Angus Beef. You're paying for a cozy room, nice table linens and faultless service. You can bring your great-aunt here for dinner, and I assure you that you'll never have a waiter with a pierced nose.

You might be like a dear friend of mine who said to me recently, "Gourmet? Yuck." If that's your feeling too but you want a nice evening out, try the Gatehouse.

But if you love fresh, interesting ingredients and enjoy a culinary adventure, skip the moat. Life is short. Why eat dull meals? ©

The Gatehouse Tavern
Go: 2577 Royal Drive, Fort Mitchell

Call: 859-341-3800

Hours: 5-10 p.m. Wednesday-Sunday

Prices: Moderate

Payment: Major credit cards

Red Meat Alternatives: Several fish entrees

Grade: C-