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Photo By Kathy Y. Wilson
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Jason Gargano
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If you ever wanna know someone more intimately, travel together. Together in Jason's great-aunt's baby blue Chrysler LeBaron with only the radio, a handheld tape recorder, a stack of esoteric magazines and an Internet map, we set forth East. Kathy suggested Huntington, W.Va., but once we got on the road we decided on Athens, Ohio, simply because we started seeing signs for it soon after starting the trip.
Once we got there we bought stupid stuff -- incense, CDs and a pair of Mary J. Blige-caliber Rock star sunglasses for Kathy.
We've more enthusiastically watched grass grow. But the LeBaron is where the action was.
Kathy: (coughing) I've got bronchitis, I'm an asthmatic, I'm diabetic (coughing again), and I'm a bitch from hell. What's your real, true and accurate opinion of me, Jason Gargano?
Jason: (hesitating) That's later. We've got another five, six, seven hours.
Kathy: Tell me now, tell me now. Let's get the conversation rolling and we can change the conversation. We can talk about the potential strike in Major League Baseball if you want to. Since I've been on Hotseat, I'm more conversant in a disparate cornucopia ... a plethora of topics.
Jason: (something inaudible)
Kathy: Back to me.
Jason: What time does that thing come on now?
Kathy: Hotseat airs at 7:30 a.m. Sundays on Channel 9 WCPO.
Jason: I never see it. Too early.
Kathy: Do you have a VCR?
Jason: I do have a VCR, but it doesn't tape at the moment.
Kathy: Well, then you're right. You might never see it. (Jason turns on the radio.) Back to what we were saying. What's your take on me, Jason? When I come in the office and I'm walking around and I'm saying hello to everybody and I come over, put my hands on your shoulders and lean over and say, "What's going on, sexy beast?" -- how does that feel?
Jason: How does that feel?
Kathy: Yeah. Whaddya think about that? Do you cringe? Do your butt cheeks draw up? What happens?
Jason: No. No. No, not at all. Well, it depends on who it is.
Kathy: Me! Me! Me!
Jason: I don't mind you doing it at all.
(Kathy criticizes Jason's terrible sense of direction. In Amelia, we pull over to a convenience store for beverages and junk food. The clerks giggle at Jason and ask Kathy why she's taking pictures. We toggle back and forth, stuck on a confusing section of road less than an eighth of a mile, looking for highway access.
Jason does this several times until Kathy demeans him for driving "like a man" and not stopping for directions. Someone at a Hardees gives him directions.
Kathy changes the station to "The WIZ," doing schtick like DJ Big Gregg Buckey Naked Style. Laughing ensues. Kathy criticizes Jason's driving again.)
Kathy: I'm just gonna be quiet. So talk to me a little bit about your personal life, Jason.
Jason: (laughs)
Kathy: Any hotties on the horizon?
Jason: I saw a hottie last night, yeah.
Kathy: Did you get the math?
Jason: I already have that math.
Kathy: Oh. Someone you're dating?
Jason: (names the hottie.)
Kathy: Oh, yeah! I saw her the other day, too. So you had a date with (name) last night?
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Photo By Kathy Y. Wilson
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Kathy Y. Wilson on the road to nowhere
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Jason: Yeah. I saw her at a club. She just happened to show up.
Kathy: Did she know you were going to be there?
Jason: Um, probably.
Kathy: (laughs) Did y'all hear that? You sound like a politician.
(Kathy asks more questions about the hottie. Jason changes the subject. Kathy turns off the tape recorder to read the Mojo cover story on Bob Marley. Ignoring the fact he's driving on the highway, Jason leans over several times to look at the magazine. Michael Jackson's "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough" comes on the radio. Jason mistakenly sings the lyrics as "Come on, pull the bra strap. Don't stop 'til ya get it off." Kathy laughs, then joins in. Kathy turns the recorder on and off again several times. We banter, talking about music, co-workers and current events.
We didn't learn anything new about one another. As with any car trip, we were glad to get to our gates when we did. We parted as uneventfully as we'd come together.)
Kathy: Going to work tomorrow?
Jason: Yeah, I'll be there. You?
Kathy: Yep. Peace out, man. I'm hot and dirty. Bye.
It wasn't that great, just something to do on a hot summer day. At least it wasn't Cincinnati.
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